Chapter 278
LILA
Aurora spoke softly, her words hanging in the silence, in the balance within the pack, seeming to resound within her mind:
âEvery choice ripples through into others. Be sure yours arenât the one drowning someone you care for.â
I glared hard at the paper clutched in my shaking hands on it, Callaâs uneven words across the page read clear as day, the demand, âSow doubt. Make them question him, or Iâll make sure your past comes to light.â
I felt my heart twist, words cutting deeper into me like a knife as I reread the message over and over.
The face of Rowan flashed into my mind, the honesty in his smile, the brightness of his eyes when he spoke about earning again the trust of his pack.
Why does he have to be so good? Why did I have to care?
I lay under a mountain of blankets, smothering, unable to get out. The murmurs of the pack outside my room filtered into my ears, a toneless reminder of how much it would cost me if Calla followed through with her threats.
âWhat am I doing?â I whispered, pacing. âI should have just
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walked away when she first called.
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But Calla knew too much. She was the key to unraveling it all the life Iâd tried to build here.
It was some kind of treachery, a betrayal, to that one fragile. piece inside me that still hoped I could be better when Rowan. betrayed me.
I found him at the training grounds, his form economical as he showed techniques to a circle of younger wolves, voice steady, firm with corrections, yet the patience distinct beneath that weight of whispered concern surrounding his name.
âYouâre gripping too tight,â he told one young werewolf, adjusting the werewolfâs hands on the practice sword. âLoosen up. If your hands are stiff, your strikes wonât flow.â
The wolf nodded, adjusting his grip as Rowan stepped back. âBetter. Now try again.â
Iâd stepped hesitantly at the edge of the open circle, less certain that this was a brilliant notion being nearer to him but then he looked at me with a soft, sudden smile.
âLila,â he said, mopping sweat off his forehead. âWhatâre you doing out here?â
Tripping over my words my readied pretext disappeared.
âI⦠just wanted to, um check on you,â I heard myself saying weakly, managing a smile I made myself affect my face, hoping
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that way the words sounded less strained. Youâve been busy.
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He chuckled low and nodded toward the sparring wolves. âThey keep me on my toes. But itâs good. It feels⦠normal.â
I sat down on a stump beside him, fidgeting my hands nervously in my lap. âYou seem different,â I ventured. âMore confident, maybe?â
He paused, weighing the words it seemed. âIâm trying,â he said. âEach day feels like a chance to prove I am not the wolf I used to
be.â.
The honesty of those words shrunk my chest as guilt chomped down on the edges of my resolution.
âRowan, donât you ever get this feeling like you are fighting a fight that nobody sees?â
He turned to face me; his brow furrowed. âAll the time. But you keep on fighting anyway. Right?â
âRight,â I echoed, barely above a whisper.
We sat there a bit longer, the soft sparring sounds of the wolves. drifting across the field. It was some time before Rowan broke
the silence.
âYouâve been around a lot more lately,â he said softly, still questioning. âNot that I mind. Itâs nice having someone who doesnât look at me like Iâm about to explode.â
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I laughed at the soft, unexpected, even to me. âMaybe I just see what others donât.â
He turned fully to me, his face unreadable. âAnd that is?â
âA wolf who cares too much,â I said without thinking, then hastened to add, âAbout the pack, I mean.â
His lips curled with a small smile. âCareful, Lila. Youâre starting. to sound like a friend.â
The word hit harder than I meant it to, and I made myself turn away. âMaybe thatâs what you need,â I said slowly.
Later, the sun well on its way into the sunset, Rowan and I sat at the edge of the training grounds, younger wolves dispersing this way and that. The coolness of air, the weight of the day settling
over us.
âYou ever think about leaving?â he asked abruptly, his voice low.
âLeaving?â I repeated, surprised.
He nodded, his gaze distant. âSometimes it feels like no matter what I do, itâll never be enough. Like Iâll always be âthe wolf who messed upâ.
I hesitated, the lump in my throat making it hard to speak. âRowan, everyone makes mistakes. Itâs what you do after that matters.â
He gave a hollow laugh. âYou make it sound so easy.â
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âItâs not,â I said. âBut youâve come so far. Doesnât that count for something?â
His eyes met mine, the vulnerability there striking. âI want to believe that,â he said softly.
As we walked back toward the village, this disquiet would not clear itself from my chest. Rowanâs words clung to me, and heavier than ever, this weight of guilt I carried with me was heavier than ever.
âThanks for today,â he said, as we parted ways. âIt helped.â
I nodded, forced a smile. âAnytime.â
But as I stepped inside my room, my heart dropped. A folded piece of paper was waiting for me on my bed, Callaâs spiky handwriting springing up at me:
âMeet me at the edge of the territory at dawn. Or Iâll tell them everything.â
I crushed the note in my fist, her words heavy against me. It was my past, coming to dismantle everything that Iâd so neatly concealed.
I sat at the edge of my bed; night time, still, except for my breathing, broke it.
âWhat am I going to do?â I whispered into the dark.