Chapter 20

He almost died,  repeated over and over again in my head.  Kade sat there looking at me,  waiting for me to say something.  But I didn't know what to say.  How do you react to someone you love telling you they almost killed someone?  I just sat there for a moment staring back at him, as his words replayed he almost died.  I took a deep breath.

"What do you mean almost died what happened?"  I finally asked.

Kade was looking anywhere but me when he finally answered me.  "I beat him until he was out cold much like Grant but this was worse.  He was bleeding out of his nose and his mouth.  He was out for so long he slipped into a coma.  He was in a coma for a month before he came out of it Addi.  I put a guy in a coma for hitting on my sister."  He ran his hands thru his hair and began to sob.  He got up and began pacing the floor as tears ran down his face.

"I'm a monster Addi.  I don't deserve to be happy.  What if someone hurt you huh?  What would happen?  Would I kill them? I can't stop Addi.  Once I start I don't know how to stop."  He was walking faster now pacing the floor.

I didn't know what to do.  I was still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he put a guy in a coma for nothing.  I watched him pace and rant in shock.  Truth be told I was a little scared,  although I didn't think he would hurt me what if he hurts someone else.  Grant deserved a little roughing up but not to be knocked out cold.  Just the thought of what Kade might do if someone actually hurt me terrified me.

He stopped and looked at me.  "Addison please say something."  His eyes pleaded with me.

What do I say?  Does this change how I look at him?  I knew he had a temper hell I'd seen him in action and both times all I wanted to do was help him.  I was never scared of him not at all until now.  I wasn't scared for myself.  I was scared for him.  This was tearing him apart.  He hated himself for his actions and I didn't know how to help him.  How could I fix this?

"Kade come sit down."  He was shaking as he walked toward me and sat on the edge of the bed.  "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

"This story is what Jules was trying to blackmail me with.  She threatened to tell everyone what I did and about my fits.  Especially after I trashed our apartment during our break up."  He sat staring at the floor.  "If you want to run I won't stop you Addi.  I understand if you don't want me now."

Did I still want him?  The thought ran through my mind.  Is this the kind of man I wanted to spend my life with?  Someone who can't control his anger?  But that wasn't all he was.  His temper didn't define him.  He was smart,  so smart one of the smartest businessmen I knew.  He was caring and loving.  He would do anything for me and he truly cared about my happiness.  Was I willing to throw all of that away because of his past?  Just because he had done those things didn't mean he would again.  I calmed him down I could help him control himself.

"Kade I'm not running.  I'm still here.  This doesn't change how I feel.  Your still you.  I don't like or condone your behavior but that was the past.  I can help you through this.  I want to help you.  You need to forgive yourself first though.  Your, not a monster.  You can control it.  You said you've controlled it for the past couple of years."

He looked up at me meeting my glaze.  A tear rolled down his face.  "You deserve better than this Addison.  You shouldn't have to deal with any of this.  I'm so sorry."  He looked so broken that it broke my heart.  I slid over to him and wrapped my arms around him.  He laid his head on my chest and cried.  "Everything will be ok baby.  We can handle this together ok?"  I whispered to him.  At this point, I would say anything to bring back the cocky guy I fell in love with.  Seeing him like this made my heartache.  He took a deep breath and let go of me.   He looked relieved like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Thank you for everything.  You are so amazing.  I'm never letting you go."  He took my hand and entwined our fingers.

I smiled at him.  "That's good because I don't intend on going anywhere."

"Good.  Now is there anything you need to tell me, babe?  Do you have any dirty little secrets?"  He smirked and I saw a glimpse of the cocky guy I first met.

"Well, I don't know if you could handle my dirty laundry, Mr. Jacobs."  I grinned.

"After everything you've heard about my family, I think I can handle anything."

"What if I said I was bisexual in high school?"  I grinned and his eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face.  It was nice to see him smile.

"Oh really? So you wouldn't mind a threesome then?"  He smirked and I laughed.

"Don't even think about it, Kade.  I want you all to myself."  I wrapped my arms around his neck smiling.

"But really were you?"

"Seriously Kade?! No, I was just kidding!"

"So you don't need to tell me anything?" He asked again.

"Not really I don't have any big secrets, Kade.  I have nothing to hide.  You can ask anything you want."

"Well, we're supposed to be getting to know each other better right? So just tell me something I don't already know." He smiled.

"Uh ok. Like what?" I laughed.

"I don't know how about past relationships other than Grant."

"I've only ever had one other serious relationship besides Grant.  My first boyfriend in high school.  We broke up because we got into different colleges.  I thought it was love but now I'm not so sure."

"Really why is that?"  He held my hand tightly.

"Because I never felt anything for them like I feel for you,"  I said slowly.  It wasn't easy being this vulnerable with him,  but I trusted him.

A smile spread across his face.  "You have no idea how happy it makes me hear you say that.  I feel the same way.  No one will ever make me feel the way you do Addison.  My heart belongs to you."  He leaned over and kissed me softly,  as he pulled away he whispered.  "I love you."

"I love you too."  I suddenly had the urge to ask him all kinds of questions.  I wanted to know everything about him.  So I did.  We spent the next hour asking each other random questions.

"So what about the tabloid stories?  Is there any truth to any of them?"  I was curious when I was looking online before I couldn't help but notice all of the different headlines that had come up.

"A few of them have a little truth to them I guess." He shrugged.  He was laying on the bed smiling up at me.

"Which ones?"

"I don't know I haven't even looked at half the stories out there."  He sighed.

"Why don't we have a look then?"  I got up and grabbed my laptop off the table.

"Ok if that's what you want."  He sighed and I nodded.  I typed in his name and the screen filling up with headlines.   The first headline I saw:  Kade Jacobs most eligible bachelor or biggest player?  I held in a laugh as Kade rolled his eyes.  "How am I a player?  I wasn't dating them.  It was just sex.  These people are full of shit Addi."

I scrolled down to find a series of pictures of Kade with random women.  All the articles were the same all wondering if the new girl was his new girlfriend or a fling.  In one of the pictures, Kade was walking hand in hand with Jules.  I sighed.

"Babe if this going to upset you maybe it's not a good idea."

"No it's ok how about you tell me who these women are?  That will help ease my mind."  He sighed.

I went through the pictures and after the first six, he had the same comment.

"One nightstand."   I mean really? I knew he slept around but damn.

"How about you tell me who wasn't a one-night stand that might be easier?" He rolled his eyes.

"I told you I wasn't a saint. Jules obviously wasn't just a one-night thing she started that way. If your looking for girls I actually dated your gonna have to go back about five or six years. Why is that important to you babe? So you can compare yourself to them? Because there is no comparison."

Maybe I was letting my insecurities get the best of me again. All of these women were gorgeous I couldn't help but feel like I didn't measure up. I sighed and closed the laptop.

"Kade, what do you see in me? I mean seriously I look nothing like these women. You clearly have a type and I'm not it."  All of these women were blonde model types and I clearly wasn't blonde or a model.

"Baby why do you do this to yourself?"  He sighed and stood up taking my hand.  He leads me to the mirror in the bathroom and stood behind me.  "What do you see?"

"I see me, Kade.  Nothing special, I don't think I'm ugly or anything but I'm just plain average I'm damn sure not a model."  I looked away from the mirror and Kade turned my head to face the mirror again.

"Want to know what I see?"  He whispered and I nodded.  "I see the women I love.  Who is talented, smart, caring, and takes my breath away.  Your beautiful deep blue eyes make my heart race every time you look at me.  I love the way your cute little nose twitches when you are pissed.  I love the way your long caramel brown hair is spread out all over the bed when you're underneath me.  I love the way your soft skin feels against mine."  He smirks running his hands down my sides.  "And your body is perfect babe you have curves in all the right places. You are my type, Addison. I couldn't ask for anything more. You are everything I want and desire. Don't compare yourself to a bunch of women that couldn't keep my attention. You had my attention from the moment I met you." My knees felt weak and my heart was racing. I couldn't help the goofy grin that was plastered to my face. I turned around looking into his eyes.  "See there's that look I love so much.  I love everything about you baby your perfect in every way."  I blushed and he smirked.

"I'm sorry I let my insecurities bother me."  I wrapped my arms around him laying my head on his chest.  I could hear his heart beating,  it was the sweetest sound I'd hear all day.

"It's ok, I understand if I saw a bunch of pictures of you with different guys it would bother me too."  He kissed the top of my head and held on to me.  "But I want you to know you have nothing to worry about, those women do not mean anything to me.  You are all I want and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you know it."

"I like the sound of that." I lifted my head and smiled up at him.   He grinned and kissed me.  His kiss was full of passion and need.  He lifted me with ease and carried me to bed,  where we made love all night.

When I woke up the next day I was on cloud nine.  I finally felt like we had everything resolved and we could move on.  We had a late breakfast with Darby and Matt who couldn't keep their hands off each other.  Afterward, we all got ready to head to the beach for surfing.

Soon we were at the beach.  The guys were carrying their surfboards towards the water as we got comfortable in our cabana.   "This is awesome!  Do we have a server too?"  Darby asks Emma who laughs.

"Of course we do! A hot one too! But don't you dare tell Ryan I said that."  She giggled.  A tall brown-haired guy appeared wearing swim trunks and a white t-shirt that said cabana boy on the back.  He was tan and you could tell he had a nice body by the way his shirt clung to him.

"What can I get for you ladies this afternoon?" He smiled at us.

"How about a round of hurricanes?"  Darby grinned up at him.

He winked at her.  "Coming right up."  He smiled and walked away.

"Damn he was hot!  Don't you think so Addi?"  Darby smirked and they both turned to look at me.

"Yeah he was ok I guess."  I took off my cover-up and fixed my towel so I could lay down.

"Just ok?  Seriously Addi?  Kade has got you wrapped girl."  She laughed.  Emma smiled at me.

"So I take it you and Kade are doing better?"

"Yeah much better actually."  I blushed I laid back in my chair soaking in the sun.

"Did he tell you everything yet?  I figured he would wait so he didn't ruin your trip."  She gave me a serious look. I could tell she was worried about how I'd react.

"He told me everything Em.  And we are fine,  great actually.  Closer than we were before."  I smiled brightly at her.

"I'm so glad my brother finally has a wonderful woman in his life.  I was afraid he'd never find anyone decent after all those airheads he dated."  She laughed.

"He got around that's for sure. According to the internet, he got more ass than a toilet seat."  Darby laughed.

"Dar! Like your one to talk!" I stuck out my tongue at her.

"You say it like it's a bad thing Addi.  Think of it like this.  At least now he has been with enough women to know what he wants and he damn sure wants you!  He was staring at you this morning like you were the last piece of bacon.  That boy is completely in love with you."  Darby smirked and Emma nodded.

"She's right I've never seen my brother more in love Addi."  Emma smiled at me.  I grinned up at them.

"I want to hear about you and Matt.  I thought you were going to bang him at the kitchen table this morning!  You two we're so caught up in each other you didn't even know we were there." I laughed.

"If you weren't there I might have,"  Darby smirks.  "Matt is great.  He is good at what he does."  She winks and Emma laughs.

"Seriously Dar! What's going on?  Is it just sex?"

"No it's not but the sex is damn good."  She smirks.  "I like him ok?  He is funny and I don't have to try with him it just comes naturally.   With all my other relationships the feelings were forced on my end because I didn't really like them."

"Sounds like a keeper to me."  Emma grinned.