I'm backkkk! This time with the entire chapter twenty two, I hope you all enjoy!!
twenty two
Ever since Xavier saw my scars things have been different. He looks at me like a china doll, easily shattered and even after being repaired, laiden with cracks, with scars. I can't stand it. I've spent most of my life being treated like an invisible punching bag and pity is the last thing I want.
I guess it's expected. The media like to portray abuse as this glamorised back story that makes people stronger. While there are a handful of people who have the fight in them to rebel and end up making an incredible life for themselves, what the media fails to talk about is the number of abuse victims that fail to maintain a "mundane existence," after being rescued from their abusers. Not because they don't have the strength, or even because they suffered more badly, simply because some things you can't move on from. Because the moment someone finds out about your past they give you this look, this look of absolute pity; that's how Xavier looks at me. He treats me like at any given moment I could shatter, his eyes reflect a sadness for a past that I would more than love to forgive.
I can't stay here anymore. I'm not being abused and yet somehow I'm haunted by a sadness that would suggest I am. But I can't leave either. I've spent all these years in the complete dark about the supernatural parts of our world, I barely know about werewolves and packs let alone the rest of the world. Now I have two mates, how is that even possible? I have so many unanswered questions and this might be my only chance to find out the answers. After all, Xavier is the Alpha of Alpha's if he doesn't know then no one does.
Xavier had already asked me just about everything there is to know. He asked about my old pack and the way they treated me, then he asked why I had run away and how I managed to escape. He asked about my werewolf well, lack of, he asked so many questions my head had started spinning. Yet I did my best to answer every single one; now it's his turn.
I move from my bedroom, gliding through the halls of the house that entrap me. Turning my head to look through each open door in the hopes of finding Xavier. Without any warning sparks shoot through my body as I feel myself engulfed by a familiar scent.
"What are you looking for?" Xavier murmurs into my hair. I shiver from his husky voice, a month ago I would've pulled away shaking and yet here I stand enjoying his touch. The delicate way Xavier handles me, never anything more than gentle touches but enough to have my whole body buzzing.
"You actually," I say matter-of-factly turning to face the boy who turns my stomach upside-down.
Xavier raises eyebrows curiosity painted on his face, "well then Belle, what can I do for you?" Another shiver, damn this boy, if I stay much longer it might be too hard to leave.
Dodging his eyes, an all-too-familiar feeling washes over me; fear. "I w-was won-d-d-ering i-." Before I have a chance to finish my sentence Xavier's fingers brush over my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. Just like that I can't look away, the dark green is so mesmerizing.
"You don't have to be afraid of me." Xavier whispers, hurt flashing through his eyes.
I gulp, it's now or never, I need answers before I can make my next move. "I've been here for a w-while now," I start, only one stutter so far. "A-and I've been very compliant considering I know nothing of what is going on." I blink losing our eye contact, "I was wondering if you would be okay answering some questions that I have?"
My heart stops, what if he gets angry? Decides to hit me, after all there's no one else here to stop him; or worse what if he r-. Xavier's words cut through my thoughts, "what kind of questions?"
Xavier's question is followed by an airy silence, as I struggle to form a reply. "I um-. I uh just wanted to k-know more a-about w-werewolves a-and this w-world." I stammer out the words turning red from embarrassment, what kind of 16-year-old doesn't know anything about the world she was raised in?
Wordlessly Xavier moves his hand to the small of my back gently pushing me forward; not wanting to be hit I automatically comply. Steering me to the dusty bookshelf that stands behind the stairs, filled with books, books I've already read. Since I've been here I haven't had a lot to do and there are days, sometimes weeks will Xavier will be away leaving me with the house to myself. Slowly I had worked through all the books and while they did give me a better understanding about pack life and matings, the rest were filled with stories about the moon goddess, nothing to help me figure out what the hell is going on.
Before I get the chance to let Xavier know I've already read every book he reaches for a dusty blue spined one. Just like something out of a movie the bookshelf slides to the right revealing a set of stairs. I stare at him for a moment in complete shock, "I've read every book on that shelf and it never opened for me." I say in disbelief.
Xavier just smirks, "it's all in the technique." I roll my eyes, preoccupied by the looming staircase in front of me. "After you."
I spin around looking up at Xavier, "if this is some trap door where I fall to my death, I will h-."
"You need to stop watching TV, they're just stairs Belle," Xavier cuts me off again gently pushing me toward the first step.
Without thinking I start down the steps, letting my fingers run across the walls in order to keep my balance. The stairwell is lit with oil lamps, flickering with each step. "This feels like the entry to a dungeon." I whisper jumping at the sound of something crawling.
"It used to be." Xavier says his voice causes me to jump, for a moment I had forgotten there was someone else around. "Before the extinction of 'leading bloodlines' this place was used as a dungeon. There's an entire network of different passageways, of course nowadays it's used as an escape route during war."
I shiver at the word, war; something I undisputedly hate. Before I have time to dwell on the thought I feel myself tumble as the stairs come to an abrupt end. Within seconds Xavier's hands are secured around my waist, "careful." He murmurs into my ear a smirk plastered to his face.
I smile, glad that even if Xavier sees me as a china doll he doesn't see me so fragile that I'll break under a few jokes. "We're here."
I look up at Xavier confused, the oil lamps have stopped and I can barely make out my own hands let alone what exactly 'here' is. "Where exactly is here? You know when I asked for answers I was hoping for a conversation above ground. If you've taken me down here to kill me then just make it quick and painless."
"The luna is back I see." Xavier says raising his eyebrows.
I just shrug, "some days she's here and some days she isn't." My comment is followed by an airy silence and I'm suddenly made aware that Xavier's hands never left my waist. I gaze into the dark see in his eyes, he's fighting with his wolf.
Within seconds his hands are off my waist. I watch him move past me and walk straight into the darkness and just like that the room lights up. Well, if you count one flickering overhead light and a desk lamp. Taking a step further into the room I stand in awe beneath a giant painting of five women and five men standing side by side. "What is this place?" I ask slowly, this is starting to feel more and more like medieval magic than a werewolf committee.
"Like I said it used to be dungeons, and it's used as passageways during war."
I look over at Xavier, "they just put gigantic three metre paintings in passageways?"
"There hasn't been a proper pack war in a long time so the committee decided to create a kind of shrine to the past. A way to preserve history."
I shut my eyes in an attempt to stop the flashbacks, history; oh how I wish I could forget. The floodgates are open, as every punch, every kick comes back to me. My body starts to shake as I gasp for air, falling to my knees with the face of my father burned into my mind.
"Belle! Are you okay?" I feel Xavier's hand on mine, "focus on me Belle, focus on my voice."
Still shaking I do my best to follow Xavier's instructions, "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Listen to me you are safe. I will never let anyone raise a hand against you ever again. I promise." I open my eyes determined to undermine Xavier's words as simply trying to calm me down, but he isn't lying. I feel my pulse quicken, as my breathing finally evens out.
"I-I'm s-sorry."
"Hey, it's okay you can't control when you have panic attacks." Xavier replies offering me his hand.
In an attempt to be less of a damsel in distress I struggle to my own feet. "W-well n-now that's over, tell me about this p-painting." I say still shaken from the sudden flashbacks and eager to move on.
Xavier lets out a deep sigh, "those are the five original pack Alphas' and Luna's." I study the painting it looks like the portrait all Kings and Queens have. Each Alpha sits on a 'throne' of some sorts with their Luna behind them one hand on their shoulder. As always the male is in the position of dominance while the women is only there to support him.
"T-these are the original werewolves?" I whisper the question almost afraid to utter the question out loud. I may not know much about the werewolf committee but even my parents couldn't keep me from the rumours. The ones that portrayed the original werewolves as cold hearted killers.
"Not exactly." Xavier replies his voice trailing off.
"What do you mean?" I say it seems like a straightforward question, you're either an original werewolf or you're not.
"You've heard the rumours, of how cruel the original werewolves were?" I nod my head, parents use them to try and scare their children whenever they disobeyed them. Of course my parents took a slightly different approach but I still heard them all. How they would kill off their children if they failed to possess Alpha or Luna blood.
"The truth is that while cruel those werewolves were neither original nor mean in comparison to what came before them. The harsh regime that began with that generation of werewolves was put in place to ensure nothing and no one could ever rise to power the way wolves had been in the past." Xavier pauses his eyes flicking over my face, "I take it you're not the moon goddess's biggest fan?"
I want to scream, of course I'm not. Why would I even respect a goddess who has given me such a horrible life, a past that I can't escape? None of it's fair, and suddenly I'm supposed to be thankful to a moon goddess who essentially ruined my life before it had begun? Instead I simply nod, "you could say that."
"You want to know the reason why she is held so highly by werewolves today?" Another nod signalling Xavier to continue. "While known as the moon goddess now she was once a werewolf. In fact she was thee werewolf who finally put an end to the slaughter. You see thousands of years ago there was no such thing as packs, or alpha and luna blood, mates were so rare they became legends; werewolves were not united they were divided. The stronger ones thrived, killing off weaker wolves for fun, it was a callous way to live and lead werewolves to the brink of extinction."
I shake slightly at the thought, a world like that and I would've died a long time ago. "Her name was Angel, with rushing silver hair and crisp white skin she was a sight to marvelled at. No one really knows where she came from or where her strength came from but none of that matters, she saved us. Angel made the ultimate sacrifice to restore our kind; however to ensure this she created a governing system. A system so strong that one was bound by blood to fulfill their role."
Bound by blood, just like me; a true luna who isn't equipped to lead a boy scout troop let alone an entire pack of werewolves whose safety and wellbeing depend upon me.
"Belle?" I look up to see Xavier hovering over me, "I think we've been over enough for today. I can only imagine what it's like to process all of this."
I open my mouth to protest but he's right, we've barely even scratched the surface but I don't know how much more information I can handle. Sighing, I allow Xavier to lead me back up the stairs. "I promise you, we will talk more about this tomorrow, but you need to eat something."
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Hello and Happy Friday!
I apologise if there are any errors it's late here (or super early), I'll try and re-read through everything in the morning. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this full update and I know it might feel like the last few chapters lack any kind of action but all the information contained in them is imperative to the storyline and leading to something very big I promise you.
Also I've finally updated by bio (after about 2 years) with an update schedule I might actually stick to for once. But maybe don't hold your breathe, after one month we'll see how I'm doing.
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XOXO