...Teaching...
Before you knew it, a few weeks passed by.
On the weekdays, you were scheduled to train with the Marleyan army, specifically with the Warriors. But since neither was a challenge, you were also assigned to help out the younger candidates in your spare time.
On the weekends, you'd visit Dr. Galliard. Sometimes, Porco would be there, making small talk as you got your blood drawn out. Then, you'd often accompany the Jaeger grandparents when they'd go out to the grocery store, the park, the shops, whatnot.
You didn't expect to be there still, but it wasn't too insufferable. At least you had new subject matter every day to document in your journal.
Though, nothing was more enjoyable than getting to be Shadis 2.0.
"Come on, chop, chop! Faster, you little chickens!" you yelled at the kids running around the track. "Imagine a big, fat titan with eyes gouging out and a hanged tongue chasing you! Rahh!!" The kids all screamed and sped up.
Porco threw a judgemental side-glance at you.
"What? It's called motivation."
"You mean fear?"
"It works, that's what matters." You spotted a figure trailing behind the group. "Be right back." You headed over and matched your speed with him. "What's up, titan-meat?"
Falco was nearly out of breath. "I can't...I can't keep up. I can't do this. I'm never going to be a Warrior. I'm never going to make my mom proud-"
"This is where I stop you," you held up a hand, "and tell you that there's nothing more pathetic than self-pitying. It's weak, it wastes time, and it gets nothing done. You know what you can do? Work harder. 'Cause it'll all pay off the day you succeed."
"But I'm too slow! I'm not strong enough, not like Gabi. And I'm hungry." His stomach grumbled at the perfect timing. "See?"
"Tell you what." You took out one of the wrapped candies Pieck gave you. Falco's eyes glittered. "I'm titan-meat. You're the titan. You want this sweet, tasty little thing? Come and get it."
"Wait! But that's not fair! Your legs are longer!"
"I'm already going as slow as I can! Come on now!" You waved the candy up in the air. Sure enough, he sped up.
"What the hell..." muttered Porco, shaking his head in bemusement. He turns to a familiar face joining him. "Honestly, Reiner, she's nothing like you've described. You said she's brutal, cold-hearted, and goal-oriented. Tell me what we're looking at right now?"
"She and Falco are running in circles around a tree."
"That's just some girl who likes to have fun while helping somebody out." He rolls his eyes as he mutters, "'Cold-hearted' killer my ass."
"I might've mischaracterized her a bit."
"A bit? You're going to make me believe that every other Island Eldian is like her and that we've all been lied to." He snorts. "Imagine that."
Reiner didn't carry on the conversation. He'd described the Scout version of you, but he was watching the Cadet version. The girl he had once become friends with. And maybe, he hopefully thought, he could start over with you again. Being friends. Because you really knew how to be a damn good one.
At the end of the last lap, you purposely slowed down until Falco caught up to you, hugging your arm. "Oh no! I'm titan-meat! Yeah, yeah, here you go." You dropped the piece of candy into his hand.
He grinned through his fatigue. "Thank you, Ms. Y/n!"
You smiled. "Y/n's fineâ"
"Hey! That's not fair!" You both turned to Gabi, angry like a bear cub. "You finished last and you get candy?! I finished first! It should be mine! Give it!"
"Uh...okay..." Falco reluctantly opened his palm up, but you put a hand in front of him.
"It was my candy. I gave it to him. Not you, kid."
"Stop calling me kid! I should be the one to have it, not him, the snail!"
You sighed, putting your hand in your pocket. "Looks like I've got one left. Tell you what. Race me here to the cliff and back. If you win, you get the prize. If I win, Falco gets another one."
"Fine, deal! But we run to the racks and back. Not the cliff."
You glanced at the racks with the piles of unassembled rifles on top. You knew what she was going to do. But you still agreed.
"Can't believe I'm actually doing this," mumbled Porco tiresomely as you and Gabi got ready at the starting line. "Ready. Set. Go."
You matched her speed exactly as you both ran. She was much, much faster than Falco. Maybe by the time she hits your age, she'd probably be as fast as you. It'd be hilarious if she were part-Ackerman, too.
When you both reached the racks, she pushed it over. It was supposed to land on you, but the weight on top misbalanced it the opposite way, aiming for her head.
But you grabbed her out of the way before the rack collapsed onto the ground. You returned to the tracks with her tucked under your arm like how Levi once did to you.
"And that's what you get for trying to cheat, Gabi," said Porco. "Imagine if Y/n wasn't there. You'd get flattened like mashed potatoes."
Potatoes. Sasha's hungry ass grin flashed in your mind, bringing you a little smile. "You good, kid?"
"Why'd you do that?" she asked, the quietest you've ever heard her speak. "I was trying to hurt you first. And then you saved me from getting hurt."
"Like a pile of steel was going to do any damage. Smart move though. If I were you, I would've pushed me into that rack since I weigh less."
"Don't encourage her, please," added Reiner in the background. You didn't acknowledge him.
"But it was still a creative little stunt. And for that, you know what, here." You placed your last wrapped candy in her palm. "Good work."
She glanced up at you, eyes wide. "But I didn't win."
"Neither did I."
"But the rulesâ"
"Were made by who? Me."
"Butâ"
"Who's game was it? Oh, that's right, mine. Who gets to decide who gets the prize? Me. All me. Call it unfair all you want; guess that's just what you get for making a deal with the devil," you told her, poking her forehead. "Where's Pieck? I'm starving. She said something about bringing me to corn?"
Porco covered his mouth from laughing. Reiner was the one who corrected you, "She said 'court.' The food court."
Gabi's eyes trailed after you as you left the field with the others. "Come on, try it, Gabi," encouraged Falco, chewing the candy in his mouth. "It's really good!"
"Falco...she's nothing like a devil," she mumbled, staring at the candy in her palm. "Nothing like it."
"Honestly, more like an angel, right?"
"I was so mean to her. But she was still nice to me. Why was I even mean to her, Falco?"
"Uh, 'cause you thought she was a devil?"
"But I...didn't even know her." Your advice from the other day about not judging people was slowly starting to make sense. "I was so wrong."
Falco eyed her untouched candy. "So are you gonna..."
She shoved him. "Don't even think about it!"
*
Sasha would thrive in a place such as this---she'd set up a camp and live here forever. Porco, Pieck, and Reiner brought you to the food court with dishes you've never known existed.
You dropped your head on the table, hugging your stomach. "Good god, I feel like my insides are about to burst."
"Feeling like you're about to give birth? I feel like that after every meal," said Pieck, slurping her spaghetti.
"Give birth? What do you mean by that?"
"You know, give birth," said Pieck. "So much food in your stomach makes you feel pregnant, right?" You made a puzzled face. "Don't tell me you lost your memories of how babies were made."
"Of course, I remember where babies come from. Storks deliver them."
All three of them turn to you. Porco looked like he was one second away from laughing while Reiner averted his eyes quickly. "Y/n," Pieck gently took your hands into hers, "who the hell told you that?"
"Is it not common knowledge?"
Porco faced his body away, bending over from quiet laughter. "There's no fucking way. I need a minute, hold on." He got up and walked outside.
"Reiner, is this a part of Paradis culture?" asked Pieck.
"Iâno?" Reiner looked more clueless than you. "I don'tâI don't recall them ever teaching us about storks? Y/n, where could you have possibly learned that?" No wonder she never got with Eren, he thought.
"How would I know? I don't remember."
Porco fast-walked back and slid back into his seat. He took in a deep breath as if bracing himself for what was to come. "Okay. Never thought we'd have to have this conversation with you before the kids grow up, but oh well. Here we go."
Then Pieck and Porco proceeded to explain to you exactly how babies were made. In depth. Reiner stayed out of it but didn't look any less embarrassed, with his hand covering his red face. A few people who passed walked even faster. Your jaw was dangling the entire time. Somebody could've popped in a rock and you probably wouldn't have noticed.
"And that's why the more traditional people wait until marriage," Porco finished. "Well?"
"So...so how does it work with two men and two women? And can men get pregnant?"
"That's the first thing you ask?" He shook his head. "You're something."
"Biologically, they can't," said Pieck. "But maybe if they tried enough, it could be possible. Who knows? If humans can turn into titans, perhaps men can get pregnant." Porco barked out a laugh.
"Right...so tell me more about the pleasure thingâ"
Reiner cleared his throat. "I think that's more than enough for the day. We should head on back."
"What? No, I want to know more."
Porco hit Reiner's arm. "Forgive this prude; he likes to keep his mind 'pure.' Something to do with his trauma from Paradis."
You wanted to scowl, but you held it back. The fuck trauma does he have from Paradis? He's the one who caused trauma.
"Yes, please forgive this prude for having social awareness, as we are in a public space, if you can't see for yourself."
Due to his demand, they did stop. Though Pieck told you to go to the library in the back if you wanted to know more. Or to the pharmacy, or ask the Jaeger grandparents. Over your dead body would you plague that elderly couple over something like this.
Later at night, you scribbled away under the lamplight in Fey's room. Your daily entries included anything and everything you remembered learning. Names and roles, little sketches of locations, and detailed descriptions of their weapons. Hange would definitely be reading them as a bedtime story.
You wrote about the three you spent every day with. They were fun people to hang around. But they were not the L/n Quartet. You missed having your sister. You missed having the smartest best friend ever, almost like your brother. Shit, he may as well be. And you missed him.
You hoped they at least missed you a little bit, too, and hadn't just written you off as dead or something. They probably wouldn't do that, would they?
Your hand paused, the ink trail coming to a halt. "Shit.." You scribbled out those few previous sentences.
Because somewhere along the line, you had accidentally written a whole paragraph of nothing but four words over and over again.
...̶E̶r̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶E̶r̶e̶n̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶E̶r̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶E̶r̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶..
*
The kids were working on archery today. Rules go that they had to master the old-fashioned weapons before moving on to the advanced ones.
"Pretend that's the tastiest candy you've ever seen. Imagine the vibrant, attractive color. Imagine its sweet taste melting in your mouth," you told Falco. He shot it and almost hit the bullseye.
He gasped. "That was the secret to it the whole time?!"
"Never underestimate the power of food," you high-fived him. Sasha would be proud of you for saying that.
Then you moved on to Gabi. She'd already snapped a bow in half and was on her second one. Once she noticed you, she kicked the snapped bow on the ground under the sacks. "I hate this," she grumbled. "This is so stupid. I don't need to learn archery. I can do better with a gun."
You leaned against the fence. "You hate it 'cause it's stupid, or 'cause it's hard?"
"I just hate it."
"Because you're not good at it."
"Stop reading my mind!"
You snorted. "Alright, spit it out. What's challenging to you?"
She hesitated to answer. "My aim's bad. And it's getting worse and worse the more I try."
"Maybe it's because you're fired up all the time. Like a burning kettle."
"Are you here to pick a fight or help?! 'Cause I'm totally down for that too!" she yelled, balling up a fist, although her face showed the opposite of confidence.
"Just show me your form." She reluctantly did as told. "My goodness, loosen your grip up a little. You're going to choke the bow to death." She loosened it. "Straighten up. Pretend a string's pulling you up by the top of your head." She rolled back her shoulders. "Okay. Now, I want you to imagine that target is me."
She snapped her head to you. "What?"
"You hate me, don't you? I'm a devil. If you're such a saint, then shoot me. I'm right there," you said, pointing to the target.
"I...I don't hate you," she mumbled.
"But I'm still a devil, right? I'm a bad guy. So stare into that target and imagine my face. Imagine that I, I don't know, slaughtered your family or something. And you're taking revenge." Am I giving her too much advice? But that fiery glint in her eyes was a look you knew all too well. The last thing you wanted to do was blow it out.
Bullseye. She screeched and mindlessly threw her arms around you, then staggered back immediately. "Sorry!"
"Don't be sorry for getting excited," you said, smiling. "Just remember: keep calm, stay focused, and maintain your clear goal. But really, keeping calm is the first step to finding the solution to everything."
"Thank you!" she exclaimed. Now, she was seeing you in a completely different light. "I want to learn more from you! Can you show me how you do it, please?"
"Why not." You took a larger bow and arrow from the racks. You pulled the string back. But a sudden spike of pain struck the inside of your arm and the arrow slipped. Yet it hit bullseye anyway.
"Woah, that was crazy! That arrow went straight through the target board! Do you see that?!" Your bow dropped to the ground. "Ms. Y/n?"
You rolled up your sleeve. A bruise was forming on the inside of your elbow with streaks of red under your skin. "Damn."
"What happened?" She peered at it and gasped. "Falco!"
"What happened?" He rushed over, peered at it, and gasped. "Porco!"
"What's the matter?" Porco headed over. You showed it to him and his eyebrows raised. "Shit, what'd you do?"
"Nothing, just shot a bow."
"I think it's the photobomy acting up."
"Phletomoly."
"Whatever. But I don't think the side effects are supposed to look like this. How often do you go again? Every week?"
"Twice a week now, actually."
His eyebrows jumped up. "When did this start?"
"Since two weeks ago. They told me the experiments were working very well. So they need more to start putting it to actual use."
"Why? You do know that's very harmful, right?" he asked, genuinely concerned. "It takes 4-6 weeks for blood cells to completely replace. And 8 weeks for the average person to wait to get their blood drawn the next time. The fact that they cut yours short to a week was alarming enoughânow they want more? They've already got, what, fifteen bags of your blood?"
"Your mom said it was fine and she's a doctor, so I don't know. She said my Fritz-Ackerman blood works differently than the average Eldian blood." You rolled your sleeve back down. "Whatever. It'll probably go away later. Where were we, Gabi? Oh, look, it hit bullseye." You turned back to Gabi and Falco. "Put the bows neatly back on the racks. Lunchtime."
"You sure you're okay?" asks Porco. "'Cause I can ask my mom for you. Maybe she could reconvince whoever that's signing off on these decisions."
"Pretty sure the person signing it off is Magath. Can she even get a meeting with him?" He didn't reply. "Yeah, that's what I thought.
.*
.*
Mikasa stood under the torchlight. Barefeet. Dress torn and dirtied. Eyes stuck to the ground. The murders of her parents repeatedly played out before her eye's mind, neverending.
"Animals? Eren, who taught you to call people those words?!" scolded Dr. Jaeger.
"Y/n did!"
"I told you to stay away from that girl-"
"And I told you I won't! And it's because of what she taught me that Mikasa's still alive!"
Mikasa glanced up.
"She told me that if somebody takes something of yours, take it back, and take something of theirs. Those animals took the lives of Mikasa's parents and tried to take her, too! I saved her, and I took their lives!"
Dr. Jaeger gripped his shoulders. "That is not your place to decide!"
"If not mine, then whose?! Because if Y/n was here right now, she'd do exactly as I did!"
"That girl is insane out of her mindâyou can't trust a word she says-"
"Y/n?" asked Mikasa timidly. Both Dr. Jaeger and Eren turned to her. "Who...who is Y/n?"
"She's my best friend," said Eren. "She teaches me how to fight back, how to stand up for myself, and for others!" He brushed his father's hand off of him. "And I am never going to stop seeing her!"
Dr. Jaeger could only sigh. "We will talk about this later. Mikasa, it's getting late. You should come with us."
"Yeah. Come home with us," said Eren. "Here. It's kind of cold. And that jacket's probably not helping much." He tossed her his red scarf. Carla knitted him way too many anyway. "I'll even introduce Y/n to you and she'll become your friend. And so will Armin. And so will I!"
"Home? Friends?" She began to tear up. "Okay..."
Mikasa sat on a crate in an alley, arms hugging her legs, under the summer sun. She was waiting for Eren to bring this "Y/n" girl. He'd aleady introduced Armin. She liked him because he was really nice and quiet like her.
But what she really wanted was to meet the girl who basically saved her. Because from her understanding, if this girl never taught Eren what he knew, he would've never saved her. So it all came down to her.
Eren turned the corner, holding somebody's hand. "Mikasa, this is my best friend! The one I've been telling you about. This is Y/n."
"Hi, Mikasa." You smiled and took out your hand.
She took in your appearance. H/c hair, e/c eyes, and a tiny bit taller than Eren. Probably older too. "Hi..." She shook your hand.
"You have really pretty hair."
"Thanks," she mumbled. "You too."
You took out a handful of pebbles from the pocket of your cardigan. "You ever played stone skipping before?" Mikasa shook her head. "You want me to show you? It's fun, I promise." You offered out your free hand.
She hesitated for a moment. But once she saw that your hand wasn't retracting, and you weren't getting impatient, she took your hand. "Yay! Come on, Eren! We're going to the river!" you called out, pulling her down the alley.
Eren followed behind, but Mikasa's eyes were on you. Nobody had ever been this up-front with her before. Nobody this nice.
At the river banks, you did a little demo, tossing a pebble that rippled across the river. "Here. You try now."
She tossed one, but it sunk immediately. "Oh."
"Try tossing it lower." You handed her another pebble.
She took your advice, and it rippled across the water.
"Well, shit! You did it better than me!" You raised your hand for a high-five and she clapped it.
Seeing you so easily happy caused her to smile and laugh a little too. The first time she had in a bit.
A few other girls of Shiganshina whispered down the street. Mikasa met them recently. They weren't the nicest. "Go back to the mountains, Easterner!" One of them shouted, and the rest giggled.
Mikasa pretended she didn't hear them. But you turned around, not a trace of fear on your face. "What was that, you stupid bitches?!"
They gasped. "Oh shit, she's friends with the witch!" They dashed down the street.
"That's right, scatter!" You clicked your tongue. "Stupid girls."
Mikasa blinked. "You told them off. My mom...she would've yelled at me. She told me that mean people would get what they deserve sooner or later. And we shouldn't be mean to teach the mean."
"Well, lucky for you, I don't have a mom," you said smugly, pointing a thumb at yourself. "No dad either. And I don't wait until they get their lesson taught to them. I teach them. And I make sure they get what I think they deserve."
The next time Mikasa saw those girls, they were barfing up bile on the streets. When they spotted her, they immediately ducked their heads. "We're sorry, Mikasa!" "Yeah, sorry!" "We didn't mean to be mean!" "Won't ever happen again!"
Mikasa blinked, watching the girls scatter down the street. Behind a tree, she distinctively spotted a girl with blonde hair facing her, but her eyes were masked by a shadow. The girl pointed a finger up, directing Mikasa's eyes to the branches. There you were, laying on a branch, feet kicked up on the trunk. When she looked down again, the girl was gone.
"Did you have something to do with that?" she asked you.
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"You didn't have to do."
"I know," you said, smiling. "But I wanted to. Nobody gets away with messing with my friends."
Suddenly, Mikasa remembered something. Her mom had been pregnant with her little brother. She was going to be a big sister. And she never became one.
But staring up at you, she wondered if this was how a big sister acted, how she would've been like. Protecting her younger siblings with all her power and playing with them by the river. Being kind and bringing out the fun in them.
"Thank you," she said.
"Anytime, Mikasa. I'm always here."
*.
*.
"Holy shit, Mikasa's still dozing off?"
She was brought awake by Connie's grating voice. She got back up on her feet, rubbing her eyes.
"Good dream?" asked Sasha. "You were kind of smiling the entire time."
"Yeah. I guess it was."
"About what?"
Mikasa passed them both. "Not telling."
"Hey, that's not fair!" shouted Connie. "We gave you time to slack off while we got to work. You have to at least convince us it was worth it. Orâor we'll tell Captain Levi!"
"Go ahead," she said. "Good luck getting him to believe you."
She left him flabbergasted as Sasha laughed in his face. She returned to helping everybody else, like the big sister role she was known for. They all might've assumed she was born responsible and helpful, and if they were to ask, she'd tell them that she only knew how to be one because before she was everyone else's big sister, you were hers.
*
the amount of times in my draft i accidentally wrote "floch" instead of "falco" is so embarrassing
I need to stop attracting myself to angsty and masterpieceful shows...like why did i put myself on arcane...