Chapter 31: CH 31

Seeing the smile on Lu Xun’s face, Ye Yao was a bit confused.

…… Is this over-stimulated anger and laughter, or simply a loss of expression management?

Probably didn’t hear it properly.

“Did you hear me wrong.” Ye Yao decided to be cruel and say it a second time, “I like guys.”

“I hear you, I hear you, you like men-” Lu Xun suddenly stopped and his eyes widened slightly, “You like men!”

It was at this moment that Lu Xun finally realised the meaning behind these words.

Lu Xun’s hand involuntarily tightened and squeezed Ye Yao’s hand, which he was holding in his heart.

When Ye Yao tried to pull his hand out, Lu Xun woke up and relaxed his grip a little, but he still held it and did not let Ye Yao take it out.

“You’ve said before that having physical contact with a gay man, even if it’s just touching your fingers, makes you sick.” Ye Yao said.

“I ……” Lu Xun’s words were hard to say, and the temperature of his hand began to drop, but he still held Ye Yao stubbornly.

“You’re giving me a break.” Lu Xun said in a sullen voice.

Lu Xun’s mind is in turmoil as he uncontrollably recalls the memories of his childhood that have made him sick to his stomach to this day.

When Lu Xun was young, his parents were both on the rise in their careers and were too busy to take care of him.

When Lu’s parents wanted to hire a nanny, Lu’s grandfather scolded him and brought Lu Xun in to take care of him.

For a long time, Lu Xun spent his childhood learning about the world around his grandfather, being taught all sorts of useful and useless things, and a large part of it was about how disgusting gay men were.

Grandpa Lu’s brother fell in love with a man when he was young and ran away from home for him. The two brothers had not seen each other for a long time, and when the brother finally came home years later with a horribly thin body, Grandpa Lu then realised that his brother had not only been cheated out of his relationship but also out of his money, and had been drifting away for many years, and was furious and cursed.

The old man has always hated male vixens who seduce men, and he would never allow his grandson to go down the same path, so he scares Lu Xun in every way.

Lu Xun learned a lot of miscellaneous things when he was a child, such as the fact that gay men were more likely to contract AIDS, that there was no good treatment in those days, and that a low resistance to the disease caused the whole body to rot in the end.

Like when two men go to bed and the whole room ends up with disgusting stuff all over the floor and walls.

Even now, Lu Xun looks back on the pictures of the smelly rooms and feels sick to his stomach.

For example, relationships that cannot be protected by law are prone to scum, cheating on that one day, cheating on another the next, and there are few good ones.

After Lu’s grandfather’s various generalizations, he succeeded in making Lu Xun firm on his path to straightness.

Lu Xun didn’t question this, but Grandpa Lu said to him in a serious manner: “In life, it is important to harmonize yin and yang, and only when you harmonize can you achieve great perfection. This is the truth handed down from the old ancestors!

The best relationship between two men is that of a friend, a confidant, a communion of souls! Can there be anything more intimate than soul contact?

Lu Xun once thought it made sense, that if you are a brother, you don’t need so much physical contact, it’s all about the spiritual level of communication.

Later, when he met Ye Yao, Lu Xun gradually began to think that this was not necessarily true.

To be a good brother you have to try to understand each other as much as possible and tolerate everything about each other.

How can he know the warmth of Ye Yao’s palm if he does not hold his hand? If he does not hold Ye Yao’s waist, how can he know if Ye Yao has lost weight recently? If he did not help Ye Yao, how could he see Ye Yao’s different expressions when he was lost in thought?

What old people say is not always true, and some experiences are outdated and need to be viewed with a dialectical perspective of development.

He and Ye Yao were best friends.

But now Ye Yao tells him that he likes men.

…… Ye Yao likes men.

Luckily, it’s a good thing it’s not already married to someone else.

“Have you thought it through.” Ye Yao looked at Lu Xun’s strange face and gave an inaudible smile of sadness and happiness, “If you want to go out now, I won’t blame you.”

Lu Xun’s palms are finely sweated and sticky and uncomfortable on Ye Yao’s skin.

Lu Xun’s voice was still muffled: “Is that why you’re distancing yourself from me?”

“Isn’t that reason enough?” Ye Yao’s voice was light, “I thought you would never be friends with a gay man, you would find it disgusting.”

It’s true, Lu Xun didn’t say a word.

Ye Yao continued to speak slowly: “…… I want to keep it to myself, so stay away. I also don’t want you to think of all the previous encounters with me and be too sick to eat, and for that dream to turn into a nightmare when I appear in your dreams.”

Lu Xun once again held Ye Yao’s hand.

Indescribable emotions welled up in him, as if he was watching Ye Yao step into the mire of his mind, an area that was dirty and confusing and stinking in his heart, a swamp he would never associate deeply with.

But now Ye Yao has stepped inside.

“If you have any ideas, just tell me the truth, there is no need to hide them now.” Ye Yao concluded.

“I ……” Lu Xun lifted his eyes with mixed emotions to the face he knew so well.

Every line of this face is known to him by heart, making him happy at the sight of it.

Just like now, when he looks at Ye Yao, he cannot ignore the joy in his heart.

Ye Yao is Ye Yao. Even if Ye Yao rolls around in this swamp, it’s still a fresh Ye Yao, it doesn’t stink at all, how can it be the same as others?

Ye Yao waited for Lu Xun’s answer as he awaited the outcome of his trial.

The judge who could pronounce his punishment was frowning in thought.

“You used to say you didn’t want to hold hands with me on the grounds that my hands didn’t look like a girl’s. Your excuses were all false.” Lu Xun frowned and opened his mouth, “I can still just hold your hand later, right?”

Ye Yao : “……”

What was this man thinking?

Ye Yao couldn’t resist: “Have you been too stimulated and now you’ve gone crazy? Do you want me to call 120 for you?”

“I’m serious.” Lu Xun said sullenly, “Whatever your sexual orientation is …… I don’t want the two of us to be estranged.”

Ye Yao froze, his nose slightly sore.

He was given the only exception again, and Lu Xun was even willing to make an exception for him to that extent.

It was impossible for Ye Yao not to be moved, and he was about to say something when he saw Lu Xun suddenly blush.

“Why did you find yourself liking guys, and since when, since you were a kid?” Lu Xun spoke fast, “And that damn male high school student was flirting and asking you to touch his abs, do you like him like that!”

Ye Yao : “…… is enough, don’t go around playing with your associations.”

Ye Yao didn’t want Lu Xun to misunderstand that he was hiding when they first started to be friends, so he said honestly, “Not since I was a kid, I found out after I went to college, I was really straight in high school.”

What does that mean? It means that Ye Yao met his heartthrob after he went to university and his heartthrob got so excited that Ye Yao bent himself!

Who the hell is it!

Lu Xun is so angry that his head is spinning. He stares at Ye Yao with a vengeance, trying to see through Ye Yao’s eyes and find out who Ye Yao is attracted to and beat him up.

Lu Xun gritted his teeth, “Who made you find yourself suddenly attracted to men?”

Ye Yao averted his eyes slightly sheepishly, “It’s all in the past, don’t think about it so much.”

Ye Yao is even defending that person.

Lu Xun feels like he’s going to explode.

When Ye Yao was a child, he liked girls who were gentle as water, so it is likely that Ye Yao was bent by boys who were gentle as water.

Because Ye Yao is a straight man who has turned from a straight man, and his personality and various small details are so ironically straight, Lu Xun subconsciously classifies Ye Yao as above, thus imagining the image of the boy who has turned Ye Yao.

He must be white and thin, with eyes like autumn water, speaking gently and never fighting, the opposite type of person to him anyway.

Lu Xun’s heart was stifled, and he had a fire running around him from nowhere, making him desperate to right this wrong.

Ye Yao used to be a straight man, but he was bent by a man, so he may not be able to straighten up again.

How do you know if you don’t try? In this society, it’s much better to be straight than to be a crooked guy.

Lu Xun slowed down, “You like guys, so have you ever seen a love action movie with two guys in it, do you know how they get laid.”

Ye Yao : “…… No, not sure about the specifics.”

Lu Xun breathes a sigh of relief: “You might not like men after you’ve met them.”

Lu Xun ordered two takeaways and had lunch with Ye Yao, who had to continue his tuition in the afternoon.

It had been a long time since they had had lunch together, and Lu Xun took a bite of his meal and stole a glance at Ye Yao across the table, his body overflowing with the joy of having lost and found.

When it was time for the afternoon tutorial, Ye Yao and the others were tutoring in the living room, Lu Xun sat in his bedroom, listening to the lack of movement outside while downloading some …… double male love action movies on his phone.

Looking at the cover on his phone, Lu Xun closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

The food he had eaten at lunchtime seemed to come back to his throat and Lu Xun felt so uncomfortable that he felt like he was going back to his childhood, to the disgusting and frightening news and images.

Before Lu Xun would have quit and replaced his phone in a heartbeat, but now he bites the bullet and clicks on the download.

Ye Yao is probably under the illusion that he can accept men because he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand and automatically glamorises the idea of having sex with two men in his imagination.

By the time he and Ye Yao finish reading …… together Ye Yao will understand.

*

After a day of tutoring, a meal and a shower, Ye Yao went next door and saw Lu Xun again.

Lu Xun is also fresh from the shower, his hair still damp. He is a tall, handsome man, a walking hormone in the eyes of many, the object of their dreams.

When Lu Xun looked up and smiled at him, Ye Yao heard his own heartbeat for a second.

Reuniting after a period of separation is a small parting and a dry run for the lovers. For him, the crush, what’s coming could be the next time it gets out of hand.

He doesn’t tell Lu Xun all his secrets, and Lu Xun makes an exception for him, accepting him as a gay man as a friend, but what happens when Lu Xun finds out who he actually likes?

At noon he was happy with Lu Xun’s willingness to accept, deliberately trying to forget the dangerous bomb that was about to explode.

“Come, I’ll watch with you.” Lu Xun pats the chair beside him and greets Ye Yao.

Ye Yao walked over and sat down: “What are you looking at?”

Lu Xun placed his phone on the table between him and Ye Yao: “A little film that will give you insight.”

The film plays slowly, the kind of film that doesn’t get too much into the plot and soon gets to the main thread of what everyone wants to see.

Ye Yao recalls what Lu Xun said earlier and understands.

Lu Xun This guy is thinking of straightening him out.

The homophobic straight guy he has a crush on sits next to him and watches little gay movies with him in order to straighten him out.

This sounds like an absurd joke.

Lu Xun blushes vaguely when the two heroes meet and one touches the other’s throat knot.

“Forget it, don’t look.” Ye Yao said softly, “I don’t think I’ll come back straight.”

Lu Xun didn’t take this up as he leaned in close to Ye Yao’s ear, “Can you imagine touching that man’s throat knot?”

As the airflow from the words enters his ear, Ye Yao turns his head slightly and sees the knot in Lu Xun’s throat protruding from his slender neck.

It was one of Lu Xun’s male trademarks, and he was certainly willing to touch it, to feel the sliding of the knot in his throat as he swallowed.

He also wanted Lu Xun to stroke his.

“…… can.” Ye Yao said softly.

Lu Xun turned his head and Ye Yao looked at him briefly, surprise and vague anger in his eyes.

“Can?” Lu Xun pressed his voice.

“Why not?” Ye Yao asked rhetorically.

“Good, very good.” Lu Xun turned back sharply, “Then look behind.”

The plot flies by, hero number one has invited hero number zero to his house, they are having a small drink, and hero number zero, not knowing whether it is intentional or not, shakes his hand and spills red wine on his white shirt.

The white material was soaked with red wine and something was visible under the shirt.

“Don’t be afraid, I’ll wipe it off for you.” Male #1 took a paper towel and released the drenched area and gently wiped it.

With a soft grunt, male lead zero fell forward and into male lead one’s arms.

Male lead zero gazed in fascination, “How did you …… get so good at rubbing it in? I like it so much.”

The drama was so outrageous for Lu Xun that he got goose bumps watching it. Normally he would have left in a huff and poured ice water on himself to ease the discomfort.

But by now Lu Xun’s anger had overpowered the other emotions and he approached Ye Yao again and asked in a cold voice, “What about this, are you okay with touching other men there like this?”

Under Lu Xun’s leering eyes, Ye Yao wanders slightly.

Lu Xun is a well-built, hard-working, junk-food-free man with no extra pounds and a smooth, muscular body that doesn’t look intimidating.

The main characters in the film are replaced in Ye Yao’s mind with his and Lu Xun’s faces as he splashes his clothes and Lu Xun holds a tissue to help him dry.

They would have some kind of contact and he liked it, but as a friend he was not in a position to ask Lu Xun to touch him like that.

Ye Yao pursed his lips and spoke his mind, “To be honest …… I prefer it the other way around.”

Lu Xun’s face eases slightly.

He knew Ye Yao couldn’t take it, and the film wasn’t a waste of time.

The two protagonists who had gone this far hugged and pulled together and stumbled into the bedroom.

Lu Xun, who had seen this, couldn’t help himself and took two large sips of water to calm his nerves, but it didn’t help much.

Lu Xun subconsciously moved in Ye Yao’s direction, his arm touching Ye Yao’s, a small physical contact that eased the discomfort caused by the small film.

Lu Xun simply put his arm around Ye Yao’s shoulders and half-embraced his into his arms.

Ye Yao : “……”

“Don’t move, you’re watching with me.” Lu Xun inhaled the air around Ye Yao, feeling better, before raising his eyes to look at the screen of his phone.

Lu Xun’s brain hurts as he looks away quickly and continues to try to straighten Ye Yao out.

“Think about it, can you really accept that it’s a man beneath you? They are hard and have everything you have in them, with nothing to complement each other.” Lu Xun says, “Most of them are not looking for spiritual understanding, but physical pleasure.”

“…… only after the body?” Ye Yao whispered.

Would it really feel that way? He was already mentally happy just thinking about being with Lu Xun, but he didn’t think it could get any better?

If he could, he would want to try it.

It’s a pity he didn’t get the chance, Lu Xun really is a straight man.

Lu Xun felt that his efforts should have worked and hastened to strike while the iron was hot: “Yes, it’s very unbecoming not to have noble spiritual pursuits. And men are not supposed to be fit, that’s not the kind of thing to do there, it’s sure to tire you out, how can it work?”

Lu Xun saw that Ye Yao’s face was fine and said what he wanted to say most: “We don’t like men anymore, okay?”

Ye Yao sighed.

Lu Xun probably thought that even if he was gay, he was still above that, and the difference between him and a straight man was that the object was a man, so no wonder Lu Xun accepted it so quickly.

But after watching this film, Ye Yao knows for sure that he is not.

As soon as he says it, Lu Xun will be scared off, right?

Good too, so he wouldn’t have to work so hard to hide his fondness.

“Tiredness …… isn’t something I should be thinking about either,” Ye Yao said slowly, “it’s something another person should be thinking about.”

Lu Xun’s movements faltered: “What does …… mean?”

“You’re wrong Lu Xun,” Ye Yao said lightly, “I like being the one down there.”

Lu Xun’s expression went blank for a moment as he stared at Ye Yao for a moment, his ears somehow tinged a little red.

Ye Yao stares at Lu Xun in silence, watching Lu Xun snap to his feet and flee in a panic.

Ye Yao sat down in the room where he was alone, paused the movie that was still playing on Lu Xun’s phone, then stood up and walked out of the house where Lu Xun was staying.

Lu Xun should not come back to him in the future.

Ye Yao closes the door and recalls the image of Lu Xun leaving.

Lu Xun was so angry with him that his face turned red when he finally left.