Chapter 34

MAGGIE

~FIVE YEARS AGO~

I gather some courage and tell my father everything. He looks disappointed, but it’s not bad. He’s quite understanding and wishes that my mom was here to help me out in this situation.

He tells me it’s my decision to make if I decide to keep the baby or not.

And I decide not to.

Carter’s not going to be in my life to help me raise the kid, so there’s no point in keeping the baby either.

It’s not a decision I made on a whim or because I’m a selfish girl who doesn’t want the responsibility of a child. I’m just heartbroken and want to forget everything.

Carter hasn’t stopped calling me since the day I told him I want to break up, and after countless arguments, screaming and crying, he still hasn’t asked me to keep the baby and marry him.

In fact, Carter thinks I’ve already gotten rid of it, and that’s the reason he wants to get back together.

I also don’t talk to Amelia anymore, because she’s on her boyfriend Dawson’s side, who’s on Carter’s side, which is a clear sign that she’s not my real friend.

Days pass, and I keep pushing the date to visit the clinic ahead. I’m so scared, and I don’t even want to call Logan, because I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes.

When I start freaking out about my tummy growing, I know it’s already late and getting an abortion is out of the question, so I stop stressing about everything and go with the flow.

By this time, I’ve cut all ties with Carter. He doesn’t even tell me he’s moving with his mother to New York.

So now there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that he’s ever going to find out that I’m going to give birth to his kid, and truthfully, I’ve stopped caring about Carter.

I’ve been under the delusion that I loved him, and as soon as I broke up, I felt so free. I’m not heartbroken, but I’m excited about this new phase in my life where I’m going to be a mother.

I write a diary about all the things I want to do with my baby. While I’m terrified about the responsibilities of taking care of a child, the baby is all I can think about.

When Logan leaves the country for a few months because of his work, I’m hit by this realization that I’m all alone in this.

I need to stop being that girl from the past who used to cling to one person. I need to stop being the “old Maggie.”

***

Nine months later, I’m at a little supermarket feeding my cravings. My baby loves sweets, especially chocolate and blueberry donuts. I pick up pancake mix and some ice-cream bars.

I’m making my way toward the section that sells pickles. I pick up the largest jar and put it inside the trolley when I bump into someone.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.”

“It’s okay.” I recognize the voice. It’s Logan.

“Maggie,” he says, and then his gaze shifts to my stomach, and he freezes.

It’s been months since I’ve seen him. His reaction tells me he wasn’t aware of my pregnancy.

As expected, he’s good at hiding his real emotions. He doesn’t react, just reaches for my trolley and puts his sandwich and drinks in it.

“I’ll pay for these, and then you’re coming with me.”

I have a feeling that Logan is pissed at me for some reason, but I don’t ask him. He pays for my things, and we walk to his car together. He drives me to my favorite taco restaurant, the one we usually went to.

I can’t bear to look at the disappointment in his eyes.

“I’m not going to ask you anything to make you uncomfortable. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” I say softly.

LOGAN

It breaks my heart to see her like this. This is the same girl I fell in love with. It’s strange seeing her here like this, pregnant and broken.

I feel like someone’s punched a hole in my chest. All I wanted was for her to be happy. I can tell by the look on her face that now she’s stuck in this.

I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s Carter’s baby, but I’m not going to ask her that. She can tell me if she wants to. If she chooses to be silent about it, then I’m going to give her that space.

She chews on her food silently, sipping the fresh watermelon juice. Just from the look in her eyes, I know that she’s not the same girl I knew several months ago.

This girl here in front of me is brave, mature, and someone who has a sense of responsibility.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask her silently.

She shakes her head, but she has a lot on her mind.

“You can talk to me, Maggie. Anything you want.”

She refuses to say a word. I feel like I have to coax it out of her.

“Is the baby mine?” I ask.

She shakes her head. My heart plummets to the ground because a tiny part of me was hoping she was carrying my child.

But I knew that wasn’t possible because I’d always used protection, and had been careful since I didn’t want her to end up in this situation. How ironic that someone else ended up doing that same thing.

“The baby’s father is going to take responsibility, isn’t he?”

“It’s just me and my baby, Logan.”

I don’t like the way she says it. I’m tempted to ask her more. I want to punch this guy who has left her in this situation, but I’m hoping he realizes his mistake.

“If you need any help—”

“I’m fine. I don’t want help,” she snaps.

I ask for the check, and we walk together to the parking lot.

It feels strange to not see the bubbly, outspoken girl that I used to know. This is someone different who has replaced the old Maggie.

She refuses to speak even as we sit in the car. There’s a thick lock of stray hair dangling over her face so I gently push the locks behind her ear. She slaps my hand away.

I give out a sigh. “If there’s something on your mind, speak up.”

Ironic how I never had to tell her that before.

She’s silent for a moment. “For months I tried to get in touch with you…” Her hands are trembling. “You weren’t here when I needed you the most!”

MAGGIE

Those are cruel words, and he doesn’t deserve to listen to them, but it’s like I needed someone to blame for everything that’s happened so far, and Logan seems to be the logical answer to it.

“I’ll take responsibility for the child,” he says.

And I have to laugh because that’s so like Logan. He’s an honorable man who would make decisions on a whim, but that’s not what I wanted to hear from him.

I guess it’s the pregnancy hormones that are making me like this. I have loaded my armory of words that I want to hurt him with.

“Are you telling me you’re ready to tell people I’m carrying your child so that no one questions me about the father?”

“Yes.” He says it with conviction. There’s no doubt in my mind he would go forward with it.

“You would only make things worse for yourself. They are going to say you’re a perverted old man who slept with a girl who’s almost twenty years younger than him.”

“I don’t care what people say.”

“Fuck you,” I say. “Because I care!”

“It’s the logical solution to this problem.”

“My baby is not your problem or anyone else’s.”

“I just want to do the right thing,” he says.

“Didn’t you say that you would never marry anyone? So, why now, all of a sudden?”

He stares forward. He wants to take responsibility for someone else, but not because he has any feelings for me.

“Aren’t you saying this out of guilt? You think I’ve ended up in this situation because you didn’t give me the attention that I wanted?”

His blue eyes cut through mine, and they are shining with agony, but he remains silent. I know I’ve hit the bulls-eye.

I throw a fist in his chest. “I don’t want your pity!”

“What else do you expect me to do, Maggie?” His voice has a harsh bite.

“Yes, I think you have ended up in this situation because I pushed you into another man’s arms when I should have been the one to give you proper guidance, if nothing else. Your father trusted me to look after you.”

“Just take me home, Logan.”

“I don’t want to cause you any distress in this situation, and I—”

“None of this is your fault, okay? I was a foolish young girl who watched far too many movies and didn’t know what reality was like, but I’m not that person anymore.

“I’m not going to chase love or anyone, for that matter.” I place a hand on my stomach. “The only thing that matters in my life right now is my baby.”

Logan doesn’t say a word as he drives me home after that.

I get out of his car because it’s getting suffocating inside. A maid collects my groceries from Logan’s car.

He tries to hug me, but I stop him. I’ve become this bitter person that doesn’t live off someone’s affection. I know he wants to say more, but I don’t let him.

That’s the last time I see Logan.