Recap:
"What are you doing?" I asked Zeiden stopping him from flicking through more pictures. He looked up at me surprised.
~~~
"Rue!" He exclaimed clearly surprised to see me. He stared at me not saying anything. I could hear his heartbeat pounding.
I slowly stepped closer to him asking, "Zeiden, exactly what are you doing going through my stuff?"
He looked down at the picture he was holding drawing my attention to it. It was a picture of my dad, me, Jake, and Brandon. It was for my 5th birthday. Jake and Brandon were just kids. Who would have known that it would come to this?
I could feel my heart ache for my brother at the sight of him. My little Jake. It had been years since I last saw his face. Or at least the real him. The nightmares of Brandon seem to haunt me every night. I couldn't deal with the sight of them. Not now. Not when Brandon was threatening my life again.
"You shouldn't have seen this." I stated moving over to rip the picture out of his hand carefully placing it back in the box. I began to gather the other pictures dumping them in too.
"Rue," he called out behind me but I ignored him. "Rue!" He bursted out pulling my shoulder back to face him. "Can't you just tell me?" He asked desperately. I looked into his eyes to see the how he was so desperately trying to read my thoughts. "Please." He pleaded.
"Answer me one thing first." I bit my lip knowing I had to tell him. "Why?" I asked with the same desperation. "Why are you trying so hard to find out about me? What is it you want from this?" I searched his eyes.
"Because it's you. Because you are making me feel these feelings that I can't stop. But I can't do this if I don't know what I am getting into. Right from the start you have hide things from me. My past. My memories. And I don't know what else. And I can deal with that. I will deal with that. But this. Your past. I see you hurting from it. I want to know because I want to be there for you. I want to help you." I step back my eyes darting all over the place trying to process what he was saying but he wasn't done.
"That night of Sam's party when you fell asleep you said something about Brandon. And how he wanted to hurt me. Who is he, Rue? Who is this Brandon?" He asked me. I clenched my fists tightly trying to calm myself. It's okay. You can tell him. I told myself taking a deep breath.
"He's my brother." I said feeling my lips tremble and picked up one of the pictures in the box with both my brothers and dad. "My father and brother Jake, Brandon's twin died a few years ago." I whispered feeling my voice break.
"How?" He softly asked curious. If I tell him now, I won't be able to go back. He will know about the things I did about how I have killed. These doubts invaded my head. The insecurities swarming my head trying to stop me from continuing. "I am sorry. I shouldn't force you to tell me. You don't have to tell me." He assured me realizing how hard it was for me to say that.
I could see how he was just saying that to comfort me but I could see how it was eating him alive not knowing. After all this time that I left him in the dark, he finally got something and I knew it it was now or never. I cleared my throat as I went on, "I killed them, Zeiden."
He looked at me confusion and bewilderment swirling in his eyes. "What?" His voice quavered.
"My brothers were twins, two years older than me. They were supposed to be alpha of the pack but my father picked me. At the time I didn't know why but I accepted it so did Jake. But Brandon, he wanted to be alpha. Anyway before I tell you about it you have to know. I wasn't myself that day. There's this thing inside me. It controls me and it is some type of ravage bloodlust or something. I used not be able to even be conscious in the time it took over but now I think I can control it. Or at least I have to try. After all the things it made me do I need to control it." Zeiden looked at me confused but didn't input anything waiting for me to continue. "It's going to be a long story."
I sat on the bed and he hesitatingly sat next to me. It was now or never. I licked my lips continuing, "I was around 14, I think when it happened. My father got into a challenge with a rouge leader for his position. It was so out of nowhere. That day I still remember playing with Jake, " my voice broke at his name but I continued, "We were um...laughing and playing in the house when we went outside to see the challenge. My father lost in that fight. He was the strongest wolf I had ever seen but that day he was so hurt and injured. I ran to him even though I wasn't supposed to and I angered the other alpha. I was so stupid and reckless. When he began to insult me, my father still protected me making the other man kick my father again. I just snapped I don't really know but all I can remember is being so damn angry, watching; I couldn't help it and I guess it triggered my shift...."
Flashback
"Dad? Jake!? Jake!" Brandon called out desperately shaking Jake as I backed away. He checked Dad's pulse howling in pain before checking Jake's.
He gasped realizing they were dead. "What happened, Rue?" He looked up at me tears falling. "Who the hell did this?!" He shouted and the pack slowly return at the sound of his voice.
I looked down at Jake and dad feeling the guilt choke me up. The tears came out and I shifted back to my human form. "I didn't mean to, Brandon. Please believe me." I said weakly.
"YOU DID THIS!?" He yelled in disbelief glance from them to me. "You killed them?!" He asked not believing it.
"Brandon please. I am sorry." I said falling to my knees crying for the death of my father and brother.
"Monster! They trusted you. We all did! Take her to the cells. She has killed our alpha and one of our pack mate. A crime worth of death." He order the men around. I sobbed as the men dragged me away from Jake and father.
I was locked up in one of the prison cells chained to the wall with only a thin shirt and baggy short on me. For days I cried and cried until I had no more tears to shed. My body dehydrated and my heart heavy.
Thomas came by again trying to get me to speak to defend myself. He told me Brandon has taken alpha position and is killing pack mates. I didn't even turn at the information knowing if I did something it would only get worse.
I woke up to another nightmare or memory of that day. I looked up to see Brandon by the cage doors. "Brandon." I croaked our in my dry and guttural voice.
I heard the doors open and in stumbled Brandon. I sniffed the air feeling my stomach lunge at the smell of alcohol. "You killed them! You killed Jake! Fuck you, Rue! To hell with you!" He screamed at me.
I looked down feeling my heavy heart breaking in guilt. "I am sorry." I said softly.
"Sorry?! You are sorry?! You murderer!" He seethed punching me. I gasped in surprise. He hit me.
"Brand-'' I was cut of by a kick to the stomach.
"You don't get to be sorry! You don't even get to die. You deserve to feel pain and I am going to make sure you do, every day." He said stomping down his foot on me knocking the air out of me.
He continued to punch and kick me until soon I lost conscious.
***
It lasted for weeks until Thomas, Mason, and Kyle were able to break me out during a rouge attack.
I shifted trying to help my pack but lost control. When I woke up, I saw the same scared look in their eyes from that day. I ran away. I couldn't take all the looks and accusations.
That was how I meet Sam.
***
I came back to the pack half dead. I lost conscious a few miles from the pack house found by one of the pack mate who heard Sam's cry.
"Rue? Rue! Hey Rue your up." Thomas said next to me. I looked around to see that I was in my room.
"Tho-'' I felt my voice break feeling the throat for water overbearing. I winced touching my throat.
"Here." Thomas pushes a glass of water to my hands. I greedily ripped the glass from his hands chucking it down. My throat instant felt better with the cool liquid flowing down my throat.
"Thanks," I said once I finished the glass that's when I realized where I was, "Thomas! What about Brandon?" I asked my voice trembling when I spoke his name. Flashes of the beatings and broken bone entered my mind.
"Don't worry he doesn't kn-'' he was cut of by a loud earthshaking roar. Thomas turned to the door eyes widen cursing under his breath as he began to pick me up. "We have to go, Rue. Come on." He said but I protested.
"Wait! Where is the baby?" I asked noticing he was nowhere to be found. Before I could begin to panic, Thomas assured me, "don't worry he's safe but we have to get you out. Now!" He emphasized picking me off the bed in father's under construction house. He had started to make this house for us to live away form the pack but...then...that happened.
I shook my head away from those thoughts as Thomas lead me to the window telling me to jump. Just as I was about to move to the window, the room door was slammed open flying of its hinges.
In walked Brandon, his cold furious eyes on me. He body shaking as he barley maintained control of his wolf.
"Go, Rue. I will hold him back. Go!" Thomas shouted at me standing in a protective stand blocking me from my brother. My brother growled moving towards Thomas.
No! I will not run anymore. I will fight for that baby I found. I will fight for my friends. I will fight for my pack.
Brandon lunged at Thomas growling but I pushed Thomas aside shoving my brother to the wall across the room. "Run! Thomas run!" I moved Thomas to the door but he resisted.
My brother began to get back up from the mirror glass he crashed against groaning. "Take the baby, Thomas. Keep him safe. I will find you." I pleaded to Thomas turning back to Brandon as he lunged at me shifting.
I used one hand to grip his neck pushing it down on the floor and the other on his shoulders to hold him down. My legs pinned the rest of his body down as he struggled under me.
I looked up to see Thomas still in the room. "Go, Thomas!" I shouted and was thrown off Brandon in my distraction. I groaned landing a few feet form Thomas.
Thomas helped me up as Brandon stalked towards us but stopped when one of his men rushed into the room. "Alpha! We...were being attack! Rouges! Lots of them!" He informed Brandon panicked.
Brandon looked at the man then at me hesitating. He growled rushing out the room with the man behind him.
"Let's go, Rue. We can slip out. Mason has the baby ready at the border. We can leave." He said walking to the door in a hurry. I didn't move from my spot.
"Thomas," I got his attention, "we can't leave the pack." I said already hearing the screams just a few miles away in the pack house.
"But Rue-'' I interrupted him when he began to protest.
"Thomas, my father told me to take care of them. I might have ran before because I was afraid but I will not run form my people when they are dying. I thought that Brandon might be able to protect them but they need me. I can't leave them to die." I said with hard determination eyes. "You can leave if you want but I will fight." I walked passed him down the stairs.
I smiled when I heard Thomas footsteps follow behind me. We hurried to the pack. When we got there, the place was covered with blood and wolves. Some women and children trying to flee into the woods will the men in wolf form protected them. Then the bodies. So many bodies and blood.
I turned to Thomas. "Thomas listen to me," I gripped his shoulder looking into his eyes, "Go get sedatives and tell the pack to back into the pack house." I ordered as he looked at me confused.
"I am going to shift, but I don't know if I can keep control. In case I can't you have to sedate me." He began to shake his head protesting but I gripped him harder growling at him in an authoritative voice. "It's an order, Thomas."
End of flashback
"After that I shifted. The fight was blurry. All I took notice of was how I slashed through the bodies. I ripped their throats, clawed at them, and bit at them. When I woke up, the rouges were all dead or had retreated. Brandon had disappeared that day too. We looked for him but he was nowhere to be found. It took time for my people to accept me but I never gave up. At first it was because they needed a leader but afterwards they slowly began to accept me." I finished my speech looking down at my hands afraid to he would react. The entire time I talked he had been quiet and hasn't said a single word.
I slowly lifted my eyes to his seeing him look at me with an unknown expression. I swallowed clearing my throat nervously.
He still didn't say a word and instead gathered me in his arms embracing me tightly. Unlike I normally would, I relaxed in his arms feeling comfortable and a huge weight lift from my shoulders. Even my breathing seemed easier.
"I would have really wanted to meet your brother and father. They sounded like they loved you very much." He said slowly in a low voice after a while.
"I am sure they would have wanted to meet you too." I replied sincerely against his chest. After a while I slowly pulled away form him just enough to be able to see him but close enough to be able to feel his warm breathe on my face. I instantly missed his arms around me but had my question where more curious.
"So...you aren't.....afraid of.....me?" I asked biting my lip. I saw him look down at his hands before cupping mine in his. They were so warm and soft and big.
"No." He whispered before he pressed his lips slowly against mine. "Never."