_________
Omniscient.
Friday, May 2015.
2:42 pm.
Sahari's Bathroom ð
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"I vow to praise You...
Through the good and the bad
I'll praise You...
Whether happy or sad (I will)
I'll praise You (thank you Jesus)
In all that I go through (yeah)
Because praise is what I do...
'Cause I owe it all to you..." Sahari sang to herself in the mirror while swooping her edges into her freshly done cornrows. "Even when I'm going through-" she straightened her posture while dropping her hand as she heard her phone ringing while charging on her desk. She quickly walked to it and answered without looking at the caller ID. There was no doubt in her mind that it wasn't her mom calling.
But at the same time she felt relief when she saw Rayven's face come into the camera. Rayven was lying on her stomach, her chin resting on her hands with the phone set up on her body pillow. It was obvious that she had either been laying down for a while or just woke up from a nap by the pink silk scarf on her head.
"Good afternoon my talented best friend" Rayven greeted, her dimples making a deep appearance on her dark brown skin. "Good afternoon my equally talented best friend" Sahari replied, then sat Rayven down on the bathroom counter. "Equally?" Rayven smacked her lipgloss covered lips. "Girl only one of us is going to the Olympics next year and it surely ain't me" Rayven made known.
Sahari chuckled, continuing to do her edges. "Well I still have a lot more races to qualify for and win, but if God willing then yeah I guess you're right" "bestie it's already destined. Remind me again how many colleges do you have to pick from tonight?" "Um 8?" Sahari answered, lightly thinking on it, and Rayven smiled, proudly "I know that's right"
"But?" Rayven asked, confusing Sahari "but?" She questioned "you don't look happy, what happened?" At the question, Sahari froze then sat the toothbrush down, and picked up her phone. "N-nothing. It's just a lot going on" Sahari felt the need to sigh, but held it in "explain?" Raven asked, and Sahari sat on the bathroom counter, getting comfortable.
"This is going to be televised and watched by at least 40,000+ people, including possible sponsors, my future coach, and teammates" "oh you're feeling a lot of pressure?" Rayven asked for clarification, Sahari nodded then started to bite anxiously on her bottom lip. "And you haven't prayed on it like you usually do?" Of course every great athlete has felt some type of pressure, but Sahari has a prayer for everything so Rayven was confused.
"I- no. It's not easy to talk to God right now" Sahari admitted, feeling shame but it was the truth. Her pastor and now Rayven, we're the only ones who knew. "Really? Why?" Rayven picked up her head, and Sahari could only stare at her best friend while she thought of how she should answer.
A part of her felt like she could tell Rayven about her and Cateleya, but the other part felt so much fear. Yes over the years Rayven has expressed she'll always support Sahari, but it's very known that parents say the same yet do the opposite. Sahari knew she couldn't lose Rayven, she could barely go two days without talking to her. She cried for like a week straight when Rayven went to college last fall.
But on the other hand, she was so tired of lying. She had been stuck in the house for a whole month because of it. 'Maybe it's time to come clean' she thought, once again chewing on her lip. "Hari. Har- huh?" Sahari repeatedly blinked, and dropped the toothbrush she was unconsciously squeezing. Rayven eyed her worriedly, "did you hear me?" She asked and Sahari immediately said no.
Rayven playfully rolled her eyes "I asked if it was because of what happened with Auntie?" Rayven repeated, and Sahari thought 'this is the perfect time to come clean' but it was like her body disagreed. She opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Her eyes got a little watery, and all she could do was nod. 'I can't' she thought and lightly sniffed, then cleared her throat to hide it.
"Aw Bestie. I'm sure she and God have forgiven you already. She's most likely just being considerate. I mean you did tell her that you would choose your mother over her anytime, anywhere..." Rayven reminded, and Sahari winced at the memory of her harsh words.
The morning after everything came out, the 3 of them went to church and when they made it home Sahari told them that her mother wanted to see her. "Sorry, no. You're grounded" Juno replied "my mother isn't my friend, I should be able to still see her" Sahari explained, which Juno then agreed with. But both guardians weren't trusting Sahari's word so Jayla said she would go with.
That rubbed Sahari the wrong way because she wasn't a little kid who needed supervision. Yes, she was wrong for lying, but she didn't need to be watched like some juvenile. She told them that she didn't want Jayla to come, but they didn't care. And maybe their punishment was harsh seeing as though it was Sahari's first offense, but they no longer trusted her. Especially when Sahari had just snuck out 12 hours before.
Sahari repeated her disapproval of Jayla coming, but Jayla ignored it and continued to go in the room to change out of her church dress. Juno told her that their decision was final, but Sahari continued to follow Jayla into the room. Jayla thought she was just pouting behind her, but when she asked Sahari to unzip her dress and was met with nothing, she turned around.
Sahari was looking at her with pure anger, it kinda startled Jayla because Sahari had never looked at her like that. "Are you jealous of my mother?" Sahari asked and Jayla laughed, "Sahari I promise you, there's no bitch on this earth that can make me jealous of them" "that can't be true because you're clearly threatened by my mom or something. You won't even let me be alone with her" "Sah- I understand you and Juno B weren't able to have kids- Sahari watch your mouth" Jayla warned.
"T-The point is, I'm not your kid. Y'all took me from my grandmother, and now y'all are trying to take me from my mother" Sahari continued to talk carelessly. Jayla swallowed the urge to correct Sahari because they both knew Sahari didn't come into their care until after Claretha passed.
"Sahari I'm not trying to take you anywhere, we're not forcing you to stay here. If you want to leave and go with your mother, you can. You're 18. Just leave your car keys, and credit card" "so you're kicking me out?" Sahari asked, in disbelief and Jayla sighed "I'm letting you know you're not being forced to stay" "no... You're trying to make me choose between you and my mother. Just know I'll choose her every time. She's my mother" "I said what I said Sahari, please leave my room"
"Why don't you want me happy? My mother did nothing to you..." Sahari said with a shaky voice, like her anger was becoming uncontrollable. When she reluctantly left out of the room, Juno came in with a smoothie looking confused. "What did I miss?" Jayla didn't immediately answer as her eyes began to fill with angry tears "why is she being so mean to me? What the fuck" Jayla began to struggle to breathe. Juno was still extremely curious, but put it all aside and pulled his lover into his arms...
"I don't know Venny, she still won't look at me and you know how extra she is. She usually would've woken me up this morning with a full song and dance routine. This morning all I woke up to was just my alarm. She didn't even make matching shirts, her and Juno are just wearing USC shirts" Sahari explained. 'Crazy how you miss the stuff you hated when it's gone' she thinks.
"Damn... I- sorry I can't even justify it" Rayven gave up. She knew the energy in the house was different when she came during spring break, but she thought they would've made up by now.
"Yeah I- wait who is that?" Sahari asked, putting the phone closer to her face. Rayven smiled as she felt her lover sleepily wrap their arms around her stomach and pull her closer. Their arm was in the camera. "Oh um-" Rayven thought of a lie "wait Coach is calling. BRB" "Ve-" Sahari rolled her eyes, and shook her head.
She got off the counter and stared at herself. She found herself doing that a lot lately, she felt she was searching for something but had no clue what. She only looked away when she heard she got a text.
From Bestie Venny ð
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanks given, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
From Bestie Venny ð
I love you. God loves you, and Jayla still does too. ðð¿ð
To Bestie Venny ð
Thank you. I love you more.
Sahari sat her phone down, walked to her room and sat on the edge of her bed, closed her eyes and for the first time in a while she prayed.
She prayed for all of her worries to pass, she prayed that everyone coming got there and home safely. She prayed for the people watching. Then she prayed for her current senior teammates and their journeys on their new team/ schools. She prayed for her mother. And lastly she prayed for Jayla and Juno. The two people who made this all possible.
By the end of her prayer, she felt so much lighter. She just hoped she would feel the same by the end of the night.
ðððð
4 hours later, 6:20 pm.
Senior Night, Dewland Academy ð
"Sahari we saw pictures of you having a meeting with the coach at Stanford, is it safe to assume we'll see you there this fall?" One of the reporters in front of the school asked and Sahari gave them a closed smile. "Sorry, can't confirm or deny. I will say that California has really good food though" "food that you'll be eating at standard in the fall?" She tried again. "Okay fine..." Sahari got all of their attention "I will be going to... a... university in the fall" Sahari told them, and was given many loud groans and sighs in response.
"Well at least- sorry folks. We need her for a team photo" Amara walked up, and looped her arm with Sahari's. "Wait-Amara-Sahari- please" "you will get your answers soon. Enjoy your night" Amara told them and pulled Sahari away and further into the building. "Wait... I thought our team photo was at the end?" Sahari questioned, and Amara hummed "oh it is, but you looked like you wanted an escape" "you were watching?" Sahari asked and Amara shyly nodded, realizing she accidentally told on herself.
Sahari wasn't surprised though, she had caught Amara doing it before. When everyone was getting ready for their race and Sahari was getting interviewed, she would see Amara watching. When caught, Amara would look away while smiling to herself, but the two have never talked about it. Even though they've been roommates for the last few away races.
"Mhm. Do you not want me to? Do you find it weird?" Amara asked, then regretted it because she felt like she was just asking for her feelings to be hurt. "You don't have to- I don't mind it Mara" Sahari admitted, getting weirdly shy about it. 'Mara?' Amara mentally repeated as she began to smile.
Sahari has never called her by nickname before. Celeste told her that was Sahari's way of letting Amara know they were only teammates, not friends. That it'll take a while for Sahari to even think about being her friend and Amara was sad about it, but they've must be making progress.
They walked into the schools large sized gym, their arms still locked. Amara was about to say something else when both of their attentions went in different directions. Amara was pulled away by Celeste while Sahari's eyes searched for her mother.
She took her time scanning the bleachers, but there was no sight of her. She began chewing on her inner cheek as she walked to her set up, a table that had the track jacket of the schools that wanted her to attend in the fall. She pulled out her phone and was about to text her mom for the 4th time that day, when she was unexpectedly picked up off the ground. She lightly squealed as the scent of Cateleya filled her nose.
"Chill" Sahari lowly told her and fixed her jumpsuit, but the smile she held hadn't left her face. "Chill? Oh hell nah you been hanging around Ace too damn much" Cateleya shook her head, and Ace scrunched her face as her and Sahari side hugged. "Fu-wait Lil Flo can I curse in here?" "Nigga this ain't a damn church" "shit I couldn't tell. I seen like 4 nuns when I walked into this bitch" "you lying" "sure am" Ace admitted and they laughed.
Sahari shook her head at the duo, and for a second she forgot what she was doing before. She began to scan the gym again then jumped when Cateleya put her arm over her shoulder. "She's gonna show up, don't worry" Cateleya lowly told her, and Sahari slowly nodded. She decided she was going to believe that rather than all the evidence revealing otherwise.
"Good evening everyone" the principal stood up on the podium "good evening" everyone in the gym replied, not in sync but also not far from each other. "Can everyone please get to their seats, we are about to begin" at that Cateleya quickly kissed Sahari's cheek then her and Ace went to go sit back down with Juno, Jayla, Rayven's parents, and Sahari's middle school track coach.
Sahari sat down and tried to pay attention as the principal talked about everything happening tonight, but she couldn't. She stared at the entrance double doors, and it felt like the world around her was silent. 'She's gonna come this time... I know it' she thought, and didn't notice her leg started to bounce. 'The bus is just running late' she wanted to believe. 'I think I heard her voice in the hall' Sahari closed her eyes and tried to listen for it, but when she opened her eyes everyone was staring, smiling and clapping for her.
'What happened?' She thought, confused 'does it matter? Smile and pretend you know what's going on' the voice in her head told her, so she did. The clapping felt very loud, it hurt her ears and all she wanted was her headphones, but you wouldn't be able to tell by the fake smile on her face. She quickly realized that she had won an award and stood up, she hit her side on the table from getting up too fast, and her smile barely falters as pain goes through her body.
She politely waved at each side of the bleachers. Cateleya winking at her fastened her heartbeat, and makes her smile real for a second. She stands next to her track coach, confused on when he even got up there. "Congratulations Sahari, your teammates voted you best leader" that was a huge surprise to Sahari, and again the fakeness of her smile began to fade into a real one.
"Thank you, but why?" Sahari softly asked into the mic making the crowd laugh. "We know you don't talk much, but that was even more reason to vote for you. The way you advise and lift us up by your actions, and the way you carry yourself. It's admirable" one of the girls on the team spoke up, and the other girls nodded. "Thank you girls, it has been a true pleasure to run and train with you all. I pray you all succeed in life and track. God bless you" Sahari thanked while grabbing her plaque, she was about to leave the stage when her coach tapped her.
"Not so fast. Dewland Academy would like to present you with this medal. Since you came into the school you've always been on top with your grades, Bible study, track of course. Never leaving the deans list, you are truly a Dewland student, and it has been a true privilege and blessing to coach you these past 4 years Sahari" her coach, slipped a silver engraved medal over her head, and Sahari's eyes began to water.
They hug, then take a picture and Sahari chuckles as she hears Juno whistling and the rest of her close ones hooting and hollering while holding sign's with her face. This was one of those moments she didn't mind loudness, even if the white people around looked uncomfortable. She walked down the stairs and posed for the picture, Jayla quickly came up to take with tears strolling down her face.
She sat down in her seat and ran her hand over the plaque, she never thought she would get an award for being a leader this early in her career. 'And I didn't even have to talk' she thought with a smile on her face. Knowing she didn't have to change herself made the award so worthwhile.
The rest of night flew by fast especially once Sahari forced herself to stop thinking about her mom. She decided she didn't want to waste one of her last moments with this team, on a woman who clearly didn't want to be there. She could be sad and disappointed about it now or she could let God handle it and enjoy her night.
When it came time for her to reveal the college she was going to, she was praying she wouldn't pick up the wrong jacket out of nervousness. She felt her heart beating faster as the camera turned to face her, and she could feel everyone's eyes on her. She swallowed nothing, and took deep breaths 'stop it' she thought and took more breaths, but it didn't seem like they were working. 'Not now brain please' she thought, while looking around the gym.
The fear of embarrassing herself on live television made her ignore that she couldn't properly breathe. "I-" she lightly cleared her throat "excuse me. The school I will be attending this fall is..." Sahari shaking hands hovered around all of the jackets before landing on the red USC track and field jacket. She could barely pick it up before everyone in the gym started going loudly cheering. Sahari giggled while putting on the jacket. When she stood up, Juno ran to her and hugged her then lifted her off the ground.
"Red looks good on you Mi Amor" Cateleya whispered in her ear as they tightly hugged for a moment, before Ace pulled them apart. "Stop hogging bro" Ace mugged Leya then started cheesing at Sahari "you know I'm rooting for hbcu all day, but I'm happy for you Lil Flo" they hugged then Cateleya joined their hug.
They pulled apart when they heard someone clear their throats "our fault" Cateleya mumbled then pulled Ace to the side, letting Jayla and Sahari have a little privacy. "Are you still mad?" Sahari lowly asked, and Jayla grabbed her hands. "I was never mad at you, just disappointed. I would never make you choose between me and your mother" "I know, I'm sorry" Sahari apologized and Jayla pulled her into her arms. "We can talk about it later, right now all I care about is you knowing that you did it" Jayla whispered to her as she rubbed her back, and Sahari melted into her arms.
Sahari felt less tense after the hug which made talking and rejoicing with her teammates easier. Her last interview went smoothly and eventually it was time to leave, but Ace and Cateleya wanted a mini tour of the school.
"Damn Lil Flo, I didn't know this school even had flag football" Ace said as her and Cateleya stood in the middle field and analyzed everything. "It's new, I don't even think they have players for it yet" Sahari replied, eyeing it herself. "Wow the year I graduate... that's some bullshit" "bro your gangsta ass was never getting accepted anyway" Cateleya made known, remembering the many complicated things Sahari had to do to get accepted.
"Gangsta?" Ace smacked her lips "I'm a law abiding citizen" "really? Empty your pockets.." "nope" Ace shook her head while popping the P. Sahari laughed as Ace walked away, most likely going to do something she had no business doing.
"She's a mess" she mumbled and Cateleya smiled while nodding. "Yeahhh but my mess" "true, I'm happy you have her" "cause you bout to leave me?" Cateleya asked in a light teasing tone. "Heyyyy you're about to go to college too" Sahari replied, slightly pouting, and Cateleya smiled while lightly grabbing Sahari's chin. "You look really pretty" "thank you" Sahari smiled shyly.
"You smell real good too. Seeing you on the podium felt like seeing a part of your future. You're going to be known nation wide" Cateleya continued, her hand slowly moving to Sahari's throat.
"What did you do?" Sahari asked, squinting and Cateleya chuckled and licked her lips "I can't just compliment you? Adore you? You know when I do, your eyes sparkle?"
"My eyes do not sparkle" Sahari playfully rolled her eyes. "Yes they do, are you calling me a liar?" Cateleya asked with another teasing smile "I mean, I ain't calling you a truther..." Sahari answered, her smile getting wider when Cateleya took a step back and laughed.
"Wow calling me a liar, I should tackle yo ass" "don't play..." Sahari warned, while taking steps back. "Say I won't..." Cateleya smirked and Sahari started running around the field. She obviously had a huge advantage, but she was wearing dress shoes so it slowed her down. Or at least she would like to think so because Cateleya caught her and she screamed and laughed.
Cateleya wasn't going to drop Sahari in the grass 'she looked too good' she thought. So she just made Sahari think she was then eventually let her get up, Sahari smacked her arm while Cateleya laughed. Her laughter went down as Sahari got a call. "It's my mom" Sahari mumbled as she put the phone to her ear.
"Heeeeeyyyy baby" "hi mom, where are you?" "Girrllll I'm grownnnn" Gail laughed and it was like the laugh triggered something in Sahari."Babbyyyy. Babbyy are you theeerree?" Gail dragged out "I'm here" "gooddd, I needdd a tinnnnyy favor. Really Tiny, I promissss" Gail giggled "mommaa is low on monnneeyyy" Sahari sighed, Cateleya could see the change in Sahari so she interlocked their fingers.
"I can't. I'm at my- "SAHARI. I'm YOUR momma. Not that bougie gay bitch. Remember that. I was in labor for 12 longggggg hours. You owe me, ya hear?" Her mother cut her off and Cateleya was seconds away from pulling the phone from her as Sahari's eyes started water, and she started shaking. "Now mommy hasss to gooo, but meet me on the liquor store on uhhh 2nd and Honey street" she hung up before Sahari could respond.
"She was at a party. She's high" Sahari spoke with no emotion, Cateleya said nothing, now knowing that she wasn't tripping when she saw Gail walking out the trap the day before yesterday. She wanted to make sure it was Gail before telling Sahari but...
Cateleya was confused when Sahari let go of her hand and walked away with urgency. "Wait? Where are you- I know not to meet her" Sahari didn't respond, but Cateleya couldn't let it happen. She was stopped in her tracks when Sahari actually walked up to Jayla and Juno who was talking to Rayven's parents while leaning on their car.
"This is all your fault" Sahari started, and the four adults stared at each other with confusion. "My mother called me, high and God knows what else" "oh Sa-" Jayla began and was about to rub Sahari's arm, but Sahari swatted her arm. "Don't pity me when this is your fault. I told you. She was clean when I was meeting up with her, she was getting better. You just had to force me to stay home" "hold on nie. It was a decision made by both of us" Juno made known.
"Yeah right. She's always hated my mother, well I hope you're happy now" "Sahari" Juno started, but Jayla shook her head at him "it's okay" she mumbled, exhausted about it all. "No it's not. My mother- it should've been you that died not my grandmother" Sahari replied with a lot of anger, shocking everyone. Cateleya's own eyes started watering, seeing her childhood friend react this way.
Jayla said nothing and got into the car.
"I'm going home with Cateleya" Sahari made known then walked away. Cateleya played with her ear, feeling a little put on spot "ACE" she yelled and Ace looked up, she was on the phone with one of her girlfriends. She leaned off a strangers car, and walked up to them.
An hour later, Sahari cried herself to sleep while laying in Cateleya bed. Cateleya was rubbing her back with one hand, and the other was behind her head while she looked at her roof.
Two girls laying together in bed with heavy hearts. It reminded Cateleya of their younger days when they used to lay in the grass, looking at the blue sky in silence.
"Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise." Jeremiah 17:14
ðð
Hii Loves, my brain stopped working many times while writing this ngl ð I was feeling real quitishð¥¹butknowing what's next kept me going ð¤
10/28/2024.