The whole crowd gathered, and Almost all the people who knew my parents were present. Some people came to me giving words of condolences and advice. Some pity, some advice, some tears! The funeral ceremony was over. My mind was numb all along. In the end, only a few close people had stayed.
I saw Mary and her family. It was no surprise, though!
Mary glanced towards me. She looked at me with sympathy, and I knew she was guilty, but I didn't know what she felt guilty for!
How could I forget the fateful day of my life! When I was engrossed in my thought, I didn't realize Mary was standing next to me.
"Hammy, I want to say I am sor...."
I raised my hand in a motion for her to stop. I didn't want any explanation. I am not in the state to take more hurt or pain if she lies again. So I told her what I should have told her that day, but I couldn't find the courage to believe the reality!
"You broke me; you took everything from me. You just minimized me like the useless screen on the computer. You showed me my value in your life. I cried; I screamed as I felt the broken pieces fall from my ribs. But I just took in, took in all your negativity and your pain.
And guess what?
My heart is still strong to care for you. I still want you to be happy. I still want you to experience love in your life. But here is the kicker. I realized that love is not just pain like I received. So you can take your ruthless, broken and pretending love, hold onto it because it can't hurt me anymore. I am choosing a different path; I deserve more, which means you have to stay right out of my way. Just be away and live your life. I wish you a happy life, and that's goodbye from me!! "There, I said it all.
The minutes clicked, the hours ticked, the days passed, the weeks crossed, and months came across! A lot of people came on the day of the funeral. Some advised while some pitied. And then they left.
It has been three months 17 days since my parent's death. All that one fateful day, which took everything from my life.
Life had lost its colours.
My mind was replaying the moments of my life with them. Oh, how I wish to go back!
I don't know what to do anymore.
I had lost the purpose of my life.
Everyone left!
Now I was all alone; I had no one to turn to! This feeling of numbness and just falling into the pitch hole of darkness was pulling me in! I needed to get rid of that feeling because I couldn't do anything about it. The essence of loneliness had successfully secured its bitter taste in my life. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it out of my life, so I decided in the haste of the situation. I didn't know that if I would ever regret it. I knew I would regret it once I came to my senses. I don't know what I am doing, but it just relieved me that I was searching for these agonizing months.
I was wandering around in the deep pit called thoughts. I didn't know where my legs were leading me, but I just went on as I didn't want to be haunted memories held in my home, no house, as it is no longer a home to me!
Walking down, I heard a commotion and loud music going on. I just strolled down further down the street and came across a club. The music was so loud that it was still to be heard outside the walls. I just went in, and I no longer want to reside in my lonely thoughts! Clearing the formalities at the entrance, I entered the club filled with people.
It filled the air with the smell of sweat and various perfumes. The music was loud, people grinding each other on the dance floor, high on alcohol. I turned my gaze to the other side and regretted it immediately; a couple was eating each other's face. I quietly moved to the bar area, perched myself on the high stool. I ordered a vodka for myself, which I never really drank alcohol. I took the glass placed in front and immediately latched my lips to it, chugging it down. The liquid burned my throat.
I drank a few more glasses. The alcohol running down my throat trailing the burning sensation, the numbness slowly spreading over my body was giving me a strange sense of satisfaction!
I turned my gaze, taking in the atmosphere of the club. The loud music vibrating, the people dancing, drinking, making out, and what not! They were enjoying forgetting about the worries for a little time. As I was looking around, I felt a presence beside me, I turned around to find a girl dressed in a black shoulder dress which ended in mid-thigh, and it was quite a revealing dress. I was not comfortable due to her presence. She sat beside me, ordering a drink for her. I ignored her and placed an order for one more drink.
The drinks were served, the girl turned to me after sipping on her drink, "would you like to join for a dance handsome?"
I subconsciously nodded my head, gulping down the alcohol. I turned towards her offering my hand, and I don't know what made me do this. I guess the alcohol is taking a troll on me. Nonetheless, we were dancing like crazy; I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. Whatever was happening, I at least didn't feel anything now! I am numb to those feelings!
I groaned when the sunlight hit my face; turning the other side, I came across something warm or is it, someone? I immediately sat up only to regret as my head was bursting with pain. I had a terrible hangover. Opening my eyes slowly, I glanced over my side to see some girl sleeping. Oh, God!
I didn't know that distracting myself, and I would go deeper into it. I distanced myself from my friends, went to clubs, sleeping with random girls at times. I feel it turned out to be a good distraction from my messed up life!
It was just another night in the club. It became a routine for me to drown my sorrows. I didn't bother to go on the dance floor. I was gazing around, taking in the familiar atmosphere I had grown accustomed to while sipping on my drink. The alcohol was taking a toll on the number of drinks I had taken.
My gaze fell on a couple who were at the corner. They seemed to be having a moment, but that is not what caught my attention. What caught my attention was the behaviour of the guy. He seemed to be high and was forcing the girl, who seemed to be protesting. I could see them from where I was sitting. This scene reminded me of Mary and her boyfriend!
The memories of the day started swirling in my mind. Without thinking anything, I strode towards them. I pushed the man away from the girl. He fell on his right, hitting the side table. He groaned; the girl, however, moved away, balancing herself in her high state. I pulled him back up and landed a punch square on his jaw. He, too, kicked me, making me lose my balance and fall. We were landing punches on each other in no time, and the security was holding us apart. I shrugged the hands-off and walked out of the club.
I was stumbling my way out. My mind is hazy due to alcohol and the punches. I don't pay heed to the surroundings and keep walking in a silent alley. It was late, so I couldn't exactly tell where I was. I was walking when the car came and stopped in front of me. Some weird looking men came out with the guy I fought for the club with. My mind was unable to process anything as I was continuously beaten and bruised by them. I tried to defend myself, but I was weak due to intoxication, and they were more in number. My eyes were dropping when they finally stopped. I was lying in the middle of the road, having no energy even to lift a finger. I just slipped into the familiar darkness!
I was aware of my surroundings but didn't have the energy to even move a muscle in my body. I felt those guys leaving as I fell unconscious. I was drained of the energy to do anything.
I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I heard light footsteps coming. I put all my efforts to call that person, "help..... Help pleaaa..." I was not even able to complete the sentence; I doubt someone heard me.
I slipped out of consciousness again but not before I felt a familiar presence. But that person was a girl, I could tell!
Anah's POV:
I couldn't cage my feelings anymore; I am so vulnerable to see him in that state and know that I can't do anything about it. I denied it all along, but I can't anymore, the pain in my chest just increasing at his sight. He looked so weak and vulnerable.
I was walking down my road to clear my head of all those lingering thoughts about him when I heard a low groan. The chill evening breeze blew, making me shudder. I ignored it, thinking it to be some stray dogs when I heard someone moaning out of pain. The voice was so low but the area being silent made the voice audible. I turned in the direction of the voice, finding where it was coming from. As soon as I made my way, the sight in front of me made me go breathless; my heartbeat rose, my hands clammy, my brain just froze.
Hammy groaned out in pain, whispering something; I suddenly came out of my trance and quickly ran to him. I called his name repeatedly, but there was no response. There were bruises all over. I somehow managed to pull him up and drag him to the apartment. We stumbled a bit, but I managed since he lost so much weight after his parent's death. He looked unhealthy with pale skin and baggy dark circles under his eyes.
When we reached home, I somehow managed to lie him on the couch of the living room. Still unconscious. Seeing him in this condition made my heart ache more for him. I shouldn't get attached and grow feelings towards him, but I can't help it.
I strode to the bathroom, grabbed the first aid box; I returned to the living room, cleaned his cut but felt the pain as well. He was never the one to fight with someone like this.
Who did this to him?
While cleaning, I couldn't help but stare at his face. The face, which was so young and lively, looked older with wrinkled. His smiling face held a deep frown. His facial features contorted in pain.
The knock on the door woke me up from my dreamless sleep. Gazing around my surrounding, I noticed I fell asleep by the couch in a sitting position. I didn't realize when I fell asleep. My neck ached from the position. There was a knock again; I realized the doctor I called up at night to check hammy. I quickly brushed myself and went towards the door. While the doctor checked hammy, I was pacing around tensed. He checked him and prescribed some medicines. He glanced up at me.
"the patient has gone through a lot of mental stress. He needs to be in a happy environment. As for the physical bruises, I have prescribed him the medicines to be taken. He needs complete rest for at least two days as he is weak from not having proper and regular meals. I have injected him. He will be conscious in a couple of hours.
He is fine, nothing to worry about. The wounds will heal, although I would suggest you do something so he wouldn't go into depression. "
With that, he gave a slight nod and gathered his things. I walked him towards the door doing all the formalities and showing gratitude to come here.
I turned towards hammy; I wanted to help him. To say that I will be there for him. I will stand by his side, but I knew I couldn't; I couldn't tell him that. I am afraid to lose him as a friend too. Shaking my head of these thoughts, which were not possible. I headed towards my room to freshen up after making sure to tug the blanket on hammy. I at least had a chance to take care of him, and I wouldn't miss it for anything else!!
I strode towards my bedroom gathering clothes to freshen up. While searching, something stumbled and fell to the ground. I furrowed my brows and bent down to pick it. It was my diary! Which I had hidden so no one could see it! My emotions hit me with full force as they contained memories I want to forget yet hold dear too! I opened the book-running hands on the pages. The fresh scent of the book is still intact.
"For the nerdy, sweet loving girl."
- Hammy
A tear rolled down my eye when I traced my fingers over the wordings.
It was one of the best gifts I received. I used to lock all emotions in this. It contained beautiful memories with him.
I turned the pages, reminiscing the incidents written. When I was busy reading, a paper fell, which reminded me of the old times.
Yes, it was a love letter written for the love of my life which I never got a chance to send to him. I picked it up and started reading those lines once again like I used to do as always.
I don't know what the feeling is. I am adorned with every time I am by your side.
I don't even know why I am writing this.
I don't why I notice you from the way your eyes twinkle to your creases due to your frown.
I don't know why I go over the moon when I get your single text
Or just your sweet smile.
I don't know why fear creeps up when I don't see you for long or just for a while.
I don't know why my heart skips a beat when I am around you.
I don't know when spending time with you became my favourite routine. Whether roaming around the city or just watching the stars under the sky so blue.
I don't know how did watch you became my favourite show.
I don't know how reading you became my favourite story
I don't know when I started forgiving you, even when you failed to say sorry.
I don't know why I started loving my life more when your presence adores it.
I don't know how you filled my life with your essence.
I don't know why you stood with me when I was looked down upon.
I don't know why a single touch from you sends my heart on a marathon
I don't know why every goodbye from you hurt
I don't know why sharing things with you became my favourite. Whether a cup of coffee or a dessert.
I don't know why I am adorned with new feelings when I'm by your side.
I don't know when losing you became my worst nightmare.
As long as you are with me!
It was something I wanted to dedicate to hammy, but I knew better. I was in the swirl of memories and emotions when a heartbreaking scream scattered it.