Confront | روبرو

~__________________________________~

Yaqeen kesa? gumaan kesa?

Urooj kesa? zawal kesa?

Sawal kesa? jawab kesa?

Muhabbatein tou muhabbatein hain,

Muhabbaton mein hisaab kesa.

~__________________________________~

(Note: the scenes written in Italics letters are either flashbacks or thoughts.)

Unedited:

I'm sorry we couldn't save Ayza.

Loud cries, white coffin, and Ayza's lifeless face flashed. And then kept flashing.

"Sorry we couldn't save Ayza but your baby is fine", these words echoed along with the loud cries of the people mourning her death.

"Ayza is no more",

"Oh what will happen to the poor motherless child",

Zohaib woke up with a loud gasp and sat down. He was breathless and terrified. Faryal almost ran towards him. She made him drink a few sips of water and rubbed his back. He held her hand so tight like his life was depending on her. It was the second night that he was getting scared in sleep. She sat down and hugged him. He felt like a scared little child in her embrace.

She didn't have any consoling words for him, that's the least she knew would ease him a little bit.

*****

Huzaifa walked down the stairs with a tray in his hands.

"Zohaib didn't eat anything?", Mom asked worriedly.

"Last night's meal was still untouched, as always", Huzaifa heaved a sigh and looked at the baby in a baby cart. He rubbed his forehead" Mom I don't know how will it work. It's been over 20 days and he hasn't spoken a word, didn't eat anything except when dad had forcefully made him eat a few morsels, and didn't even spare a single glance at his baby yet. He has become a statue. With each passing day, I'm getting worried for his condition." Huzaifa's heart ached for the motherless baby who hadn't felt the warmth of her parents yet. But at the same time, he wasn't able to blame Zohaib for his reaction, because whatever happened was unexpected and traumatic. The baby was still nameless.

"Should we take the baby to him again?", Mom asked.

" We should keep trying", Huzaifa agreed.

They climbed up the stairs. Mom opened the door, the room was pitch black. Squinting to their surroundings mom carefully walked deeper into the room towards the window and let the curtains drew aside to let the light come inside.

Zohaib blinked his eyes rapidly a few times as the light hit his eyes after so many days. Zohaib was sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the bed, his hair was disheveled and his clothes were the same he wore the day Ayza died. He had lost weight, the dark circles deeply indented under his eyes made him look worn out and his face was blank. Mom looked at him and a pang of hurt crept across her heart.

"Zohaib", Mom called him. She waited for a few seconds but didn't get any reaction from him.

Mom glanced at Huzaifa, he nodded signaling her to keep going. Mom shifted her eyes towards the sleeping baby in her arms and silently sat down beside him on the floor. That's what she has been doing to get his reaction, but as usual, he was too lost to even feel anyone's presence around him.

The baby whimpered softly. Mom bobbled her but the baby let out a shrill cry. Zohaib frowned and his eyeballs moved rapidly back and forth. He slowly moved his head towards the baby and stared at her. Mom moved forward and put the baby on his lap.

The baby stopped crying the moment Zohaib held her in his arms. He looked at her intently and his vision blurred. She was their daughter, his and Ayza's daughter for whom they both had counted each and every day. But there she was in his arms but in the most catastrophic situation. The tears started falling from his eyes.

"You need to name your daughter", Mom said keeping her hand over Zohaib's shoulder.

"Zahra", he said in a hoarse voice. The first word he spoke after the death of his wife. "Ayza wanted to name her Zahra", he hugged his daughter tightly. He closed his eyes tightly and took deep breaths.

"Zahra, such a beautiful name. Just like her", Mom said lovingly.

Huzaifa wiped his tears, cleared his throat, and said in a low voice, "Mom I think we should leave them now, let them have their moment".

Mom nodded and they left Zohaib's room.

Flashback ends.

That was the story Huzaifa narrated a few days ago when Faryal talked to him about Zohaib. Faryal turned her head and glanced at Zohaib who was silently sitting on the front passenger seat with his eyes closed and back pressed to the seat, while she was driving the car. She heaved a sigh and glanced back at the road in front of her. It was an early, slightly dark, and cloudy morning. They left the house after fajar that's why the roads were deserted.

Zohaib had been extremely silent for the last few days but at the same time, he never stopped taking care of Faryal and Zahra. Last night Faryal asked him to accompany her somewhere to which he nodded without asking anything.

The clouds thundered, and soon it started to drizzle. The raindrops splatted against the windshield. She pressed a button and the windshield wipers clacked back and forth, cleaning the raindrops.

"Zohaib tou kabi khul kar roya bi nahi hai. Ghum apne andhar chupaya hova hai usne. Aur patah hai Faryal, chupaye gye ghum dimak ki tarh hothay hain. Andhar say khokla kar dethay hain. (Zohaib has never cried openly. He has hidden all the pain inside himself. And you know what Faryal, hidden pain is like a termite. It makes a person hollow from inside).

Faryal stopped the car. She unbuckled her seat belt and closed her eyes. "Allah Miyan you know I don't have any bad intention, please help me". She took a deep breath, get of the car with an umbrella in her hand. She opened the door for Zohaib.

"Zohaib", she called him. He slowly opened his eyes. She knew he wasn't asleep, he was just lost in thoughts.

"Come outside please", she said softly. Zohaib stepped out of the car and the moment he looked around he stilled, the wind was knocked out of his lungs. They were standing in front of the cemetery. The terror in his heart was clearly shown in his eyes. He was about to turn but Faryal grabbed his trembling hand.

"You promised", she said.

"I-I can't", his voice cracked.

"Please, trust me", she said. He didn't say anything further and she took it as a yes. She grabbed his arm tightly and slightly pulled him with herself to step forward and he did. She was holding an umbrella over them with her other hand. She kept looking around, calculating in her mind the direction Huzaifa has told her because she wanted to visit Ayza's grave.

"That's it", she mumbled when her eyes fell on the Ayza Zohaib Durrani written on the grave headstone. Zohaib was trying so hard to hold his tears. The pain was resurfaced, it was not only riving his heart but his soul too. The reality was in front of him from which he had been running away.

"Your emotions are your truth in the moment. Even if they don't make sense to others. Don't validate them". She looked up at him and said "Zohaib aj ro len dil khol kar (Cry your heart out today), You need it".

He scooted down on the ground, with his eyes fixed on the grave in front of him.

"Ayza", He said more like a whisper and with a shaky hand touched her grave. The tears started falling from his eyes.

"Ayza", he cried.

The tears welled up in Faryal's eyes too and she kept making duas for Ayza's soul. She couldn't see him in pain but she kept telling herself that he needed this. He needed to confront reality.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't save you.", he wailed.

"It was all my fault Ayza", he placed his head on the grave. "It was my fault". He was crying loudly.

"Now I don't know what to do with this pain. This pain keeps chasing me and I don't know what I want, it neither let me move on nor it can take me back to you. Bring peace to my heart Ayza, grant me my healing. This pain will kill me. It's been too long I haven't breathed with no fear and loved with no terror. Tell me it is all worth it. Tell me there is something for me too in this. Bring my broken heart to the light and stick it back. Grant me my healing, tell me it won't end up by ending me. Bring love to my scars Ayza. Bring love to my scars", he sobbed.

A few minutes later Faryal looked at him he was silently crying, sniffing, and taking heavy breaths. He straightened up and grazed his fingers on her name Ayza Zohaib Durrani.

"Zahra is growing up so fast. She is happy with Faryal. Zahra loves her a lot, even more than me. It makes me jealous, you know how insecure I can get while sharing", he chuckled lightly and wiped his tears.

"One day when she will understand things I know she is going to love you just like you loved her. The thing that hurts me the most is that you couldn't have all this which you wanted more than me. I wish I could have swapped my destiny with you Ayza so you can live with Zahra" his voice cracked.

"Faryal-", he suddenly remembered something and looked up. "You wanted to meet her right?", he asked Faryal. She nodded.

"Come", he grabbed her hand made her sit beside him.

"Meet her now", He sniffed.

"Ayza Faryal. Faryal Ayza", he introduced them. He turned his head towards Faryal, she was weeping.

"Why are you crying?", He frowned and asked worriedly.

"Because you are crying", she sniffed. He wiped her tears.

She intertwined her fingers with his hand which was placed on the headstone.

"I promise I'll love and protect Zahra with my life Ayza. And Zohaib...I'll take care of him too. Some stories never end, some people never leave because their light still exists and you are one of them Ayza". Faryal turned her head towards Zohaib and smiled.

"This time I brought you here, next it's your turn", she said.

"I will", he nodded. They stayed there for a while.

"I think we should go, Zahra must be awake by now", they stood up to leave. Zohaib took the umbrella from her and they walked towards the exit. Faryal kept glancing back every now and then.

"Did you leave anything behind", he stopped.

"My Ammi is there...can you please wait for me in the car. I promise I'll be back soon", she said hesitantly.

"That's all?",

"Yes",

"Let's meet your Ammi together", he said.

Faryal smiled and nodded her head vigorously. They went back towards her Ammi's grave. Faryal closed her eyes and made dua for Ammi. Zohaib wrapped his hand around her. Faryal fetched a deep breath and looked up at him.

"Hogya? (Done?)",

"Ji (Yes)", she gave him a tight-lipped smile.

*****

Zahra was sitting beside a sleepy Zain on the top of the stairs in front of their house. She was asking for her parents so Zain somehow convinced her that if she would sit beside him they will come. But Zahra being Zahra would forget that every now and then and will try to run away and he would convince her again. Zahra pouted and hugged her soft toy.

"Miida", Zahra said turning her head towards Zain.

"Huh?", Zain gave her a confused look.

Zahra stood up and said "Miida". Zain wrapped his arm around her. He scratched his head because he wasn't getting what she was saying.

"I wish I could understand", Zain said. The main gate of the house opened and Zohaib's car entered.

"Finally, they are here", Zain said to Zahra. Faryal and Zohaib came out of the car.

"Miida", Zahra screamed. Her eyes were shining with happiness.

"Oh so it's the short form of Ammi daddy. Zahra, you are so sharp, just like me of course.", Zain chuckled.

"Zahra you were waiting for Miida", Faryal laughed and took Zahra from zain and kissed her cheeks. "If it wasn't urgent you know we would've never left you behind. So Sorry Zahra".

Zohaib silently walked past them. His eyes were swollen and he didn't want Zain to look at him in this state.

"You understand her gibberish?", Zain asked.

"Obviously, if I won't then who will", Faryal smiled.

"Thanks for the help Zain. I know I disturbed you early morning but I needed you to take care of Zahra", She said sincerely.

"It's okay bhabhi, we are family. Isn't that's what's Family is for.", Zain replied and side hugged Faryal. "How did it go?",

"Pretty well", she said.

"Good for him", he stated.

"Zain you can go and take some rest. Zohaib will be waiting for Zahra", she said.

"Okay", he said and they went inside the house, towards their rooms.

Faryal entered the room her eyes fell on Zohaib. He was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Faryal placed Zahra on his abdomen.

Zohaib opened his swollen eyes and gave a tight-lipped smile to Zahra. Faryal sat down beside him. He hugged Zahra. His heart was at ease. Today he understood why they say confronting the truth makes you feel light. The war inside him was subsided and the shackles of guilt around his heart were loose now. The truth was still painful but it was not suffocating him. The bitter truth is better than sweet lies just like Ayza used to say felt so true.

"Have you decided anything about Zahra's birthday?", Zohaib asked Faryal. "I want it to be grand because it's my daughter's birthday.".

Faryal nodded happily. "I did, but I haven't finalized anything yet. It should be our mutual decision. Only 2 days are left till her birthday, we need to finalize everything today Zohaib".

"Will they agree to customize things for us urgently", he asked.

"Yes, baba Jan had talked to them about it", Faryal said.

"I have an afternoon shift at the hospital today, I'll take you for shopping before it",

"Finally it's happening", Faryal beamed. "I'm soooo happy".

"I didn't forget Zahra's birthday date, I can never", he paused "It's just, I've stopped looking at the dates, it makes me anxious", he opened up.

Faryal grazed her fingers in his hair, looked him into the eyes, and said "It's completely fine Zohaib, I know how great father you are. Come out of this self-pity, it's not for a person like you".

"Life was tough alone Faryal, I didn't know how to take care of Zahra. Before Zahra's birth I thought if I can deal with children in the hospital, my own kid won't be different. But I was wrong. Treating a child and taking care of your child are two different things. I did lots of blunders. I wasn't sure why would she cry? was she hungry or wants to go outside or something else".

"One day her diaper got leaked over me 3 times. I didn't what was the problem then mom told me I was tying it inside out",  he let a soft chuckle.

"Seriously", Faryal laughed.

"Internet was a great help because I never liked to disturb mom. I've learned a lesson that everything you see online is not as easy as they show you", he stated.

"But you managed everything by yourself better than anyone. I'm so proud of you and Zahra would be too", Faryal said sincerely. She held his hand.

"Then you came and everything changed, I was so confused that why were you so quick learner. You would see me doing a thing once and then you would ace it", he wriggled his eyebrows.

"Because I'm intelligent", she replied smugly and winked.

"That you are", He smiled.

"I pray Allah sends you so many reasons to smile that you forget all the hurt you've ever felt. And the next time you cry, may they be the tears of joy, Ameen.", she made a prayer in her heart and kissed his hand.

*****

2 days later:

"Happy birthday my love", Faryal kissed Zahra as she woke up. Faryal had been waiting for her to get up so she can wish her. She picked up Zahra in her arms.

"May you always be blessed with the best Zahra. You complete me", Faryal's eyes twinkled. She kissed Zahra's hand lovingly. Zahra smiled.

"Umm you know let's do the birthday ritual, it will take hardly 10 minutes then I'll get you dressed up", Faryal picked up a yellow-colored circle framed clay mold. She took Zahra's hand and made her handprint and then her footprint.

"Look it's done", She showed her the mold on which one hand and one footprint were made. Faryal cleaned Zahra's hand with tissue paper. Zahra tried to take the mold from Faryal.

"Uhu Zahra, Let me decorate it", Faryal inserted tiny plastic souvenirs around it. A rainbow, clouds, small hearts and stars, pearls, rabbit, and Zahra Zohaib Durrani.

"Zahra when you will grow up In'Sha'Allah you will understand how lovely these childhood memories feel", she said lovingly.

Zohaib came out of the washroom and paused.

"No way!", Zohaib threw the towel on the chair. "Yaar Faryal I was waiting for Zahra since morning to wish her first but you said that she won't wake up soon and I can take a shower".

"If she decided to wake up early and wanted her Ammi to wish her first, what can I do?", Faryal shrugged and smiled mischievously. She didn't do it purposely but she was happy that it happened.

Zohaib sulked.

"Hawww, what's with that face? She woke up by herself Zohaib", Faryal rolled her eyes and then pouted.

Zohaib sat down on his knees in front of them.

"Happy birthday Zahra. Daddy loves you a lot. You mean a world to me", He smiled. His eyes showed pure love. He slightly bent forward and kissed Zahra.

He glanced at Faryal, she was smiling ear to ear. He shifted back his eyes on Zahra.

"Zahra although I'm hurt that you wanted her to wish you first but it's okay", he said.

"You don't have any other option", Faryal laughed. He groaned.

"What is this?", he pointed towards the mold.

"Clay mold", Faryal replied. "I want to treasure Zahra's growth".Zohaib looked intently at the mold.

"You like it", She raised an eyebrow.

"It's so thoughtful of you", He smiled. She looked around.

"Zohaib, can I hang it there", she pointed towards the empty wall beside the window.

"Why are you asking?", he frowned. "You can hang it wherever you want to",

"Because it's your room.", she wanted to say but kept quiet.

"We will hang it once it gets dried", she said.

*****

Zohaib was standing in front of the wall staring at Ayza's picture. He rolled up the sleeves of his white-colored kameez up to the elbows.

Flashback starts:

Ayza was lying beside Zohaib with her head placed above his heart. His hands were wrapped around her.

"Zohaib", she said.

"Hmm", he hummed.

"If you ever fell in love with someone else. What will you do?", she asked.

"What kind of question is this?", he frowned.

"Give me an answer", she demanded stubbornly.

"I can't, you are the first and last. End of discussion.", he replied.

"But still", she insisted.

"This is madness. We are on our honeymoon you should be romantic to your husband instead of asking these stupid questions", he rolled over her and nuzzled her neck.

Ayza pushed him back, he was taken back.

She looked him into the eyes, held his face in her hands, and said, "you know what Zohaib if you ever fell in love with someone else you can tell me. I know how loyal you are, I'm not doubting you but still, we are human. Over time, we can change. I want to say that whenever you feel you are done with me and someone is much better for you, you can tell me. Instead of finding it from somewhere else, I would like to hear it from you. Love is a much wider concept for me. I would prefer you happy without me over unhappy beside me. Your happiness means a lot to me",

"Ayza if it was possible for me to fall for someone else, it would have happened years ago.", he was getting annoyed.

"What if God forbid we couldn't live together anymore? If I cheat or I die or maybe something else happens", she asked.

"This is nonsense", he sat down angrily.

She took a deep breath and hugged him from behind. She knew he was angry.

"My point is, that life is uncertain. If there is a moment Ayza-Zohaib is no more possible, let your heart open. I'm happy as long as you are. The bitter truth is better than the sweet lies. Let your heart open Zohaib", she said.

"What will happen if I'll let my heart open?", he heaved a sigh and held her hand.

"You will get better my love", she hugged him tightly.

Flashback ends

"Let your heart open Zohaib", Ayza's words echoed in his mind. His eyes went towards Faryal's reflection flashing on the glass of Ayza's photo frame, Ayza's face blurred in the background and he stilled.

"Let your heart open for it, I'm happy as long as you are happy", the words kept flashing in his mind.

Faryal glanced at Zohaib's back, she made Zahra stand on the floor. Zahra walked up to Zohaib and held his leg.

Zohaib looked down, Zahra smiled. He bent down and picked up Zahra.

"Daddy how's our Zahra looking?", Faryal questioned.

Zahra was wearing a white frock with matching shoes, a pearl bracelet, and a headband. Instead of going for fancy themes Faryal and Zohaib decided on a white and golden theme for Zahra's birthday. Being her parents they were wearing the same.

"The prettiest", Zohaib kissed Zahra's cheek. He glanced back at Faryal she was wearing a white long shirt and straight pants. She strode towards the dressing table. She brushed her hair and let them open. She applied red lipstick and touched up the makeup a little bit.

Zahra was showing her dress and things to Zohaib he was giving answers to her but his eyes kept traveling back to Faryal. She took out a jewelry box from the drawer and picked up a gold necklace from it which dadi jan had given her. The necklace was one of the Durranis heirlooms he knew that. Faryal was hesitant to take it from dadi jan, but she had accepted due to dadi jan's constant insistance.

Faryal heaved a sigh. She gathered her hair on one side and wore the necklace. The moment she looked into the mirror, her eyes met Zohaib. She paused.

"Umm dadi jan gave it to me, but I'll give it back to her", she said.

"It looks great", he said instead. Faryal gave him a half-smile.

"And you too", he whispered to himself.

"The photographer might have arrived for Zahra's photoshoot. We should take her downstairs.", Faryal stated.

"Yeah", he agreed.

*****

"Smile", The photographer said.

Zahra was sitting on the decorated golden carriage, her eyes fluttered between her Ammi and camera. She was crying internally.

"No, no Zahra", Faryal ran towards her. "She is just taking pictures baby, look Ammi and daddy are here".

It took a few minutes for Faryal to convince Zahra for the pictures. She left Zahra when she felt Zahra was a bit ready. Now the problem was Zahra wasn't giving any response to the camera.

To solve that problem Faryal stood beside the photographer.

"Smile", Faryal made faces to which Zahra giggled and that's how the photoshoot went exceptionally well.

(A/N: I never wanted to give a face to any of the characters and left it up to the reader's imagination. But the moment I came across these pictures on Instagram, I wanted this to be our Zahra. "bubbahslookbook", is her Instagram handle, In case you want to know. Please say Ma'Sha'Allah for the baby girl.).

After Zahra's solo photoshoot, the photographer called Faryal and Zohaib for the pictures with Zahra and then the family members one by one.

Huzaifa picked up Zahra in his arms. Mahum also accompanied him "Zahra you got a chachi too now".

Everyone laughed.

*****

Zohaib lighted the candles and Zahra was busy, gawking at the candles. She was obsessed with shiny things.

He picked up a knife in his hand and looked around, his eyes fell on Faryal she was standing at the far end with Ayza's mother.

"Dhoor kyun karhi ho? (Why are you standing so far?)", he asked. "Zahra how will you cut the cake without your Ammi, han?", he asked.

Faryal smiled. These small things were enough to flutter her heart but she was afraid to give herself the hopes which will leave her heartbroken in the end.

She stepped forward and took Zahra from Zohaib. Zohaib held Faryal and Zahra's hand in his hand and they cut Zahra's favorite chocolate cake while everyone sang the birthday song in the background. They first gave a bite to Zahra and then to each other.

"Happy birthday Zahra", Zohaib kissed Zahra's cheek. He straightened up and looked into Faryal's eyes. Everyone looked at them silently.

"Thanks for everything Faryal. All this was possible because of you", he said. His eyes are shown with emotions.

"Stop all these formalities", Faryal laughed trying to lighten his mood. "Let me serve cake to everyone",

"I'll help you too", Mahum came forward.

"I have got good news", Mom said happily.

"Mom for whom you found the match now, because these are the good news we have been hearing these days.", Huzaifa said playfully. "It must be Zain I guess".

"Kesi baatein kar rahe hain ap bhai (What are you saying brother?)", Zain blushed like a tomato.

"It's a serious thing Huzaifa. I was thinking to start something new under my NGO for the past few months. Then Faryal suggested to me why don't do something for the kids. Guess what we got the government license and we are supposed to go to the inauguration today. I was waiting for this particular day".

"Now?", Uzair questioned.

"Yes", mom replied.

"Oh so are you going to name it Zahra?", Dad asked.

"No", Mom glanced at Faryal, she smiled at Mom. "We decided to name the organization Ayza. It's just a small homage from us for the love of children she had".

Ayza's mother couldn't her tears and her father tried to comfort her. "My daughter was blessed to have a family like yours", she said.

*****

Faryal and Zohaib were sitting on the floor dressed up in their nightdress. They were opening Zahra's gifts. Zahra was asleep so they were free to do that.

"Sari", Faryal starred at the deep red-colored sari in her hands. "Why did Tayi Ammi give Zahra a sari?", she looked at Zohaib.

"It must be for you", Zohaib said. "I've already unboxed the gifts she had gifted to Zahra and me".

"I've never worn a sari before", she said.

"Tayi Ammi was obsessed with saris when we used to be kids, she does not wear it anymore but she likes these. If you want to wear it she can help you with it", he said.

Faryal unfolded the sari and put an end of it on her head. "How is it looking?", she asked.

Zohaib looked at her intently. She was glowing in that color, "beautiful".

She moved towards him and sat down on her knees in front of him. She stretched the end of the sari and placed it over his head, which covered both of them now. She wrapped her hands around his neck.

On one hand, she was painfully shy but on the other hand, she would say those things he could ever say.

"So your sari has turned into a canopy", he laughed and held her lower jaw lightly.

"Because I want to try it now, but I'm tired. So the canopy is better.", she pouted. He lowered his face, rubbed his nose against hers, and smiled at her innocent complaint.

"You can wear it another day", he said. His heart wanted her to be his in every aspect, but his mind kept reminding her she wasn't ready for it and he needs to discuss things with her.

She placed her head on his shoulder, he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her onto his lap.

"Are you sleepy?", he questioned.

"Hmm", she hummed.

He picked her up in his arms bridal style.

She quickly opened her eyes and said, "I'll finish the work first".

"We can do it tomorrow", he placed her on his side of the bed and laid down beside her. She snuggled closer to him.

"Ishq ho raha hai tumse kya kiya jae, rokun khud ko ya hone diya jae (I'm falling in love with you what should I do, should I stop myself or let it be)", he took a deep breath and kissed her head.

I've been a walkin' heartache

I've made a mess of me

The person that I've been lately

Ain't who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me

And watch as the storm blows through

And I need you

'Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

~~*****~~

Assalam u Alikum/Namaste,❤

I hope everything is great at your side.

How was today's update?

Which part of the chapter did you like?

Do you think I gave a proper closure to Ayza's death?

P.S: Since the story is coming to an end, I had to put a proper confrontation of reality and closure to Ayza's character because once an alive person who had been a beautiful part of someone's life needed proper closure. This was the simplest chapter yet hardest for me to write that's why it took a long time.