cant believe i made it just in time for feb 14 valentines day. U guys have no idea how many hours i locked in yesterday to mass edit this chap.
...Loving...
The morning after the next few days, everybody was on the way back to Shiganshina.
Mikasa was in charge of filling you in on what would be waiting for you behind the walls. "Commander Hange's holding a state meeting in the afternoon."
"To discuss the Marleyan prisoners?"
"Yeah. And probably about you."
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. "Of course."
"But before that, Captain Levi expects you to clean your vacant room, plus the halls, because nobody else lives on the top floor."
"There's work already, fair enough. What else?"
"And there's a welcoming celebration waiting in your name."
You looked at her. "What? Mikasa, that's so unnecessary."
She nodded her chin to Hange at the front. "Tell that to her, not me."
"Hange," you called, turning her head around, "why are you holding a welcoming celebration for me? I do appreciate the thought, but it's unneeded."
"Wasn't my idea either. I wrote to the Premier about the news, and I guess he publicized it. Then I received a letter saying they would gather civilians from all over the walls."
"All over the walls? In tiny Shiganshina? Isn't that going to cause stampedes or something? Don't they all have better things to do? Families to take care of?"
Hange smiled teasingly. "Listen, it's not every day that the people lose their darling Princess for almost a year, and then she pops up out of nowhere. It's like a hero coming back from the dead in a play. And true, some of them really don't have much going on in their lives. At least they're not unhappy that you're returning, right?"
"Right..."
"So just enjoy it when it happens. Some people don't ever get celebrated in their entire lives, remember that."
Connie snickered. "Commander Hange just basically called you ungrateful."
You shushed him up. "But why?" you asked your friends, still unable to wrap your mind around it. "Those people don't even know me. Why would they care to travel all the way to Shiganshina?"
"Do you not realize how likable you are?" Eren asked you.
"Well, of course you'd say that."
"What does that mean?"
You stared at him flatly. "It means thank god you consider me, your girlfriend, likable. Thanks for your unbiased insight, honey."
Eren scoffed, but the rest of your friends giggled.
Upon entering the gates, a banner dropped down, and cheers poured in that could deafen you. Your mind went blank, seeing that the entire town was filled with loads of people, to the point that looking anywhere made you dizzy. The horses continued down the main road, the only path civilians didn't block. Countless kids smiled and waved, overwhelming you to obligation to wave back. Flowers were thrown everywhere to the point the entire Scout regiment was being showered in them. They were right; you really were the people's darling.
"Not that bad, huh?" called out Hange.
"I didn't say it was bad."
"Still annoyed?" teased Mikasa.
"I was never annoyed," you defended.
"Still ungrateful?"
"Connie, shut up!"
You gathered a handful of flowers and chucked it in his face. He broke down into coughs and sneezes.
You glanced at Eren who had been awfully quiet and saw him making another flower crown in his lap. He caught your eye and quickly shielded what he was doing.
"I already saw that."
"Then look away. You're ruining your own surprise."
"I can't now that I've already ruined it."
"Yeah, well, that's your fault." But you didn't listen to him. You kept leaning to the side to get a peek. When he was done, he practically dropped it on your head, muttering, "Here, damn."
You happily fixed its placement. "Thanks."
He rolled his eyes, acting done with your bullshit. "You are likable, okay? And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm your boyfriend. If you haven't noticed already, plenty of people like you already. Is it really surprising there are more?"
"But I haven't done anything. I've never even tried to make them like me."
He shrugged. "Some people just love you because you're you. They love you because they want to. It's your choice if you want to love them back or not."
As you watched him busy himself with waving at the little kids, his words finally struck you. Oh, fuck. Panic started to rise. Love. He'd just hinted at love. Is he trying to get me to say those words? Is that what he's hinting at? But he's acting like he hadn't even made those insinuations, like he'd never said anything at all. Am I reading too far into it?
Eren, unbeknownst to what he himself had just insinuated in the words that just flew out of his mouth, was completely unaware of the internal crisis he accidentally sent you into.
The more you dwelled on it, the stronger the anxiety became. Did he or did he not mean it? Does he want me to say it? You were utterly torn between speaking up or staying quiet. You'd been wanting to say it ever since you realized it, but if you did misunderstand him and speak up, you'd make a fool of yourself. Is it worth making myself look like a fool? But that was the least of your worries. What really pounced around in your brain was, How would he react? What would he say? Would he feel the same?
There was only one way to find out. "Eren."
He looked over. "Yeah?"
You exhaled out a breath to relax a bit. "I want to tell you somethiâ"
"We are here!" announced Hange, getting off her horse in front of HQ. "Chop, chop, everyone! We need to prepare for the state meeting and clean our horses. And ourselves."
"Speak for yourself," said Levi as he headed in.
"You were saying something?" Eren asked you.
You hesitated, but chose to shake your head. "No, it's okay. It can wait."
Maybe when there weren't thousands of people behind you to witness it. Your heart was dead set on saying it, so there was no way around that. In fact, you wanted to say it first. You just had to find the right time.
HQ was exactly how you remembered it to be. When the other settled their things, they grabbed cleaning supplies and followed you up to the top floor, having volunteered to help out.
"Just so you're prepared, nobody's been in there for a month," warned Armin. "So no one knows what its condition is like."
"But I was gone for more than a few. Somebody else has been in my room? Who?"
"Who else?" said Mikasa.
Before anybody else could answer you, the culprit himself spoke up. "At least I cleaned it periodically when I was there, okay?" said Eren. "I couldn't clean it while we were gone, but I was doing it. Didn't see any of you doing it."
"What were you doing in my room?" you asked.
"IâI, wellâI missed you, okay? Just wanted to make sure it was in good condition when you got back."
"He for sure was dedicated, I'll give him that," said Connie. "Spent nights there and everything."
"Shut up! It got late, often! And the halls are dark!"
You narrowed your eyes at Eren. "Did you sleep in my bed?"
"No! I would never!"
"Then where? The floor, again?"
He looked away, annoyed, a soft blush shading his cheeks. "There were chairs."
When you opened the double doors, a pungent scent flowed out, causing you all to pinch your noses.
"Please don't tell me somebody died in there," you mumbled.
Eren pushed the doors open, revealing the room left in the darkness. Specks of dust were shone by the light, peaking through the slips of the curtains. He pointed to the bottom of the curtains. "There used to be a bunch of flowers, but they were rotting, so I threw them out. Guess some of the smell lingered."
You all entered the room, setting the supplies on the dusty table. Jean went over to open the curtains. When the sun brightened the space up, Sasha screeched and made nearly all of you jump. "What the fuck is that?" she whispered, looking up to the ceiling with horror.
In the center of the ceiling, a humongous, furry spider clung to the wooden beams.
"Nope! Sorry, but not today!" Connie frantically shook his head as he put the supplies on the table and headed straight for the door, with Sasha hurrying behind. "Get rid of it, and I promise we'll be back!"
"You're just going to leave us here?" you called after them, but their footsteps had already faded.
Mikasa sighed. "Jean, pass me the broom."
Jean looked so incredibly eager to be of use. He grabbed the broom and offered it to her with both hands.
"Mikasa, careful," warned Armin worriedly. "It could be a mother."
"What difference does that make?" She raised the wooden tip of the broom up, and when she was sure of her aim, she stabbed at it. The gigantic spider fell to the middle of the floor.
"Nice one," said Jean, unable to look away from the creature. "So ... how do we clean this up?"
"Careful, Jean," said Armin as Jean stepped closer. "It's not dead yet. We don't know if it hasâ"
All of a sudden, an army-like swarm of baby spiders crawled out from under the spider, scattering across the floor. You screamed and snatched the broom from Mikasa, landing hits on the floor, but the spiders started crawling up so you were forced to toss it on the ground and let it get consumed by the army.
You ran behind the table."Mikasa, what did you do?!"
"I didn't know it laid babies!"
"I tried to warn you!" screamed Armin. He screamed even louder when a few spiders crawled up his shoes. Jean and Mikasa hurried to help him out.
You wanted to help, too, up until you spotted a line of spiders heading your way. You screeched and jumped up into Eren's arms, with him immediately supporting his arms under your back and legs. He cursed under his breath repeatedly as he backed up into the wall.
A bucket of liquid was dumped all across the floor. The line of baby spiders by Eren's feet stopped moving instantly.
Levi threw you and Eren a look of disdain and gave the same look to the other three. "For the love of god, you people used to train and fight titans."
Eren set you on the ground. You all muttered a round of thanks to your savior.
Levi forced a spare broom into your hands. "Welcome back. Now, get to work."
You cautiously set the broom on the floor and carefully started sweeping up the dead baby spiders. "Never been happier, sir."
* . * .
Hange placed the papers back on the table. "So, that concludes Zeke Jaeger's requests."
The state meeting happened in the late afternoon, as you all had to wait for all the officials to arrive. One of the first carriages to have arrived from the interior was none other than the Premier and the Queen.
Historia had buried you in a tight hug, teary-eyed, telling you all sorts of comforting things such as, "I missed you so much!" "I'm so glad you're okay!" "It must've been the worst few months ever!"
The only things you had really replied back were, "Glad you're okay, too!" "Hope the interior's okay!" And most importantly, "I missed you, too!" Which would've been much more true, if you hadn't almost forgotten your cousin from your mother's side during these few months. You truly didn't mean toâbut with her queen duties, she just wasn't very close to everyone else anymore. Nonetheless, it was still great to see her.
Premier Zachary nodded and gave you a firm handshake, giving you a simple welcome back.
In the state meeting, you were back in your seat next to Hange in the front row. You had put on your white cape with the Survey Corps crest on the back that Historia had brought you. This time, you wore it without any complaints.
You did notice, however, that your journal was not presented in this meeting. It wasn't even brought up in Hange's statement. If Zachary or Historia had known of it, then the book would've been right in front of her like Grisha's journals once had been. In Hange's statement, she only spoke briefly of you and did not give away any details of what she'd learn from the journal about your life in Marley.
Upon speaking your name, Zachary had something to say as well. "I hope Her Highness does understand that she is no longer a part of the Survey Corps, unfortunately."
You snapped out of your drowsy state. "What? Waitâthat's not fair. Hold onâ" You were just about to stand up when Hange set a hand on your shoulder. She gave you a look of warning, and you complied. You'd have to talk about this later.
So Hange continued. "Zeke Jaeger claims that he can save the Eldian people, whose existence is currently under threatâ"
"Absurd!" commented a Council member sharply. "We shouldn't even be listening to this!"
"We're talking about the Beast Titan here!" yelled another. "He turned the people of Ragako into titans and spread terror within the walls! He hunted the Scouts to near-extinction! Now he has the gall to come to us with requests?"
"Don't forget the fact that he kidnapped Her Royal Highness for almost a damn year! Are we trying to go against the crown here?"
"Zeke Jaeger's one and only goal is to steal the Founding Titan from this island," summarized Zachary. "He failed by force, so now he's trying to obtain it through diplomatic means. He once succeeded with obtaining the Fritz-Ackerman for Marley but evidently failed as well. The outcome, thankfully, has been in our favor."
"But we should still assume they'd suspect her death to have been fake, according to the statement," spoke up Pixis. "Regardless, I would still like to hear what Zeke has to say."
Hange raised the papers up again. "Zeke Jaeger claims to have an actionable plan that can solve all our people's problems at once. And to carry this plan out, we would need two key assets: the Founding Titan, and a titan possessing royal blood."
Eren stiffened. The only one to notice it was Armin.
"He says that with both, the world can be saved. However, he makes it clear with one key condition: restrict the Fritz-Ackerman from coming in contact with either of the two assets. He claims he will only reveal the details of his plan after his conditions have been met."
You slouched back into your seat, eager for the meeting to end. And I'm back in this mess yet again. After everything Zeke had done, he still dared to haunt you even from across the ocean.
"He's full of shit!" shouted a Council member. "What kind of feckless idiots does he take us for? Why do we need a titan with royal blood when we have the founder already? And last time I checked, ain't the Fritz-Ackerman romantically involved with the Founding Titan or something? Let the youth have their love!"
You dragged a hand down your face while your friends muffled their giggles behind you. Good god... You forgot they all knew from the last time Hange decided to divert the focus onto you.
Eren stood up. "Zeke is telling the truth."
Everyone turned their full attention to him, including you.
"I remember now that the Founder's power has always been completely impossible for me to use. The only exception was when I touched a titan with royal blood, who I recognized from a picture. It had to be my dad's first wife. Dina Fritz. Zeke is Dina's son. He must know the truth about how to wake the millions of titans sleeping in the walls. How to start the Rumbling and crush the world."
You traced back your memories to that day. The titan on standby did look like the blonde woman you saw in the pictures hanging on the walls of the Jaegers' home. But didn't we kiss before he punched the titan? That meant the titan with royal blood shouldn't have been able to unlock Eren's Founder powers after your effect. Are there exceptions?
"Why did you keep quiet about this for so long?" asked Levi.
"I was concerned for Historia's safety. At the time, I wasn't sure, and I couldn't let her get turned into a titan based on some hunch of mine. The decision wasn't well thought out."
You dwelled on his words as the conversation moved forward. "I was concerned for HIstoria's safety." But wasn't that around the same time he revealed the secret of your blood, even though it had also been a hunch? And wasn't that the time when you had a bounty on your head, not her? We fought over it, too.
But you told yourself to get over it and catch up to the meeting's topic. Whatever happened was in the past, so it didn't matter anymore. You didn't want to give it more thought then you'd already have.
"If everything Eren's saying is true, then Zeke's plan holds up," said Hange.
"Have you lost your mind, Hange?" questioned Nile. "You trust them?"
"Her Highness is sitting right next to you," pointed out another. "We can't risk these Marleyan soldiers to roam the island freely. What if they try to capture her again? Or worse, an assassination attempt?"
"If we were smart, we'd hang them!"
"Not an option," countered Hange. "If we want to protect Paradis from Marley's survey ships, we need the volunteers' help." She continued on with her statement, and when she was done, she sat back down and quietly said to you, "Sorry, Y/n. It's the only choice we have."
You instantly shook your head. "No worries," you told her. "I understand."
"No worries," and yet it made you sick to your stomach. You had just escaped the Marleyans, and now they had to live amongst your home? You tried telling yourself they weren't all that bad, but that wasn't the worst of it.
The man who took you from your home and tried to kill you was the only option to survive for your people. But not a soul in the courtroom knew about that. And you would not want them to know.
He's not on Paradis, you reminded yourself. He can't do shit to me now.
After the meeting, Levi put his squad on cleaning duty. The other officials had left muddy footprints, crumbs from meals, and spilled water on the floor. You went to chase after Zachary and Hange while the others stayed to clean.
Levi called Eren aside. "So, when did you get that hunch of yours?"
Eren tried not to show his nerves. "At the state meeting. Not this oneâthe one from a year ago. After we retook Wall Maria."
"The same day you shared with us about Y/n's powers that can stop yours, right?"
"Right."
Levi tilted his head. "Just out of curiosity, why keep Historia's secret to protect her safety, yet disclose something that could risk Y/n's?"
Eren's stomach sank. "Huh?"
"I'm not accusing you. Just curious." But he sounded anything but. He seemed aware of the discomfort he caused Eren, and he wasn't stopping. "Were you more concerned for only one of them?"
"Of course, I was concerned for Y/n, too," defended Eren. "I'm always concerned for herâeveryone knows that."
"Good, because I ought to remind you that the bounty on her head has never dissolved."
"What? But she's crownedâshe's been crowned since a long time ago."
"Nothing's happened because I'm here," he stated like it was something obvious to know. "And also she's been gone for a while. Point is, watch where you are when you open your mouth. Had that news reached the wrong pair of ears, or if the Premier and the Council had different intentions, she would've been put in danger long before that hairy bastard showed up."
His mind fought to recall why he had told them your secret but not Historia's. It was right at the tip of his tongue, but he just could not remember it. "Sir, please, I swear that I didn't mean toâ"
"I know. Again, I'm not here to accuse, just to remind. You said you were the most concerned about her, so stay concerned. Especially since we're forced to invite outsiders now."
Levi left, and Eren grabbed a broom to join the others.
"So ... Historia's situation was a hunch, but not Y/n's?" asked Jean. Connie and Sasha had clearly been paying attention, too. Armin and Mikasa had been gone to get more supplies.
Eren felt a spike of irritation, fragments of his distress from the chat with Levi. "Eavesdropping now, are we?"
"The room is only so big. And Captain Levi wasn't exactly very quiet."
Eren flung the mop onto the floor, water splattering everywhere. "Well, it isn't any of your business, so stay out of our relationship."
"I'm not prying into your relationship. I'm asking about a good friend."
"There's nothing to ask about."
"Uh, yeah, there is," spoke up Connie. "'Cause see, if it had been my girlfriend, I would've ratted the other girl out without a second thought. No offense to the Queen, but priorities first. Or at least revealed both secrets. But that's just my opinion."
"Connie, it's been a real while since you've actually shut up, isn't it? Is your tongue itchy or something? Do you want me to shove the mop down your throat and clean it for you?"
Connie wrapped his arm around his mouth and backed away. "Did you just threaten me?!"
"I don't know, did I?" he mocked loudly.
"Eren, chill out here, okay?" said Jean. "We were just asking. No need to get so worked up."
"I'll chill out when you keep your noses out of our business."
There was a good five seconds of silence until Sasha couldn't hold it in anymore and mumbled aloud, "You didn't object at all when they talked about Zeke's condition to restrict Fritz-Ackerman from you."
Eren slammed the mop end of the broom on the ground. "That's bullshit!"
"It isn't! Even I noticed it!" pointed out Connie, adding fire because he was petty from the threat against him. "Hell, you even agreed with him!"
"I did not agree with him! I just said the truthâthat my Founding powers can only be activated with a titan of royal blood! It just happens to align with his plan!"
"Yeah, and if you agree with his plan, that means you're willing to follow the condition. That's not very cool, Eren," said Sasha, frowning disapprovingly.
Eren scoffed, utterly exasperated. "Commander Hange was the one who agreed to it! It's not even my job to agree to it!"
You dragged your feet down the hall, head hung low in defeat.
You had first found Hange and asked about why the journal wasn't mentioned. She let you know that she feared the Council might suggest to utilize your new power and do the same thing the Marleyans had done with you. After that, you caught Zachary just before he hopped on his ride back to the Interior.
And here you thought you were stubborn. That old man was immovable. You pleaded your best case to him, how the capture wasn't the Scouts' fault but your own, and that you'd never let it happen again. He informed you that since it was your fault, you could not be trusted as a Scout anymore. You kept on trying to reason with him, but he hopped on the carriage and left.
As much as you were frustrated, you were also exhausted from the sitting through that meaning. Whatever. One day, if there's ever a disaster again, he'll have no choice but to put me back.
You could hear voices arguing in the court room even before you opened the double doors. Heads turned to you at the doorway. They were holding up buckets and brooms as if they were about to brawl. "What the fuck is happening in here?"
All at once, they yelled over each other to explain to you the situation. Even though you couldn't make clear some parts, it didn't take a genius to get the gist of what was happening.
"Well, Historia was in a shakier boat than me, to be fair," you reasoned. "They could've turned her into a titan or something. As for me, they probably would've just put a time restriction or something on Eren and me. Which isn't good either, I admit, but you know what I mean."
"Did it go through one ear and out the other that you were wanted dead at the time?" asked Jean. "And still are!"
"But I survived, right? Look at me, all alive," you gestured to yourself, becoming increasingly impatient because the topic was just so trivial to you. "This is not that big of a dâ"
"Not a big deal for you, of course, because you always end up forgiving his ass," said Connie.
You looked at him incredulously. "What do you suppose I do? Never forgive him and hold a grudge for life?"
"Wellâat least stand your ground or something! You used to forgive easily, but not this easily! You used to scold him or teach him a lesson!"
Now, you were ticked off. "What, you think I became soft?"
"That is not what I meantâI'm just trying to let you see that this situation isn't as small as you act like it isâ"
"It is small to me!"
"See!" shouted Eren, elated that you took his side. "Even Y/n thinks this fight is bullshit, even after all that terrible shit she's been through! None of you know anything!"
"But you do?"
When his eyes met your questioning gaze, his heart dropped. Fuck. "No," he quickly said, "no, I don't. I don't know anything." That didn't affect your curious expression any bit. A splash of water hit the side of his face. "Hey!"
"Cleaned your mouth first, bitch!" Connie hurled the entire bucket at Eren, which he caught.
"This is getting ridiculous!" exclaimed Eren. "Clearly, some people still haven't gotten over their guilt of letting their 'friend' get captured, and now is taking it all out on me!"'
An immediate uproar followed with pointed fingers and traded insults. You sighed, trying to get them to shup up and calm down, but they were too involved in yelling their heads off to notice you.
"At least I was trying to do something!"
"Sleep-walking and dreaming about her corpse was not helping!"
You glanced at Eren oddly. "My what?"
But you weren't heard, and they continued shouting things you were sure they didn't mean. Having watched enough, you threw your hands up, absolutely exasperated, and left.
You came across Armin and Mikasa around the corner, who both asked about the yelling behind the thin walls. You briefly summarized what had happened. "Up to this point, I still don't understand what they're fighting about. First it was about him, and then me, and then them, and then now I have no idea. Does this happen often or something?"
"No, but there has been some unresolved tension since you were gone," admitted Armin.
Something, probably a chair, banged against the wall. Mikasa cursed under her breath and went back to the room to do some damage control. Once it was just you and Armin on the stairs, you groaned frustratedly.
"I mean, was all of that necessary? Why'd they care more about this stuff concerning me more than I was?"
"Because they care about you," he said. "They all probably still feel guilty about what happened. I admit Sasha and Connie can sometimes be missing a few brain cells, and Jean sometimes tells the truth when no one wants to hear it. But Eren can also be a dick sometimes, too," he muttered in the last part. "So ... what did happen during your stay? Because there's still a lot you've left out."
The agitation rose again. "Not now, Armin."
"I'm just thinking that if we learn more about the truth, we might be able to help them learn that it's none of their faults and to come around to some collective common ground."
"Curiosity has always been one of your greatest attributes, but please, don't let it get its way right now," you said with the most patience you could muster.
The next two flights of stairs were a calm but uncomfortable silence. Then Armin spoke up again. "Y/n, you're doing that thing again."
"What thing?"
"Avoiding."
This was the last straw that made the agitation level up to anger. "You don't get it."
"Of course I don't get it because you haven't told us anythingâ"
"Because there is nothing good to say!" You turned to face him, your patience gone. "Do you not think that if I had the time of my life in Marley, I would've told you guys? It doesn't take a genius like you to figure out there's something I obviously don't want to talk about, does it?"
"I'm sorryâI didn't mean to make you mad, I just wanted to let you know that you can trust us."
"And I appreciate that, okay? But I just got back, and the only thing I want is peace. Just peace. I don't have the time to nitpick over insignificant things anymore. I just don't care. I'm just grateful enough that I even got back alive, so please, give me a break."
You left him on the staircase and headed to your room, slamming the door shut.
. * . *
Eren walked to the top floor alone.
He only realized how stupid and immature he had acted after Mikasa and Armin resolved the whole quarrel. Had them shake each others hands and everything.That just left him one last person to mend things with.
He knocked on your door. You hummed in approval, so he entered. You were on the floor, scrubbing remnants of the spider army.
"Hi." He joined you on the floor, taking a rag to help. You shot him a sharp glare, but said nothing. He took it as his cue to do his part. "I'mâ"
"Don't."
He bit his tongue and scrubbed the floor as he contemplated on his next words. "I didn't mean to endanger you," he said in quicker pace in case you cut him off. "I'm sâ"
"I said don't." Your heavy glare, never failing you, averted his eyes. "Apologies don't mean shit if they're not meant for any wrongdoings."
"But I was wrong," he continued. "I don't even know why I told them you secret and kept Historia's, and I never would've done it if I'd known that it could harmâ"
"Eren." You set aside the rag to address him properly. He set his aside too. "I don't care. I don't care if the accident could've ended badly. I don't even care if you'd done it on purpose. Because it doesn't matter. I might've fought with you over this a few months ago, but not now."
You got up to clean the table next. "You know what I was thinking about when I was stuck in Marley? Our last big fight, which ended up in a month of not talking. I remember regretting so much about wasting all that time because I thought staying angry was 'easier' than facing my problems. I never want to waste my time like that ever again. So I don't need your sorries anymore, because I'd always end up forgiving you anyway."
He certainly didn't read about all of that in your journal. Of course you hadn't written about itâyou normally wouldn't get so personal. He even felt honored to be able to listen to your truth, because he knew you not to be the vulnerable type. The emotions catalyzed him to pour out the words before he even know it. "Y/n, I love you."
You froze and stared at him, eyes wide, mouth parted, like a fish fresh out of water.
Shit. He stood up. There's no going back now. "Always have. I never got to tell you that before you were gone. And it's been long past overdue, so I love you. I mean it."
Your hands went to the side of your head. "No."
His heart plummeted. "No?"
"Shit. Noâwhy would youâ" You buried your face in your hands and muffled your groan.
Eren didn't know whether to run or to cry. Honest to god, he wanted to do both. But that would just make this all even worse.
"Why would you say it first?" you complained. "I wanted to say itâand you just beat me to it!"
He stood there with a blank, stone-faced look. He waited until you were done whining. "Do you fucking know that I was seconds away from a possible heart attack? I could've died from that!"
"What? Why would you have a heart attack?"
"I thought you didn't love me back! Or at least, not anymoreâ'cause Sasha told me you did!"
"Are you insane?! Of course I love you! All I could think about the entire time away was you!"
His aggravation disappeared instantly. "Really?" he asked with a delighted little smile.
"Yes, really. I love you, too, okay?" you said, sounding out each word. "I'm just pissed because I really wanted to say it first."
"Well, I'm not sorry. 'Cause I wanted to say it first, too."
You scoffed. "Just pass the bucket. I won't be able to sleep at night knowing there's leftover spider corpses by my bed."
For the rest of the evening, he and you cleaned and tidied up your room. He opened the window to let the rotted flower scent out. You repositioned Jean's great sketches of you.
"So how much do you know?" you asked him during break, sharing a bread and an apple on the floor against the wall. "The journal?"
He was reluctant to answer. "The entire thing. Please don't let the Commander or the Captain know that you know. They'll kill me."
"Why?"
"They want me to look out for you. And Captain Levi said that if I told you I knew the truth, which meant I found out you lied, we'd fight. Which," he shrugged, "he was honestly right about."
"I wouldn't have been mad if you'd just asked me," you said. "Again, I might've in the past. But I don't see the point anymore because it gets you nowhere but feeling like shit. Also, this fight didn't start with us. It was because some of you started rattling off your heads."
He rolled his eyes. "It was not our proudest moment, we all eventually agreed on that."
You sighed. "I didn't have my proudest moment today, either. I accidentally yelled at Armin. Only because he would just not stop asking me about Marley."
"So ... would you want to tell me about it?" he asked unsurely. "Obviously, you don't have to. But I'm here. I'm listening."
It took you a few moments of hesitancy, but you gave in. "Remember that time we talked about Reiner? What we'd do when we met him again? Well, I did."
He scoffed. "Is he still pathetic?"
"Oh, you won't believe how much more pathetic he's become."
"I'm definitely listening now."
You shared with him the Warriors, along with their titans. You spoke about Magath and Dr. Galliard, too, to which he wrinkled his nose in disgust. But when you brought up the two kids, realization struck. "Oh, shit. I missed her tournament this week. I told her I'd go, too."
"Do you want me to row you back to Marley for the match?'
You shot him an unamused look. Then you spoke about his grandparents, which he addressed as "Grisha's parents" because the only grandparents he'd ever known were from Carla's side.
"Also, I burnt down their house. Thought you should just know that."
His eyebrows flew up. "Oh. Okay, well, they deserved it."
You furrowed yours. "No, they didn't. They were actually very good to me."
"Letting you get used as a human blood bag under their roof was not good for you. Therefore deserved," he said. "Wait, why did you burn it down?"
"To fake my death."
His eyes bulged. "What?"
You proceeded to guide him through your little escape plan. You left out tiny details here and there, such as your fear of fire, or the reappearing time locket, but he listened intently the whole way through.
"That actually worked?"
"No shit, how else am I sitting beside you right now?"
"But it couldn't have been that easy."
You gave him an incredulous look. "I almost got shotâyou think that's easy?"
"No, not that partâthe part when you were still in Marley. I mean, the timing was perfect. The army being away in war, and there just so happened to be a ship headed for here. Are you sure they bought it? And they won't come for you?"
"If they were stupid, they'd buy it. Except they're not. But if they were smart, they'd focus on more important things on hand. Which, I believe, is the case right now."
"I'm going to kill them if they ever come here again."
You snorted. "Yeah, right."
"I will. I'll do it."
"Not with Levi and Hange there."
He pointed a finger at you. "Then that's your cue to distract them while I carry out the crime."
You lightly swatted his hand away. "Like they'll buy it."
When you leaned in, he'd already met you halfway for the kiss, one of those sweet, chaste, leisurely ones. Like time belonged to you both to shrink and stretch as long as you desired. Then you traded with him the three words again, and your lips remet.
The rest of the evening was just you and him, in both of your own worlds behind closed doors, cleaning and dancing around in the sunset. No more arguments broke out. Nobody else intruded into this word. You never brought up Zeke and he never asked either. It was a night that could last for ages, the most perfect there could ever be.
*
Im gonna shut up for once in honor of valentines day and just appreciate this romance packed chapter.
Happy valentines day!
Me living the dream: