Chapter 27: Chapter Twenty-Six

Thanks to chuckbass28 for the banner! And for all the others you made that I couldn't fit on :-)

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You know those situations where you’re caught doing something, and no matter how much you protest or attempt to explain, it’s always going to look bad? That’s when you’re struck with the realization that, even if you’re totally innocent, there’s no way you’ll be able to weasel your way out of it. And you’re kind of screwed.

It just so happens that I’m in one of those situations right now.

And when I find myself under the scrutiny of Connor’s gaze, the aforementioned realization makes an appearance. It’s just, you know, in this particular case, I’m not so innocent.

But that still doesn’t stop me from trying my best not to look like I’ve been spying on his and Charlotte’s private conversation, which was definitely not aimed at any type of audience – especially me, the prime topic. Suppressing a small squeak of surprise, I move an inch away from the wall, hoping it looks more like I’ve been casually leaning against it, rather than hunched up in an attempt to remain out of sight. Unsurprisingly, the look on Connor’s face tells me he’s not buying it.

We stand staring at each other for what feels like hours. I’m half expecting to see the sunrise over the horizon, signaling the arrival of morning. However, the presence of the thumping bass from the next room and the lack of light streaming through the windows is enough confirmation that it’s just my warped sense of timekeeping throwing things off.

“Um…” I start, even though I have absolutely no idea of which words are about to come tumbling out of my mouth. I just feel like I need to do something to break the awkward silence consuming the room.

“What are you doing?” Connor asks. His chocolate-colored eyes narrow at me, sweeping me up and down as I try to keep my face as least guilty as possible. Trying to put myself in the mind of someone who hasn’t just been eavesdropping on what was quite clearly a private conversation isn’t as easy as it may seem. His expression’s hard to interpret, but I can tell he’s not exactly overjoyed at my discovery.

“I…”

“Were you listening in on our conversation?”

A wave of guilt and fear washes over me as I stand under his gaze. What am I supposed to do? I can’t exactly admit to it, but there’s no feasible escape route from this conversation, other than faking passing out.

Although with the way my heart’s pounding already, maybe I won’t need to fake it.

“Look, I didn’t mean to, I swear,” I stammer, almost tripping over my words in my haste to get them out. “I was just on my way to the bathroom, and then you guys were there, and I just-”

“Georgie.”

“I panicked, okay? I didn’t want you to see me and-”

“Georgie.”

I pause, looking up at him warily. I’m expecting him to be furious – possibly even foaming at the mouth with anger – but instead, his expression is neutral. There’s no hint of any tension, and instead, he’s staring at me with an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes. He sighs, running a hand through his messy hair. “How much did you hear?”

I bite my lip. “Enough.”

His eyes close for a second and another drawn-out sigh escapes his lips. “Great.”

“Look,” I begin, not giving myself a chance to dwell on how this may or may not be a bad idea, “I... I kind of need to thank you. For defending me back there. You didn’t have to and, well… thanks. It was sweet of you.” I finish awkwardly, trying to gauge his reaction.

It’s not as I expected. A tinge of color spreads over his cheeks and he quickly averts his gaze to the floor – a move usually only made on my part. “W-whatever. It was nothing.”

“Well, I thought it was sweet. Especially in front of Charlotte. Thank you.”

He doesn’t respond, the previously collected exterior fading into a state of awkwardness. His hands twitch slightly by his sides; his gaze remains cast firmly downwards, refusing to go anywhere near my face. I blink at the sight before me, half wondering if my eyes are deceiving me. What is going on with him, anyway? Shouldn’t he be livid at what he’s just caught me doing? I’ve been creeping on their entire conversation, after all. Something which not only consisted of a fiery breakup, but differing opinions on yours truly. Why isn’t he blowing up in my face, threatening me about what I’ve done?

“Connor…” I say, a hint of sadness leaking into my tone, “what happened between us?”

The words hang in the air, stretching almost visibly across the space between us. I keep my blinking gaze fixed on him, but his attention is still turned towards the ground.

“Please.” I try again. “Can’t we talk about this?”

There’s a moment of silence before Connor slowly lifts his head. His gaze meets mine and even though I’m slightly taken aback by its intensity, I hold it determinedly. I feel like, at this point, I should be commenting on the story told by his eyes, or at least their flickering passion, but I don’t notice it myself. All I see is his widened chocolate irises blinking back at me.

Still, that’s enough to hold my full attention anyway.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

I’m about to question exactly what he’s apologizing for, but I’m not given the opportunity. Whatever words are stuck in my throat don’t manage to escape; they’re abruptly halted by the realization that those brown eyes I’ve become so fixated on are getting alarmingly close.

Because Connor’s leaning in to kiss me.

As soon as our lips make contact, I’m transported back to when this happened for the first time in the storeroom. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it seems like we’ve been apart for much longer. Once again, there’s an undeniable spark of electricity and a pounding of what I assume is my heart. I can’t be sure; our proximity and the taste of Connor’s lips are the only things on my mind right now.

It only takes a couple of seconds to recover from my initial shock – and that’s when, inexplicably, I find myself tilting my head upwards and responding greedily to the kiss. My arms snake around Connor’s back, holding him tighter, as if afraid to let him go. It’s as if I’m only semi-conscious of my actions, and only partially aware of the  wrongness of what I’m currently doing. Kissing him cannot lead to good things – that much was apparent last time. Yet for some reason, I can’t resist.

How a simple kiss can contain all of our pent-up emotions and history, I’m not sure, but it seems that way. It’s almost as if all the tension, arguments and silence of the past months have just melted away, leaving nothing but our bond of years ago. My hands trail upwards, tangling themselves in Connor’s hair, mussing it up with every stroke of my fingers.

Of course it’s wrong, but I’m too caught up to ponder on the fact.

In fact, I’m so caught up that I’m barely present in reality. Maybe that’s the reason I hardly hear the door of the gym swinging open, much less let it register in my mind. It doesn’t occur to me that the person – or people – standing behind it may not be the first ones I’d choose to catch Connor and I playing tonsil tennis.

“Georgie?”

The sound of his voice thrusts my heart into overdrive, and shoving Connor away from me is an automatic reflex. What was intoxicating just seconds ago instantly becomes repulsive, and the realization induces nausea from the pit of my stomach. And, when I spin around to make eye contact with the blue-eyed, blonde-haired guy standing just meters away, the feeling intensifies by a million.

I take one look at the hurt in Nathan’s eyes and my world shatters beneath me.

Beside him stands Ava, her mouth open and frozen as she tries to take in the scene before her. Although she’s shocked, it’s not difficult to identify the look of disgust creeping onto her face.

Disgust at me, and what I’ve done.

My eyes flicker between the both of them, despair etched across my features. Nathan’s face is crumbling; the view is so severe it’s as if the shattering of his heart is audible to my ears. “Look, I can explain,” I begin helplessly.

“Save it,” he interjects, his voice on the verge of cracking.

“Nathan, please-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he says simply. He gives me one last look – a look that chills me right to my core, it dawning on me the awfulness of what I’ve done – before averting his crushed gaze to the floor and storming off in the direction of the main doors.

I swallow. Tears are welling in my eyes, the excess liquid blurring my vision so it feels like I’m viewing the world through a shard of broken glass. My gaze wanders to Ava. She hasn’t moved from her spot, but her expression is different – the corner of her lips are turned down, eyes narrowed slightly, and her head moves slowly from side to side in a simple yet crushing motion that only emphasizes my mistake.

Even my best friend is appalled.

“Ava?” I choke, as a tear threatens to roll down my cheek.

She continues shaking her head, folding her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe you,” she states in a low tone. “I didn’t think you would stoop this low.”

“Ava!” I call desperately, as she turns to follow Nathan’s previous path. “Let me explain, I didn’t... I’m not... please...?”

But she’s already gone. I close my eyes and lean back against the wall as the tears begin to trickle down my cheeks. I don’t even have a right to cry – I’m the one who’s caused all this – yet I can’t stop myself. My back meets the wall and I lean against it, weakened by the feelings of regret, loneliness and desperation targeting me. How could I be so stupid as to let this happen? One kiss and everything’s ruined. Nathan – undoubtedly the sweetest guy I’ve ever known – is heartbroken, my best friend hates me and Connor...

Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if Connor went back to despising my guts in the morning.

The thought of him causes me to remember the guy beside me – a witness to this whole debacle – and I lift my head. He’s standing there, brandishing an emotion combining awkwardness, embarrassment and sorrow as he shifts from one foot to the other. Our gazes meet just as another tear escapes my eye, probably taking another coat of mascara with it.

“Georgie,” he starts, his tone soft and wary.

“I need to leave.” There’s no point hearing what he’s going to say; I’m not in that place right now. Every inch of his appearance is another reminder of what I’ve lost tonight. What I’ve sacrificed for one stupid kiss. Another tear adds a gray streak to my face.

He swallows. “Do you want me to take you home?”

“No.” Just standing next to him fills me with shame; a ride in his car is the last thing I need right now. My voice begins to crack. “I think... I think it’s better if we stay away from each other.”

I’m not sure what I’m expecting, but he doesn’t protest. His sorrowful gaze lingers on me for a second before he nods and turns to head back into the gym. A slither of anger courses through me, hurt that he can just shrug this off and head back to the party as if it all means nothing, but the way his head’s cast down toward the floor suggests he’s no longer in the mood. Still, what do I know? Maybe I’ve been trying to kid myself that I do know him, but nothing can change reality: it’s been eight years, and things couldn’t be more different. The guy I vowed to love and care for in the backyard all that time ago is not the same guy standing here, as much as it pains me to accept it. Maybe that’s the real mistake here – thinking that our outdated friendship counted for anything in the present.

The reality? It doesn’t. Connor’s grown up. And me? I’ve become something I’m not even sure I recognize.

What kind of girl goes around making out with another guy – twice – knowing, deep down, that it’s eventually going to hurt almost everyone? And for nothing?

Me.

I can barely press the numbers on my cell, my fingers are trembling so badly. I hold my breath listening to the dial tone, but the moment my ears are greeted with Dad’s slightly bemused “Hello?” on the other line, I crumble. Sobs rack my body, damaging my ability to form coherent words.

“Georgie? What’s the matter?” he asks worriedly.

I try to suppress the noise, but all that leaves my lips is an odd-sounding hiccup. “Can you pick me up?”

The noise of fumbling can be heard, presumably Dad springing to action at the sound of his daughter in trouble. The thought only makes me feel worse. “Of course, I’m on my way,” he says. “You’re still at the school, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

Although he tries to get more out of me, I can’t bring myself to tell him. It stays that way when he pulls up at the main entrance, worry lines creasing his forehead. Wordlessly, I climb into the backseat, no longer caring about wrinkling my dress. Other thoughts are swirling around in my head like a whirlpool, so severe a headache is imminent.

I sit in silence for the entire ride, despite my dad’s numerous attempts to find out what’s wrong. How can I tell him? The most important people in my life now hate me, and it’s completely my fault. I don’t even have the right to complain about it. I’ve broken Nathan’s heart and my best friend resents me for it. Who’s to tell if they’ll ever speak to me again? All I can bring myself to do is stare out the window and pray that this is all some horrible nightmare. At least that way I can steer well away from making this mistake for real.

But I have made it, and nothing on this earth can change that. That much is clear later, when I’ve flopped helplessly onto my bed and wrapped myself in the covers, gripping my cell with quivering hands. My fingers hover over the keys, internally debating what I should do, before I finally give in to temptation and type my message.

I’m sorry.

Nathan’s reply is quick; he doesn’t prolong the agony of waiting. Still, when my phone vibrates signaling the arrival of his answer, I’m hit by something even worse.

I loved you.

Three words, nothing more, which cause everything to come crashing down. The only thing I can bring myself to do is sink into the comforting cocoon of my sheets and wait for the relief of sleep.

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So I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, but I decided to upload it anyway. It's so sad :( But it was kind of inevitable, right? Hope I don't upset you guys too much. I can't believe it's ending soon... but on the bright side, I'm on track for getting my new story worked out :D

Drop me a comment and let me know what you thought. Feel free to send hate for hurting Nathan, I feel bad about it too :( Until next time <3