Trigger warnings: Prostitution, drug addiction, child neglect, mention of child sexual abuse (non- descriptive), + small things that could possible make you squirm.
If it is too much for you and you would still like a small summary please dm me on insta @chirons_journal. I don't mind at all ð
Enjoy :)
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Omniscient.
Saturday, May 2015.
12:04 pm.
Cateleya's Roomð
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i. Madam
Sahari thought she was dreaming when she was woken up by Juno. For a second, she thought she was back in her bed and everything last night was dream, but from the emotion in Juno's eyes she knew that last night was real. "Why are you here?" She rasped "clean up, I'm taking you to get some food" "theres food here.." "Sahari get cleaned up, I won't tell you again" Juno warned, and Sahari noticed the fresh clothes at the edge of the bed.
She faintly nodded and fully sat up. She slowly stood up and got ready, 20 minutes later she walked downstairs. She playfully glared at Cateleya who was on the couch, looking apologetic. "Don't be mad" she mumbled then kissed Sahari's cheek. Sahari immediately forgave her then reluctantly followed Juno to his car. She was happy when she didn't see Jayla waiting in the car.
The car was quiet the whole ride, Sahari knew he had to be really mad at her because he didn't look away from the road. Sahari was surprised when he still opened her door when they made it to Pinkie's burger joint. Sahari stomach dropped when she realized what they were about to eat. 'Oh he's about to kick me out' she thought, then eyed his every move. Sahari ate the same burger every time so he ordered for her, after they got their food they sat outside.
"So am I homeless?" Sahari lowly asked, opening the foil of her burger and Juno shrugged "depends" "nah we're eating burgers" Juno snickered "what dat mean?" "You know what it means. Every time it's just US getting burgers, you always tell me something that changes my life. 1st it was my Nona's cancer, then me having to move in with y'all, and now..." Sahari reminded, then sighed as she bit into her burger. She hadn't had one in months.
"Okay, I plead the fifth" Juno nodded, but made no move to start talking which let Sahari know it had to be really bad. "What happened?" Sahari asked and Juno took a sip of his water "I lied" Juno only said "oh yeah? Do you need to be grounded next?" Sahari playfully asked, and Juno chuckled then smiled sadly knowing that will probably be the last joke he'll ever hear from Sahari.
"Sahari I lied when you asked about my parents. They did die, it wasn't from a house fire though. I was born an orphan, my birth mother was an addict that died from complications from my birth. My birth father was also an addict, and didn't give two fucks about me. So that left me with my father's brother, and he only kept me cause of the money, back then they payed extra for people to take in girls" "girls? But you're a man?" "I'll explain more about that later" Juno answered, Sahari nodded then began to analyze his facial features.
"My uncle had a family of his own, but his ass wasn't shit. And a woman isn't gonna take care of a ain't shit man's niece so I had to fend for myself. His wife wouldn't do my hair so my hair would mat, and eventually it locked. In the 80s only boys and men were allowed that style around here. So because I didn't have a chest, my dreads, and the way I tended to deepen my voice out of fear I would get called a boy. I used that to my advantage and got jobs around the neighborhood. You know mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, helping the older ladies take out their trash, etc.
It was coo at first, but my cousins found out so they started forcing me to give em most of my money in exchange for their silence. I got tired of that shit real quick, I rememba the day I met 'him' clear as day. I had gotten into a big argument with my cousins which led to em holding me down and still taking my money. I was crying on the floor with a busted lip and he helped me up. He was smirking with a blunt hanging out of the right side of his mouth, he had on big gold chains, a brown track suit, big ass gold rings on his fingers.
He asked "yuh juss gon let em beat yo ass like dat?" I shrugged while wiping the blood from my mouth "what's yo name youngin?" "John" my name wasn't anywhere near that, but it was the name I gave around the neighborhood. He laughed 'white ass name. Who yo people?' When I told him I had none he looked like he hit the jackpot and in hindsight he had... Anyway he then introduced himself as "Yellow"
"Wait my- you knew him?" Sahari asked, slowly loosing her appetite. "Unfortunately... uh after helping me up he told me that he had a job for me if I wanted it and I of course said yes. He told me to meet him the next day 10 ish at the house on the nearest corner and I listened. He had on an all back suit, his hands were covered by thick black gloves, and he had an older boy with him. All he told me was "scream if you see Mrs. Johnson" and to my 8 year old self that seemed like an easy ass job. I sat on the stoop and they broke into her house. They were in and out, after he took me to get food.
While eating I asked him why he took her stuff and he said "Mrs Johnson needed my help cleaning out her house" and that I couldn't tell anyone because she didn't want anyone to know. He dropped me off at the park, gave me 20 dollars which was a lot in the 80s to a 8yr old kid and it got me food for the week. Once he realized I didn't snitch, 2 weeks later he asked me to help him again. And I did, many times after that. Not just from stealing from older ladies houses, sometimes it was random cars, the corner store, random moms at the park who stupidly had their wallets in diaper bags"
"Y'all never got caught?" "Sure did, once. It was weeks later. I was looking out and I screamed, but they couldn't hear but it didn't matter anyway because they were already carrying the woman's TV down the steps. He pulled me into the house and said "watch carefully" he yanked the older woman down to the floor by her hair, pulled out his gun, and my eyes widened as I thought he was going to kill her. He pistol whipped her and she started crying, he did it again and I flinched as blood started flying from her mouth, I slowly started backing away.
"I know where yo daughter Bea lives, snitch and she'll end up in a ditch. Don't test me bitch" he hit her one more time then we left. In the car they laughed about it, but I felt so nauseous and I wanted to cry but 'boys' couldn't cry. He dropped his goons off then made me get in the front seat even though I was shaking. "Are you scared of me now?" he asked and I shook my head, obviously lying. He chuckled "good, cause I don't want no punks around me, and yuh shouldn't either. Gone inside" he told me, then put another 20 in my hand. "I thought you said Ms. Will knew about us cleaning" I lowly mentioned as I opened the door, and he only smirked.
The woman didn't snitch, but he still wanted to lay low and I thought he was done with me so I kept my distance. He caught me walking out of the corner store, asked me to get in the car, and my scary ass got in. I asked him where we were going and he smiled "your future" but as he was pulling out he got a page. He started cursing then we went in a different direction.
He pulled up to the m-motels" the word motel still gives Juno an awful taste in his mouth decades later. "My young ass was confused, but kept quiet. He told me to stay in the car, I didn't want to get out anyway. I was sitting there for a while before I heard the screams, and when I looked frantically out of the window I saw him repeatedly punching a woman who was basically naked.
He dragged her to the car and threw her in the backseat. I was shaking and kept my head down, scared to look at them both. He didn't get in though, he went back into the room and came out with another girl who was wearing a coat with only a bathing suit under it. She got in the backseat then looked and smirked at me.
"What's your name baby boy?" She asked, popping her gum "John" I whispered and she smiled. "You're a cutie pie Johnny" "Neicy you gon make the boy nut in his pants" he told her as he laughed, and got in the car. She giggled, winked at me then sat back, purposely spreading her legs. But I quickly looked away as he started going off on the 1st girl, talkin about he didn't care if a client wanted her to fist herself, as long as they had the money she had to do it or her daughter will. She started crying and he turned up the music.
I was 9 the first time I saw a woman's breast. I covered my eyes, Neicy giggled and pulled my hands away. She shook em in my face while he shook his head, and told me that I ain't seen nothing yet. The m-motels became a routine, I eventually had to get out of the car. I would sit and chill with all of the girls, there was 6 of them. Ages 14 to like 22. A few ignored my existence unless he made them greet me, but the others would play games with me.
Still to this day I don't know why he made me hang there, but um on my 10th birthday he taught me how to shoot a gun. And after I got over the loudness, all I felt was adrenaline and he knew it. He told me since I did good that he had a surprise for me. I was confused when he took me to his house and Neicy was there. She only had on a robe and he told me that I was double digits and that means my ball dropped meaning- "no" Sahari's hand went over her mouth.
Juno cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah... but my biggest worry was dat I had no damn balls. So I had to finally tell someone the truth, and I was so scared he would beat my ass, but he only laughed. "I know lil nigga" he knew all along, but thought I was brave to even lie to him. And I thought that meant I wouldn't have to go in the room with Neicy and I didn't" "thank goodness- he sent in Cherry... she was new, 14, virgin. Said that she could get experience without truly breaking anything..." Juno sighed as the lightskin teenager with red cheeks came into his mind for the first time in years.
"I uh was never the same after that. I barely had a spirit, but I left the tiny bit I did have back in that room. It never came out with me. It happened a couple of more times, said that Cherry liked it, but I heard the way she cried in my ear. He liked it, not her.
Yeah he didn't beat me or threaten me like he did them but knowing he could, it had me scared to death of him. Around my 12th birthday, my uncle ran off with some woman and his wife kicked me out, said I kept pissing out her sheets. So all I had was him. I couldn't do much for him until my 14th, I started high school and that meant easy bait for him.
I got unwanted attention from girls, but hid it because I knew him. Once he saw it himself, he used that to his advantage and would force me to bring girls to the house, offer a drink then make me watch him do vile things to em. "This is how you get control of a girl, if she won't give it. You take it. You take what's yours" he repeatedly told me.
I started lying and saying that girls never wanted to come home with me, but he ain't believe dat shit. He told me if I wanted to stay with him then I had to earn my keep and I had no where else to go. But I still held out, hoping he would change his mind. The day I came home with trash bags on my bed was when I finally gave in.. Her name was Mia, he taught me the exact kind of girl to sought out and Mia was perfect. In forster care, quiet, desperate for love and attention...
I convinced her I was feeling her, she was skeptical of me, but let me take her out. When I gained her trust, I asked her for a favor, which was to let my "friend" kiss her for 10 dollars. Of course she said no, but I threatened to leave her so she did it and den some.
He didn't make me get another girl until I was 16, but it wasn't as easy as the first. I started growing breast, so it became harder to recruit because straight girls wouldn't dare to be seen around the gay ones. Anyway a girl I was trying to recruit, threatened to snitch so I called him. He made me yank the reluctant girl down then told me to beat her. It wasn't the first time I had to beat a girl, but he wanted me to do it with my gun.
So I did, over and over until she cried and whimpered that she'll be quiet. He didn't believe her though, and forced me to take pictures of her naked body and threatened to send them to her mother, church, and the college she wanted to go to. She um killed herself a few weeks later.
Now cautious of my picking skills, yet proud of my actions to keep our "family" safe he told me about the church girl. She was always home alone and he wanted me to befriend her. Luckily for him, I had her in my math class so one day after school I was following her and she ignored me for a little then turned around with a pencil in her hand. "I'll s-stab you b-bitch" she threatened and I put my hands up. "I come in peace beautiful" she rolled her eyes "I'm not stupid" "honest. I just need help with my work, can you help me?" I asked, lying my ass off.
She slowly put the pencil down and looked around "what's ya name?" She asked, her big eyes held genuine curiosity and I got lost in em for a minute. I told her my real name, it was stupid of me, but I quickly fixed it "but everyone calls me Johnny" she smiled and nodded. "Alright Johnny, meet me at the library tomorrow at 12 hundred hours, and don't be a second late"
And I wasn't, I sat down and acted like I had no clue of what she was talking about even though he made sure the one thing I was good at was math. He only trusted me to count his money. Anyway, as we were leaving I finally asked her name and she told me.... G-Gail" Sahari immediately stood up at the reveal. "My mother? You gave her- I didn't give her to him. Please let me finish. Please" Juno pleaded as Sahari's eyes filled with angry tears. She slowly sat back down and wrapped her arms around herself.
"Your mother and I got close very quickly, it wasn't on purpose. I never got close with recruits, but your s-she made me laugh in a way I didn't know I could or needed. And she talked and talked, I think it was because she was just as lonely as me so when I wasn't bothered by her talking, she seen no reason to stop. She also loved to sing, she was in the church choir and I would sneak and watch her practices. The more I was around her, the more I lost sight of the reason I started talking to her in the first place.
I started lying to him about her, saying stuff that would make him lose his interest in her, but he was stubborn. It started going downhill when your grandmother caught us in the kitchen makin food. She threw me out, forbid us from hanging out together because "anyone that hangs around with THAT man has no business hanging out with my daughter" and she wasn't wrong. I had no business hanging with your mother, but she had became my person. She was the first person I've ever felt loved by or for, yes it was platonic, but it was hard to leave her alone. For many reasons.
But your mother was confused so I finally told her about him. I didn't get too deep, scared she would leave me. And we continued to secretly see each other and it lasted maybe two months before he started getting impatient with me. He was pressing hard, and I knew eventually he would just go around me so I lied to her again. Told her I was in trouble, and I needed to get away from town and I wanted her to go with me. She was reluctantly at first, but her getting into a big argument with your grandmother days later had her on board.
We fucking barely made it out of town before he caught us walking through an alley. He had his arm in my neck up against the wall, he looked so disappointed in me. "Madam, is this how you repay me? After everything I do for you? Ungrateful bitch" he raised his hand to hit, and believe me or not, he hadn't ever hit me before so he hesitated, for the first time ever. When he did hit me, it felt like something out of a movie, quick and painful.
I know it sounds crazy that I was surprised that he hit me, but he wasn't some evil ass man to me. He fed me, clothed me, my few happy memories I had as a kid was because of him. He protected me and even though he never vocalized it, I believed he cared somewhat about me.
Anyway, your mother tried to get him off of me, but his goons stopped her. She was screaming and crying, and he ignored it until she said "I'll pay you the money, let her go" he stopped beating me and laughed. "You hear that? She thinks you owe me money?" All 4 men laughed at us.
Your mother was confused "wait he didn't tell you? Oh Johnny boy, I taught you so well. What? You think he's your friend? Johnny why do we call you Madam?" "Yellow please-" "what does it fucking stand for?" "A-A female pimp" I answered in shame then spit out the blood flooding my mouth. "You see, he only hangs around to spy on you sweetheart" she didn't believe him so he started telling her stuff that was personal. She looked so heartbroken and I couldn't say anything to defend myself.
It wasn't until he started groping her and forcibly kissing her that I tried to stand up, and started cursing at him. He ignored me so I changed the conversation, I told him that he could take me, let her go and have his way with me. I knew from the way his eyes would linger on me throughout the years that he would atleast take it into consideration.
He scanned me then laughed "nah I've already got a taste of you, I want something new" his hands continued and I started panicking. Then I remembered my gun. I grabbed it out of my bag and hesitantly pulled it out and pointed it at him. He laughed, but I saw the small flash of hurt in his eyes. "You gon kill me? Over this bitch?" He shook his head "mann take her to the car, let me handle this real quick" as they dragged her away, your mother kicked him in his stomach and when he raised his hand to hit her back, I fired. I purposely missed, I couldn't kill him, but I wanted to believe I could.
He pulled out his gun "you already know my rule. If you pull out your shit, you better kill whoever you aiming for. You know I don't miss" "Yellowww. Please. Take meee, I'll do whatever you want" he chuckled "is you fucking dum? I raised your ungrateful ass, you think Ima have your dyke ass on a corner? Niggas ain't bout to have bragging rights. Stop acting stupid, you made your choice a lot time ago Madam" he raised his gun and I gripped mine.
"I should've left your pussy ass on the streets. I've given you more than I've given anyone and this is how you repay me? I fed your ass. I protected your ass. I taught you the game. You know niggas would kill to be my right hand and you- fucckk" I started feeling guilty and the grip on my gun loosened, but then he shot so I did the same, and he fired again and I felt something burn.
He hit me in my right shoulder, my shooting arm. I tried to aim after, but it was ass. I just remember falling on the floor and him laughing over me "always been a punk, always will be. Even in death" I heard his footsteps as my consciousness went in and out. I woke up hours later in a hospital bed, chained to it.
They got me on a gun charge, I was a minor and it was my first serious charge so they only gave me 4 years, I got out a year and a half later on good behavior" Juno explained, feeling an ache in his right shoulder and chest.
"So that's it? You didn't look for her when you got out?" "Of course I did but he had her for sometime by then. I knew the disturbing shit he did to woman, I knew what being with him for a year was like. How fucked up it made you. But yeah I still tried to find her and when I did, she was pregnant with you" Juno clarified, faintly remembering Gail's pregnant waddle.
"I told her that my cell buddy had a crib in LA that I could stay with and I wanted her to come. That I would help her raise you and she wanted to come, but she was scared of him finding her and killing y'all. I begged, pleaded, cried, but she was just too scared. When he found out I was still alive he threatened to kill your mother. I knew he wouldn't because he was obsessed with her, but I couldn't take the chance so I left and went to L.A without her.
The next time I saw your mother was maybe almost 2 years later and you were living with your grandmother" "so my father wasn't a nice man who started doing drugs with my mother and became evil? He was evil from the start... and so are you"
"Sahari pl- "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME" Sahari screamed as Juno raised out of his chair and tried to touch her. "You're the reason for all of this... do you get off on this?" "What?" "Knowing you're taking care of me? No wonder my grandmother was disgusted by you. You ruined my mother, you ruined my grandmother, you ruined m-me. You disappointed my mother and now me" "Sahari I'm sorry, I tried-" "save it. I never want to see or talk to you again. Forget I exist and I'll do the same for you" Sahari couldn't look at him anymore, it made her physically sick, and uncomfortable.
She walked away from the table, and didn't look back. Even though she heard the grown man who she loved more than anyone, crying out for her.
ðð
Hii. Whew was yall expecting that? I feel like I gave y'all a lot of hints. Anywayyss I'll try to update again before Turkey day. Byeeee and stream Megan act 2 ð¦ð¦
10/28/2024