Chapter 19

After dinner, we said our goodbyes to everyone else and went back upstairs.  We spent the night and the whole next day in bed together.  We talked,  cuddled, and did things that would make any woman blush.

Being with Kade like this reminded me of our trip to Vegas and how much fun we had together without all the drama.  I didn't want it to stop so I kept ignoring that part of me that was worried about what was to come.  At one point during the night, I thought Kade was going to bring up whatever these secrets were but he didn't.

When we finally decided to get out of the house the sun was setting.  Kade took my hand and led me down to the beach.  Where we walked hand in hand taking in the beautiful scenery around us.

"This is the best vacation to Hawaii I've been on."  Kade smiled at me.

"Really why is that?  Didn't enjoy all those family trips here?" I grinned.

"Of course I did.  But this is different.  Being here with you like this is special to me.  I love it here and I'm glad I can share it with you.  Just think we can bring our kids here one day and tell them this story."  He stopped walking and looked down at me.

Wait, what!? Did he say our kids?  What kids?  I felt a little panic rise in me.  Kids?  I'd never really thought about kids with anyone.  I loved Kade but I wasn't sure about marriage let alone kids.  Slow down please sir.  My head was spinning.  I stared at him and he chuckled.

" I didn't mean anytime soon unless that's what you want."  He tugged on my hand and began walking.  "You should see your face.  I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Oh well, I uh.." Kids? Really he wanted kids?  I mean I guess I could do that.  I was good with kids and his kids would be gorgeous.  "You just took me by surprise Kade.  I mean I haven't really thought that far ahead before.  I guess one day kids would be ok."

"Having kids with you would be amazing,  you'd be a great mom.  Besides we could have a lot of fun making them." He smirked.

"I'm sure we could.  Let's not worried about that right now ok?  Let's just enjoy Hawaii and get through this whole tabloid thing."  I smiled at him.

He hesitated.  "Yeah, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself.  I've never wanted to plan the future with anyone else Addi.  I didn't really plan much with Jules it just happened and I don't want that to happen again.  I don't want to rush anything with us I just want you to know what I have in mind for the future ok?"  I nodded.

"I understand.  We're supposed to be taking this time to get to know each other better right? So plans would be a part of that."

"Yes, the future is something we should discuss I want to make sure you do everything you've ever wanted.  I want to know what your dreams are so I can make them come true."  He smiled brightly at me and I couldn't resist.  I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

At that moment I fell in love with him all over again.  The fact that he wanted me to be happy consumed me.  I've never had someone who cared so much about what I wanted.  With Grant, it was always about him and that's the way it had been with everyone for most of my life.

When I finally pulled away we were both breathless.   Kade smiled down at me.  "So how about those dreams babe?  What are they?"

"Well my company was always a dream and I have that.  The idea of the expansion was another one but your dad is going to help me with that.  I haven't really thought about my future much I have always just been trying to get through the day.  There once was a dream of a proposal and a happily ever after with Grant but I sure as hell don't want that."  I laughed and he shook his head.  "I have always wanted to go to Paris and put a lock on the Pont des Arts bridge.  It was a fairytale fantasy of mine when I was younger."  I laughed.

"I can give you your happily ever after,  a trip to Paris, and anything else you want you to know."  He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me against him.

"I know you can but do you know what I want most of all Kade?"

"What's that?"

"You."  I smiled at him and a grin spread across his face.  "I don't care about the money or the trips, or even your family name Kade all I want is you. I want to know everything about you so I can love every part of you."

He looked scared as he let go of me.  He sighed and turned toward the water looking away from me.  "What is it?"

"There's a problem with that statement.  You may not love every part of me."  He kept his eyes on the ocean not looking at me.

"I already love you, Kade.  What makes you think that?"  I tugged on his hand trying to get his attention.  He reluctantly turned to look at me.

"Because Addi there are parts of me that I don't like myself.  You've seen how I behave and there are things you don't know."  He sighed.

"Then tell me those things.  Let me in.  That's what this whole trip is about.  So out with it!"  I huffed.

"Not out here and not like this ok?  I don't want you to be upset with me.  I need you to be in an understanding mood when I tell you and I want you to promise me some things first."

"Promise what Kade?  I can't talk if that's what you are worried about I signed that damn confidentially agreement!"

"I figured that's what dad was doing.  Don't be upset Addi he is only trying to protect me."

"I know that.  I'll sign anything you want just be honest with me!  I love you don't you get that?  If I didn't I would have been gone by now!"

"I know that babe.  I will tell you everything I promise I'm just not ready yet."  He held out his hand and I took it.

"Ok but soon please Kade I need to know what's going on."  He nodded and led me back to the house.  Once back inside we had dinner,  Darby and Matt must have been out somewhere because it was just the two of us.

The chef served us and left quickly.  Kade sat across from me.  His glaze never quite met mine I could tell he was lost in his thoughts.  He looked like he was about to explode to tell me but couldn't find the words.  I wanted to drag it out of him but I knew he wasn't ready.  We ate in silence unsure of what to say.  Finally, I reached across the table and touched his hand.

"Sorry I messed up our evening,"  I whispered.  He looked up at me and smiled.

"You didn't.  I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure out how to say the things I need to say.  It's hard for me to open up."

"You don't have to find the right words Kade just tell the truth.  I can handle it."

He shook his head.  "That's just it, I don't know if you can Addi.  Can you promise me that you won't run?  That you'll let me finish?  That'll hear everything before you go off?  This isn't just one secret Addi.  There are years of secrets my family has been keeping.  Things no one knows.  Just me and Dad.  Emma knows some but not the full extent of it.  She was too young to remember some of it and I'd rather her not think badly of her father."

Why would she think badly of her father?  And why did he say her father like that?  Tyler was his father too,  there was no mistaking that,  Kade looked like Tyler.  My head began to spin.  Maybe he was right maybe I couldn't handle whatever he was going to say.  Did I really want to know?  I finished eating not saying anything trying to wrap my head around this.  Years of secrets?  That could mean anything.  And what didn't Emma know?  Would I have to keep something from her too?  My brain was in overdrive with a million different scenarios.  Kade interrupted my internal struggles.

"Babe?  Can you promise me that?"  He asked again and I slowly nodded.  I could try.  He stood up.  "Let's go upstairs."  He took my hand and we went back to our room.  He took off his shoes.  "Get comfortable babe.  This might take a while."  He sighed.

I climbed on the bed and settled in.  "Ok, I'm ready I guess."  Was I really ready to hear whatever this was?  I felt panic start to creep in.  I took a deep breath and Kade sat down across from me in the bed.

"I guess I should begin when I was young so you can fully understand.  My mom had affair before she had me.  There was a time when my dad wasn't sure I was even his.  My mom stopped seeing her lover after my dad almost beat him to death.  She was afraid if she didn't dad would kill him.  My parents loved each other but their relationship was as dysfunctional as they come."  He sighed.  "When I was about six I was playing with Emma who was just a toddler and my dad got drunk.  They were arguing and he beat her Addi.  Bruised her up pretty good.  I heard her screaming and went to see if she was ok.  I was just a kid you know?  Scared me to my core to see my mom bloody and my dad standing over her.  I jumped over her and tried to stop him.  But he just hit me too.  He was in a drunken rage.  He had caught mom on the phone with her lover.  After that I became angry.  Angry at my dad I guess but just angry at the world.  That's when the fits started.  I broke a lot of stuff.  My parents decided I needed help so when I was ten I saw my first therapist.  My parents started couples counseling.  They still had arguments but dad never hit her again and after years of his own rage issue, he got them under control.  Therapy didn't really help me much,  the only thing that calmed me down was my mom.  She was a security blanket." He paused and looked up at me.

"I really miss her. She always knew just what to say. No matter what happened to her she was positive and happy a shining light in the darkness." He sighed. I reached and took his hand. I can't imagine how he feels if I lost my mom it would kill me.

"So anyways the years went on and my little outburst continued. In high school, I broke a guy's nose for simply looking at my girlfriend, Kate at the time. My angry was at its worse. Kate saw me get mad a lot but I never lost it in front of her. She really had no idea what I was capable of. I didn't even know what I was capable of. I just knew I couldn't control myself. I have been controlling myself over the last few years until the whole Grant thing. But anyway back to the point." He sighed again.

"If you need to stop I understand," I told him. I'd never really thought about how much his angry must affect him. He really was a good person, I knew he didn't enjoy the way he handles things in fact he hated himself for it.

He shook his head.  "No, you need to hear this while I still have the balls to tell you.  Grant isn't the only person I've hurt Addi.  There's a reason why I freaked out so bad that night."

"Because you were scared.  I get it you didn't mean to hurt him that badly but he is fine."  I smiled at him and he turned away from me.

"That's true I didn't mean to knock him out but that's not why I freaked out.  It scared me because I thought I'd finally overcome this rage inside of me.  After years of controlling my anger, I saw him on you and I lost it.  Trust me it could have been a lot worse Addi.  He was actually pretty lucky all he got was a few broken ribs.  I'm capable of much worse.  That's why I broke up with you.  I thought I could control myself but obviously, when it comes to you I can't."

"What do you mean you are capable of much worse?  What did you do?"  As soon as the words came out of my mouth I immediately wanted to take them back.  I had no idea what he was going to tell me and it scared the shit out of me.  How bad could it be?  Would I still look at him the same way?  Everything he had already told me had somewhat affected my opinion of his dad,  even though I knew Tyler had changed.  I could see the love he had for his kids and me even.  I could now understand why he and Kade had a strained relationship at times.

Kade took a deep breath and turned back to me.  His face was pale and his hands were shaking.  He was scared,  terrified even to tell me.  And I was scared to hear it.  What if this ruined everything?

"Addi... I...." He looked at me and I could see tears forming in his eyes.

"It's ok Kade.  I'm listening just tell me."  I gave him a nod.  I was trying to be comforting I had promised to listen right?  Even though I was just as scared as he was.  Everything in me was screaming at me.  But I focused on Kade.

"On Emma's 21st birthday the family threw a huge party for her.  After the party, her friends decided to go to a club to celebrate and let her order her first legal drink.  Alex and I decided to tag along.  I had just found out Jules wasn't pregnant I was pissed and confused.  I was still in love with her and hadn't a clue what she was really up to at the time.  Alex was enjoying his first real taste of alcohol.  He wasn't old enough to drink barely old enough to get in the club.  Emma and her friends were on the dance floor having a great time with me keeping an eye on them at a distance.  Alex was drunk and hitting on everything in sight.  A guy decided to flirt with Emma and her friends.  I stayed back and watched.  He suddenly grabbed her ass and wrapped his arms around her.  I saw him holding her tightly and the look on her face told me she wanted nothing to do with him.  So I stepped in.  Told him to let her go and when he gave me some smart-ass comment about minding my own business.  I lost it."

I reached for his hand but he pulled it away.

"I beat him within an inch of his life.  He almost died...."