ALESSA POV
I avoided Ginger since the incident in the kitchen. Not because I'm still mad at her, but because I'm mad with myself.
I'm mad because I enjoy spending time with her, I enjoy making love with her. I'm afraid because my love for her keeps growing more and more and I don't want that, I don't want to love her more than I love her father.
I can't calm myself whenever she's around. It makes me want to touch her again, I want her to touch me again. She's doing the same by going to school earlier than me and going home super late. I guess it's the best thing to do in order for both of us to make things right.
I woke up earlier today than expected, it's only six in the morning. I closed my eyes again to sleep but I can't so I decided to stand up and just cook.
My mood today is good and I don't know why, maybe because of my hormones. I decided to cook fried rice and fried eggplants with fresh tomatoes. I'm enjoying what I'm doing that I didn't realize that it's already eight.
I frowned when I noticed that Ginger isn't awake yet, she will be late for sure if she's still asleep so I decided to wake her up.
"Ginger wake up. You're gonna be late if you don't eat your breakfast now" I said gently after two knocks.
"I'll be down in fifteen minutes" she said sounding still sleepy.
I'm beginning to act just like her real mom I said to myself while shaking my head. I headed back to the kitchen afterwards to prepare the table.
"Good morning" I greeted her smiling. We should talk because it's not healthy living in the same house and not talking at all. Her uniform suits her very well.
"Morning" she greeted me as well before sitting on her chair, she didn't open any topic for us to talk so I changed my mind, maybe she's still mad at me because of what I said.
"There are lots of foods, you're done already?" I asked her before sipping my coffee.
"Yeah I'm done thank you" she replied smiling before heading out of the kitchen.
"At least she smiled at me" I mumbled smiling.
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My class today is boring and short so I got home earlier, it's only two in the afternoon. Maya is busy with her upcoming defense as well so she refused when I invited her to hang out with me. I miss her already, especially right now because I don't have someone to talk to.
I headed straight to my room and decided to just watch a movie. I ended up watching Resident Evil and in fairness, the movie is really good.
I'm currently watching the third installment which is the Resident Evil: Extinction when my phone rang.
I sighed heavily when I saw Emman's name on the screen.
"Hello" I answered faking a happy tone.
"Hey gorgeous! How are you?" he asked cheerfully. I miss him too.
"I'm fine and you? When are you coming back?" he needs to come back before I betray myself again, I need him in order for me to forget Ginger completely.
"There's only one and a half week left, don't worry I'll never leave you again. I miss you so much and it's so lonely when you're not here" He said sadly.
"I missed you too I can't wait to see you" I replied smiling.
"Me either, how's Ginger? I hope she's fine" he asked after a moment.
"She's fine, she's at school right now" I replied hastily.
"That's good to hear. I'm sorry love but I have to go already because the meeting will start soon, I love you" he said before hanging up.
"I love you too" I mumbled to myself before throwing my phone on my side.
"I love you too but I don't know if it's the same like before" I added before sighing again heavily.
I'm already on the sixth installment which is the Resident Evil: Retribution when I heard Ginger's car arrived. I checked the time, it's already twelve midnight so I paused the movie and headed to the living room to greet her.
As usual she's not in the mood to talk to me seriously. I don't like it when she calls me mom because I know that she's doing that to insult me.
"Emman called earlier, he asked if you're doing okay"
"Well tell him my soon to be mom is taking good care of me" she said sarcastically.
"Ginger I-" She interrupted me.
"Good night mom" she winked at me before heading to her room.
"Great, good night daughter" I muttered before sitting on the couch.
I took a shot of Jack Daniels and rested my eyes for a bit, it's already sore because of watching non-stop. Two more months and I will be Mrs. Fernandez, I'm supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to be excited but I'm not. All I feel is loneliness and emptiness.
You just missed Emman my mind said.
I don't have doubts before when I accepted his proposal, but when I saw Ginger again I became skeptical and unsure of my feelings for him. I know to myself that I love him, but I can't deny my feelings for Ginger as well.
At first, I thought my feelings for her is just pure lust because of the person she'd become after six years. But now that we're living in the same house, I figured out that my feelings for her didn't change. I don't know what to do when she told me that she still loves me, but it made me so happy.
Emman makes me happy too but not the way Ginger does. I feel complete when she's with me, and now I feel lost and alone because she's cold towards me again.
Janine is so lucky to have Ginger, I'm jealous knowing that she spends more time with her rather than me and there's nothing that I can do about it because it's my fault.
I always lead her on then hurt her afterwards. I'm so confused with my feelings, she's confusing me. She's not the only one who's hurting here, I feel terrible every time I hurt her.
I wiped my face the moment my tears started to fall. I took another shot of Jack Daniels once again before leaning my back on the couch. I closed my eyes because I already started feeling dizzy.
I hummed the song that she used to sing to me when we're together to calm myself. I miss her, I miss her touch and her hugs. I miss her voice when she sings, her lips when she kisses me.
"Why do I still love you after all these years?" I mumbled between sobbing. All the memories that we shared together keeps on coming back, the moments when we're both happy and doesn't care about the future.
After almost thirty minutes, I finally stood up and headed upstairs. My feet automatically led me in front of her room. I twisted the door knob hoping it's not locked, I smiled afterwards when it isn't.
She's lying on her bed naked, facing the other side. She's very gorgeous, her slender body that once became mine is glowing with the dim lights.
I tiptoed and sat beside her when I reached the bed. I want to see her beautiful face before I go to sleep. I'm about to caress her cheek when my mind stopped me.
This is not right Alessa. I sighed heavily before standing up and headed to the door. I'm about to go out when I heard her call my name. I turned around smiling and about to speak when I noticed that she's still asleep.
She's just dreaming I mumbled while walking closer to check if she's really asleep. I sighed again when I confirmed it.
She shifted her position and faced the ceiling, her mouth ajar. I chuckled lightly because she looked so cute. I can stay awake the whole night just by looking at her, and it's already too late when I realized that I am already on top of her.
I'm sorry Emman...
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I opened my eyes and saw Ginger beside me and smiled when I remember what happened last night. The person that I love the most is sleeping sound beside me, while her left leg resting on mine. I shifted my body to face her and I leaned closer afterwards to kiss her nose gently.
She doesn't have a class today and I don't want to wake her up so I scooted out of her room silently and prepared myself to go to school.
"What?!" Maya blurted out in disbelief. Everyone in the library looked at us so I pulled her to sit down again immediately.
"Minimize your voice!" I whispered frowning. She rolled her eyes at me before crossing her arms.
"You're crazy! Do you know what you're doing?!" she said before poking my forehead. I slapped her hand to stop her from what she's doing.
"Of course I know what I'm doing, I love her and I don't want to lose her again" I replied while browsing the book that I am reading.
"So that's it? So what will happen to Emman now?" I closed my book when I heard his name.
"Ginger wants me to leave Emman for her" I said before sighing heavily.
"Yeah of course I'd say the same. Why would I let you be with my father when you already have me? That's two timing and that is what you're doing right now" I rolled my eyes at her.
"I know, you don't have to say that again and again, but it's not that easy because Emman is important to me too"
"There's no easy way to break somebody's heart dear, sooner or later Emman will know" she paused to check her phone that just vibrated.
"And you just said that you and Ginger are back together, so that means you chose her over her father" she added after a moment.
"I said to her that I will tell Emman about us when he comes back but honestly, I still don't know if I can bring myself to tell him" I don't know if I can stand to see him hurt. We've been together for two years and he never failed to make me feel loved.
"That sounds trouble, if you really love Ginger more then you should keep your promise to her that you will leave Emman" she said flatly but I didn't respond because I don't know what to say.
"You know what I don't like about you?"
"What?" I asked curiously.
"You're selfish, you don't care to anyone as long as you're happy" I frowned while shaking my head in objection.
"That's not true! It's just that if you're in my place you'll go crazy, I'm torn between my love for the both of them"
"Okay I give up. No matter what I say, in the end it's your own decision that will prevail" she said while raising her hands in the air.
"Just let me enjoy this moment, Ginger and I are okay now and I don't want to ruin it. Plus I still have a week and a half to make up my mind, and I wish when that day comes, I already have the courage to tell Emman the truth" She just nodded in understanding before motioning me to continue reading my book. I'm about to do so when my phone suddenly vibrated.
I smiled when I saw that it's a text from Ginger, she's inviting me to drink coffee in Starbucks. She became extra sweet to me now that we're official. I giggled before sending her my reply.
"Yuck" Maya said in distaste.
"Mind your own business" I said before sticking out my tongue.
"Yes I will, and it's not a problem because I only have one" She said then winked before standing up.
"I'll go now. Ciao" I just nodded before I started fixing my things. I'm so excited to see her, it's been two days now since we got back together and it still feels like it just happened last night.
My eyes automatically looked for her as soon as I entered the coffee shop, and found her sitting in the corner area. She stood up immediately and about to kiss me when I moved away.
"What's the problem?" she asked frowning.
"We're in public and I haven't told Emman yet, so we mustn't show affection too much" I whispered to her.
She sighed in understanding and about to sit down as well when someone called her.
"Baby" We both searched for the person.
"Baby?" I repeated frowning.
A woman appeared and kissed her on her lips suddenly. She's taller than me and about Gingers height, she's pretty considering that she's British. I coughed to make them notice me, which caused Ginger to push the woman away afterwards.
"PDA much?" I said raising my brow. She's lucky we're in public because if not, I will pull her hair out of her head.
"Who's she?" The woman asked Ginger without leaving her gaze on me. She's about to answer when I interrupted.
"I am her girlfriend" I replied sternly. I expected her to be taken aback but to my dismay she didn't.
"Oh, so you're the flavor of the month, don't worry I won't---"
"I am her girlfriend for six years now" I'm trying my very best not to mop her face to the floor. Now that Ginger is my girlfriend again, I won't allow anyone to flirt with her.
"Baby is this true?" she asked Ginger frowning.
"Sorry but it's true" she replied smiling before turning her gaze on mine, but I just glared at her in response.
"Now that you know girl, you better get lost before I throw you out of this shop" I threatened her.
"Chill" She said smirking before turning her attention back to Ginger.
"Nice seeing you again babe" she said before finally walking away.
My mood is already ruined, Ginger sat down and gazed at me with a smirk on her face. She's starting to annoy me.
"Jealous much?" yes I am jealous but I won't give her the satisfaction by admitting it.
"How many people have you been dating since you came back here?" I asked flatly, trying my best to stay cool.
"That woman was one my flings when I was in England, she's on a vacation here for two months" She paused to take a sip of her coffee.
"I lost count of them, since I'm not serious to begin with" she added after a moment. I sighed before looking at her seriously.
"I don't want you dating anyone else except me"
"I'm not" she replied flatly.
"Including Janine" she suddenly stopped eating and frowned at me in surprise.
"Janine is my best friend, she-"
"Is your constant fling and you also love her" I said interrupting her. I now have the rights to forbid her from seeing Janine. She sighed heavily before reaching for my hand.
"I'm sorry but I can't do that, she's special to me because she's there for me when I needed someone to be with me. I can't stop seeing her" I shook my head gently in objection.
"Well I am here now for you, I know that she loves you and I don't want to gamble with that by letting you still see her. Please, do this for me" I pleaded.
She released the grasp on my hand and sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry Lessa but I can't promise you that I will stop seeing her, but I can promise you that I will not return her feelings because I am in love with you, only you" I'm not contented with what she said but I think it's better than nothing at all.
"Okay" was all I said. I changed the topic to lighten up the mood, we should just enjoy the moment and not ruin it.
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"Hello?" I said as soon as I picked up the phone from the dresser.
"Hello A! I miss you so much, it's so cold here the heavy snow are starting to form" Emman said cheerfully, I didn't expect him to call at this time of the day.
I flinched when Ginger hugged me from behind while her hands caressing my waist.
"I miss you too, how are things there?" I asked him faking an excited tone. I turned around to face Ginger and pushed her away to focus on talking to Emman.
"It's fine here, one more week I'm home and I'm so excited. By the way how's Ginger?"
"Oh she---" I'm interrupted by Ginger's lips kissing me passionately. She positioned me on top of the dresser afterwards and started kissing my neck.
"A? You still there?" Emman asked anxiously.
"Yeah, yeah she's fine, she said she misses you too"
So excited. I said mentally as she started caressing my right breast while sucking the other one.
I closed my eyes in so much pleasure, I'm biting my lower lip to control myself from moaning. I pulled her closer to me using my legs.
"I am too! I'm happy that you two are getting close together"
"Ahhhhhh" I haven't had the chance to control my moan when she suddenly thrusted her two fingers inside my center. It feels so good.
"Did you just moan?" he asked suspiciously.
Ginger started to play with my center while still sucking my breast. My body is trembling in so much pleasure and my thighs are getting soaked.
"No...no, I gasped because the book that I'm holding fell on my right foot" My breathing started to be heavy as my body syncs with the movement of her fingers.
"Oh, be careful next time okay? anyway I have to go, I love you" I thought he's going to hang up first but he didn't. He's still waiting for my response.
Ginger stopped sucking my breast to face me, I feel like coming already.
"I love you too" I finally said before hanging up. I grabbed her face and kissed her hard until I reached my climax.
I leaned on her shoulder afterwards because I feel like I lost so much energy. Talking to my fiancee while making love with his daughter, I'm the worst.
I only have one more week left, the days are getting closer and until now I'm not sure if I can tell Emman all the things that he needs to know.
I'm really the worst.
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