Chapter 34: Our Secret Moments: Chapter 34

I’M COMPLETELY CONVINCED that it is a universal experience, as a woman, to wake up crying on your birthday.

I don’t know why it happens, but it happens every year without fail. Even when I was a kid and my parents would wish me a happy birthday, the second I opened my eyes and I’d just start sobbing. I’ve never known why, so I’ve just accepted my fate as a Cancer moon that I will wake up having an existential crisis on my birthday.

Elle and Nora know these antics, which is why we’ve all managed to fit onto my small double bed in my room and eat waffles whilst an episode of New Girl plays in the background.

For all of our birthdays, breakfast in bed is an unspoken tradition, so I wasn’t surprised when they came barrelling in here at nine-am this morning with trays of assorted breakfast foods. It’s been a while since we’ve all sat in the same room and it feels good.

I don’t have any plans for the day other than hanging out with these two. I would usually go to a party or something, but this year I’ve been out of my bed more than I’d like and I want to stay in with my girls for once.

I try not to make a big deal out of my birthday, even though I’m pretty sure turning twenty is a big deal, but I can’t bring myself to care. The thought of getting older is mortifying and I know I won’t always look this good forever, so I might as well cherish it whilst I can.

“Oh my god, I love this episode,” Elle exclaims, shoving strawberries into her mouth as she snuggles beside me, her dark brown hair tied neatly into a ponytail. “This is the one where Nick thinks he’s going to die when he gets that ultrasound.”

I sigh, knowing exactly what this episode entails. We’ve probably watched it over a hundred times between the three of us and it never gets boring. It’s one of those episodes in a sit-com where it touches on serious topics whilst still being hilarious. I swear I had to just stare at a wall for a while after it ended.

“Bit of a touchy subject since someone is getting on in years,” Nora mumbles, bumping her arm into mine. She puts on one of her Southern accents. I guess we’re doing this today. Great.

“Okay, calm down. You also just turned twenty, so you’re not that much older than me,” I argue.

Nora rolls her eyes. “Well, I actually enjoy my birthday, and you don’t. I can’t wait to get old and be a grandma. I don’t know if Ryan and I will even have kids, but I want to be someone’s grandma.”

She sighs wistfully and leans over me to look at Elle. “Don’t look at me,” she replies, eyes wide as she holds her hands up. “We all know I’ve not dated anyone since Toby Fisher in the fifth grade and that barely lasted a week.”

It’s true. For reasons none of us can understand, Elle has never dated anyone. She’s been on dates here and there, but nothing ever serious. She loves to joke about how she’s still a virgin at almost age twenty, but I can tell it gets to her sometimes. It shouldn’t matter though. The right person for her will come alone when they’re ready.

Nora rolls her eyes before looking at me. “Don’t look at me, either. Children are heathens. As much as seeing men with children is hot as fuck, I don’t want one inside me and I definitely don’t want one screaming and crying all day.”

Elle hums in agreement. “Mason is an absolute menace. Everyone says they want a brother until they actually have one, and trust me you don’t want one of him.”

Nora blows a raspberry. “You guys are no fun. Connor’s too shy to get a girlfriend, Wes would make some poor girl happy by impregnating her and marrying her immediately because he’d feel bad and Archer… I don’t have a good read on him yet. He either fucks girls religiously and has a set of strict rules, or he’s a virgin.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my throat at her reading of the boys. “He looks like a Viking, there’s no way he’s not slept with someone.”

“Yeah, there’s no way,” Elle mumbles in the agreement.

“I guess I’ll have to take one for the team,” Nora concedes, shoving some fruit into her mouth. “Anyway,” she says, turning back to me. “Don’t be scared of getting older, Cat, be scared of death.”

“That is precisely what I am afraid of, Nor, thank you.”

“Oh,” she whispers.

We just stare at each other, neither of us saying anything. Not because of the morbid conversation, but because when we both start to laugh at how stupid that interaction was, I realise that she is probably the only person besides Elle that I can laugh like that with.

I want to tell her about Connor. I don’t want to lie to her.

I’m going to tell her.

Yep. That’s officially my birthday wish. I’m going to tell my best friend that I’m dating her brother.

I’m going to tell her.

Here goes nothing.

“Nor–”

A loud knock at the door pierces through her laughter and we both freeze, our eyes widening. No one ever comes to visit us unless we accidentally leave something behind in class. We never get our deliveries sent to our door because it’s a service some people only use when they want to pay for it instead of going to the dorm post room.

Plus, it’s more embarrassing for our student delivery guy. Can you imagine being someone’s lab partner and having to turn up to their door the next day because they ordered a vibrator that they can see the packaging of when they pick up the box?

We all get up, using the distraction to place the dirty dishes in the sink whilst I go to answer the door. As expected, Chris stands at the door holding…. A massive bouquet of purple roses in a marble vase. What the hell…

“Catherine Fables?” he asks, his face completely blank as if he doesn’t have the world’s most gorgeous set of roses under his nose.

“That’s me,” I whisper. He shoves the roses into my hand and I almost stumbled backwards. “Who are these from?”

“I am not at liberty to say, but there’s a note somewhere,” he mumbles, peeking into the bush and pointing at a white folded card in the middle of them. “Merry Christmas, or happy Valentine’s Day, or something.”

I laugh. “It’s January 7th.”

He doesn’t say anything else, probably realising it’s above his pay grade to engage in small talk with the students. He turns and walks away as I’m left to look at this gorgeous sight before me. No one has ever sent my flowers before – except from the one time Elle and Nora picked me up some from the grocery store when I had Mono.

I gently move the roses aside so I can pick out the note that rests in the middle of them. It is written in his handwriting, a tiny heart dotted on the ‘I’ in my name.

To my Catherine.

Twenty roses for your twentieth.

I am so proud of you everyday. You’re my favourite person ever.

Love from, Connie.

I hear Nora and Elle’s voices coming from around the corner. Before I can comprehend the sentiment in the note, I shove it into my pyjama pocket.

Nora comes into view first. “Who was… Ohmigod!” Her screech is so loud I move back into the kitchen with them to rest the flowers onto the counter and her mouth doesn’t close. “They’re gorgeous, Cat!”

“Holy shit!” Elle screams, bouncing up and down as she sits on the stool, staring up at them, her head in her hands. “Who sent these to you?”

Since the last game that we all went to, Elle has known something has been going on with Connor and I before I was ready to realise it myself. So, now, as she looks at me with her honey coloured eyes, I can tell she wants me to tell the truth, but I bite the inside of my cheek.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Chris said he couldn’t say.”

Elle frowns as Nora fuses over them. “There wasn’t a note, or something?”

“Nope,” I say, popping the ‘p.’ Elle’s frown deepens and I feel the guilt churn in my stomach. I hate lying, but I’m also terrified as to what is going to change between us when Nora eventually finds out.

“Well, it must be someone from Drayton, because they’re the only people who have access to the Post-To-Dorm system,” Nora explains, still thoroughly inspecting the flowers. She squeals when she looks up at me. “You’ve got a secret admirer, Cat.”

“Apparently,” I mumble, twisting the note Connor left in my pocket.

She squeals again. “This is amazing! We need to figure out who it is immediately and then Elle needs to start dating. Imagine all of us on a triple date.”

“That would be terrifying,” I mutter.

“Definitely,” Elle adds, “You and Ryan are disgusting around each other.”

“Oh, I’m sorry that I love my boyfriend,” Nora retorts. This is an argument that no one will win. We all know this, but Elle likes to try. I use the opportunity to pull out my phone to text Connor about the flowers only to see there’s already a message from him.

CONNIE Do you like the flowers?

They’re gorgeous, Connie. Thank u so much.

CONNIE Only the best for you.

I’ll take you out on a proper date this weekend. Be prepared.

Prepared for what….?

CONNIE It’s a surprise.

Happy Birthday, Cat. I really, really, REALLY like you. Like so much.

Thank you.

I really, really, REALLY, like you too, you idiot.

When I shove my phone back into my pocket, I can’t help the huge smile that is plastered across my face, my heartbeat unable to settle.

For once on my birthday, I don’t feel like the world is going to crash and burn, or that I’m out of place. I’m always going to feel a little lost, that’s just a natural part of growing up, but I don’t feel entirely alone. I know I have the girls and a boyfriend who will always have my back.

“Who do you think sent them?” Nora asks, snapping me out of my daydream as she continues admiring the flowers.

“I’ve got no clue,” I lie, shrugging.

“This is crazy. Someone is clearly head over heels for you and you’ve got no clue. It’s a perfect premise for a book,” she replies, her cheeks turning pink just at the idea. She seems more excited than I am and I know it’s going to crush her when she finds out that it was her brother that sent these to me. “And purple roses. Do you know how rare they are?”

“I mean, those things only happen in books, right?” Elle says, enabling her delusions. “One of the last books I read, the guy filled her whole room with flowers just because he was five minutes late to her birthday dinner. I’m not settling for anything less than that when I eventually start dating.”

“As you should,” Nora agrees and I nod. Elle deserves nothing short of perfect. Nora turns back to me, squinting her eyes. “So, what’s the plan for the rest of the day? Are we going to hunt down this secret admirer?”

I laugh and shake my head. “No, I’m not really interested in finding out who it is. I’ll wait it out and see if they send anything else. As for the rest of the day, I really don’t mind what we do. We can just watch movies all day and pick up a cake from the store.”

Nora frowns. “Are you sure? I’m sure we could put together a party if you wanted.”

“I’m sure,” I say. “A night in with you guys is what I need before we start back at school again. I’m already anticipating another semester of torture.”

“Sounds good,” she replies, turning back to Elle. “You’ve not got training today, do you?”

Elle looks up at us, eyes wide as if she hasn’t been listening. “Guys, don’t think I’m crazy, but I completely zoned out during half of that conversation.”

Nora squints her eyes. “What are you thinking about?”

She sighs wistfully, shaking her head. “Fictional men.”

When we all burst out laughing, I know there is no one else I’d want to spend my birthday with. I might not have got a text from my dad at all today, but I know my mom is looking down at me and I know she’s proud of me.

The call from JoJo at 12 AM solidified the fact that the people that care about me will show up and make an effort, no matter how small the occasion. They are the kind of people who I will dedicate my life to be surrounded by.

My real family.