The next day, I found myself Googling "rules of soccer." Naturally, Liv agreed to go and offered to pick me up since I still couldn't drive. Meanwhile, our other friends were driving together, and Jake was walking over to the field because he lived just a couple of blocks away.
I knew the overall objective of soccer was to get the ball in the goal without using your hands, but that was about it. Once the article I was reading started talking about throw-ins and penalty kicks, though, I lost interest and decided it didn't really matter if I understood the rules; it wasn't like I was going to be out on the field.
After once again struggling to choose an outfit, I settled on wearing my trusty Vans, light blue jeans, a gray Under Armour sweatshirt, and a navy blue jacket.
Liv arrived at 3:30, since the game started at 4:00. I crutched outside and hopped into the passenger seat.
"Thanks for driving," I told her.
"No problem!" she responded, smiling. "I'm honestly surprised you want to watch a soccer game."
"Jake made me feel guilty again," I said.
"You and Jake are besties." She gave me a devilish smile.
"No, we're not."
"Deny it all you want," Liv replied. "You like Jake." She then passed me her phone that had Spotify open. "Can you DJ please?"
Internally panicking, I ended up choosing to play Arctic Monkeys, which was a pretty safe and neutral choice.
And as I arrived I thought I saw you leavin', carryin' your shoes. Decided that once again I was just dreamin' of bumpin' into you.
We pulled into the parking lot next to the soccer field a few minutes later. I noticed Liv checking out our school's team, whose players were warming up. She pulled down the visor and studied her reflection for a moment, while saying, "Why is it that soccer players are so much hotter than any other sports?"
I almost replied with an incredibly accurate answer that I myself had thought about before, but quickly stopped myself. "Let's go grab seats," I said instead.
"You know," Olivia said while grabbing her bag, "Josh Brooks is really hot."
I know. "What, are you into him?"
"I'd never be so basic," she said, laughing. "Every girl at school is crazy into him. They just don't really do anything about it because they feel bad about his last girlfriend."
I didn't respond as we got out of her car and began walking over to the little three-tier bleachers on the edge of the field. Most parents and other students there to watch the game brought their own fold-up chairs to sit in. I saw Lydia and Ben sitting together under a blanket on the bleachers with Sophia next to them. Lydia waved at us.
We took our seats next to them as Jake was just arriving. I sat next to Liv, so Jake sat on the other side of me. He pulled a plastic water bottle out of his jacket.
"Thirsty?" he asked me.
"Not really," I responded.
Jake leaned in close to me and quietly said, "It's Smirnoff, dude."
"Oh, shit." I was about to decline, but then I thought: why not? Solid enough logic. I took the bottle and, unfortunately, took a big gulp of it. I grimaced at the taste and the burning sensation as it traveled down my throat. Yeah, I'd had booze here and there before, but it wasn't usually straight vodka. I ended up coughing, which made Jake laugh.
"Are you okay?" Liv asked me.
"Yup, all good."
"Oh, god." Liv wrinkled her nose. "Is that alcohol?"
Jake heard Liv and grinned at her. "You jealous?"
"After homecoming, I don't think I ever want to drink again," she told him.
"You're no fun," he responded.
I looked out at the team and easily spotted Josh, whose tall stature made him stick out. He was running drills with some of his teammates, sporting jersey number 15.
As I was watching him warm up, he turned towards the bleachers. He appeared to scan the sidelines until his eyes settled on me, and then he quickly turned away.
The game started shortly after. According to what I'd read online, Josh played one of the forward positions, and David played midfield, which was actually pretty similar to hockey. That was really as much as I could or cared to understand.
While we watched the game, Jake and I kept drinking the vodka until I started to feel numb. When I drank, I either had a really good time or a really bad time, and luckily this time was the former. I had absolutely no idea what was going on in the game, though at one point, I accidentally ended up cheering when the other team scored a goal.
"Connor," Liv said, "you should probably stop drinking."
"I'm sober as a judge," I said, then put my hand in the air like I was being sworn into court. "Swear to god." This made Jake, who was just as drunk as me, crack up.
"Seriously, I'm not having you puke in my car, Con," she warned me.
"I won't drink anymore, ma'am," I told her. "I swear on my grandma's grave."
"Okay then, dork."
I tried really hard to get my eyes to focus on the game. At one point I spotted someone dribbling the ball crazy fast down the field, dodging the other team's players, and then scoring a goal. Then I saw the number 15 on his jersey, and broke out into a cheer with the rest of my friends.
Josh looked over towards the stands. His hair was sticking to the sweat on his forehead and he appeared to be breathing heavily. Honestly, he looked hot as hell.
"I fucking love soccer," I said aloud to no one in particular.
"Sure you do," Liv said.
I looked at Jake, who had been surprisingly quiet the past fifteen minutes or so, and saw that he was laid out on the bleachers, sound asleep.
In the last...half? Quarter? Anyway, for the remaining time in the game, I didn't drink anymore vodka, but the effects hadn't worn off; I wasn't even sure how much I had drank. I watched Josh intensely the whole time with a goofy smile on my face. I tried to maintain a neutral expression, but masking my emotions while drunk was a nearly impossible task.
When the game finished, and Clareview had won, everyone cheered for our team. Our friends got up, getting ready to leave. Liv reached around me and smacked Jake on the back, who then woke up, squinting up at her all disoriented.
"Game's over, dummy," she told him.
"Shit," he responded. He did a sort of double take of Liv and casually told her, "You look pretty."
"You're drunk," Liv said back.
He stood up and almost immediately fell, but found his balance at the last second. "Yes I am." Then he added, "My parents are gonna kill me."
Just as I was also considering the consequences of my actions, Liv said to me, "We can just drive around for a bit while you sober up."
"Good idea." I stood up and then immediately sat back down. "Gimme a sec."
Lydia handed me a half-empty bottled water. "Drink this. And please don't give into Jake's peer pressure." She laughed and added, "We're heading out though. See you guys on Monday."
I gave her and Ben a drunken salute while I downed the water.
"Jake, do you want me to, um...drive you home or something?" Liv asked.
"Nah, I'm good, fam," Jake responded while sitting up. "I'm just gonna go home and get an anatomy award for playing a very sober person."
"Yeah, I'm sure you'll definitely win by how well you just pronounced that," Liv retorted.
"I bought it," I said, shrugging. It was meant to be a joke, but I think they thought I was being genuine because I said it with the most serious expression on my face.
"Alright, well, let's go," Liv said, grabbing my arm and helping me down the bleachers, which was not an easy feat due to the fact that I still had my crutches. If I tripped and fell, I would have taken her down with me. Somehow, though, I managed to get down and we made our way back to Liv's car.
"Buckle up," she instructed, which I obliged. "Do you want to drive through Starbucks?"
"Not really," I replied.
"Okay, well it's to sober you up, so I'm gonna do it anyway."
"Yes, ma'am."
She handed me her phone again to play music off of, which was kind of dangerous because my booze blanket was still going strong. Without really thinking about it, I played "Dancing On My Own" by Robyn, and Liv didn't make a comment about my choice.
As we approached Starbucks, my guard completely fell away. It was probably partially the alcohol, but also partially the familiarity of Liv and the way I'd felt guilty from attempting to shut her out. If Liv really loved me as her friend, she would be understanding.
So, as she pulled behind another car in the drive-thru, I finally blurted out, "I have something to tell you."
She turned to me with a look of amusement on her face. "Yes, drunky?" When I didn't say anything, a look of concern came over her face. "What is it?"
I briefly thought about changing course before I said something I couldn't take back. But since I was filled with liquid courage, I barreled forward and announced, "Liv, I'm gay."
I held my breath and braced myself for Liv's response. She turned to me, mouth open as though she was about to respond, but then we were next in line at the drive-thru. Liv hesitated for a second before pulling out of line and parking. My entire body tensed up, my alcohol shield unable to prevent the panic from rising up inside of me as I willed time to stop.
Then, Liv unbuckled her seatbelt and threw her arms around me. I was so shocked I didn't hug her back.
"Connor, I'm so proud of you," she said into my ear.
"Um...what?"
Liv pulled away, her intense blue eyes staring into mine. "I love you. I told you that you could tell me anything, remember?"
I blinked. "I'm sorry but...why do you not seem surprised?"
Liv unsuccessfully tried to suppress a smile. "I've known you for almost my entire life, Con. You're very easy to read."
"You knew?" How was it possible that the only shocked person in this situation was me?
"I've, like, heavily suspected it for a while now," she responded. "Like probably the last couple of years. I didn't say anything because I wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me." She put a hand on my arm while I continued to stare at her, dumbfounded. "I'm so glad you felt you could trust me."
"And you don't hate me? For lying? Or for, you know, existing?"
Liv suddenly looked like she was going to cry. "Did you really think I would ever hate you?"
"No," I said quickly. "Or, I don't know. I kind of thought you were...into me?"
Liv laughed and wiped her eyes. "I mean, I used to be. Back in middle school or whatever. But I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me this. You're my best friend. No matter what."
I couldn't believe how much I had misread my best friend. I also kind of felt like an idiot. A lump formed in my throat because I was so touched by her reaction. My voice cracked when I asked, "Even if I was a serial killer?"
She jokingly rolled her eyes, which were wet with tears. "Yeah, you'd be my best friend even if you were a serial killer."
The relief I felt for telling Liv and the fact that she didn't spew insults at me in response made me overwhelmingly happy. So happy, in fact, that I told her, "I made out with Josh Brooks at the homecoming party and also another guy I met on a dating app."
I regretted it almost instantly, since I knew how scared Josh was about being found out as gay, and I didn't exactly have his permission to tell anyone.
"What?" Liv's mouth dropped open in shock. "The Josh Brooks? He's gay?"
"Liv, you seriously can't tell anyone. Promise me. I probably shouldn't even have told you."
"I won't tell anyone, I swear," she assured me. "But oh my god?" Her face beamed in delight. "That's freaking amazing! I can't believe he's gay!" Then, Liv paused. "Wasn't he datingâ"
"Um, yeah," I quickly interjected.
"Are you guys...?"
I shook my head and laughed bitterly. "No. No, he wants nothing to do with me."
She frowned. "I'm sorry. You like him, though?"
"Yeah," I said through a sigh. "Yeah, I do."
"Maybe things will work out," she told me optimistically. "You never know." After a moment, she added, "It does make more sense why you wanted to go to the game."
I laughed. "I mean, that was one out of...eleven reasons?"
"You're still pretty drunk, aren't you?"
"Oh, definitely."