for each experience I am...
building pillow castles with you,
playing hide and seek in the woods
you can meet me in the cornfield on another afternoon.
I remember listening to my dad's old CDs on the terrace and how it felt like summer,
wearing my black boots to see guns n' roses for the first time,
drying bordeaux red petals between book pages, the proud face of my grandma as she taught me to paint those flowers.
hugging my mom up to saying hi, hello
on the phone and I swear can hear her smile -
every time,
my dad still calling me his blonde angel,
even though I can't confess where I've been again -
I've been running through the rain with you,
each thursday evening after school,
meet me at your place
with my new friends and your silver haze.
from old hip hop music and breakdance
to trips and trains and trance,
I remember all the campfires and outdoor raves
and how hearing your music for the first time put me in a daze,
like reading poetry between daisies on the grass
or watching the stars, lying on the warm asphalt.
all of that and...
tearing up on the bench in my hometown
cutting myself on the edges of the crown
you gave me -
expectations, perfectionism, bloodshot eyes, deprecation and disguise -
I gave myself.
I remember drinking gin and juice on ice
for the very first time
and watching the sun set in orange hues
on your balcony -
for the last time.
stealing shopping carts, playing darts
getting into trouble for art -
coincidents leading me to people who I just know will stay,
the one's I used to pray upon each day,
up to meeting you by surprise -
I remember drinking hot wine outside and the colder winter nights
and falling out of love with you when I wish I hadn't.
falling again, getting up on losses and wins and fails and falls
and scars -
engraved in skin like stars
and the smile that is now mine, glistening tears 'cause somehow somewhen in time
something aligned...
to watch and write
to cry and try
to dream
to scream
to get lost
to be enough
to feel
(to feel everything!!)
and -
to understand
...who I am.
~
~
Hi, hello! <3
this piece is from like a year ago and I just stumbled across it again lately and really wanted to publish it, so here it isss...
So I had this vision for this poem... I wanted it to be like scenes from a movie - different short sequences, played fast forward, recorded on an old vhs camera and then let it end in some sort of firework crash.
An ode to life, to every good and every bad experience and to simply falling in love with what we call "life" itself...
how crazy it is to be so alive! ð«
I know this was quite long, so thank you so so much if you read until here! <3
~
references:
"losses and wins and fails and falls" ~ Lana Del Rey (from 'Money Power Glory')
29/03/2024
xo, Sð¹â¤ï¸