Chapter 9: 8

I hated it when people showed care for me. I hated it when someone tried to protect me. It made me feel uncomfortable, suffocated, even. I just couldn’t take it. Every time I let myself accept kindness, every time I believed that someone truly cared, something terrible always followed. It was as if fate was punishing me for even thinking I could have warmth in my life.

"Mija, are you okay?"

My grandmother’s gentle voice pulled me from my thoughts. Her face, slightly wrinkled from age but still full of warmth, filled my screen.

I forced a small smile and nodded. "Yes, Nana. How are you both doing over there?" I asked, trying to sound cheerful despite the weight pressing down on my chest.

She sighed softly, clearly evident in her expression. "We’re doing fine, Mija. But are you taking care of yourself? Your grandfather and I worry about you. And… is your father bothering you?"

I hesitated for a second before shaking my head. "No, Nana. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine."

It was a lie. But what good would the truth do? It would only make them worry more, and I didn’t want that.

My grandfather’s voice came through next. "When are you coming home, Mija? It’s been almost three years since we last saw you."

I felt my chest tighten. Three years. It had really been that long, huh? But going home… I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

"At the right time, Granddad," I said, keeping my voice even. "For now, I need to finish something important, something my friend Akio has been developing."

I heard my grandfather sigh, but he didn’t press further. Instead, he said, "Just be careful, okay? Don’t worry about us, we’re fine here. Focus on yourself. And if anything happens, you know we’re just a call away."

"Be safe always, Mija." My grandmother chimed in. "Take care of yourself. And… if you see Lesley, tell her we say hello."

I nodded, my smile wavering. "I will. I love you both."

"We love you too, Mija."

And with that, the call ended.

I let out a deep breath, staring at my reflection on the dark screen of my phone. The smile I had worn just moments ago had completely vanished.

Slowly, I stood up. My hands reached for the hem of my shirt, and one by one, I removed every piece of clothing on my body. As I looked down at myself, I felt my stomach churn.

Scars. So many scars.

Each one told a story, a painful memory burned into my skin. My fingers lightly traced over the jagged marks, the ones that came from the man who was, unfortunately, my father.

The memories came flooding back, hitting me all at once.

The way he killed my mother right in front of me.

The way he slapped me across the face and beat me mercilessly when I caught him with another woman.The way he took a blade and scarred me,punishing me when he found out that I was a lesbian, as if my existence itself was a mistake.

I gritted my teeth, forcing back the lump in my throat. I refused to cry. Not anymore.

I turned to the mirror, staring at my reflection with empty eyes. Then, barely above a whisper, I spoke,

"Look at what I’ve become, Mom."

My voice wavered, but I didn’t stop.

"I became a monster… just like him."

I clenched my fists, feeling my nails dig into my palms.

"But unlike him, I use this monster to protect others."

With that, I turned away and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard something, small thuds echoing from outside, like someone was throwing rocks at my house.

I frowned, quickly making my way to the terrace. When I opened the door and looked down, there she was again.

"Hey! Open the door!" she called out, though she kept her voice low, almost like she was trying not to attract too much attention.

I raised an eyebrow. "And why exactly should I?" I asked, crossing my arms.

In response, she lifted her hands, showing me what she was holding, bags from Subway, Chipotle, and even some sodas. "Let’s eat?" she offered, flashing me a small grin.

I rolled my eyes but turned around and made my way downstairs. There was no way she was going to leave unless I let her in, so I might as well get this over with. When I reached the gate, I unlocked it, swinging it open. She didn’t hesitate to step inside.

"You really are stubborn, you know that?" I muttered, shaking my head.

She simply nodded, unfazed. "So, shall we eat?" she asked eagerly.

Before I could reply, she added, "I noticed that whenever we’re driving around for meetings, you always glance at these fast-food places. You never say anything, but I could tell you were curious. So, I figured… maybe you haven’t actually tried them before? That’s why I bought all of these, so you can finally taste them."

Her words caught me off guard.

I stared at her for a moment, something unfamiliar stirring in my chest. The fact that she noticed, something so small, something even I hadn’t realized about myself, suddenly touched me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

"Thanks," I murmured, looking away. "It’s perfect timing, actually. I haven’t eaten yet."

She let out a soft chuckle. "Yeah, I figured. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like you eat much at all. The food in your pantry looks untouched, like it never even gets restocked because nothing ever runs out."

I exhaled, shaking my head. "Come inside."

She followed me in, and together, we headed upstairs to my usual spot, the place where I could breathe, where I could be alone. Except, tonight… I wasn’t.

She carefully unwrapped the food, placing everything in front of us before settling down beside me. The scent of freshly made sandwiches, burritos, and crispy chips filled the air, making my stomach grumble slightly—not that I’d admit it out loud.

"You’re going to love this," she said with a grin. "Trust me, this is way more satisfying than those fancy restaurants."

She picked up a sandwich and held it up to me. "Here, try it. Say ‘ah.’"

I blinked, eyeing her hand before glancing up at her face. "I can handle myself," I muttered, reaching for the sandwich.

But she pouted, determination flashing in her eyes. "Come on, just this once. Say ‘ah.’"

I sighed, realizing she wasn’t going to give up. "Fine," I mumbled before leaning in slightly and taking a bite.

The moment the flavors hit my tongue, my eyes widened. I turned to her, chewing slowly as I processed what I just tasted.

"Damn, this is so good," I finally said, my voice was filled with genuine surprises.

She beamed, clearly pleased with my reaction. "Told you," she teased.

I swallowed and licked my lips, already reaching for another piece. "Can I have some more?" I asked.

She didn’t respond.

I glanced up at her, expecting a playful remark, but instead, I found her staring at me, completely still, as if frozen in place. Her eyes were locked onto my face, and she looked… dazed.

I frowned slightly, waving a hand in front of her. "Sanae?"

Still nothing.

I waved again, this time closer to her face. "Hello? Earth to Sanae? Can I still have some or ?"

And then, under her breath, she whispered, "Damn, Ruby… you are so beautiful."

I stiffened. My mind went blank for a second.

I wasn’t expecting that.