(Unedited â please read Chapter 36 first)
He felt Farrah squirm beneath him and he pressed himself harder against, groaning into her skin. Farrah's hands that were dangling limply by her side was now flat against his chest.
"Stop," she said, but it came out as a breathy whisper.
Ignoring it, Richard nuzzled his nose into her neck.
"Richard, please stop," Farrah said again, this time clearer. But he continued ignoring her tightening his grip on waist.
It happened so quickly that he felt as though he had whiplash. Frowning and with his jaw clenched, he looked at Farrah. Her hair was a mess of tangles and she was breathing harshly as she looked at him with wide, scared eyes.
"Did you just....did you just shove me away?" Richard asked incredulous, licking his lips. His hands on his hips as he looked down at her.
"I...I said to stop...B-b-but y-y-you didn't listen," Farrah stuttered wrapping her arms around her.
"Why?" he ground out. "Why stop? We were both enjoying it, so why stop?"
"R-R-Richard, it's w-w-wrong," she said, still a stuttering mess.
"How is this wrong? Why won't you let me love you?" he bit out. "How is me showing you that I love you is wrong?"
He watched as Farrah licked her lips and looked anywhere but at him. Her fingers caught in the ends of her hair as she looked for an answer.
"Richard...my faith...it...it...it frowns upon this..." she waved her hand at the space between the two of them and swallowed nervously.
"Bullshit," he spat roughly. "You've just woken up and realised that I can't offer you the perfect fucking fairytale, that the prince is defect and you want out."
"No!" she exclaimed with wide eyes, "That's not true!"
"That's right, it's not true. You've always known that I wasn't right in the head," he laughed bitterly. "You've never wanted me."
"N-n-no, baby..that's not true either," she said, her throat clogging up with tears.
"How convenient, calling me 'baby' again. Is this in a bid to make me believe you? Because I don't," he spat harshly.
"It's complicated, you've got to believe me on this. I've never not wanted to be with you. I've been attracted to you since the night we had dinner at Dishoom. I've wondered about how kissing you would feel like more than you know. I've dreamed about waking up next to you, in your bed, more than you can imagine." She said her eyes tearing up. "I've never not wanted you...", she whispered.
"Then let me love you," he said closing in on her. Threading his hand in her hair again he pulled her close, his breath warm on her lips, "You won't have to wonder anymore, you won't have to dream anymore."
He watched her close her eyes, and the tears leaked out. "I can't...please Richard. Please, stop this," she begged him.
"I can't. I need you," he stated that so simply that Farrah opened her eyes and looked at him in incredulity.
"You need me," she stated blankly. "You need me? You need me so much that last night, I found you in a right state â not with one but two women, neither one of them was me; touching you...groping you...putting their filthy hands all over you...is that your version of needing me?" she said her voice getting stronger, sharper as she pushed him away again.
"If that is your version of needing me, it is and will never be the same as my version of needing you," she spat out bitterly at him.
They watched each other in tense silence, Richard clenched his jaw and fisted his hands.
"Have you ever told me that you loved me?" he asked. She didn't answer as she kept watching him. "Have you?" he shouted, and she jumped in shock, gasping.
"N-N-No." He advanced towards toward her.
"Have you ever given me any indication that you fancied me beyond friendship? Have you?" He asked.
"N-N-No."
"I wasn't deep sleep not to know that I told you that I love you that night in your flat. But I should have known..." he trailed.
"What?" she replied nervously.
"That you would be a coward. That you would hide behind your faith and its complications," he said disgust evident in his voice.
"That's not fucking fair, Richard," she said trembling. "Love is not always about the physical," she said nervously.
"You don't get do you...I've loved you all that I can from afar...I can't do it anymore, Farrah. It's twisting me into something ugly inside. That I can't touch you, that I can't kiss you, that I can't bury myself in you. I need you; to have and to hold, so much more than you can even fathom. The only time I am at peace is when I am with you. And even then, I never get all of you. Is that fair?" he asked, turning the tables on her.
"Let me love you, Farrah," he said, gently pulling her close as he rested this forehead against hers.
"I can't, Richard," she said taking a step back. "This is a matter of my faith, my belief, my whole existence. Please, Richard."
"Then, marry me."
The silence that descended upon them was heavy and stifling.
"No."
When the shock of rejection, started wearing off Richard charged towards her backing Farrah against the wall. "Why?"
"Do you really think that's the answer to this? What did you think was going to happen? You'd convert, marry me, fuck me and live happily ever after?" She saw his eyes widen when she said convert.
"Yes, you'd need to convert. I am a practicing Muslim, Richard. That would be the only way for us to get married. But then what about you, your family, your duties? Did you ever think about all that?" She asked, panting in anger. "No, of course you didn't. All you thought about was the easiest way into my pants."
Richard slammed his on palm on the wall next to her head. Looking deeply into her eyes, he whispered menacingly, "Don't you ever say that again. I don't need to marry anyone to get into their pants. And you fucking know it." He sneered at her.
He pushed off the wall and turned his back to her. "It's funny you know, I lost my mother to her lack of faith. Today I am losing the woman I love to her strength in faith."
"Baby, you're not - "
"Stop," he said cutting her off. "Don't say it."
"What am I not supposed to say?" Farrah said trembling, she knew Richard was going to deal her a crushing blow.
"Don't say that I am not losing you, when the fact remains that I can't have all of you." He said bleakly.
"Baby, I â "
"Leave, Farah."
"What?" she whispered
"I need you to leave. I don't want to see you right now." Richard said it with such clarity and finality, that an ache bloomed in her chest. He doesn't want to see me right now, she thought.
"What does that mean Richard?" she asked, trembling.
"Whatever you want it to mean," he said as he stalked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
Farrah crumpled to the floor and sobbed. How did this happen?, she kept asking herself over and over again. Taking a shuddering breath, she wiped her tears and slowly stood up. She walked around the room to gather her things and quickly left. She ran out of richard's room and bumped into Ben.
Ben was quick to notice the quiet sobbing and tears, but he couldn't hold on to her as she wrenched away from him running out of the suite. As he was about to run after her, Ben heard the sound of glass shattering and ran instead into Richard's room.
***
Alright guys, a double whammy of updates for your reading pleasure.
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