Closeness | قربت

Zohaib stopped as he stepped into the balcony. It was a full moon night and the stars were out.  A cool breeze brushed his face, ruffling his hair. Squinting at his surroundings, he saw Faryal was sitting on the floor with her back pressed to the wall. He cautiously moved forward and sat beside her on the floor.

He turned his head towards her. Her features shone in the moonlight. Her eyes were closed, but her lips were moving probably mumbling something. Her hair flew into her face as the wind blew around her. He was looking at her intently, her face was showing various emotions.

She smiled, heaved a sigh and opened her eyes. She was about to stand up, her eyes fell on the figure sitting beside her. She screamed. Zohaib quickly covered her mouth with his hand.

"It's me Zohaib, stop screaming. You will wake up everyone". He said in a low voice and removed his hand from her mouth.

She released a breath in relief. "Jan nikal di apne meri (You scared me). When did you come outside?".

"A few minutes ago", He said.

"I thought you were asleep",

"Uhu, I couldn't sleep",

"Now you will blame me for that as well if you couldn't wake up early in the morning", she pouted.

"Jo bighrhna tha bighrh chuka hai ab itni asani say buray asaraat thori janay hain tumhre (Whatever was supposed to ruin, is already ruined. Your bad influence won't go away easily)", he teased her.

"I came here to talk to my Ammi, yesterday I went to meet her but didn't get the time to talk to her in detail", She moved her gaze towards the sky.

"Meet her?", he asked.

"Yup", she nodded. "I went to the graveyard to meet her that's where she lives," she murmured. "Don't worry I didn't take Zahra with me, she was sitting with Zain in the car", she added. Both of them silently sat there, staring at the sky.

"So your Ammi still hates me?", He asked.

She turned her head towards him. Her eyebrows wriggled in confusion. "Why would she ha-...Oh wait", she laughed. "Did you really think she would hate you? She is my Ammi she can't hate anyone. You are my friend that's what my Ammi knows about you".

"I am not your friend", he shrugged with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"You are kidding, right?" She looked at him hopefully. He shook his head indicating a "No". Her smile faded.

"Oh, you are saying that because I never asked you properly to become my friend, silly me", she facepalmed.

"Will you become my friend?", She stretched forward her hand for a handshake. He looked at her hand and then into her eyes. "Please", she added nervously.

"If I say no then", he teased her further.

"Koe baat nahi apko muj say dosti nahi krni tou mein apse dosti kar lun gi (Doesn't matter, If you don't want to become my friend I can become your friend)", she smiled, the kind of smile which didn't reach her eyes and looked at her hand. She seemed hurt.

She was about to move her hand back, he grabbed her hand.

"I was just pulling your leg", he said. She looked back at him. " You want to become my friend, so be it."

"Seriously?",

"Hmm",

Her eyes brightened up, "You are not just a friend but my best friend of course after Meesha, Zahra, and Uzair, but YOU ARE."

His lips twitched up into an amused smile looking at her child-like antics.

"That's an honour my lord", he gestured an adab (The gesture involves raising the right hand towards the face with palm inwards such that it is in front of the eyes and the fingertips are almost touching the forehead, as the upper torso is bent forward.).

"It should be", she laughed.

"I never had many friends, Meesha was the only one then I met Uzair and now you. But Zahra is my bestttt say bi zyada wali friend (Zahra is more than a best friend)", She closed her eyes and stretched the word best.

"Meesha is bad news", he said. Faryal chuckled.

"Don't say that. She is a sweetheart, it's just she get's protective over me..actually overprotective", She tucked the hair behind her ear and turned towards him.

"She is my childhood friend, we both know each other like the back of our hands. She was there for me in the good and bad times. I still remember when we were in 7 grade there was a boy who used to bully me, one day he called me a motherless child. I was crying so much, Meesha got furious", she paused.

"Then?", he looked at her curiously.

"Then what, Meesha broke his nose to teach him a lesson. The principal called her parents and struck off her from school".

"You got to be kidding", he laughed.

"Nope", she shook her head. "I was so ashamed as it happened because of me but Meesha being a Meesha, cooly said that she was bored of that school already. I knew she said that just to make me feel better. After that, I also left that school and we joined another one together",

"Are you trying to scare me from her", he raised an eyebrow.

"No, why would I", she shook her head innocently. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for her actions and whatever she says, please don't take it to your heart. She is not a bad person, it's just her overprotective nature towards me".

"No worries, I understand", His gaze shifted to her butterfly pendant. "I didn't know that you don't like pendants, if you don't like it you don't have to keep it".

"If I'm wearing it, doesn't it mean that I loved it",

"Sure?"

"Yup 100%", she assured him. "By the way, why did you give me the butterfly?"

"You have to figure it out, why would I tell you?",

"How can I figure it out when you are the one who has given it to me?", She said to which he only shrugged.

"Fine, don't tell me. I'm smart enough to find it out by myself. I was just checking how smart you are", she snorted.

"Did I disturb your conversation with Ammi?", he asked.

"No, you didn't. She knows everything already. She is nowhere yet the best thing is she is everywhere, I can feel her," She shifted her gaze back to the sky." Baba jan says that mothers never die they are around you as long as you are willing to remember them, you just have to feel. He said that my Ammi has become a star, now I know she is not there as a star, but I still sit in the balcony and stare at the sky for my own satisfaction", she said sadly.

Zohaib sensed her sadness. "Your baba is right, she is a star. Not one on the sky but the one shining star in your life", He said looking at her. He placed his hand on her hand. She looked at him and smiled "You are right, she is my star".

"Meri koe achi baat b krthi ho ya sari burayan hi krthi ho apni Ammi ko? ( Do you tell her about my good deeds or only about my wrongdoings?", he asked to lighten her mood.

"There is nothing bad about you to tell her," she laughed.

"I just told her that yesterday was the best birthday celebration of my life. Everyone's presence made it a very special day for me."

"How did you use to celebrate your birthday?", he questioned.

"When I was a child baba jan used to organize a big fat birthday celebration. So many people would come but everything seemed very inorganic, I would crave the human connections. I felt lonely even surrounded by so many people at that time. As I grew up I stopped baba jan from doing that for me. We would go to meet my Ammi, arrange a Quran khwani for her isaal e sawab (recitation of the holy book, conveying rewards to the deceased), send things to the orphan house, and cut a cake with the people who really care about us. Me, Amma jan, Baba, Agha jan and Meesha were enough for each other."

"That's amazing, you know", he said.

"It's the little gestures that matter the most", she stated.

"What are your future goals? I mean professionally", he questioned out of a blue.

"Future goals", she muttered. "It might sound strange but I want to become a bureaucrat",

"CSS aspirant?",

"Yup", she gave a tightlipped smile. "In that way, I will be able to deal with the problems of an ordinary man and do something for them. I had no idea that I'll be...I mean my life would get changed before the graduation, but that's what I've always wanted to become professionally one day."

"If that's what you want, you should never stop from achieving it. I know you will get there", he encouraged her.

"Do you think so?", her eyes shone with happiness.

"obviously",

"I have told you so many things, now you tell me about yourself", She said.

"Myself, like what?", he pursed his lips in confusion.

"Umm, let's start with your friends. Do you have any friend because I have never seen anyone with you",

"Friends...I had so many actually. Some of them went abroad or moved to other cities after graduation. Life changes when you get into a professional life but Uzair and Ayz-", he stopped. His eyes flew open as he realized what he was about to say. His features tensed.

"Uzair and Ayza are your childhood friends", she completed his sentence.

He looked at her. "It's getting late", he was about to stand up when Faryal pulled his hand, the one he has placed above her hand. He sat back and gave her a quizzical look.

"Uzair and Ayza are your childhood friend, then?", she repeated and intervened her fingers with his and held his hand tightly.

He didn't say anything and sat there silently.

"Tell me about her Zohaib", she said in a low voice. "If you think your silence would help you to make peace with everything you are feeling then you are highly mistaken, nothing goes away by ignoring it. You know what's the worst and painful thing is that nobody talks about her, not even you who claims to love her. Make her alive with your words." She said everything in one flow. She heaved an audible sigh.

"Na insafi kar rahay hain ap log Ayza aur Zahra k sath (You all are doing injustice with Ayza and Zahra)", She added angrily. She had realized he was not going to say anything.

"What do you want to know about Ayza?", he asked unexpectantly, after a long silence.

Her head snapped towards him in excitement. "Everything", she smiled.

"Why?",

"Because she is Zahra's mummy, your wife. She is my family too. I just want Zahra to know about her mummy",

"You are okay with Ayza's remembrance?",

"Of course, she is not my competitor. itni kum zarf nahi hun mein (I am not that low)",

He looked into her eyes and cleared his throat, "Okay I'll try".

"In detail, please", she requested.

"We were childhood friends. I was in love with Ayza even when I didn't know what love was. She was smart, adventurous, beautiful, humble, strong-headed, daring and so many things. Every day with her was like an adventure", he said. Faryal moved forward and hugged her knees, her eyes fixed on his face while his hand was still in her hand.

"Her likes and dislikes became mine. She liked painting, I learned that. She said she liked singing, playing guitar, horse riding, sky diving, and many more insane kinds of stuff, I did all that just to impress her. At that time she didn't know about my feelings for her. Uzair used to give me those insane ideas", he laughed ruefully. She tightened her hold on his hand.

"Uzair?", she was surprised.

"Yeah, Uzair knew everything from the very start. He was a great support. Ayza's father was really defensive towards her. Uzair even got beaten by Ayza's father."

Faryal chuckled. "But why?",

"Uncle maybe sensed my feeling for her so he would always try to keep me away from her. When we got into A levels, once Ayza was really sick so she could not come to the college for few days. Without informing her I decided to drop my notebooks at her home so she could catch up with the missed course. It was nighttime, the moment uncle saw me and Uzair he got angry. I quickly ran away but Uzair...wo achi khaasi mar kha kar wapis aya (He came back after he got beaten up).

"Oh my God! It's very funny. Poor Uzair, that's what they were talking about yesterday",

"Yup",

"So when did you start dating her?", she asked.

"No, we didn't date each other exactly. When we cleared our high school I decided that I should tell her about my feelings. I was afraid and highly insecure that we were about to enter into our university life and maybe someone would get into her life before me. Uzair also agreed. When I told her, at first she completely lost it. She was mad....really mad. Then the entire drama happened which I didn't like at all followed by her ignorance, anger, and rejection. Loving her was easy but convincing her was the hardest thing I have ever done in life. I talked to my parents they were happy, they talked to her parents and after almost 2 months of chaos, we finally got engaged. Aunty was super supportive all that time"

"Woah, you both were already engaged when you got into the medical college. Basically, you didn't date each other",

"Mom has told us since our childhood that if we like someone we have to tell her directly. Aur wese bi jisko pasand kiya jatha hai usko apni izat banaya jatha hai (Any ways when you love someone you make them your own honour). I won't judge anyone who does that but us boys decided we would never date a girl ever".

"Mom has raised gentlemen", she was in awe. "Phir kya hova (then what happened?), when did Ayza fell in love with you?",

"She liked me as well but after our engagement, she realized whatever she felt was more than liking, and eventually she confessed her feelings too. By the end of our first year in medical college, we got Nikkahfied, because dad Jan wanted that. And after our graduation we got married", he said with his voice breaking in between, his breath labored.

"We were happy, I thought I had everything in life. Life was like a fairytale for us", He stopped.

"Will you take me to meet her someday?", she questioned. "I mean...I want to meet her",

He fetched a breath, his feature got tensed, there were lines of pain on his face.

"I didn't go to meet her yet", he mumbled.

"Why?", she asked in a low voice.

"If I'll go there..", he gulped down the tears that threatened to choke him. "I'll have to accept that she is gone. I don't want to accept that. I just want to keep waiting for her. Hope....hope is a tragic thing, it keeps us believing. And sometimes, that hurts the most", he mumbled, again. Tears were falling from his eyes now. He turned his face away from her sight. He didn't want to look vulnerable in front of her.

Faryal moved forward and wiped his tears with her one hand. They were still holding hands but this time it was Zohaib who has tightened the grip. Her eyes welled up as well.

"Zohaib It's brave of you that you keep on living even if you don't know how to anymore. It's brave of you that you are trying to push away the waves rolling in every day and decide to fight. Just don't give up ever for Zahra's sake", she tried to comfort him.

"Everything has changed now, everything. If it wasn't for Zahra I would have died by now", he said.

"Ayza is here, we just have to keep her alive through our words. All your life you have done nothing except loving her, it's time to prove your love for her in this worst phase of your life. You have to tell Zahra how her mummy was, it's only you who can do that Zohaib. She deserves to be known by her child."

Zohaib nodded. "Thanks for everything", he said sincerely.

"We are friends", she reminded him "I've forced you to become one but who cares", she joked to alleviate his mood.

"Yeah, forced friendship", he smiled with glassy eyes.

"You never told me that you keep meeting her parents",

"I didn't do anything for showoff only Zain and Huzaifa knew about it. I was afraid that you might not like that. I thought Zahra needs to know about her grandparents. I can not vanish their pain but at least I can try to do something to bring a bit of happiness to their lives, Zahra is a ray of sunshine in their lives too. They are lovely people. You don't mind my interaction with them?"

"Not at all. You assume quiet things about me. Next time when you plan to pay a visit inform me as well, we can go together",

"I will", she replied happily.

"Your secrets are saved here", she pointed at her heart with her index finger. "You can trust me my dear new best friend", and then gestured in zipping her mouth.

"I trust you", he said.

"Let's go inside Khan sahb, your bad influence is getting dangerous day by day. I can't manage to go late for work every day", He stood up and pulled her up. She stood up.

"Khan sahb?", she repeated his words and laughed.

"Promise me you will tell me and Zahra more about Ayza", she looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"I promise",

They both went inside together, he left her hand once they reached near the bed.

"Good night", he smiled

"Good night", she smiled back.

They laid down on their sides of the bed. Zahra's sweet snores were audible. Zohaib kissed Zahra and wrapped his hand around her. After a long time, he was feeling light. Finally, someone was there to listen to his emotional turmoil which was eating him from inside. That night for some reason, they both smiled into the pillow and fell asleep.

*Through the illusive haze of destiny, the right path shall reveal itself all you need is faith.*

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