twenty one
I focus on my breathing, Xavier, his kind eyes and gentle smile. His very presence brought back the hope that life outside of my old pack is better, maybe he is good for me. My mind wrestles with the idea, how can a man, an Alpha be good for me?
I tug lightly on my hair, letting the dark elastic fall to the floor.
What did you expect Isabelle? Without these Alpha's you'd be dead by now.
Letting out a cry of frustration I finally look up, coming to face to face with, an oddly bright pair of blue eyes, well groomed blonde hair and the slightest of smiles. That's where the light stops, for darkness still consumes the rest of my body. My eyes trail down my naked figure, every bruise, every cut, every scratch, I remember all of it. Yet here I am with my lips turned upwards for once.
I barely recognize myself.
While I had been with Theo there was definitely a change, but I was always on edge, somehow Xavier is different. I still haven't worked up the courage to ask him how I can have two mates, or how I'm supposed to choose either of them.
Blinking twice I continue to study my face, I've always had a pale complexion back in my old pack I never had the chance to see the sun and now is no different. Despite having a healthier looking reflection I'm still a prisoner.
I ran from my old pack as the only way to escape, grasping to the hope that life on the outside would prove to be much kinder, and yet here I am jumping through the same hoops only it's a different game. I'm still trapped by an Alpha and have yet to make one decision for myself that I don't need saving from.
That's when it clicks, I need to leave. Find somewhere secluded and just be, no mates, no Alphas, I just need to think.
"Isabelle, are you okay in there?" I jump at the sound of another voice, Xavier.
"Yes I'm fine, s-sorry I'll be out in a m-minute." I reply meekly praying that will be enough.
"Are you sure?" His voice is much softer this time, I grip onto the edge of the marble sink to stop the room from spinning, are you sure?
How can I be sure of anything? I still have so many unanswered questions, I still don't know where I am, I just, I just don't know.
I scramble for a towel, for anything to cover myself as the door to the bathroom falls in, revealing a concerned Xavier, at least I think he looks concerned.
His eyes meet mine, barely acknowledging my lack of clothing, "you've been in here for over an hour." Xavier says breathlessly moving towards me.
"I was just t-thinking." I reply scrambling for a believable answer. Before I have time to think Xavier is beside me, his green eyes racking up and down my body. "I can e-explain," I say in a whisper, eyes trained on the marble as I beg myself to hold back the tears, just this once.
"Isabelle," his voice is so soft I can barely make out his words and yet it still sends shivers up my spine. My name rolls off his tongue in the most beautiful way, yet somehow I still can't look up.
That night Xavier had taken me to the lake, he had seen some of the bruises over my body, the visible ones. There are so many, too many a never fading reminder of the past that haunts me.
His hand reaches for my cheek causing my immediate recoil, "please," he murmurs. I take a breath, allowing Xavier's hand to reach my skin warming my face. With the gentlest hand he tilts my chin up forcing me to meet his eyes. Those green eyes, pooling with mixed emotions it takes all my strength not to look away.
The intensity Xavier emanates is truly remarkable. "What did they do to you?" His soft voice almost makes me want to tell him, to crawl into his embrace and never leave.
Instead I find myself tumbling backwards, losing grip of the towel covering my body. Almost immediately Xavier reaches out to catch me bringing our bodies even closer.
My heart starts racing, here I am naked in the arms of a man who can say my name in a way that sends tingles through my body. I look up expecting, well hoping that Xavier is even half as flustered as I am but instead all I see is pain. So much pain I have to look away.
Just like that all my embarrassment disappears, Xavier may send sparks through me like a wildfire, yet somehow there isn't one ounce of sexual energy. Instead something else is hidden beneath his deep breathing and clouded eyes, I've never seen it before.
"I'm so sorry Isabelle." His words, those words no one has ever apologized to me before.
"You didn't deserve this, no one deserves this, I just." Xavier stops completely speechless as his eye trail up and down my body, "I didn't realize."
I smile sadly, "no one does."
With his free hand Xavier caresses my cheek, "you are so beautiful Isabelle."
I shut my eyes tightly,
I will not cry,
I will not cry,
I will not cry.
I open my eyes to the most heartbreaking sight. Watching in shock as tears begin to fall, and for once they aren't mine.
"Xavier," I whisper my heart heavy seeing him so upset. "I'm okay, I escaped remember?" I say in an attempt to stop the tears now rolling freely down his face.
"No Isabelle, this isn't okay. You haven't been here long but already it's clear to me that you're a good person. You care about people, put others before yourself and well you don't deserve this."
My chest tightens at Xavier's words; no one has ever shown any empathy towards my life. No matter his eyes, or his words I can't let Xavier reach my heart, that is, if he hasn't already.
Warmth drains from my body as I remove myself from Xavier's touch, my outstretched arms reach for the towel to once again cover the scars.
I turn away finally letting my own tears fall, if the moon goddess really does exist, if all these werewolf committees of elders and alphas are really here to aid werewolves why have I been living in hell for the past 15 years? What have I done to the moon goddess that made her offer me such a horrible fate? What kind of werewolf committee can successfully aid werewolves when there are so many neglected?
Where do I fit into this? I don't want to be a true Luna, I don't want this gift, I don't want to be strong anymore. It's too much, everything is too much.
"Isabelle," Xavier murmurs reminding me of his presence.
"Please, just g-go." I say through my tears still refusing to face him.
After everything that I've been through all the days that I've hoped for a normal life outside of my pack and now, now I have to be a true Luna. I have a mate who cheated on me and a kind man who, with one look can make my legs turn to jelly, a crazed rogue who wants me to be his and a power hungry Alpha who is probably burning through packs just to find me.
Whoever the moon goddess, she is dead to me. No healing spirit would give someone such a cruel fate, that the moment they finally feel safe their life is uprooted over and over. Always by an Alpha, because of this stupid gift. True Luna, what does that even mean? I can't even shift there's no way I'm strong enough to lead an entire pack.
"AHHHH!" I cry out in frustration, it's not fair, this isn't fair. I ball up my fingers into fists, moving to punch anything, anyone. Before I have the chance to even move a familiar scent engulfs me.
"Please calm down," I hear the breathy words as they're whispered into my ear only angering me further.
Calm down? Why should I have to calm down? This is my life, and yet I haven't managed to do anything on my own. I'm too weak to escape to live on my own. I growl, finally letting myself feel years of resentment and pent up anger.
If there is a moon goddess out there she certainly isn't mine. Summoning all my strength I start kicking and flailing my arms in a poor attempt to force to Xavier let me go, "this isn't fair, I don't want this, I just, I want to be happy." I say the last part in a whisper, to be happy.
"I hate my father and his stupid Alpha, I hate Theo, I hate you, I hate everyone." I scream hoping it's enough to shock Xavier into letting me go.
He doesn't, instead he pulls me closer. "Please Isabelle," he says taking my face in his hands, forcing my eyes to meet his. Too see the hurt in those beautiful green eyes, the pain and the love? I blink, could it be love?
No, I shake the thought, Xavier barely even knows me.
I feel the anger draining out of me as a wave of exhaustion washes through me.I shut my eyes letting myself relax. Don't get me wrong the anger, the hurt, the fear, it's still there, it's always there, but I'm tired now and there is no place safer than Xavier's arms.
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I said my updates would be every Friday for 2017 and even though it's March, better late than never right?
This chapter while uneventful, hopefully helps you to understand the scale of abuse Isabelle went through and of course a better insight into Xavier's character. Please make sure to vote and comment!!
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xoxo