When I opened my eyes, it was to a dark room and the sound of beeping monitors.
Unsure of where the fuck I was, I automatically began to panic and tear at the wires strapped to my chest and arms.
There were some stuck up my nose, too, and I smacked at them, trying to break free.
My hands felt strange â like they didnât belong to me.
My head felt the same.
My eyeballs were rolling around in my head of their own accord.
Seriously, I couldnât get a handle on them.
I tried to focus, I tried real hard to make sense of my surroundings, but my eyes kept fluttering and the room was spinning.
Was I stoned?
Did Gibsie get me high?
That bastardâ¦
âJohnny â itâs okay, son.â My fatherâs voice came from close by. âDonât be pulling at your IV. Youâll hurt yourself.â
âDa?â
âIâm right here, son.â
The sound of a c
âDa,â I croaked out, calming when I felt his warm hand cover mine. âWhere am I?â
I couldnât see him, but I knew he was close.
His voice was right there by my ear, making me feel safe.
His hand touched my forehead, brushing my hair back, just like he used to do when I was small.
âYouâre in the recovery room, son.â
Jesus Christ, I was?
I could just about remember the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Everything was blurry.
And painless.
I had no pain.
Nothing.
âYou had surgery, son,â my father explained.
âFuck,â I croaked out. âIs my dick still there?â
âItâs still there,â Dad chuckled softly.
âAnd my balls?â
âAlso there,â he mused. âAll in working order.â
I exhaled a ragged breath. âThank Jesus.â
âDo you remember the match last night?â he asked. âYou were in a bad way, son.â
âI remember the girl,â I slurred. âWhyâs everything dark?â
âBecause youâre supposed to be sleeping,â my father told me. âItâs six oâclock in the morning. Still dark outside.â
âSo, no lights anywhere?â I asked, confused. âTheyâre all gone?â
I heard his quiet laugh. âNo lights for another few hours, Johnny.â
âYouâre sure my dickâs still there?â I kicked my feet, but they werenât being cooperative. âI really like my dick, Da. Iâll cry if itâs gone.â
âMost lads like that part of their anatomy, Johnny,â Dad chuckled. âAnd I promise itâs still there.â
âCheck for me,â I mumbled, feeling woozy as fuck. âJust to make sure.â
I heard my father sigh heavily and then felt the covers being lifted from my body.
âAll there, boyo,â he assured me before tucking the covers around me once more.
âItâs not working anymore, Da,â I groaned, feeling a huge surge of devastation fill my body. âI broke it.â
âThe doctors fixed it,â he coaxed. âItâs back in working order again.â
âI can pull my dick again?â
âYes, Johnny,â he laughed. âIn a few weeks, you can pull it to your heartâs content.â
âMy headâs all hazy, Da,â I slurred. âEverythingâs warm and tingly⦠and I feel groggy as balls.â
âThatâs the medication, Johnny. Itâs making you drowsy,â he told me. âGo back to sleep and youâll feel better in a little while.â
âHow is he doing?â an unfamiliar voice asked, bringing with it a small flash of light and the sound of a door clicking.
âTalking out of his arse,â my father told the voice.
âAh, thatâll be the morphine,â the voice mused, coming closer. âTry and get him to sleep. Iâll be back in an hour to do his obs.â
âDa, thereâs a girl,â I announced when the door clicked again.
âI know, Johnny,â Dad said calmly. âThat was your nurse.â
âNo, no, no,â I slurred, shaking my head. âThereâs a girl, Da. A girl.â
âWhere son?â
âThereâs a girl on the bus,â I slurred. âI need you to find her for me.â
âThereâs no girl, pet,â Dad coaxed. âThereâs no bus, either. Youâre jacked up on morphine.â
âOh, fuck,â I groaned. âAm I dying or something?â
âNo, Johnny, love, youâre not dying.â
âThank fuck,â I groaned. ââCause I wanna see that girl again.â
âOkay, Johnny. Just relax, buddy.â
âNo, no, no, Da, Iâm serious,â I slurred. âI think I love that girl.â
âWell, whoâs this girl?â
âSheâs a river,â I sighed and closed my eyes. âIâm keeping her, Da.â
âOkay, son,â he coaxed. âYou keep the girl.â
âShe makes my heart go, like, whoa.â
âIs that right?â he mused.
âSo bad, Da,â I sighed. âBoom, boom, fucking boom.â I shook my head. âAll the time.â
âIs he awake?â my motherâs voice filled my ears, followed by another flash of light and the sound of another door clicking.
âHeâs something alright,â Dad chuckled.
âJohnny, love, itâs Mam.â
âMa,â I slurred, feeling her hand touch my cheek. âDonât be pissed.â
âIâm beyond pissed,â she sobbed. âYou could have died.â
âShe crying, Da?â I slurred, slapping at something touching my nose. âItâs because I had sex.â Smirking, I added, âA lot of sex.â I laughed to myself but it sounded funny. âJust kidding, Ma⦠no pussy for me.â
âEdel, love, heâs high as a kite,â I heard my father say. âHe wonât remember a word of this. Best wait to give him the talk until he comes around properly.â
âThe talk,â I groaned loudly. âAll the fucking talks.â
âJohnny, love ââ
âSex is a beautiful thing,â I slurred. âWhen itâs between two blah fucking blahs.â
Mam laughed. âSo, you do listen to me.â
âMa!â I exclaimed. âYou know the girl!â
âWhat girl, love?â
âMy girl.â I slapped a hand against my nose, itching the scratch, or scratching the itch.
I didnât know about anything anymore, but I felt fucking great.
âSee, Da?â I slapped my chest. âBoom, fucking boom, boom.â
âWhatâs he talking about, John?â
âGod only knows,â my father replied, sounding thoroughly amused. âBut itâs the best entertainment Iâve had in years.â
âMy dick works again, Ma,â I chuckle-slurred. âDa checked. My balls are there, too.â
âOh, Jesus,â Ma muttered.
âItâs okay,â I cooed, mashing my lips together. âSheâs sixteen now, and Iâm ââ I slapped my forehead. âSeventeen.â
âWhat are talking about, Johnny?â
âThe fractions, Ma,â I groaned. âTheyâre closing in.â
âFractions of what, love?â
âNot too much longer to wait.â I sighed. âThank fuck, âcause Iâm in love.â
âYouâre in love?â
I nodded happily. âAnd sheâs a river.â
âWell thatâsâ¦lovely, pet,â Mam coaxed, sounding confused. âGood boy.â
âIâm gonna sail my boat down her river,â I snickered. âMy dick boat.â
âCan they knock him back out?â Ma grumbled. âHeâs going to give me a stroke with all this talk.â
âItâs okay, Ma,â I coaxed. âIâm gonna keep her, too. Make all my babies with her because my balls workâ and Da says I can pull on my dick again. Woo!â
âJohn!â Mam gasped. âWhat have you been telling our son?â
Dad laughed. âHeâs seventeen, Edel. Itâs the first thing heâs going to ask about after a surgery like that.â
âOh, dear Jesus,â Mam groaned.
âAnd Iâm gonna buy her a ringâ¦and a dogâ¦and sail a boatâ¦and Iâm gonna look at her tits because I can.â I sighed in contentment. âSheâs got the best tits, Da.â
âKnock, knock,â a familiar voice called out, followed by more light and more doors clicking. âHowâs the patient?â
âGerard,â Mam sighed happily.
âGibs!â I called out, searching the room for my best friend and coming up empty. âGibs, man. The fuck kind of drugs did you slip me?â
âHeâs veryâ¦high right now, Gibs,â Dad explained. âDonât take any notice of what heâs saying.â
âIs that right?â Gibsie chuckled. âHey, buddy. Howâs it going?â
âThey fixed my dick, Gibs.â With a great deal of effort, I managed to hold a thumb up and wave my hand around aimlessly. âHappy days.â
âWoohoo,â Gibsie cheered, catching ahold of my hand. âBest news Iâve heard all year.â He squeezed my hand. âYou know what that means, donât ya?â
âShifting jackets,â I slurred.
âExactly,â Gibsie chuckled. âSoon as youâre back on your feet, Iâll have you out on the tiles.â
âBoys,â Mam chastised. âGerard, donât encourage him.â
âYou get it, Gibs,â I slurred happily. âYou get me.â
âI get you, buddy,â he coaxed, squeezing my hand. âShouldnât he be out still?â
âHe should,â my father replied, sounding amused. âBut the lad is as strong as an ox.â
âIâm a bull,â I slurred.
Gibsie snickered. âYouâre a bull?â
Gibsie laughed. âBig working balls.â
âIâm gonna use that lube, Gibs,â I croaked out, twisting around to find him. âHey â whereâd you go?â
âIâm right here,â he told me, patting my head. âAnd Iâll buy you a big basket of it once weâre home.â
âYouâre my best friend,â I told him, but he looked like a pillow. âI love your big, rugby ball head.â
Mam groaned. âOh, Johnny.â
âListen,â Gibsie said in a serious tone. âI brought a friend to see him.â
âYouâre my friend,â I replied with a sigh. âMy favorite, fucked-up friend.â
âI know I am, bud,â Gibsie coaxed, squeezing my hand. âAnd youâre mine.â
âA friend?â Mam questioned.
âYeah, uh, sheâs right outside.â
âYou found her, Gibs!â I exclaimed. âThank fuck. I thought I lost her.â
âI did, buddy,â Gibsie chuckled softly. âI brought Shannon back to you.â
âShannon like the river,â I sighed contently.
âShannon Lynch?â Mam exclaimed. âThatâs who heâs rambling on about?â
âOh, yeah,â Gibsie mused.
âWhat happened to being friends, Johnny?â Mam asked.
âI lied,â I snickered. âIâve been lying all along.â
âOh, Johnny,â Mam sighed. âYou never had to lie, baby. I like that girl.â
âSheâs mine,â I grumbled. âYou canât have her.â
Gibsie laughed loudly. âEveryone knows that, Cap.â
Twisting my head, I tried to find my father. âDa?â
âIâm still right here,â Dad assured me, squeezing my right hand.
âSheâs the one,â I whispered, trying to eyeball him in the darkness. âWith the perfect tits.â
âYou saw her tits?â Gibsie asked.
I nodded happily. âYep.â
âWhen?â
âWhen she was playing with my calculator,â I slurred. âI love her, Gibs. So much. Balls much.â
âI know you do,â Gibsie mused, patting my shoulder. âBulldozer.â
I shrugged. âAnd Iâm not even sorry.â
âGerard, maybe you shouldnât bring Shannon in here,â Mam said, sounding concerned. âHeâs partial to say anything right about now.â
âNo, no, no,â I grumbled, not feeling happy now. âI wanna see her.â
âJohnny, love, she can come visit when youâre more yourself ââ
âShannon?â I roared, calling out her name at the top of my lungs. âShannon?â
âLet the girl in, Edel,â Dad mused. âHeâs going to scream the place down like a toddler otherwise.â
âShannon!â
âOh Jesus, fine!â Mam muttered. âYou better behave yourself, Johnathon.â
The sound of high heels clicking on tiles filled my ears, and then I was blinded in light.
A few moments passed by in hushed whispers.
And then I heard those two words.
âHi, Johnny.â
âBoom, boom, fucking boom, Da,â I groaned, slapping a hand against my chest. âIâm done for.â