Chapter Twenty Two

(oh my gosh though how are we already at chapter twenty two, I love you all for reading this far- and thank you for everyone leaving the sweetest comments on my last update!)

Harry stood in the hallway between Liam and Niall's room, feeling disoriented and out of place. Everything felt too hot and his skin felt uncomfortable, he wanted to get some sort of relief from the way he was feeling but it was just pooling under his skin and not letting him breathe, not letting him move.

"Are you alright, love?" Louis asked. "What do you need?"

"Need... I'm too hot, Lou. I can't, oh my God, I'm... I can't do this, Louis please." Harry stammered, feeling like all of his senses were teaming up against him. Everything was too much. Everything was too bright and it hurt.

"You're just a little overwhelmed now, hunny it's alright," Louis said gently, cautiously stepping a little closer.

Even Louis words seemed to agitate Harry. "I can't, I want it, want it off, Louis, why is so hot in here?" Harry burst into tears, knowing fully well he was acting like a child but not able to stop it.

"Okay, I can get you out of your jumper," Louis said, stepping in closer to Harry. "Lift your hands up for me, baby?"

Harry nodded, sniffling, and lifted his arms above his head, letting Louis tug his jumper gently off him.

"Do you need your t-shirt off too?" Louis asked, and Harry shook his head, biting on his thumb gently. "Jeans?"

Harry nodded, and Louis lead him toward the couch. "Just sit down for a bit, hun," he murmured. Harry sat down on the couch and lifted his hips up so Louis could help him out of his jeans, leaving him in his thin t-shirt and boxers. "Does that feel better?" Louis asked, running his thumb gently along Harry's jawline.

Harry closed his eyes and nodded a little.

"I'll be right back, alright? You'll be okay for a moment?"

Harry nodded again and relaxed a little on the couch while he waited for Louis to return.

"Hey," Louis said gently when he got back. "Do you want to hold your hands out for me?"

Harry stuck out his trembling palms for his boyfriend, biting his lip a little as Louis dabbed on some disinfectant cream that stung his hands almost as much as they stung when he scraped them on the pavement.

"You're doing so good for me, love," Louis murmured, seeing Harry wince as he gently swiped at his palms before bandaging them carefully.

"Hurts," Harry mumbled.

"I know it does," Louis said, kissing his hands over top of the fresh bandages.

Niall walked into the living room, hovering hesitantly by the edge of the room. "How is he doing?" he asked Louis, stepping a little closer to the couch.

"We're all bandaged up now," Louis said, "We're gonna be okay, right, kitten?"

Harry nodded a little, looking over at Niall.

Niall walked over and sat beside Harry on the couch, smoothing his hair away from his face and giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Love you, H," he said. "Always, alright?"

Harry stayed silent for a moment, then said in a voice so quiet Niall could barely here it. "Do you think my hair looks bad?"

"I think you look just as beautiful as you did yesterday," Niall said, "But I brought you this just in case." He held out a worn in bright blue beanie.

"Thank you," Harry whispered as Niall smoothed out his hair and slipped the beanie on.

Louis tried to ignore the little irrational pang of jealously that hit him when he watched Niall soothing Harry. He knew Niall had been helping Harry through the panic attacks for years, had been calling him pet names when he needed it, holding him when he cried and promising to make things better, but still, Louis felt outdone when it came to Niall, like he wasn't as good at knowing what Harry needed yet and it frustrated him, he wanted to know everything now.

Louis' phone buzzed. "You're fucking kidding me," he muttered, pulling his phone out of his pocket to answer it. "Yeah, yeah I'm just... I'm like, I'm ten minutes away, I'll be right over." He sighed, looking at his phone like he wanted to smash it. "There's a party on the floor that got out of hand and I need to go over there and write a report." Louis sighed so heavily his fringe fluttered a little. He looked over at Harry, who's eyes were still red-rimmed and a little puffy from crying. "Are you gonna be okay if I go for a few hours, babe? I can come back and see you when I clean up whatever mess is going on, alright?"

Harry nodded, and Louis pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug. "I'm really sorry I have to leave, Hazza."

"It's okay," Harry mumbled into Louis' shoulder.

Louis pulled away and kissed Harry gently on the forehead. I love you, he wanted to say, but he settled for, "I'll see you soon, Harry," snatching up the keys off the table before he hurried off to start up Liam's car.

"Do you need anything?" Niall asked once Louis had left, rubbing soothing circles against Harry's back.

"Wanna go to bed," Harry said quietly, so softly Niall almost didn't hear him.

"You don't want to talk?" Niall asked.

Harry shook his head, and slowly got up off the couch, heading toward Niall's room.

"We need to talk about this sometime though," Niall insisted, following after him.

Harry didn't say anything, just climbed into Niall's bed, tugging the covers up to his chin as he turned to face the wall, away from his friend.

"I'm being serious, H," Niall said.

"Don't wanna talk," Harry muttered, sounding bitter as coffee.

Niall sighed, and sat down in the bed next to Harry. "What is it?" he asked. He waited for a response, but didn't get one. "Are you... oh my God, H... are you actually mad that Louis just left?"

Harry's silence did more to answer the question than words could have.

"That's literally his job, Harry," Niall. "He works for the college. They hired him to be able to deal with shit like this, I know you want him to stay with you tonight but he can't if they need him there... you really can't be upset with him over something like that."

"I'm not upset!" Harry practically yelled, turning to face Niall, his green eyes wide with anger. "He can do whatever the fuck he wants, it's not my problem! Clearly he has other things he'd rather be doing!"

"Harry," Niall said, trying to make eye contact with him.

"What?" Harry snapped.

"I don't think this is healthy," Niall said quietly.

"What?" Harry asked again, a little softer this time.

"You and Louis... I don't think it's- I mean, I'm not so sure it's good for you, H."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, his eyes searching Niall's frantically, trying to find some sort of answer.

Niall hesitated a little before he spoke. "I mean, it's so new and you're already so... dependent. I just, I know if you let it go on much longer it's just gonna hurt more if it-"

"No." Harry said. "No no no no, it's not like that, Ni. We're a normal, healthy couple, there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with the way we are together there's nothing dependent about-"

"Just be careful," Niall interrupted. "I know you like him a lot, but you're letting him have too much control of you, too much control of your moods. I've known you for what, six years? I know when to be scared, H, and I'm scared okay?"

"Why?" Harry asked, feeling his blood pressure rising so much he felt like he might burst. "He's been an amazing boyfriend."

"He looks at me like he wants to kill me just for talking to you even though I'm straight as fuck, he didn't give you even a second to process your breakup with Cam before he made his move, he pushed you into switching dorms and roommates when you weren't anywhere near being ready," Niall said, looking down at Harry's bandaged hands, "And we all know how well that turned out. It makes me nervous to see him push you into so many things, I mean what if he-"

"Stop," Harry whispered. "Stop it, Niall."

Niall closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just love you so much, okay?"

"I love you too," Harry murmured, offering up half the blankets to Niall, curling up against his chest. Harry fell asleep quickly- he always did after he'd been crying- but his dreams were a jumbled mess. He saw flashes of bleeding hands, his hair fluttering to the sidewalk as Louis yanked at sections and snipped them off, and Niall saying over and over you're too dependent H... before Harry jolted awake with a shudder, whimpering until Niall woke up and rubbed slow circles on his back until he fell asleep again.