Chapter 29

November 19, 1802

Dear Alexander, last week I received a letter from the President, asking me to join you in Virginia on Thanksgiving. I have to say that I was very surprised – I read in the paper that he refuses to publicly celebrate it, so I thought that he wouldn't do it privately. Anyway, I accepted his invitation; I'll be there on Wednesday with the children, they're extremely excited to see you after all these years, and I have to say that I'm glad too. I'm sorry it took so long for me to completely forgive you, but now I can finally assure you that my affection for you hasn't changed and I'll forever cherish the moments we spent together. You have my forgiveness and, if you want me, I'd love to be part of your life again – even though the role isn't what I expected to be. I'll see you soon. Yours, Eliza.

Alexander almost cried out of joy when he finished reading the letter, and ran into the library to literally jump on Thomas, who was reading a report on foreign affairs – it seemed that Napoleon wanted to sell some lands, he couldn't let the opportunity slide.

"Thomas!" They almost fell off the chair. "Thank you, thank you –

"You're welcome darlin', but you should tell me why first," Thomas chucked, positively surprised by the display of affection.

"You wrote to Eliza!" Alexander's eyes were still shiny with tears. "I haven't seen my family for almost five years and now they're coming here!"

"Anything for you, love. I know how much you miss them on Thanksgiving and Christmas and, well, since we're not busy –

"Cause you're atheist," Hamilton interrupted to mock him.

"Cause it's stupid to mix presidential affairs with the Church," Thomas corrected him with a scowl, "we could spend some time with them."

"That's a wonderful idea!" Alexander kissed him. "I didn't think she would say yes, I'm so fucking happy right now I can almost forgive you for being atheist!"

Thomas snorted and ignored him – since he'd stated that he wouldn't observe Thanksgiving, the Federalists hadn't stopped attacking him on the press. He didn't want to justify his choices to them and, even if he did, they wouldn't listen, so he'd decided not to voice his thoughts on the matter. Obviously, Alexander didn't agree with his choice, and was constantly teasing him – he wanted Thomas to formally explain himself about the division between Church and State, he wanted him to defend himself from the press attacks. But Thomas didn't care about rumours, he didn't care about the Federalists – he was happy with his life and, right now, felt like if he didn't have a single problem in the world.

Alexander seemed to suddenly notice that he was being actively ignored and kissed him again to gain his attentions back. Thomas muttered something but kissed him back, pushing his report aside and gently lifting Alexander so that he was sitting on the desk.

"Gentlemen, do you ever get tired of it?" Madison's chuckle came from the study's door, and Thomas and Alex immediately drew apart.

"James, come on in."

Thomas smiled at his friend, completely at ease, while Alexander simply nodded, blushing significantly, for the amusement of both Thomas and James, who started to fool around.

"I'm sorry Jamie, you know the influence I have on people – Alexander simply can't stay away from me." Thomas cracked a smile to his boyfriend, who started to protest but was cut short by Madison.

"I know man, but every time I step into a room I catch you two making out! How haven't others discovered it yet?"

"You shitheads," Alexander muttered under his breath and went to the library to choose a book where to sink in.

Thomas and James laughed heartily at his embarassement and then got down to work, discussing the report until lunch, when they finally got up and moved to the dining room to have a light meal.

"James, why don't you and Dolley join us this Thursday?"

"Uh? Are you really celebrating Thanksgiving?"

"I'm not." Thomas ignored Alexander's laughter – and his coughs after he choked on his food – and went on. "We're going to have some guests for lunch, that's all. We're not going to pray or else."

"I'd like to attend the mass that morning actually," Alexander informed him. "I think Eliza and the kids would also like to go."

"You can do whatever pleases you the most, love." Thomas winked. "I'll be here making all the arrangements for Mrs Hamilton and the children."

"Mrs Hamilton?" James suddenly asked. "Do you mean that –

"Yeah, she knows." Alexander answered the unasked question, sadly looking at his lap. "The kids don't, though, so be careful with your jokes," he added, scowling at the two of them.

"Of course. Dolley and I will be here," James assured Thomas, who was now looking at Alexander with a sweet yet slightly sad look.

"Well, I'd better go." Madison read the room and decided to give the two lovers a bit of space – he wouldn't do the same mistake twice. "I'll see you on Thursday then."

Alexander and Thomas waved James goodbye and silently headed to the study. Alexander was deep in thoughts and Thomas patiently waited for him to be ready to speak his mind.

"I'm nervous about it," he finally stated.

"I can see it." Thomas sat on the bed and opened his arms to welcome Alexander, who gladly accepted his invitation.

The two on them shifted into a more comforting laying position and Alexander sighed contently on Thomas's chest before talking again.

"I don't feel like I deserve her forgiveness, Thomas," he explained. "I cheated on her and I lied, and now she's alone because of me. I send her money, of course, but –

"Alexander, you shouldn't feel guilty about your own feelings. Yes, you made some mistakes, but who doesn't? You've been honest at the end and you deserve forgiveness. Who you are is not your fault, and she's a wonderful woman to understand and accept it."

"She really is," he sighed and started doodling on Thomas's skin with his fingertips, pensive once more.

"What is it?"

"What if my children hate me?"

"They don't."

"How do you know it?"

"If they are your and Eliza's children, then they have to be the sweetest and most understanding people on this planet."

A short moment of silence followed while Alexander considered Thomas's words.

"Thank you, Thomas."

"What for?"

"It was my love for you that made me be honest with Eliza in the end." Alexander looked up at him with his wide blue eyes and Thomas fell in love all over again. "Your love makes me stronger and you make me feel safe and alive. Despite everything we've gone through, our love made me a better person."

"I would say t'was the same for me, love." Thomas kissed him on the forehead and gently brushed his long hair with his fingers for a while. "I won't risk losing you again, Alexander."

"Mh-mh." Alexander seemed distracted.

"What?"

"Well, we're already lying on your comfy bed so –

"Oh my god, Madison was right!" Thomas laughed at his boyfriend's audacity.

"Shut up!" Alex shushed him, closing the bed curtains with a confident smirk.

***

Alexander was walking back and forth from Monticello's main door to the end of the cobblestone path. Every time he reached the end, he would look hopefully at the main street, trying to spot a carriage coming from afar; in the end, he would sigh and walk back to the door, and so on. Thomas cast a glance at him through the window, while baking some fresh bread and thinking about the following day's lunch, and smiled at his boyfriend's impatience – he was always so spontaneous, it was impossible not to be attracted by him.

"They're here!" Thomas eventually heard Alexander's happy voice calling from outside.

Alex started to cheerfully wave his arms towards the incoming carriage, a grin spreading across his face, and he called for Thomas to come and greet the guests. Thomas put his apron away and washed his hands before heading to the door.

"Alexander!" Eliza's voice betrayed her happiness in being there, a perfect match for Alexander's feelings.

"My dear Betzy!" Alexander helped her out of the carriage and hugged her tight for some seconds, closing his eyes and smelling her perfume. "How was the journey?"

"It was perfect, I really enjoyed the view." Eliza took Alexander's arm and they started walking towards the house. "The children will join us in a couple of hours, they wanted to stop to the city; Philip and Angie are looking after them."

"I can't wait to see them." Alexander held the door open for her and took her coat, the smile still wide on his face. "Come, Betzy, I'll make some tea."

They walked into the tea room and sat, Alexander looking fondly at Eliza while she admired the French furniture and the elegant decorations of the room – she was used to richness of course, she was a Schuyler after all, but Monticello was really breath-taking. A hot teapot was already waiting for them at the centre of the table – Thomas wasn't joking when he said he'd considered everything.

"Alex, hon, why is there a marble bust of you in the hall?"

"Thomas says it represents our previous hostility in the Cabinet," Alexander chuckled. "But he had it made in 1794, right after we broke up – I bet he just missed me too much."

They were still laughing when Thomas finally joined them.

"Mrs Hamilton." Thomas stood on the doorstep with a shy smile on his face and bowed lightly at her.

Eliza didn't answer, but her face cooled at once. She stood up and walked straight to Thomas, her steps echoing in the perfect silence of the room, and – slap!

"This is for lying to me and coming to my own house to make fun of our marriage."

"Eliza, don't –

Alexander began to speak, but Thomas gestured him not to, his eyes fixed on Eliza's.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have," he apologized, his voice was a little more than a whisper. Alexander's heart almost broke when he heard Thomas's hurt tone; he wanted to go there and hug him.

There was another long pause in which they both held their breath, completely still, waiting for Elizabeth to answer.

"I know." She wiped a tear away before taking Thomas's hand, smiling at him at last. "Thank you for taking care of Alexander."

"I'll always do my best."

"You'd better," she joked.

"Hey, you two – I'm right here, you know that?" Alexander stepped in and Thomas chucked at the other man's frowning expression.

"Relax, love," he teased, stretching an arm around Alex's shoulders and smacking a kiss on his forehead.

For a moment, Eliza's gaze grew very surprised – she'd never seen them acting like that before – but it quickly changed into an amused one. She smiled fondly and went back to her tea, listening to the couple bickering about the accommodations for the following days.

After some time, they finally heard the noise Alexander was missing so much – his kids were chatting and laughing on their way to Monticello; he could recognize every single voice. He instantly jumped out of his seat and rushed to the main door, swinging it open with trembling hands. For a moment, the little group of Hamiltons fell silent and they all stared at the man on the doorstep.

"Daddy!" James was the first to break from the group, running towards him with his arms open. He'd always been a hug person.

Right after James, John and five-year-old William ran into his embrace, while Alexander, Philip and Angelica patiently waited their turn to greet their father.

"Oh my god, you're all so tall!" He laughed, overwhelmed by different emotions at once. "Look at you, William! Last time I saw you you were so tiny I could hold you in one hand."

After receiving a hundred hugs and a very sticky kiss from William, Alexander stood up again to greet his elder children. Alex and Angelica hugged him, while Philip smiled awkwardly.

"Dad, I've missed you so much," Angelica whispered to his ear, making him cry again. "I couldn't wait for this moment to come," she added in her silky voice – god she was a woman by now, as beautiful, sweet and sunny as Eliza.

"Philip," Alexander called him, hesitantly offering his hand.

"Pops." He took his hand and smiled, but didn't hug him. "You seem happy."

"I am now, son," Alexander said carefully. "I've missed all of you so much."

"You never visited." Philip's voice gave away his bitterness, and Angelica shoot him a scolding look.

"I – You're right, I'm sorry." Alexander's heart ached at Philip's words. "I really wanted to, but it's complicated. Can you forgive me?"

Philip shrugged and looked askance for a moment. His beautiful eyes were clear and honest as Alexander's, and they were now showing many different feelings – hope, fear, doubt, love, anger and sadness. But in the end he slowly nodded. Alexander stepped closer and hugged his son, his shoulders shaking with sobs. Philip tried not to – he'd promised himself he wouldn't cry anymore because of his father – but when Angelica joined the hug, followed suit by James, Alex and John, the warmth he felt within was simply too much not to cry. Little William, looking confusingly at his siblings, seemed to decide he didn't want to be left out and started to whine as well, running towards his mum as soon as she appeared on the doorstep.

"Are they always like this?" Thomas joked, looking at Alexander's happy face surrounded by all his kids.

"Well, they're all Hamiltons. What did you expect?" Eliza laughed with him, holding little William in her arms.

Thomas chuckled at the comment, but nonchalantly swiped a tear away as soon as Eliza turned her back to him. He then excused himself and went back to the kitchen to check on the bread, leaving them alone – they needed some family time and he didn't want to intrude.

The next hours passed very quickly. Thomas easily won Philip and Angelica's affection by showing them the library, while Alex and James disappeared into the stables only to come back before dinner. John was more interested in exploring the gardens; Thomas taught him how to plant some flower bulbs and then showed him his mockingbirds that flew free around the greenhouse. In the meantime, Alexander spent some time with Eliza and William, getting to know the son he'd only seen once before. They had macaroni and cheese, peas puree and pork for dinner, and – to Alexander's immense pleasure – ice-cream for dessert. The evening passed quite uneventful, with Alexander and Angelica playing piano together and Philip humming next to them, Eliza reading Gulliver's Travels to the others and William peacefully asleep into Thomas's arms.

When the clock struck ten, Eliza called it a night and no one complained – they were all dead tired after the journey, even if they didn't want the day to end so soon. Thomas showed everyone to their rooms and finally closed the door to his own's, were Alexander was already half-asleep.

"Do you like my family?" He asked with his adorable sleepy voice.

"They're amazing, love." Thomas smiled and sat on the bed next to him, stripping from his clothes.

"You're amazing too, you know that right?"

"You're always sweeter when you're sleepy." Thomas kissed him softly. "Anyway, of course I know I'm amazing."

"You beautiful idiot."

"Are you happy?"

"You can't imagine." He smiled as Thomas slipped under the covers next to him. "Jeez, get your ice-cold hands off me!"

"Too late." Thomas warmed his hands on Alexander's skin, making him shiver.

"Are you coming to mass tomorrow?"

"Don't even try it." Thomas rolled his eyes. "I've organized this lunch only to make you happy – stop trying to make me celebrate Thanksgiving."

"Well, I'm thankful for what you did for me," Alexander teased. "And I'm so thankful to have you in my life."

"Cheesy."

"Asshole."

***

Thomas and Alexander returned to Washington DC more relaxed than ever. They'd spent their holidays by mainly working, but also chilling, riding and gardening together, cooking almost every recipe from Thomas's personal cookbook, reading and cuddling by the fire every night. Thanksgiving had been one of the best they'd ever had – even if Thomas was reluctant to admit it – and they'd resolved to have a whole-family reunion every year. Alexander had promised Philip to visit him at King's College before summer and to go to Albany together as soon as Philip's spring break started.

As soon as they stepped into the White House, Thomas was dragged away by Madison to join several Cabinet meetings – it seemed that Napoleon wasn't joking about selling the land after all. Alexander spent the following weeks working (despite being less powerful in politics, his law firm was going great) and helping Thomas when he needed some advice. Eventually, they fell into their every-day routine and, except for some not-so-rare occasions when Thomas had to travel for work, or those when Alexander went to Albany to visit his family, they always ended the day by cuddling in bed and telling each other funny stories about their workday. Nothing could ruin the balance they had finally achieved after gaining back everything they had once lost in their lives. Madison was a frequent guest and Thomas was now extremely glad that James knew about his relationship with Alex, so that they didn't have to hide it when they were at home. Eliza also visited frequently; sometimes she would bring the kids with her. On those occasions, Alexander would cancel every work-relating appointments to stay with them.

"You've changed," Eliza had noticed during one of her visits. "Years ago it would've been impossible to drag you away from work to spend the day with us."

"Five years away from my family have taught me to change my priorities." He'd shrugged and smiled at her. "I've made many mistakes and I thought I'd lost everything I cared for, but I was blessed with a second chance and I'm not going to ruin things this time."

"Only a fool doesn't learn from his mistakes."

"You're right Betzy." Alexander had sighed. "I really thought Philip would never forgive me."

"You were his hero."

"I know."

"You were everybody's hero." Eliza had taken his hand, a gentle smile on her face. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that behind a hero there's only a man."

"I forget it too sometimes."

"I know. You don't have to be too hard on yourself. You did your best, hon."

"Thanks, Betzy."

***

The year 1803 had just ended and Thomas was already talking about his retirement, dreaming about their future life together in Virginia, but Alexander knew Thomas was going to be elected for a second term. They still had to wait a bit before being finally free to live as they liked. The elections this time wouldn't be problem; Alexander didn't really like the thought of having Clinton as vice president but, well, it was always better than Burr.

"I've heard that Aaron Burr is running in Clinton's place to be governor of New York," Thomas informed Alexander one morning, while dressing.

Alexander, who still hadn't gathered the courage to get up, groaned softly in his pillow to express his disapproval.

"He won't even try to run for president this time." Thomas buttoned his waistcoat in front of the mirror. "But if he fails in New York, his political career will be over."

"What are we waiting for?" Alexander's head popped out of the blankets and smiled at Thomas through the mirror. "Leave it to me, sweetheart."

"I love you." Thomas stopped to kiss him before heading to the door. "Just don't exaggerate please."

"When have I ever exaggerated something?"

"Just – please."

"Ugh! All right! Don't worry, I'll behave."

"Bye love."

As soon as the bedroom door closed, Alexander got up and sat at the desk. He knew exactly what to write, and Burr wasn't going to like it a bit. He drew out his favourite quill, the one Thomas had given him their first Christmas together, and started to scribble.

After less than two months, Burr's career was unofficially over. Alexander knew that almost no Federalist wanted him as governor of New York; he hadn't had to do much really, cause they were already decided on another Democratic-Republican candidate, Mr Lewis, and none of them was really considering Burr as an option. However, even if someone had actually considered voting for him before, Alexander had made sure that they didn't anymore. His certainty was confirmed on April, when Lewis became governor and Burr's career simply faded away. One less thing to worry about.

It was a beautiful day of June when the letter finally arrived. The previous day had been a Sunday, Thomas and Alex had gone riding along the Potomac; they'd returned home on their last leg, but extremely happy about their field trip. That Monday morning, despite being tired for the previous day's hiking, Thomas woke up at dawn, as usual, and was writing his letters at the desk next to their bed before starting another busy week of work. He loved sitting at that desk in the morning, because he could keep an eye on Alexander and go kiss him as soon as he woke up. Except that, on that very morning, he decided to wake him up by playing his favourite song at the violin. He knew Alexander loved listening to him playing, and so he stood in front of their bed and slowly started gliding the bow on the strings, playing Pachelbel's Canon in D major.

Thomas smiled fondly when he saw his boyfriend blinking confusedly for a moment and then, without moving from under the covers, closing his eyes again, lost into his music bliss. After a minute, he slowly sat on the bed to watch Thomas's performance – Alex loved too much the sight of Thomas playing his violin to miss the possibility to take a good look at him. When the song ended, Alex's eyes were full of tears and he stretched his arms towards Thomas, as if to silently ask for a hug; Thomas put the violin aside and climbed on the bed to kiss him good morning. They stood there for some minutes, without talking – they already knew what the other was thinking, and the moment was too perfect to ruin it with words. In the end, they heard a knock at the door – Madison usually waited at the front door for Thomas to go to work, but, when the President was late, James would go and drag him away from Alexander's embrace, if necessary. Thomas gave him a last kiss before going away, and Alexander returned to sleep, mixing the perfect memory of that morning to his dreams.

But the moment to wake up eventually had to come. The moment to stop living in a dream and return to the real world couldn't be ignored anymore. That day, Alexander went to his apartment to work and, there, laying on the floor right behind the front door, a letter was waiting for him. Soon or later, something would destroy everything he'd worked so hard to gain back. And that something had finally come to haunt him, threatening him with a simple sentence: I have the honour to be your obedient servant, A. Burr.

***

Notes:

Ok so, first of all (this is hilarious) I've discovered that Thomas Jefferson was considered "the Turkey Day Grinch" because he refused to celebrate Thanksgiving while being President. He clearly wanted to keep State and Church divided, but the Federalists believed him to be Satan or something like that. If you're interested, here's the link:

https://www.history.com/news/thomas-jeffersons-complicated-relationship-with-thanksgiving

Secondly, I think y'all already know the song, but this is the link to Canon in D major: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWYuV4SdwNc

Also, as if Jefferson didn't have enough hobbies, he also purchased several mockingbirds. His favourite one, Dick, was allowed to fly around the room while Thomas was studying or working (like, in the White House): https://www.monticello.org/site/research-and-collections/mockingbirds

Okay so that's all for this week, I hope I'll be able to post the last chapter next weekend. I'm so sad it's already over – I'll need to think about some other story asap. In the meantime, don't forget to comment and let me know your thoughts on the chapter ;)