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Noah
The room is silent.
I can distinctly hear the waves crashing upon the shore, opposite the house. The slight smell of the rain is evident in the air.
Rain brings memories. Bad memories, just except one.
Scrunched nose and distaste in her dark brown eyes, she frustratedly scoffs at the weather. "I hate rain. Too wet. Too slippery." Then, she pauses. "I don't mean that it shouldn't beâ"
"I get it, Bella," I tell her, smiling a little before she goes on a rant about how it is her personal opinion. "Rains... They are just..." I trail away, not able to say anymore.
She looks up at me with her curious dark eyes, so innocently that I can't dare to believe someone can be insanely hot, amazingly cool, and breathtakingly beautiful, all at the same time.
I sigh.
It is Sunday and I will see her tomorrow. But whenever she comes to my mind, the thought of her with Thomas comes to my mind too.
I was not here when Thomas and Bella were a couple but I did hear a lot about their breakup at the start of the senior year. They were the 'it couple' of the schoolâwon king and queen together in the junior homecoming and promâbut all of a sudden, they broke up.
Most rumors say that Thomas 'dumped' Bella but... if Thomas had broken up with her, why would he say that he loved her?
For now, that is the least of my problems. I have another problem brewing up, slow and steady, and if I don't stop itâ
"YOU."
I jump a bit, almost falling off the couch. Taking a second, I give a flat glare to Adi.
"I should put a fucking bell on you," I say to him, still glaring. "And why the fuck did you just barâ?"
"What the hell did you do to Iris?" Adi asks, looking at me, way too sternly.
I freeze.
For the majority of the week, she didn't talk to me or even look at me for that matter and this guy comes to my room and says...
"What do you mean?" I ask him back as he starts pacing, in front of me. "Aditya, what do you fucking mean by that?"
"You both have been avoiding me. I called her and she said hello instead of what do you want. And youâyesterday, you and Mike were being all bro-bro while completing the schoolwork," He says, looking at me, accusingly. "And yes, I was jealous. Only you get to bro me, no one else."
Now, he pauses as I raise my eyebrows.
"Nevertheless, it is high time we have this convoâagain but this time straight forward." He continues, "Look, man, I know Irisânot as well as you know but I know her and she never picks up my phone and says just hello, okay? I know she has been avoiding you but she didn't avoid me and now, she is! That means it has something to do with you, my oh great best friend."
I exhale, real slow. "Adiâ"
He points at me. "So, tell me everything honestly or I will curse you for eternity if you dare to lie to me."
"Would you let me complete or just go on overdramatizing it?" I snarl, unable to control myself, but Adi has seen my worst and it isn't this. So, he keeps the neutral face, a look telling me to go on.
"I did not do anything to Bella," I say to him and to my fucked-up heart. "You know how important she is to me. If you had asked me this months ago, I would have not cared but I care about her and I will never do anything to hurt her."
He tilts his face, a frown forming upon his lips. He states, "You are not lying to me."
"No shit, Prickhead," I mutter.
"Oh, you are a dickhead," Adi says to me, scoffing. "You are a class-A asshole."
I give him a dry look. "Tell me something I don't know."
"Iris likes you."
I freeze for the second time.
Adi notices it, too. His tone drops to a softer one as he continues, "...and you are pushing her away."
"She doesn't like me, Adi," I say, clenching my jaw. "How can she like me when she doesn't... know me?"
Adi sighs. His fingers are pulling the threads of his jeans; an anxious habit of his. "She doesn't know...anything? Anything at all?"
"No," I say to him, looking away. "She doesn't."
"Not even aboutâ"
I give him a pointed glare. "Don't talk about it."
"Noahâ"
"Adi, no."
Adi purses his lips, starting to pace again. He says to me, seriously, "You are not a monster, you know."
I scoff at the absurdity of his statement. "I am a monster. Don't say otherwise. I am not some fucking angel from heavenâheck, I don't even believe in heaven."
"Yet, you see heaven in her."
There is a pause between us as I process his words. "Yes, yes I see heaven in her."
"Then, why don't you date her?"
"Because I would destroy her, Aditya," I reply, sighing.
"I think she would be into that."
I roll my eyes. "Also, I will not date her because she doesn't have feelings for me."
Adi groans. "Ugh, you are impossible. You both are. You bothâ"
I tune him out as he rants about Bella and me. But something about Aditya's observation doesn't make sense to me. Bella never picks up a call and says hello, everyone knows that. Something is wrong.
The last time we talked was on Friday after Thomas confessed his feelings for her. I had been hoping to talk to her after my family gave me a whole pep talk but it all went down the drain fast andâ
"Danielle." I say, "Danielle had come to school andâ"
Adi stops his rant and looks at me, confused. "And what, Noah?"
I look at him. "It is not possible, is it?"
"Not possible what?"
"Danielle kissed me in front of Bella and said she wanted to talk to me...alone. So, Bella turned back andâfuck my life, this is my fault. IâI should have kept my distance from her." I push back my hair and lean back on the couch.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not jump to conclusions like always." He sits beside me. "What I don't get is how Danielle even get into the school?"
I reply, "She and Zachary bribed the guards."
He curses in Hindi. "His brother was here too?"
"That's what she told me, anyway. I do not really know."
Adi doesn't say anything for a while. He asks, slowly, "What did she want to talk about, Noah?"
I let out a long breath and look at him. "Remember I told you that in my middle school, there was this person who used to do the worst things and called them pranks?" He nods. "It wasn't one personâit was two. The Booker siblings."
"Wait, weren't they in a different school?"
I scoff. "That never stopped themâthey always used to get away with the money."
He pulls the threads on his jean. "I do not like the way where you are going with this."
"When I got Bella here for the first time, she asked me about the prank. I, of course, didn't tell her but I knew what 'prank' was done on her." I tell him, "They had dropped a bucket full of bullshit on her when she pushed open the door for her class."
"What the fuck?" Adi pauses. "Didn't you meet Iris for the first time when she slipped from the stage and fell upon you? Did Danielle thinkâIs that whyâ"
"It is just a theory."
"Just a theory?" He gestures at me. "That girl is straight-up obsessed with you!"
"Unfortunately, that isn't where it ends." I cannot even look at him as I tell him, "She has threatened to make Bella's life hell...if I do not stop seeing her."
***
Mondays are fucking pain in the asses but this particular is killing me; slow death is what this day likes. We are in the first class of the day and Bella is sitting beside Colt, instead of her usual place beside me. Even when she was ignoring me, she used to sit beside me and this just shows something has shifted between us.
Colt and Caleb seem to be fighting and it is not normal to see them fight, not tease each other with ridiculous nicknames. Because of the angry radiations from Caleb, Adi has taken the seat beside mine. I wish I can say Adi is his normal cheery self but he is not. He is silent as fuck and, after yesterday, I am very concerned about him.
To be honest, I am concerned about all of them. Change is inevitable but the changes happening right now are not good. Not good at all.
"Noah," I hear Adi whisper. "What if there is a repeat of last time?"
I try to interrupt him, "Adiâ"
"No, listen to me." He gestures me to stop. He turns to me and I feel the panic in his voice as he continues, "Did I do the wrong choice of coming to school again? Or was your choice of coming back to the States good? I thought it would be different, Noah, but it feels the same all over againâonly it is with different people this time."
I clench my jaw. "No, it is not. That will notâor ever happen again."
He looks away from me and focuses on his notebook. "I do not want you to stop seeing Iris."
Shocked, I just look at him. "Iâhow did you know?"
He scoffs, inaudibly. "You are family, Noah. I know you and what you will do."
"Adi," I push back my hair and sigh. "I do not have any other choice. I do not want to hurt Bella not any more than I have already."
He clicks his tongue. "You think that will solve everything? You think that will stop those demon-incarnates of siblings not do anything. If you agree, Noah, they will not stop manipulating you. They will always use Iris as bait for you."
I look over at Bella.
Tomorrow is her birthday; she is going to be eighteen. I always imagined the atmosphere being happy and excitable and Bella grinning throughout the day, excited to be an adult, legally.
I had bought her a gift before I asked what she wanted. It is in the deepest corner of my closet, wrapped in cupcake-themed paper. I have not decided if I should give it to her or not. It is just a stupid gift, anyway.
Right now, she is writing down the notes while talking to Colt. She smiles at whatever Colt tells her but I know she is not fine. Her hair has been let down as if she just didn't care about her look and made it in a rush. Not just that, she has her hands in the sleeves of her red sweater and I know she does that when she stressed or... has insecurities about herself.
At this precise moment, she glances at me, and I do not turn away in time. We lock gazes and I know it is not only her who freezes. I do too. I am looking at herâproperly after a whole ass week of ignoring and not talking and I...I just realize how much I miss her. How I miss her snarky remarks, the sound of her laughter, her soft yet tight hugsâhell, even her punches. I just miss her.
My heart clenches when she turns away in the opposite direction. I look away too, breathing out slowly.
This is what I was afraid of. Hurting her, hurting her that she cannot even look at me, hurting her so bad that her smiles are fakeâI hurt Bella. All because I was selfish to be near her, to be always there for her, and... to want her.
And now, she hates me.
Nonetheless, this is what I wanted too, right? I wanted to push her awayâSo, congratulations to me, I did it. I did it. I pushed her away and I proved that I am still an asshole.
But the fact still remains: I am the fucked-up asshole of the century and sheâshe's my salvation and my redemption.
I do not hesitate when I tell Adi, "One last time. Then, the choice is all hers."
***
"Please? Please, Noah." I hear Chris groan as I stack my books in my locker.
When Adi had joined the school, he did some changes to the locker arrangement. To get his locker near mine, he had to shift it where there were two free lockers but the idiot shifted it exactly beside Chris's. To worsen that, my locker is between Chris's and Adi's.
"I said no, Chris," I say, closing the locker. I look at Chris who is leaning against his locker and has his lower lip popped out. "No."
"But I completed the drink, didn't I?" He groans again.
I give him a pointed look. "You did it when Mum was talking with me."
"Correction: Mum was scolding you." He grins, sheepishly, and I just glare at him. "Justâjust one song. I swear just one song."
I sigh, pushing back my hair. "Why me? Ask someone else for the opinion. Ask Rina or Beth."
He boos, "They both will straight up say it is bad."
"And you think I wouldn't?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. He pouts but doesn't say anything more as he proceeds to open his locker.
It is just after lunch and students are going to their classes. I have a free period, now, but Aditya has his computer science classes which, of course, he wouldn't miss even for tacos. So, I am stuck with Chris.
I ask him, "Why you are even asking for my opinion? Or anyone else's, for that matter?"
"Um..." He looks at me. "The band is going to participate in open mics in cafes and all. It isn't that big of a deal or anything. We just want to be good when we singâ"
"Cazzo, Chris," I smile. "That is great and, I must say, gutsy."
He sighs, turning towards me. "I knowâI mean, the only people who have heard us are us and the walls. We need someone to tell us how we areâbad or goodâjust tell us. Of course, the walls cannot give an opinion. So, I asked you. You know music. You sing and play guitar, Noah."
"Used to."
He raises his eyebrows. "I heard you sing in your room."
"I sing once in a while," I grumble but sigh, after. "Okay, I will."
Chris stares at me as if I just spoke in some language other than English and Italian. "Really? You promise?"
I tilt my head and nod. "I swear."
He squeals and hugs me. I freeze but stillâa bit awkwardly, thoughâI pat on his back. Out of all of my cousins and siblings, I am really close to Chris. He is annoying just like a younger brother should be but he is still my brother.
He pulls back, grinning, and says, "Okay, now, you get it back."
"Get what back?" I question him.
"I kind of had saved it for blackmail but I do not need it anymore. So, here ya go." He pulls out a white envelope from his locker and gives it to me, grinning.
I frown when I take the white envelope. I usually do not get any white enveloped letters. The ones I get are usually colored and Chris reads all of them. But this one isn't opened.
"What is it?"
Just when I turn the envelope, Chris answers, "It is from Manchester."
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- a u t h o r ' s n o t e -
wow. well, a lot of things are happening are now. i listened to "lay me down" by sam smith at least 56 times while writing this chapter. i reread the chapter and all i was at start: ADITYA SUBRAMANIAM.
until the next heartbreakâuhhh, i mean update,
inerys.