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Iris
Fourteen hours, thirty-nine minutes, and twenty seconds left.
For two nights, I had tried to sleep but I could notâI just could not. I had kept on turning and turning for two hours and five minutes until I decided to do something productive.
Dance, eat and study.
But, obviously, that didn't help my appearance or my mood today, especially after finding out it has rained and it is freezing out here. Not to forget, it is wet everywhere.
I must not slip.
I should not slip.
I slip.
"I am totally fine," I say to myself, balancing my footsteps, and open my locker. "I am fine."
"But you look not good."
I am really trying to be awake as I take out my notes for AP physics which is the only class without any of my friends. I hold back my discomfort as I turn to look at Thomas.
"Thomas?" I ask, turning back to my locker.
"Iris," He says, and then, his eyes look at my appearance. "What's wrong?"
"Existence of human feelings," I say without any emotions.
"That's quite philosophical."
"That's the truth." I breathe out, trying to be normal. I look at him, again, and ask, "Your mom okay, now?"
He looks confused for a second and then, (I tend to think) he remembers. "My Mom is perfectly fineâI mean she is stable, now."
I nod at his answer. "Glad to know." I look at the calendar in my locker and sigh.
I have missed today's morning soccer practice as I went to the dance studio for practice which also didn't lift my mood. If the teacher is not present, you can't put on the songâwho made that rule?
"Hey, Iris?" Thomas snaps his fingers in front of me. "I asked you something."
"And I don't wanna answer you," I say, keeping the notes in my bag and close the locker.
In the corner of my eyes, I see him, rolling his eyes. "Iris, what class do you have, right now?"
"AP physics," I say, automatically. I tie up my hair, properly, and quickly start to move forward.
"Cool, I will drop you over there."
"If you drop me, I will make sure you won't be able to walk," I say, walking towards my class. "Look, I have to go. Don't want to be late. You go to your class."
"I am going to my class. It is AP Physics."
I stop and turn towards him. "Don't joke with me, you don'tâ"
"I have an AP subject and I am taking physics. Now, may I ask a question?" he looks at me, raising my eyebrow.
I turn again to move towards the class. "You may not."
He sighs, again, and moves with me. "What is it going to take for you to skip this class with me?"
"I am not going to skip..." I stumble a bit but I don't fall. "...this class."
"You are stubborn."
"Whatever."
"Iriâ"
"No, Thomas. I am not going to skip any of my classes," I say, entering the class.
Then, everything's a blur. I hear words and scribbling on papers, just like I am going to do. I have no mood to study but it is my favorite subject, apart from dance. I have to study, I need to give this all my attention.
But the next thing I know, I feel someone shaking me and I realize that I slept. Feeling a sharp pain on my forehead, I rub it, looking at Thomas's concerned face.
I snap, "What?"
"Class's over, Iris."
Thirty minutes and sixteen seconds...
I look at the class and sure it is half empty, now. "Oh okay. Iâwhere's my bag?"
"Here," He says, holding up his hand.
I take it from his hand. He looks surprised but slowly dissolves into hurt. "Iris, I want toâ"
"I am fine, Thomas, if that's what you are asking." I go out of the class, not giving him another glance.
***
Justin and Juliet have already left, an hour and five minutes ago, and I am alone in the studio, practicing for Nationals. Going back to my starting position of sitting cross-legged, I restart the song and practice forâis it my sixth time or...?
Who cares, anyway?
There's still some time for the day to arrive.
God, it is going to be miserable, isn't it?
"Iris?" I hear Julio, after a minute and a second, as he looks at me, confused. "What are you doing here?"
Losing concentration, I slip down as I was doing the step, I have been practicing for three days. "Ouch!"
"Are you fine?" Julio comes to me, looking at my leg. Thank god, I wore my ballet shoes.
"Yeah." He turns my leg a bit and I hiss, feeling a little pain.
"Nothing. What were you thinking? I had told you not to do that step, here. It is dangerous. Iris, why don't you listen to me?"
"I am sorry," I say, looking at my folded hands. I hear Julio take a deep breath.
"Change back and go home. You are not going to dance anymore tonight. Promise me?"
"IâI prâI will try not to," I say, still not looking at him.
Promises are lies. Nothing but lies.
"Here." He holds me by arm, helping me stand up. "Change back and then, go."
I nod, picking up my bag and an oversized hoodie, as I go out of the room.
Four steps out of the room and I can't control my tears. I rush towards the girl's room and lock it so that no one comes in while I am shedding all of my emotions, here.
Why the hurt has to increase every year?
The more I grow, the more I feel I am leaving him. I am leaving the clothes I used to try on when I was a kid. I left the way he called me Iry. I am leaving how he and Dad held my bike when I tried to cycle. I am leaving the way he used to go on his walk with lady friends in London and came back home and tell us all the gossips. I am leaving the way he and Dad used to quarrel over their favorite teams in soccer and how he made dad watch cricket. I am leaving the way he held my hand and told me to follow my dream.
"Shit, Iris, why do you have to be such an emotional freak?" I say loudly, crying. "Stop..."
I start to cry more.
***
Already, I looked like hell, and now, with red puffy eyes, I look more like a red-eyed witch.
Holding myself together, properly, I go out of the building wearing my hoodie and covering my face with the hood as walked towards â wait, I came with Colt, today.
Suddenly, I feel the tears resurfacing again.
I really need to stop crying. But, obviously, my tears don't stop. I, quickly, wipe them away, hoping no one to see me like this. Thankfully, I see Colt's car still parked as I go and lean over there, waiting for him to arrive.
Grandpa hated to drive. He wasn't scared of driving but just hated to drive. He sits in the passenger seat and comments about things rather than just drive and focus on a plain road. But every time, Daisy and I needed to go somewhereâhe wouldn't hesitate to drive us.
Until... he couldn't.
"Iris!" Thankfully, I hear Colt's voice and I look in the direction. Caleb, Colt, Nick, Adi... and Noah, a bit behind them, walking towards me.
As they walk towards me, I put my hood in such a way that they can't see my eyes but I can see them.
"Hey..." I clear my throat as my voice comes a bit rough. "What are you guys doing here?"
"We were waiting for your practice to end so that we can go to Starbucks," Caleb replies, shrugging.
"I- I am sorry, guys, but I am just really tired andâ"
"It is fine, Iris. We can do that next time," Nick says, looking at me.
"Yeah... I just want to go home and rest," I say, avoiding any eye contact, since these guys will figure it, quickly.
"Okay... So, ready to go?" Colt says, looking at me and I nod, entering into the passenger seat. Sometime later, Colt enters into the driver's seat and starts the car, glancing at me.
"How was the day?" He asks me.
"Fine..." I reply before a big yawn takes over my words.
"You are tired."
"No shit, Sherlock," I say, rolling my eyes.
"Irisâ"
"Wake me up when home arrives, okay?" I lean on the window and close my eyes as darkness takes over me, quickly.
***
Right now, it is after dinner time and I have calmed down, myself, since the breakdown.
I am sitting in a supine position on the ground with my legs on the bed while Yeti is laying on my belly as I am going through past pictures, trying not to think what's coming.
But my brain has to flash the memories as I see me and Daisy, hugging each other. We were four and eight, respectively.
"Grandpa!" I whined.
"Yes, honey?" He looked at me from his newspaper.
"Daisy is being mean. She keeps on calling me Doremi and I don't like it." I huffed in anger. "If she keeps on doing it, I will punch her pretty face."
"Like mother, like daughter." He chuckled, before calling out Daisy. "Daiz!"
"She started it, Grandpa," Daisy said, entering.
"I did not." I whined, "Grandpa!"
"Well, I did not."
Daisy crossed her arms and sticks her tongue out towards me.  Angry, I stomped towards her but before I could do anything, Grandpa picks me up. I would've scratched her face if he hadn't stopped me.
"Oh lord. You, both, fight so much. Do you want me to separate you both?"
"Yes," We said, together.
"Okay, then. Iry, you will stay with Colt and Daiz will stay with Caleb. Okay?"
I'd nodded, vigorously, as I jumped off his arms to go to Colt's house. Because that was the first place I thought of whenever I was told to go out.
Daisy and I, both, (unsurprisingly) did not last for a day without each other.
Pouting, I came back to the house only to find Daisy, frustrated, looking at Mom. Dad and Grandpa were sitting on the sofa, sharing a look.
"I want Iry back. Get her back, Mom," She said, angrily.
"I am home," I said with a timid voice. When she looks at me with tears on her face, I broke down and went to her, running.
"You can call me anything you want but don't ever go away, Daiz," I said, hugging her. She hugged me back, crying.
"Yeah, you can punch me but don't leave me too, Doremi."
I'd groaned a bit but didn't say anything.
Grandpa bent down to our height and said, "You, both, are each other's strengths and weaknesses. Don't lose that. Now, you both love each other, right?"
"No!" We said, pulling away from each other, but looked at each other with a smile.
I snap out of my flashback as Yeti starts to lick me.
"Iris?" Daisy says, opening the door. "I was thâare you crying? Do I have to beat someone up? I will go all karate and kung-fu on that person." She looks at me, frantically.
"No, and you don't know karate. See, this pic." I show the pic from my laptop, wiping away my tears. "Remember this?"
"We fought that day, got separated, and reconciled as sisters again. Also, I made Caleb wear one of my dresses, that day." Daisy laughs as she sits, crossed-legged, beside me.
"Oh, I have that pic, too." I show her the picture. Caleb was wearing a floral white strap dress and posing like a model. We, both, laugh at it. "I love the fact thatâ"
"Iris?" Daisy looks at me with an unexplainable expression.
"Yeah?"
"It's tomorrow, you know?"
"I know, Daiz. I know." I look away from her, at the laptop.
"Do youâ"
I shake my head, mumbling a no.
"Hey, listen." I look at Daisy who is smiling a bit. "We are sistersâ"
"We are strong for each other."
"I love you, Iris." Daisy hugs me, tightly.
"Yeah. Yeah. I know. I love me too," I say, smiling a bit. She rolls her eyes and gets up.
"I will be in my room. Ava told me about some projects we have to do. So, I will be completing it. If you need anything, I will be just the next door." She smiles, making bullet shots towards her room
"You are such a geek," I say, letting out a laugh. Before she goes, I call her out and say, "Love you, too, Daiz."
"I know, Iris. I know." She smiles widely, closing the door.
***
It is past midnight; it means that the thirteenth of February has started. If I can, I want to skip the day but I have to face it.
Sitting on the bay window, I take a sip of the red wine while hugging Mr. Cuddles; I have been drinking tonight. Whoever said drinking reduces the pain is wrong because the pain is spreading throughout my blood, now.
I have been through a lot of videos and pictures, even though I know I am torturing myself.
It has been eight years now.
Suddenly, my phone rings, and I pick it up without looking at it.
"We are going somewhere, tonight."
"What a great way to say hello, Noah?" I say, sarcastically, as I drink the wine. "And... we are not going anywhere."
"Bella, we are and that too, right now. I am in front of your house."
Since all the lights are pretty much turned off, I know he can't see that I am sitting on the bay window. I slide the curtains and of course, he is leaning onâ
"That is one subtle car, you've got, Noah Arthur," I comment on the black sedan. "Didn't think you had that."
"You are... very blunt, right now." I can see him leaning forward a bit to notice my room. "Are you drinking?"
"You can't see me, Stupid."
"Well, I can see your other hand and I guess it is holding some bottle."
"Ya, fine. I am drinking. What's the big deal? It isn't like you don't do it."
I see he puts up his hand while the other holds the phone to his ear. "Wow, someone's panties in a twist."
"Calvin Klein's, specifically," I say, drinking.
"Bella, are you trying to seduce me?" I can hear his smirk.
"You are the experienced one among us. You tell me and anyway, it isn't like half of the girls in school don't seduce you?"
"We both know why," He says. "Because I am strikingly beautiful."
Despite being in a foul mood, I smile. I really smile.
"Noah?" I say to him, very seriously. "You are humorous."
I see him, running his hands through his hair when he starts to walk, fast, towards the house.
"Uh, Stupid, what are you doing?" I lean towards the window to get a better view.
"Get down, you, stubborn brown-eyed devil," He says into the phone and I can see a smirk on his face.
"God, the swings you have. Are you sure you don't PMS or something?" I ask him, taking another sip from the bottle.
"Bella... you know what? RAPUâ"
"Shut up, Noah. Fine. I am coming but don't you dareâoops." I stumble a bit as I stand. "Wow, the wine is going to my head."
"Bella, jump from your window. I'll catch you."
"Are youâ" I look around me, so no one can hear me. "âfucking kidding me? Are you trying to kill me?" I say into the phone.
Noah pauses. He looks down at his phone, first, and now, he looks up at me. "Did you just say the f-word?"
"No." I shake my head. "Nope."
"I am sure I heardâ"
I groan and say, "You are so annoying, Stupid."
He chuckles. "You coming?"
"Yeah, wait, I am coming from the main entrance." I start to turn but pause and look at him. "You won't kill me, no?"
"Iris," He saysâI know he is serious when he calls me by name (really someone cue Youngblood for me). "If I wanted to kill you, I would have climbed up to your room with a knife and stabbed your drunken ass."
"My ass is extremely cute. So, don't you dare to do anything with it."
I hear him take a breath. "Cute is definitely not the word I would use"
"What would you use then?"
"You don't want to know."
"I hate you."
"Every good day of my life."
I scoff, ending the call, and turn towards my room's door.
I am almost near to opening the main door when someoneâYeti's quick steps towards me, stop me. For a moment, we both look at each other. I am kind of sure the conversation goes like this:
Yeti: where you going, hooman?
Me: I am sneaking outâdon't tell Daisy
Yeti: Hooman, what's with the weird hand gestures? Oh! Are we playing something?
He yaps and starts running around me. I put my hand on my head, but any day I definitely would've gone with this interpretation.
"Yeti, Yeti," I stop him, opening the door. "Me going. You stay. No, tell Daisy. Okay?"
Yeti sits in the hallway and straightens up. Ah, good boy.
I blow him a kiss, going out. "Bye, Yeti!"
Noah is leaning on the car with his hands in his jeans pockets. I laugh when I reach him.
"You are such a bad guy." I pause. "So you're a tough guy, like a really rough guâ"
"Alright." Noah pulls me towards him, interrupting me. "That's itâyou are banned from drinking, anytime."
"Why?" I sayâmore like whine (ha, my voice is like wine). "I am not drunk. I am Iris Cooper and people get drunk on me." I point to myself.
He blinks at me and I look at his eyes. So amberâgolden with a tint of copper in it. The pair seems to digging into my soul and trying to get all of my secrets and fantasies.
"Fantasies." I giggle. "Funny word."
Whatever trance Noah was in, he comes out and mumbles something in Italian (I guess). Leaving me, he opens the car door and looks at me.
I cross my hands over my chest. "Are you kidnapping me?"
He looks right in my eyes. "Yes."
"Okay." I grin and sit in the passenger seat.
"Okay?" Noah questions me, surprised. "What just happened?"
"We just made our code words for going out somewhere," I explain. "Like if we go anywhere together, we just have to say that to each other."
He looks across my face and smiles. "It is a deal."
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- a u t h o r ' s n o t e -
this chapter was really hard to write... the next chapter was even harder... i have cried writing both the chapters. especially, the Daisy and Iris part reminds me of my sister and i (hi, i know you are reading this)
well, until next week,
Inerys