Farrah studied the foam on her hot chocolate and sighed. It's been almost twenty minutes and there was no sign of him. She had already had a long day at Paani, going over inventory and the accounts. She thought it would be quick; meeting Saif, apologizing, quickly drinking her hot chocolate and then heading home. She had big plans in mind; and it all involved her bed. She wanted, no needed to sneak in a quick nap before heading out for dinner with Ben and Charlie. She was beyond exhausted.
It had been only three days since Richard left and it felt as though a part of her was missing. That day when he held her in his arms, it seems like Richard had sneakily took a piece of her heart with him. She didn't notice it at first, especially since her heart had been pounding so hard in her chest, that all seemed fine. But it wasn't, a sense of restlessness took over her when she realised that he had boarded a plane and left for four weeks, all without calling to say goodbye. She hadn't been able to sleep properly since that day, constantly tossing and turning in bed.
Sighing again she took a sip of her now slightly warm hot chocolate. As she put her cup down, her eyes panned up the jeans cladded legs, the black shirt and camel brown trench. Saif had his hair in a low bun again, much like the other night. She gestured towards the chair, silently asking him to sit.
Leaning back Farrah said softly, "I thought you were not going to show."
Shrugging as he sat, "I thought about it, but didn't want to make you believe that I don't have any sense of commitment for anything and anyone." He was using her words against her and Farrah knew it. Rubbing her eyes tiredly, Farrah watched him.
"Would you like anything to drink?" she asked softly.
"No, I'm good. Thanks," Saif said looking away.
Leaning forwards, "Saif, I'm really sorry. I was a raging bitch towards you, and you didn't deserve it, any of it. I'm truly very sorry."
Saif took a moment to study Farrah's face, she did look remorseful, and he knew she was sorry. But everything she said was true and it struck a chord in him. Clearing his throat, he nodded accepting her apology.
Farrah looked at him through her lashes, "Can I ask you something...? Please?"
Said nodded again, studying her. "Why me? Why all that effort? I mean, I'm not fishing for compliments or anything...But why me? Was it because I laughed?" she asked quietly.
Why did he put so much effort in this?, Saif wondered to himself. It wasn't the first time he was rejected, but he never made a game out of it. He had never single mindedly tried to pursue someone who clearly had no interest in him. He shrugged, "Maybe." Haltingly he continued, "I suppose you could say that my pride was severely wounded."
She nodded, seeming to understand something. "I'm not sure if you're aware, but I work in broadcasting. And I am still an intern, at 26. A paid intern, but still an intern. And being a woman, you cannot imagine the number of propositions that have come my way," she explained slowly.
"Men, and quite frankly some women, in power think that the people who are at the bottom most of the pyramid as needy. They feel benevolent that they have power that can elevate our status, and in exchange they want something and it usually is that; sex. It doesn't happen to everyone but it does happen, more so in the entertainment industry. Unfortunately, if you do not have strong connections, regardless whether professional or sexual - the chances of you ever making up to the top of the pyramid is nil."
"Do you get what I'm saying?" she asked still in a gentle tone.
Clearing his throat, Saif said, "Yes, I do."
"I'm not sorry for hurting your pride, though. I mean if laughing can hurt your pride, someone needs to take you down a peg or two," Farrah said cheekily. "But I am sorry for all those things I said a few days ago. It's not my place to judge, and I am really sorry."
It felt like hours before Saif said something, "Can I ask you something, now?" Farrah nodded, signaling for him to continue, "Did you ever accept any of those...uhm...propositions?"
"I'm an intern at 26, Saif. What do you think?" came her smart-arse reply.
He nodded his head slowly, the bits of information slowly fusing to make a clearer picture in his head. "So, you're...well, you're sort off like a good Muslim, then?"
Caught off guard, the hot chocolate that she was sipping on went up her nose and Farrah started coughing, "Yes." She gently dabbed at her nose with a tissue. "And, what the hell, does 'sort off like a good Muslim' mean anyways?"
"You're not wearing a hijab...," he trailed looking uncomfortable. Eyes darting from left to right, refusing to look at her.
Farrah huffed, "Aaaah, it's comments like that...." She trailed. "You do realise that the hijab itself isn't a ruler to measure a person's 'goodness' with?" She watched as Saif shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
He cleared his throat and declared, "Well, uhm...then you should definitely not be having a quickie in a bathroom cubicle then, you know...as a good Muslim girl," Saif said in a joking manner trying to diffuse the tension that he felt.
"I'll keep that in mind," Farrah said her eyes wide and her mouth twisting in an attempt not to laugh. She shook her head at the ease with which Said changed the subject.
"Soooo, you've never....you know," Saif trailed feeling mildly intrigued.
She raised her eyebrow at him and sighed, "No."
"So, what are you waiting for?" Saif asked cocking his head sideways
"Well, aren't you getting all up close and personal..." Farrah said chuckling.
"Well, you should have thought about that before yelling at me in your office," Saif said shrugging, not even once smiling.
"Your guilt-tripping won't work on me, Saif," Farrah said smiling widely at him.
"I can't help it, it's the desi in me," Saif said, looking away as his lips twitched in a smile.
"Can we please stop talking about my sex life, or lack thereof?" Farrah said as she raised her hands to cover her heated face.
"Why? It's so much fun embarrassing you," Saif said teasingly.
"Urgh, don't. Stop Saif, please," Farrah almost whined. They looked at each other and burst out laughing. It had been a while since Saif had genuinely enjoyed conversing with a woman; a conversation that didn't end with the both of them in bed.
The woman in front of him; witty, intelligent, beautiful, mischievous, honest â she was everything he knew he wanted in a partner. But he also realized, for the first time in his life; he had absolutely nothing to offer in return. Not his faith, not his honesty, not even his heart was spared. It all gradually faded out to nothing as he grew into adulthood. Farrah was just way too good for him, and that was a bitter pill to swallow.
They continued chatting for a while until Farrah's phone starting ringing and she answered with a bright, "Hello?"
"Hi, my love," Farrah heard the husky murmur from the other side of the line, and felt heat creep up her face. For a second, she forgot where she was and immediately breathed out a shaky, "Hi."
Her gaze caught the knowing look Saif shot her way and she scrunched her eyes shut. She was almost sure that Saif had already figured out that she was talking to a man; a man that she has feelings for.
"Finally. God, I've missed your voice," came Rich's husky murmur.
"You sound exhausted," Farrah said instead of telling him how much missed him as well. "What time is it there?"
"I was, but I'm feeling better now that I'm talking to you," she heard Richard say, and somehow she could imagine how he looked as he said that. She heard rustling in the background and she realized that he was probably laying on his bed. "It's 15 to 12pm and I just got in after my morning appointment at the school."
"Get some rest. I'll call you after dinner," Farrah said gently.
"Hmmm, you sound awfully formal. Are you out with someone?" Richard asked.
"Yes, I'm having coffee with a friend," she said leaning back in her chair.
"Mmm love, you don't drink coffee," he said with a sleepy laugh.
"Fine, I'm having hot chocolate," Farrah said as she looked at her watch. "Listen, I need to head home soon anyways, we'll talk later?"
"Mmhmm, later love," Richard mumbled.
"Goodnight, Rich," Farrah said softly and cut the line. She avoided looking at Saif as she fiddled with her phone, then her bag.
"Kahaani mein twist, yeah?" (There's a twist in a story, yeah?), Saif said chuckling. He had wondered all that time as they sat chatting, how was she possibly single. And now he knew that he was right, it wasn't possible.
Exhaling deeply, Farrah made a face, "Something like that."
"So, that whole match-making thing with Syafiq was what? A deflection?" he asked feeling offended on his brother's behalf.
"Honestly, it was a last-ditch attempt," She said with a sigh. "And it didn't work."
Saif's brow knotted in confusion, "It didn't work? Meaning...? Meaning, that was a gora, wasn't it?"
Farrah nodded, feeling absurdly guilty at this admission. "And it's tearing me up inside, Saif. Never in all my life, would I ever think that I would be with a gora and here I am, so fucking confused with everything." At that admission, it was as if a volcano had erupted and all the suppressed emotions came bubbling out like hot larva, burning up her throat and her eyes. Everything she had kept suppressed since she first met the prince last November surfaced and she felt out of control. Saif blurred in front of her and Farrah looked away, blinking back her tears.
"Hey, hey...it's not the end of the world. I'm sure your family will be okay with it eventually," Saif said leaning forward. If it was anyone else, he wouldn't have hesitated to put his arms around them for comfort. But with Farrah he found himself second guessing himself; should he touch her, should he not, will she mind? He just kept his hands clenched on his lap.
Farrah laughed through her teary eyes, "The funny thing is, I am pretty sure my dad will be okay with it as long as he knows my partner will love and respect me."
"Then why the confusion, the tears?' Saif asked genuinely concerned about the beautiful woman in front of him.
"While my mum was alive, she used to always tell me never to get involved with a gora. And that is one of the things I can vividly remember her telling me, as some sort of growing up advice. And now, look at me. I'm doing the exact opposite of what she'd said," Farrah shook her head. Laughing sadly, "The worst part is that I don't even have a chance to change her mind, to make her at least like him and give him a chance."
There you go, Saif thought to himself, the same old shit that every desi preaches to their child. He couldn't imagine what Farrah was going through, and he didn't even pretend to. All his life, he did whatever he wanted to do. No one really bothered about him, well, other than Syafiq. But that too was because, Syafiq was simply a stand-up person. Whatever neglect Saif faced from his father and step-mother, Syafiq stepped in to fulfill it; even when they were both merely children. Syafiq was younger than him by three years; but he was the more mature one, the more responsible one. Syafiq was simply the better man between the two of them, in his eyes. No wonder they tried to match Farrah and Syafiq, Saif thought pensively.
He didn't know how it would feel to disappoint a parent, and he didn't know what to say to Farrah that would make her feel better. He watched as she shook her head and plastered a smile on her face. The smile not reaching her eyes like it did earlier. And that thought somehow bothered him. Frowning, he watched as she put herself back together piece by piece; she blinked away the tears, the smile all ready on her face, she tucked a stray hair behind her eyes, and took a slow sip of her hot chocolate. Smiling a tad too brightly, she said, "I'm sorry...it ah...it...it all just came bubbling out. You're surprisingly easy to talk to"
Saif shrugged, he wanted to tell her that it was alright; that it will get better. That she should talk about it with someone, maybe not him, with a close friend perhaps. Because there was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that was telling him to keep his distance from her. It was warning him of the dangers of getting too close to her and for once, Saif was going to listen to his mind. "Don't, worry about it," he said offhandedly.
"Thank you, Saif," Farrah said as she looked at him through her lashes. "For coming today, for accepting my apologies, for listening...for all the flowers. They really were beautiful," she said with a smile. Saif nodded wordlessly.
"You are one of the good ones, you know," she said. Gesturing towards, him she continued, "Beneath all this 'I-don't-give-a-damn' thing you've got going on; you have a huge heart. Thank you."
She smiled at him again; this time her smile lit her eyes making it glow like honey in the sun. Meeting her gaze, Saif felt the tips of his ears go warm as he swallowed the lump in his throat.
***
Guys, Saif is pretty much my fav character. He has so much potential, and I feel like there are so many things I can do with him. Gaaaaah, I really need to finish writing this book!! Like right now!!
Anyways, since I've updated today there are no updates tmrw. I am probably taking a wee bit of a break but I promise there will be chapter updates next week. Homegirl is just a little bit tired and could really use an early night in.
So please, show me the love: share, comment and vote!
Love and peace out.