We went to the funeral, where only a few of us were at. My mom's side of the family. The feelings in the air were sad, deep, and all I could do was look down. When listening to the words.
"She couldn't help herself."
For days I could only stay still. Since the moment at the hospital, I have been blank. Been empty, but all so full of regret.
"Annie, come out of your room to eat something." I heard Jisung knock on my door.
"It's been days. Please don't be how I was."
Jisung was morning, but he was doing it differently. I felt like all I wanted to do was lay in my bed, in the dark, with my door shut.
I heard a sigh in Jisung's voice.
"I'm okay, thanks," I muttered.
"Well, I am going back to school now. Just let me know if there's anything you need," Jisung waited for me to say something back, but I could barely get myself to.
I heard him leave and I was sitting there with myself. Wrapping my arms around my legs. Time had gone by some quickly, I had felt like my mom had just passed last night. "Maybe it's just because everything seems so unreal." I shook my head.
I reached over to grab my water from the end table by my bed. I noticed a picture on the table was Jisung and I with our parents when we were younger. I started to have flashbacks to when we were young children, would go on walks and lunch dates together, buy fun things, and laugh a ton. "When did that all change?"
I asked myself, but I couldn't wrap my head around it all. My tired eyes looked at my gleaming phone. I saw I had so many missed calls and texts. From Macy, Changbin, and even Hyunjin. I wanted to answer, but for some reason, I didn't have the strength to. I laid back, with a sigh in my breath.
"What should I do? I can't throw a pity party forever." I covered my eyes with my arm. With a burden on my chest.
"Maybe I should go out and get some food," I slowly got up, feeling quite dizzy. I dragged myself out of my room. I got my shoes on and put on a hoodie. I slowly walked out, with my head empty.
I walked down the road to the convenience store. I carried my arms in my pockets. I looked around the aisle and something stood out to me.
"Ramyun and Kimchi sound good." I shrugged while grabbing the packs and jar. I looked around more and saw a cooler with drinks in it.
"Chocolate milkshake.." I muttered. I opened the door and grabbed it.
I suddenly heard loud voices coming from the opposite end of the store.
I quickly looked over to see Changbin and Minho grabbing packaged steam buns from the shelves. "Let's get some for everybody," Changbin said.
"Yeah, Felix likes the pork ones." Minho nodded as they went up to the cash register. I quickly hid behind one of the aisles.
"One day they decide to come here before school and I have to be here." I had a nervous feeling. I sat there until I heard them leave. I peeped up my head to see them walking away outside. I made a sigh of relief as I bought the things. I was on my way back home quickly as I was sipping at my milkshake. I was struggling with all the things in my hands.
"I must get these things back home so I can cook them," I muttered to myself. As I turned the corner there was someone right in front of me. I almost spilled my milkshake all over.
"I'm sorry," I muttered as I looked up. I felt my heart begin to shake as I saw Hyunjin's face.
"How have you been doing?"
I quickly walked past him, with my heart rushing. I didn't want to see him when I looked like this when I was a mess like this. I quickly closed my eyes and paced to my house, without looking back. I quickly closed the door behind me.
"Why was he right there?" I sighed in relief. I placed all the things on the counter.
A few moments later I heard a knock on the door. I felt my heart start to rush again.
"Why is he..?" I slowly opened the door, expecting Hyunjin but It was someone else. The one person I didn't want to see.
The one person I could never forgive again.
I quickly turned back.
"Annie." I heard my dad speak.
"What..what are you doing here?" I felt my voice stutter.
"What do you think? I came to give you money."
I quickly turned back. "You came back to give us money? and you didn't even come for mom's funeral? What're you an idiot? Psh, please." I rolled my eyes away while crossing my arms. I couldn't help but feel so frustrated.
"I did this to provide for you and Jisung, nothing more."
"Yeah, you never did care. Did you?" I walked off back to my room, if I was there any longer I felt like I could've broken down. I let out a huge sigh when I closed the door.
"Why couldn't have been Hyunjin?" I got mad at myself.
NARRATOR POV
Jisung quickly got his things to the classroom. "Glad to see you back," Felix said. "Where is Annie?" Macy looked around.
"She is still pretty out of it." He sighed as he sat at his desk.
"Oh.." The whole classroom was filled with sighs.
"Hey, everyone. Some steamed buns!" Minho yelled as he entered the classroom. Throwing packets to everyone. "Thanks," Felix muttered.
Changbin noticed Jisung. "Hey."
"Hey." He waved back. Changbin had noticed the down look on his face and noticed Annie wasn't around. "I guess she still isn't doing well.." Changbin felt guilty. He felt like there was nothing he could do. He constantly checked his phone to see if Annie had replied but there was nothing.
"Maybe I could go visit her after school.." He muttered to himself as Hyunjin walked in the back door. He had an upsetting look on his face. He sat all alone.
Jisung was looking back at him, wondering what he was thinking. "Why hasn't he visited Annie yet? Has she said something to him?" He opened up his books. Chan walked in.
"Happy Valentine's day my folks." Chan clapped his hands with a large smile on his face.
"Haha, all my love is to you guys.." He laughed nervously with an awkwardness in his voice. The whole classroom chuckled a bit.
"A lot has been going on, but you all have been great with the preparations."
Jisung had realized what was going through Hyunjin's mind. "Does he want to see Annie today, to tell her? Or to give her something?" He scratched his head.
After class Jisung ran up to Hyunjin before he left the class. "Is everything okay?"
"I should ask you that," Hyunjin muttered.
"Ah, yes. I have and am still grieving but, slowly moving on..but!" Jisung stopped him again.
"Don't you wanna see Annie?" He pulled on his arm.
"Uh, I saw her this morning. But, she didn't seem to want to see me, so.." Hyunjin looked down, with his hand ruffling with something in his pocket.
"Ah, Visit her anyway. I believe you're the only one that could help her right now..or at least she would allow in." Jisung let out a sigh.
"Okay, I guess I could try." Hyunjin shrugged and walked off. Jisung was curious about how he was feeling. "Annie blames herself for it all.." The grief still crept in his heart. "It still hurts but, I know how to get through it now." He shouted in determination. With a bunch of students staring at him.
"Sorry." He coughed.
Macy shuffled through her things. "There must be something I can do for Annie."
"I am sure being here for her is best." Felix tried to say.
"Yeah, but there is always more to it than that. I know she needs her space. But, I want to make an effort for her, you know?" Macy turned back anxiously. "I can't find where I put it."
"Put what?"
"The friendship necklace I was going to give her."
"Oh," Felix scratched his head. Felix was a bit nervous for some reason. As Macy looked around, he couldn't keep his eyes off of her for some reason. "What is this..?" He muttered to himself. He shrugged and looked away.
"Found it!" She shouted as she pulled it out of her bun packet. "Must have dropped it." Macy held it up in front of her face. While Felix was starring at her he started to get an idea in his brain. His heart started to pound slowly. He looked away again with a cough.
"What?" Macy looked back.
"It's nothing." They quickly paced away. They all wanted to be there for Annie, but they knew that she needed time, but also needed shoulders to lean on.
ANNIE POV
I started to pace around my room. "I made some food for you." I heard my dad call. But, I didn't budge. I have held this tingling grudge in me for so long. I couldn't bring myself to even be around him. I noticed that it was already the afternoon.
"Maybe I can sneak out?" I tried to open my window and tried to shove my leg out of it. But, someone had noticed me while walking down the street.
"A-Annie?" Changbin raised his eyebrow. I started to get flustered and lost my balance. Falling to the ground, I got a bunch of grass in my hair. I quickly stood up and brushed myself off nervously. "What're you doing?" Changbin muttered but I heard my dad walking into my room. I quickly pulled Changbin behind the fence, to hide in Hyunjin's yard. We were super close to each other. I peaked behind the fence to see my dad looking around.
"What is-" I quickly covered Changbin's mouth. "Shhh."
"Annie? Annie?" I heard my dad call but walk out of my room. I made a huge sigh of relief.
"W-what're you doing?" Changbin muttered nervously. I noticed how red his face was. I quickly jumped back. "Sorry." I coughed. I looked ahead and saw Hyunjin stopped on the sidewalk.
"Annie?" He seemed to be holding something in his hand.
I felt my heart rushing. Then, I noticed the situation. "Oh, it's not what it looks like." I waved my hands.
Hyunjin looked away with a light scuff. "This is how it is..huh?" he shrugged while shoving the thing in his pocket. "It's fine." He brushed right past us, with a cold glare on his face.
"No! I was just hiding behind the fence so I could get away.."
"Get away from me?" Hyunjin turned back. "It's fine." I saw a gentle smile fill his face. "I understand that. It has always happened, so I understand your reason."
I wanted to call out to him, but I was scared.
But then.
"It wasn't like that!" Changbin called out. Hyunjin quickly looked back.
"Annie was hiding, really. She wasn't hiding from you. But, someone who was in her house. Trust me, she wanted to see you more than anyone." He said in a weak voice.
"Oh.." Hyunjin's eyes flickered around. "I am sorry for the misunderstanding." He stood still on his porch steps. I felt this burning drive inside of me. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to leave Hyunjin alone.
But, I couldn't find the right words to say. The right thing to do. As it started to get dark, I heard a slight rumbling in the sky. I heard someone call out "Annie!" Running down the street. I looked over and noticed Macy running with Felix behind her.
"Annie!" She cried while giving me a big hug.
"How're you? Are you okay?" She looked all over me. "You're super skinny! Let me take you somewhere to eat, ya?"
I nodded in agreement. Looking back to see that Hyunjin had disappeared.
"Yeah.." Then she waved something in front of my face. "Happy Valentines Day! here is a best friends necklace..even though it's corny..I decided I wanted to do something for you." She smiled. I grabbed hold of it.
"Wait.." I realized. "It's Valentines?" I quickly looked back at Hyunjin's steps. Realizing what he was holding in his hands.
"Did he?" My eyes ran around.
"Are you okay?" They all looked at me. I started to feel the rush again, my head and heart were pounding. I quickly ran up the steps and banged on Hyunjin's door.
But, there was no answer.
"Hyunjin.. please let me in," I muttered, with a cry in my voice. I was holding so much back to myself, I was isolating myself, even from the person I wanted to be around most.
"If I want things to be different I have to be willing to change." I door suddenly opened, and before I knew it. I was pulled inside. With Hyunjin super close to me.
"Uh.." I felt my heart rush. I looked down shyly.
"What is it?" He slowly backs up with a look in his eye.
"I am sorry. I didn't tell you anything. I kept all my feelings, everything from you." I felt my chest start to hurt.
"No, I should be apologizing. I wasn't there when you needed me the most. It was because I was scared, scared to bother you. Scared to say the wrong thing." Hyunjin looked away with this sad look on his face.
"But, Hyunjin. You have always been there for me. Have you not realized that?"
His eyes quickly focused on me.
"Without you, I would've kept myself isolated. But, now I realize that's not the right way to handle things. I can't run from my problems. I can't run from people or events that can happen." I felt my eyes start to water as I said those things. I slowly started to realize.
As I looked down, I felt arms wrap around me.
"And it's okay. You don't have to apologize for that. We have our natural responses for dealing with things." Hyunjin had a gentle smile on his face. He slowly pulled me close to him, while lightly rubbing my back.
My heart started to flutter at his words. "He actually accepts me..?" I leaned my head on his shoulder. Never wanting to let go.
"You can always let it out to me, You can always lean on me. Never hesitate again, okay?" Hyunjin said with a soft voice
I slowly started to let the tears out. "I was always afraid of sharing my feelings with people, that's how I have always been. I kept everything out, just living day by day. But, I realized that is not a way of living. I can't live like that anymore. I made that mistake with my mother. I didn't want to accept her fate, then I missed the last moments with her. I don't want to do something like that again. Especially.." I felt my hands start to tremble, as I wiped my tears on Hyunjin's sweater.
He grabbed hold of me tighter. "You don't have to be afraid anymore. You don't have to be alone with you anymore."
By Hyunjin's presence, by his voice, by his warmth and scent. I started to find this peace within me. That I couldn't control who comes into my life, but I could control how I can act on things.
"T-Thank you," I muttered. I quickly wiped my tears while lowering my head. I was embarrassed to look at him.
"I know I can't say much about your mother..but, I do empathize with you. Since I was in a similar situation with my Father. I want to let you know that you're not alone, okay?" He placed his hand on my shoulder and locked eyes with me, with the gentlest of smiles.
"Thank you." I felt the emptiness in me start to fill up. I knew I still felt guilt and sadness. But, I knew that I wasn't alone. So I made a gentle smile back.
"Annie!" I heard someone bang on the door. I quickly opened it up to see that Jisung was in a rush.
"Why didn't you tell me dad was back?" Jisung stressed while anxiously running his hands through his hair.
"Yeah, that's why I was hiding.." I looked down. "I don't even want to see him right now."
"He tried to give us money, right?" Jisung shrugged, releasing a breath.
"Yeah.."
"We can't avoid him forever, though. He's still our father." He turned around to carry his way down the steps. The others were still waiting outside.
I was about to walk out but Hyunjin let out: "Wait."
I turned back to him, to see him looking down, with the shyest of faces.
"What is it?" I felt warmth. He reached in his pocket and handed me a case. "What is this?"
He coughed. "It's a case." He quickly shrugged and ran out of the door.
I slowly opened the case to see a ring, that had a bunch of tiny stars on it. I quickly looked back outside to see Hyunjin, chatting with the others. I felt like my focus was centered on him.
I felt my heart start to thump.
"H-he got this for me?" I muttered quietly as a smile grew on my face. I quickly put it on my finger and shoved the case in my bag.
"Hey, I am willing to go out to eat now." I got the other's attention.
"Ah, is that right? You sure you're alright?" Changbin looked over at me. "Mhm." I nodded.
I honestly didn't know the answer to that but being around them lightened me up. It made me feel more at home.
We all walked together as it started to get later and later. "How have you been this past week? Like, I have been worried about you." Changbin rubbed his nose.
"I am fine. I mean, of course, it's still hard.." I looked down.
"Ah, you got us, remember that, ya?" He tried to look me in the eye and all I could do was quickly nod. "Thanks."
"I can't believe I missed so much work and school, they're gonna end up firing me," I whined to myself while ruffling my hair.
"Don't worry about it. I am sure they will understand because of your situation." Macy said from the back. "I hope so..Maybe I should call Seungmin and ask.." I quickly got out my phone and tried to text quickly, I felt my stress start to fill up. Hyunjin covered my phone with his hand.
"It's okay. Just focus on today, right now. I will take you to work when you're ready." He made a smile. I slowly lowered my phone.
"Wow," Felix said in awe. "Hyunjin, you sure have grown a lot since last year." He shrugged.
"Actually both of you have." Changbin pointed out. I looked around at their faces.
"Really?" I knew that I have changed since the beginning of the year. I don't know where it started or how it happened.
"Even though I have always been around Hyunjin...The day I actually opened up to him is when I started to change. Became a better person, really realized the things I took for granted." I looked down with the thought running around.
"Look!" Macy pointed out. We all looked up and saw Minho holding up a sign.
"Minho?" Felix chuckled. Minho's eyes widened as he noticed all of us. He quickly took off his mascot hat and lowered the sign.
"What are you guys doing and not inviting me?" He coughed nervously.
"Just getting something to eat. Do you mind if we eat at your restaurant?" Felix teased him.
"It's Macy's restaurant too." Minho pouted. We all walked in. He noticed me.
"Annie, hey. Hey. Are you okay? We all were worried for you and Jisung a lot..ever since that day you guys ran out of the classroom so abruptly, we didn't know what had happened." He shoved his hands in his pocket jeans.
"Right..sorry for worrying you guys. A lot of emotions and things happened but, I know I don't have to deal with them alone now." I looked out at the others who were gathering at the tables.
"There's so many of us, where should we sit?" Jisung looked around.
"Come over here, it's the biggest table," Minho yelled. We all went to the corner of the restaurant as the cooks prepared our food.
I was silent most of the time, but, I enjoyed listening to the others, and their stories at school.
"I can't believe I missed that much in the matter of a week.." I looked down. I reached to take a glass of water and Hyunjin had noticed I was wearing the ring. "You're wearing it?"
I nodded shyly. "Yeah, of course."
Hyunjin gently laid his hand on my hand. My eyes widened as I felt my heart start to rush. I looked up quickly at him. He had the biggest smile on his face. Then I heard everyone go silent.
"Uhhhh....guys?" Felix raised his eyebrow.
"Uhhh Uh Uh." We both panicked and let go of our hands. Hyunjin was flustered. "What is it?" He coughed, trying to avoid the situation but his awkward face said it all.
"How about you guys just get married already." Macy glared over at us.
"UH WHAT?" Hyunjin, Jisung, and I all yelled.
"Bruh." Felix shook his head as he saw Jisung's mouth wide open.
"AH ah, if you're going to date my sister, sir." Jisung waved his chopsticks around.
"Are you already drunk?" I let out loudly.
"Treat her well." Jisung had a smile on his face. But, I could tell he was genuine. Laughs filled the table.
"Ah ah, I will." Hyunjin looked so serious, and all I could do was look up at him. I felt my heart skipping.
"D-does that mean...h-he?" I thought as I didn't want to keep my eyes off of him. I slowly started to feel my heart thumping harder, and harder. The pressure on my chest never ceased.
Suddenly I felt a hold of my hand. "Calm down, okay?" Hyunjin whispered to me.
"Yeah yeah." I suddenly snapped out of my head and started to eat quickly.
"You're so pretty when you smile." Hyunjin let out gently as he looked at the food around him. By that remark, I almost choked on my food. "Hm?" But he didn't answer.
"Did he just say..?" I wasn't used to the feeling. I felt my face start to get warmer, but I coughed trying to get my head off the overwhelming feeling.
Just by looking at his face, I could tell that he was worried about me. He didn't want me to get sick. Though, that was inevitable. I accepted it anyway. I decided to have fun with the others, without my thoughts getting the best of me.
After the night quickly came we all said goodbye to each other.
NARRATOR POV
Macy's head laid on the table. She couldn't focus on anything.
"Hey, everyone already left. You should head up to bed." Minho shook her arm. Her head quickly spot up. "Wait, Felix left?" She flustered.
"Yeah."
She quickly got up without thinking. "Hey! What're you doing?" Minho tried to stop her but she was already out the door. She looked up and down the street to try to find Felix, but her vision was blurry. She got dizzy and started to walk. "Felix.." She started to mutter. She wanted to tell him today. She wanted to tell him what was laid on her heart. What has been going through her head? She knew if she didn't do it tonight she wasn't going to do it.
She spotted Felix and Changbin ahead. She tried to get their attention but she was so out of it she couldn't let the voice out. She tripped and ended up tripping over a trash can. They quickly looked back at the noise.
"Macy?" They tried to see in the dark. They quickly ran up to her and helped her up.
"What're you doing out here?" Felix said in his low voice.
Macy's eyes quickly fixated on him. "I wanted to tell you.." She was going to say but was falling asleep. "That I-"
"I-"
"That you?" Felix gulped.
"You're the reason I stayed, okay!?" She let out, without even thinking.
"Macy, you're drunk, okay?" He made a light chuckle.
"No, no. I know. I know how I am when I am drunk I let out what I am afraid to say and now I know not to get drunk around you." She glared at him.
"Yeah," He took her arm.
"Go on, I will take her back." He told Changbin.
"No no, the thing is I, I like you. ya?" She pushed him away and stood firmly.
"W-what?" Felix muttered.
"Yeah, you heard me." She pouted with her eyes closed.
"Really?"
She nodded, then crossed her arms. Felix let out a gentle smile. He quickly scratched his head, as he felt his heart starting to rush in his chest.
Felix slowly walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. He lowered his face and rested it on her shoulders.
"I like you too, Macy." He said gently while patting her back. "Really."
She didn't say anything back because she was basically asleep. But, his heart was racing. He didn't know how to say it, or to express it. But, he had grown to really adore her. Since she was always there, she brought him out of a hard time. Though he didn't know her for long, he knew he had grown to like her.
ANNIE POV
Hyunjin was holding both mine and Jisung's arms. We could barely focus on one another. My head swung back and forth.
"Why did both of you have to get drunk?" He sighed with disgust on his face.
He slowly approached the door to our house, then he remembered something suddenly.
"Right..their dad is home.. what should I do?" Hyunjin started to panic. Both Jisung and I basically passed out in his arms.
"Right I will take them to my house." He went to turn around but the door suddenly opened.
"Excuse me?" He heard a loud voice. His eyes clenched as he turned back around. My dad had realized the situation we were in.
"I will take them." He tried to grab our arms.
"It's okay, I will bring them in." Hyunjin brushed past his arm and lead Jisung to the couch, then picked me up to my room. "Don't lose track of time tonight, Annie. I will see you tomorrow." He said gently while covering me up with a blanket.
He went to leave, but my father had stopped him.
"You're their friend?"
"Yeah."
"Please don't get them in this kind of trouble, they have already been through enough. Do me a favor and leave them alone. They don't need any friends." My father said with a crack in his voice.
"Sorry, I can't do that sir. I have learned, especially with her. I can't leave them alone. Goodnight." Hyunjin quickly bowed and left before things got worse. He almost couldn't contain himself.
"There's no way I could ever leave Annie, No, I can't." He fought with the feelings deep inside him.
"There is a choice I have to make and both of them are hard."
(A/N Hey I am going through all of my chapters and fixing my grammar and etc. So, if I republish some chapters that's why. <3)