Behind Her Scars
I wanted to know more about her.
I wanted to ask about the scars on her back, the things she kept buried deep inside, her biggest secrets, and most of all, what happened to her ex.
I wanted to know everything about her.
Right now, we were in her room. She had asked if we could sleep together here tonight, and of course, I said yes.
"So yeah," I started, watching as she placed a bag of chips and a couple of drinks on the carpet between us. "I wanna know more about you."
She sat down across from me and leaned back on her hands. "Go ahead. Ask me anything you want."
I hesitated for a second before I spoke.
"What about the big scars on your back?"
At my question, she stilled. Her expression didn't change, but I noticed the way her fingers tensed slightly against the carpet.
She met my gaze, her voice calm but heavy with something I couldn't quite describe.
"Those were from my dad," she said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "The first ten slashes were from the time I caught him having an affair. The other sevenâ¦the deep onesâ¦were from when he found out I was a lesbian."
My stomach twisted at her words.
"He was abusive in every way possible," she went on, her voice void of emotion, but I could feel the pain hidden underneath. "He never wanted my mom to work, he was afraid that she would surpass him. He controlled her, belittled her, and in the endâ¦"
She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms.
"He was the one who killed her."
I inhaled sharply, unable to hide my shock.
"After that, he married his mistress and continued living his perfect little life," she added bitterly.
For a moment, there was only silence between us.
Then, she let out a deep sigh.
"I became a monster like him," she admitted, her voice lower. "But at leastâ¦I use my darkness for something else. Not to hurt people out of pleasure, but to use it in the right way. The trauma he gave me, the abuse, it still haunts me every single day. It changed me, it shaped me into the person I am now."
I reached for her hand, my fingers carefully wrapping around hers. "Rubyâ¦"
She gave me a small, tired smile. "It's okay," she said. "I've already accepted it. Maybe he really did hate me since the day I was born, and that's why he treated me like that. Or maybe he was just a narcissistic bastard."
She picked up her beer and opened it, taking a small sip.
"Next question?"
I hesitated. I didn't know if I should ask this, but I needed to.
"Amanda," I said softly. "What really happened to your ex, Amanda?"
At the mention of the name, Ruby's entire body went still. She slowly turned to look at me, eyes narrowing slightly in confusion.
"How do you know her name?"
Shit.
I panicked. "W-What? That was her name?" I let out a nervous laugh, trying to cover up my mistake. "I just said it randomlyâ"
Ruby raised an eyebrow.
"So you're telling me you just guessed correctly?"
I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. "Wellâ¦yeah?"
She exhaled heavily, shaking her head before looking away.
"We got ambushed," she finally said. "It was supposed to be a routine drive to an important meeting. We had protection, butâ¦"
Her jaw clenched, and she gripped her beer tightly.
"She got hit. The wound was fatal, and she didn't make it."
My heart ached at the way her voice wavered.
"It happened just five days before our wedding," she whispered.
I felt a lump form in my throat.
She looked down at her hands, and I saw her shoulders start to tremble. "It was so hard. Losing her like that. It wasnât supposed to happen. One moment she was there, and thenâ¦"
She squeezed her eyes shut.
"You see," she continued, "this is why I push people away. Why I donât let people in so easily."
I listened in silence, my chest tightening at every word she said.
"I'm terrified," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "Terrified that if I let someone into my life, they'll end up like Amanda. That my enemies will find themâ¦use them to hurt me. Or worseâ¦" She swallowed hard. "That I'll lose them, just like I lost her."
Tears welled up in her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. She was trying so hard to stay strong, but I could see how much she was hurting.
She let out a bitter laugh. "And if it's not death that takes them away, then betrayal will. Because every time I trust someone, every time I let someone get closeâ¦"
She looked up at me, her eyes glistening.
"I end up being betrayed. Again and again."
I couldn't take it anymore.
I moved closer and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace.
She tensed at first, but then, slowly, she melted into me.
"I'm here, Ruby," I whispered into her hair. "I'm not going anywhere."
She didn't respond right away, but I felt her hands clutch onto the back of my shirt.
"You don't know that," she murmured.
"I do," I insisted. "I swear to you, I'm not going anywhere."
Her breath hitched, and for the first time tonight, I felt her walls begin to crack.
I tightened my hold on her.
"You're not alone, Ruby," I whispered. "Not anymore.".
Falling Into My Own Trap
Fuck this plan.
Fuck everything.
Iâm sorry, Akio, but I donât think I can go through with this anymore.
I canât bring myself to hurt or betray Ruby.
I should have never planned this in the first place. Youâre already gone, and I know youâll never find peace if I continue dragging you into every step I take.
I felt a lump in my throat, guilt clawing at my chest. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Then I heard her voice, so fragile, so desperate.
"Sanae, please don't leave me."
Her voice cracked, and I turned to her just in time to see the pain in her eyes.
"Please, Sanae," she whispered again. "If you leave me too⦠I donât know what will happen to me."
Then, she buried her face into my chest.
I felt something warm seeping through my shirt. It took me a moment to realize, she was crying.
She was crying her heart out.
My arms hovered in the air for a second before I hesitantly wrapped them around her.
This woman, the same woman I was supposed to destroy, was clinging to me as if I was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.
I clenched my jaw.
Ruby⦠donât do this to me.
You killed my brother.
I canât just fall for you. I canât just let myself be soft with you. Youâre the reason Akio is gone.
But despite those thoughts, I found myself holding her tighter.
"Rubyâ¦" I whispered, feeling my own chest tighten. "Iâ¦"
I couldnât finish my sentence.
Because at that moment, I wasnât looking at the ruthless businesswoman, the feared empire leader, or the woman responsible for my brotherâs death.
I was looking at someone who was utterly, heartbreakingly alone.
"You're going to leave too, aren't you?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
I froze.
"Everyone does," she continued, her breath shaky. "They either die, betray me, or walk away when they realize how fucked up I am."
Her grip on my shirt tightened.
"But youâ¦" she swallowed hard. "I thought you were different."
I felt something inside me crack.
I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her that I was never supposed to be here for her, that I had a goal, that I had every reason to hate her.
But at the same timeâ¦
I didnât want to see her like this.
I didnât want to be another person who abandoned her.
I took a deep breath. "Ruby, listen to me."
She didnât move.
I pulled back slightly and cupped her face, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes were red, filled with pain, vulnerability, and something elseâsomething that made my chest ache.
"You are not fucked up," I said firmly. "You are not unlovable. And Iâm not leaving."
She shook her head. "But you will. Someday, you will."
"I wonât."
"You donât know that."
"I do."
She searched my eyes, looking for any sign of a lie.
"You think I'm a monster," she whispered.
I inhaled sharply.
You are.
But so am I.
"Then so be it," I said instead. "Because I donât care."
A tear rolled down her cheek.
"You donât understand," she whispered.
"Then make me understand," I challenged. "Tell me everything. Show me everything. Let me in."
She exhaled shakily.
"You might regret it," she said.
"Let me be the judge of that."
For a long moment, she just stared at me.
Then, slowly, hesitantly, she nodded.
And just like that, I knewâ
I had fallen into my own trap.