part 84

and then it hits me- will i ever be lovable to another, if this is who i truly am? what if i, myself, am past the point of redemption?

perhaps this is only what i'm stuck with forever. leaning into my own twisted monologues, trapped within the cage i've built myself, destined to become the monster i've sworn to never become.

what if i am simply nothing but a shell of a man, bloodied, regretting all that he's done. do i dare face any regret at all?