âªâ« Gair sa hua khud se bhi,
Na koi mera
Dard se karle chal yaari,
Dil ye keh raha
Kholun jo baahein,
Bas gum ye simat rahe hain
Aankhon ke aage,
Lamhe ye kyun ghat rahe hain
Jaane kaise koi, sehta judaiyan...âªâ«
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kabir walked into the kitchen to see Ahana cooking which was a rare sight because she leaves early, comes back late, and doesn't take a day off.
"Hey!"
She looked over her shoulder and smiled but it looked a little sad. "Hey!"
"What's cooking?" he walked a little closer to look.
"Dal makhani, Ma's favourite!"
He smiled, remembering that today was her mother's death anniversary. Badi Ma once told him that every year, on this day, Ahana makes Varsha aunty's favourite dishes in her memory.
"Ahana beta, are you done with the dishes?" His Badi MaâMrs. Neela Jaisinghâasked while entering the kitchen. "Kabir? What are you doing here?"
"I came for water!" he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
She narrowed her eyes at him but turned to Ahana. "Is he saying the truth, Ahana, or was he troubling you?"
He looked at Ahana with pleading eyes, to save him. "The dishes are ready, Neela Ma, and no, he wasn't troubling me."
She still looked at both of them suspiciously. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay, I believe you."
âªââ©â¶âª
It was noon when he stepped out of his room as an important meeting came up. He hadn't seen Ahana after they left the kitchen in the morning.
He was about to walk into the living room when he heard Badi Ma's voice. He stepped a little closer to see her sitting on the sofa with Meharâhis sister-in-law. He didn't want to eavesdrop but they were talking about Ahana so he stood there, listening. They didn't see him as he was still out of their sight.
"You are my daughter, Mehar but, Ahana is like my daughter too and you have said so many hurtful things to her today. You didn't think once before speaking." Neela looked disappointed.
"She deserved it, Ma. She deserved all of it." Mehar sounded a little angry.
"No, she didn't. I know that you are grieving your mother but so is she."
"And whose fault is it? Ahana killed her!"
"Ahana didn't kill anyone! Varsha died of cancer. It's been nine years Mehar, for how much longer will you hold her guilty of something she didn't have control of? She has already seen a lot in her life, don't do this to her."
Mehar shook her head. "She took my father from me, then my mother, and now you too."
Kabir frowned listening to Mehar's statement. He didn't understand why she would say that.
"That's enough, Mehar! It's time that you accept the fact that your father was an alcoholic who used to abuse your mother. Ahana convinced Varsha to divorce your father because that was the right thing to do and Varsha died of cancer, there was nothing Ahana or any of us could do to save her. You are a doctor, you know that better than anyone here, try to accept that too. Your sister has been fighting with people and society for more than half her life. First for Varsha, then for you, and now for herself. Give her a break, please!"
Kabir had never seen Neela talking so harshly but she has used every other way to make Mehar understand that Ahana is not the bad guy but she wasn't ready to understand and accept that. When she saw her mother die in front of her eyes, she needed to blame someone and Ahana was an easy target.
"She cares for all of us, Mehar don't you see that?" Neela asked.
Mehar let out a humourless chuckle. "How can you say that when she isn't even here to know and take care of anyone's problem?"
"Have you ever noticed that we never have to tell someone when need something? Whatever we need is always there without us having to say it.
"Our fridge is always stuffed with ice creams because you crave them all the time. My and Shaurya's (Neela's husband's) medicines are always stocked. We never seem to get out of fruit juices because Kabir and Vihaan (Mehar's husband) can't have breakfast without juice. Arya (Mehar and Vihaan's daughter.) never throws tantrums about her chocolates or toys, because Ahana fulfills her wishes before she says them.
"This is her way of showing love and care. She doesn't have to say anything because her actions speak volumes."
"I never noticed." It was just a mere whisper. "I hurt her, didn't I?"
Neela nodded. "Yes, you did."
"I'm sorry, Ma."
Neela shook her head. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to."
"But I disappointed you."
"I'm not disappointed in you, beta." Neela stroked Mehar's head. "I'm disappointed with that elder sister who was so blinded in her pain and grief that she couldn't see that her baby sister was in pain too."
Mehar looked in deep thought. "How will I ever face her?"
"Apologizing for your words and actions seems like a nice way to start." Neala smiled at Mehar and she returned the favour.
Kabir turned around to go back to his room, thinking that maybe now Ahana would get some peace.
âªââ©â¶âª
Everyone was sitting in the living room while waiting for Ahana to arrive. She had left the house instantly after her argument with Mehar.
Mehar looked guilty and nervous at the same time.
Ahana came and stepped into the living room.
"Masi!" Arya exclaimed loudly and ran toward her.
She sure loved her Masi (Mother's sister) dearly. Kabir saw their exchange when Ahana grinned and crouched down to Arya's level and gave her a toy which made her face lit up.
Arya was too excited that she left for her room to play with the toy for some time. But the minute Arya left the living room, Ahana's again started walking toward the stairs with an emotionless expression.
"Ahana?" Mehar said unsure.
She stopped and hummed so everyone would know that she was listening but didn't turn to look at her sister.
"I went a little too much today. Can you forgive me?" Ahana turned to look at everyone but when she didn't utter a word, Mehar continued, "I know I've hurt you today and I've been hurting you for a long time too. I realized that I was wrong. I'm sorry, Ahana."
Ahana stared at her for a few seconds and then sighed deeply. "It's fine!"
"That's it? You are forgiving me that easily?" Ahana only stared, unfazed. "Say something, Ahana! Went out your anger on me. Yell! Shout! Weep! Break things! Do something, anything!"
"I would have done all of that if I were angry which I'm not."
"Why!? You should be angry!"
"I have seen things, fought people, and pulled myself and others out of the dark places alone since I was a child. By now, there are only a few things that can draw a reaction out of me and your words are not one of them." She continued very slowly, "I'm not angry because I'm not hurt and I'm not hurt because I didn't expect anything less from you."
Saying that she again turned around.
"Ahana please!" Mehar's eyes were glistening.
"I forgive you, for today and for all the other days too. But you can't expect me to be back to normal overnight. It will take time. But we are good... Di." She said without looking at any of them and left for her room.
âªââ©â¶âª
He knocked again at the door but didn't get any answer so he took a deep breath and entered Ahana's roomâmore like the devil's den.
He saw her standing on the balcony, deep in thought. A gust of wind blew her hair away from her face.
He cautiously walked into the balcony and got startled by her voice. "Do you always enter in your friends' room like a thief?"
"Oh god! You scared me, Ahana!"
She was silent again so he stepped beside her looking at the city.
"Does it get any better, Kabir? The pain and grief of losing someone."
"It does. In the beginning, it hurts but eventually you understand that remembering good memories of them is the key to getting through this. Some days are worse than others but at some point, you also realize that they don't want you to shed tears over them. They don't want you to pause your life. And with time, you start to move on in life and always remember them with a smile."
They were silent for a while.
"Did I do wrong with, Di?" she asked.
"Did she hurt you today?" she looked at him but didn't answer. "Be honest with me and I promise to do the same."
"Of course, she hurt me!"
"Then why didn't you accept that in front of her? Why didn't you react?"
"Because it's better that way." She paused, "I didn't lie, you know. What I said was true, I was hurt in the morning, yes, but I wasn't hurting at that moment and that's why I wasn't angry. Now answer my question."
"To be honest, I think, bhabhi needed that blow to take the next step. But you also need to give her a chance to mend your relationship. Promise me that you will be considerate and won't brush her off."
"I'll try."