Emily couldn't decide. Practical or Impractical.
Her family expected practical. At her sister's baby shower, Emily had researched the car seat with the highest safety rating. For his first birthday, Emily had gifted Ben a savings bond to mature on his eighteenth birthday, in time for him to go to university, she hoped. Her theory was a baby barely able to recognize birthday cake from pureed apple sauce wouldn't remember his aunt's practical gift.
But Ben was turning two in a few weeks and Emily had the urge to start bestowing upon Ben all the things that would ensure her fun aunt's status.
"I think he's a little too young for drums." Sophie pointed to the set Emily stood in front of.
"But he might be musically talented. Mozart played piano at the age of three." Emily crossed her arms. She'd loved playing her mother's grand piano. Right up to the day they'd had to sell it to clear her father's debts. "I don't want Ben to miss out."
"Maybe start him on the tambourine? Or the piano." Sophie's eyes shone with mirth. It was a chronic condition for her best friend.
She'd come into Emily's life at her lowest point. School had just started and Emily found herself looking for a roommate to fill the financial void left without Finn in her life. With plans to move in together, she'd given up her dorm room and its meal plan in favour of an off-campus apartment. Finn was to find a local job while she attended class and eventually get a job herself to cover all the new living expenses.
Without his half of the rent, Emily didn't know how she'd make ends meet. Not that she cared much. The massive hole Finn left in her life swallowed her whole and left her in a pit of despair. Mary had driven her to Yale, moved her in, set her alarm, got her out of bed, pushed her into class. Emily acquiesced, doing whatever was asked of her, no more and unable to resist or pick her own path. She simply didn't care.
Mary put the ad in the classifieds and arranged all the interviews. In amongst a run of questionable applicants, Sophie was a ray of sunshine. After explaining the situation and confirming it didn't scare the other woman, Mary offered Sophie the spot. Sophie, desperate for a place not currently shared with cockroaches or rats, moved in.
When Mary eventually left, anxious to get back to her own life, Sophie gave Emily space. Later, the other woman said she recognized Emily needed to grieve.
Thankful for the reprieve, the ability to cry without the disapproval of her sister, Emily did just that. She grieved. By that point, some things had become habit, and she stuck to a routine. School, study, cry herself to sleep. Rinse and repeat, day after day. Some people gained the freshman fifteen. Emily lost weight, often forgetting to eat.
Eventually, Sophie took Emily under her wing. First, her new roommate started ensuring they ate at least one healthy meal a day. Then she pushed Emily to get some exercise, convincing her to walk to the grocery store together. Bit by bit, Sophie dragged Emily out of the shadows and into some semblance of a normal life.
Emily wasn't sure what she did to deserve Sophie, but she knew her friend probably saved her life. Unlike her family, Sophie asked about Finn, pulling the story from her in dribs and drabs, getting Emily to open up. Talking about him helped. Little did Emily know at the time Sophie was giving Emily the blueprint for what to do when Sophie's fiancé Thomas was tragically killed in a car accident three years later.
From that point on, the two were fused together in grief. Fiercely loyal to each other.
Sophie took Emily's arm in hers. "Maybe we try the toy section. How about a fire engine?"
"And encourage him to want to grow up to be a fireman?" Emily shook her head. "No way. Far too dangerous."
"Buy him the drums and he might join a band. Drugs and rock and roll have a disastrous history." Her friend leaned in. "Besides, you know Lance would have more fun with them than Ben."
Emily giggled at the completely possible image of her brother-in-law wailing away on a drum set. "Point taken."
"How about we look at adorable baby clothes instead?" Sophie pulled them away from the musical instruments. "And you can fill me in on the Montgomery drama from dinner last night."
Emily's good mood vanished faster than a mouthful of cotton candy. "I... wellâ"
"What did Mary do this time?" Sophie slowed her walk to match the waddle of the very pregnant woman blocking the aisle in front of them.
"Nothing really." Except be in the wrong place at the wrong time, again.
Both sisters had met Finn at the same time, yet had very different reactions. The first day of summer break, they'd stopped at the Waterfront Bar and Grill and the new busy boy had taken their orders. Mary took an instant dislike to Finn, which grew into distaste as Emily and Finn started dating. Her sister thought he wasn't up to the arbitrary Montgomery dating standard she set, making it known to everyone, especially Finn. She seemed obsessed with finding ways to sabotage the couple's plans.
"It was something else. Someone else, actually." Emily forced her voice to be calm, like she was discussing the weather. "I ran into Finn."
The bored look on Sophie's face morphed into shock as recognition dawned, her dark eyes widening. "Finn, summer fling before university, Finn?" Emily nodded. "Off to the army, Finn?"
"Navy." Emily nudged Sophie out of the aisle where she stood staring at Emily. "Petty Officer Finn these days."
Sophie followed Emily into a sea of outfits for toddlers. "You're just telling me this now. I want details. What did he say?"
"He didn't get a chance to say much." Emily picked up a mock sailor suit that might look cute on Ben and inspected the stitching, ignoring the slight shake in her hand. "Mary interrupted us and before I knew it, he was gone."
"What?" Sophie cocked her head to the side. "He ran away?"
"No, he..."
"Bolted? Ambled? Strolled? Drifted away?" Sophie's chin length jet-black hair floated like curtains in a light breeze.
"I got distracted, and he left." Emily hung the outfit back onto the rack and turned to meet her friend's gaze.
Sophie's lips pressed into a thin line. "Sounds cowardly to me."
Heat burned at the back of Emily's neck. Sophie hadn't known Finn, didn't understand the difficulties Finn had expressing himself. Memories of shared moments that summer flooded in. She'd taken down his walls brick by brick to prove she was worth his trust. Tender confessions over mutual loss, of loved ones, his parents, her mother built a foundation. Sweet kisses and precious promises solidified the cocoon of their relationship. Trust given and accepted. Dreams discussed, plans constructed, proposals put into motion.
The Finn she knew was quiet but strong, worth getting to know, worth loving.
She straightened her back and rose to her full height. Sophie still towered over her, but Emily had a will of steel. "Finn is not a coward."
Sophie's face softened. "You're too kind, Emily, too forgiving."
"So what if I am?" She hated when her family and friends accused her of being kind, like it was a weakness. To her, it was a strength. A way to combat the negativity of the world.
"I don't like seeing people using it against you, taking advantage." Sophie met her gaze. "Do you think you'll see him again?"
"I don't know how long he's in town for."
"But if you do see him again..." It wasn't a reprimand, more like encouragement for Emily to speak her mind.
"What if there was a chance to...to make him love me again?" Her words came out low, as if she referred to something taboo. Emily peeked at Sophie's reaction. She didn't see the expected shock or dismay at her weakness. It was more like longing.
"Do you think it possible?"
"There was a moment..." Emily sighed. "You think I'm crazy."
"Does it matter what I think?"
She considered her friend's question, then shook her head. Certainty rang in her voice now. "No." After a pause, she added, "But I'd like to know, anyway."
Eyes studying some place non-existent, her friend licked her lips. "I can tell you nothing would stop me if I could have just a minute more with Thomas." Sophie's gaze returned to her. "If you're sure this is what you want..."
Finn had uttered only two words, but his voice struck a chord inside Emily, igniting the embers of a fire she'd spent years trying to put out. She had come this far, what was the point in denying it now? "More than anything."