𝚜𝚒𝚡𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗

Feelings. It's such a strange concept that our bodies naturally produce. Why do we feel emotions? Happy? Sad? Angry? You don't realize how important those aspects of you are until they're taken away.

Yesterday, in that field, I felt something for the first time since being transported here. I felt my heart beat twice before I went back to being numb. That happened because Grayson and I were pushed up against each other, his limp hand on my numb body. I'm trying to wrap my head around it.

Letting out a frustrated groan, I start to look around the small bedroom that Grayson and I compromise with every night. I instantly begin to remove the pillows, glancing under the bed. I can't find the diary that Hunter gave me. I had it yesterday in the field, but after the weird and random butterfly attack, I can't seem to find it anywhere.

The sun is beginning to set, and there's no lights outside of the cottage. If I dropped it somewhere, I wouldn't be able to see it in the dark grass.

"Where is it?" I mumble to myself, not remembering what I did with it.

Sighing in defeat, I exit the bedroom and head for the unused kitchen. Grayson and I are never in here simply because we never get hungry. Another horrible thing that ghosts go through is that they have no appetite.

My eyes immediately narrow once I notice the white book sitting perfectly in the center of the table. I don't remember ever putting in the kitchen, but then again, nothing makes sense in this world.

"Hey." Grayson's voice startles me as he walks through the front door.

"Hey." I repeat, picking up my thoughts and holding them in my hand.

"What are you doing?" He lightly chuckles.

"Oh, uh, nothing." I try to hide the diary behind my body.

"Any word from Hunter?" He raises an eyebrow.

"No." Saying the one simple word out loud makes me feel weird.

Truth is, I have no idea what happened to Hunter. After we saw Grayson's parents at the hospital, he completely vanished into thin air. I'm beginning to miss him all over again.

"Where the hell did he go?" Grayson mumbles under his breath.

"I have no idea, he's MIA." Which is weird, especially for Hunter.

"That's odd." Grayson says while shaking his head back and forth. "What kind of guardian angel is he?"

An unintentional laugh slips out of my lips. I place my hand on my mouth to stop from giggling at how true those words actually are.

"What? Why are you laughing, H?" Grayson smirks while raising an eyebrow.

"It's so ridiculous that it's funny. He's supposed to be with me in this place, yet he disappears half of the time."

"I'm slightly offended. Are you saying I'm a bad roommate? That you would rather be with Hunter?" He crosses his arms over his chest. I try to not notice the way his muscles flex.

"Not at all, I just miss my brother." I shrug with another laugh.

"You're lucky this house is practically empty, otherwise I would be a terrible roommate."

"Is that so?" I tilt my head, eyeing him up and down.

"Yeah, I'm messy." He grins.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Okay, once again I'm slightly offended by-" His voice automatically goes mute.

I furrow my eyebrows and keep my stare on him. His focus is suddenly looking past me, glancing at something in the distance.

"What the hell is that?" He lifts his finger up to point.

I turn around, trying to figure out what he's looking at. My eyes widen as I look toward the window in the kitchen. Bright lights are shining outside, the entire field is lit up in the darkness.

"Is that a-"

"Carnival." Grayson finishes the sentence for me.

"No way, it is." I mumble, immediately rushing toward the backdoor.

My eyes widen as I sprint outside, taking a few steps away from the cottage. I blink a few times to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me. An exact replica of the carnival that comes to town every year in Renton is here - in heaven. How did it just appear?

"Is somebody else here?" Grayson whispers while standing next to me.

"I don't think so. That's not how it works, it's our personal space."

"Okay, then how is a full blown carnival with lights and rides in the middle of the sunflower field?"

"I have no idea." I quickly make my way over to the deserted area.

Grayson's right. There's a full blown carnival right in front of us. It's bringing light to the dark field.

"There's nobody here to work the rides." Grayson points out.

"Well, I didn't think it came with workers." I tease, which causes him to turn his head back and look at me.

"I'm starting to rub off on you, H." His smile returns.

"Yeah, right." I laugh.

"I'm being serious." He throws his hands up in defense.

Maybe he is and I just don't want to admit it. My eyes scan the carnival, trying to figure out why it would be here.

"I told Hunter to give us something fun to do." I remember our previous conversation.

"Yo, Hunt. Thanks man." Grayson looks up to the stars in the sky, smiles, and then gives a thumbs up.

"I think it's a redo, of that night." I point out, really thinking of the purpose for it being here. The last activity I did as a living, breathing teenager was walk through the carnival with Grayson.

"Well, if that's the case," he stands directly in front of me, "how about this time we make it a date?"

"A date?" I repeat his words, shocked he's even saying them.

"Yeah, you know, when two people hang out."

"That's not necessarily a date." I point out.

"Well, we could make it one. If you want." There's a hopeful undertone to his words.

I hesitate, my eyes locked with his. "Sure, why not?" I give in.

"Great. I would try to hold onto your hand as a nice, warm gesture but I wouldn't be able to feel it." His wide grin never fails to amuse me.

"It didn't stop us before." I point out, thinking to the many times we've tried to comfort each other.

His face twitches with happiness. "I guess you're right."

He extends his hand out and I waste no time to latch onto it. Even though I can't feel his skin beneath mine, it still gives off a comfortable vibe.

"So, what do people normally do on dates?" I let out a small chuckle.

"Wait, you've never been on a date before?" He looks shocked, which causes a sigh to escape my lips.

"I've never had a boyfriend, you know this information." I shake my head.

"You don't need a boyfriend to go on a date." He points out.

"I've never been on one." I murmur while looking around the empty carnival.

"Then we need to make this one extra special." He says while looking down at me.

"We're at an empty carnival in heaven, I'm pretty sure it can't get anymore special than this." I grin, keeping my eyes on his.

"True, this already tops the last time I was on a date." The way his voice drifts off into the distance tells me it wasn't a memorable one.

"That doesn't sound too good." Shit, I shouldn't have brought attention to it.

"That's how I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me."

"Oh, wow. That's terrible." I gulp, wishing I could feel sad for him.

"Our favorite spot to go to was a pizzeria near the beach. We stopped there on our way back from spending hours in the ocean. Little did she know, the guy she was screwing around with was picking up pizza to surprise her at her house. When she saw him at the counter she completely froze, I'm talking total deer in headlights." He clenches his jaw.

"What did she say once she saw him?" I know I shouldn't ask, but I'm so curious.

"I was totally confused, but when I saw this guy look at her and say the words: 'babe, what are you doing here?' I put the pieces together."

"Holy crap, what a bitch." I can't help but say.

"To be fair, the guy lived a few towns over and had no clue she was in an eight month relationship. It wasn't his fault, he looked just as heartbroken as I did."

"How could she do that to you?" I whisper, looking up at him.

"I have no idea. I broke up with her on the spot, even though she claimed being with him was a mistake." He shakes his head back and forth.

"I'm sorry, Grayson. You deserve way better." I add.

"Thank you. I actually saw her a month before I left for Washington, so I was an extra dick to my parents because the situation made me angry."

"Let's not talk about what happened to us. After all, this is my first date. Let's try to have fun." I change the subject to a happier topic. God, who am I?

"Fun, we can do that." He smirks while turning his head to the left, looking at one of the stationary games. "Let's play something."

"There's a line." I smirk.

"Holy shit, H. You're surprisingly hilarious." He looks at me with a fake shocked expression.

"I have my moments." I shrug, following him over to the area.

Balloons are set up, and the goal is to pop them with the little darts. This is a game I would suck at, but Hunter would love.

"Oh, look. It's already set up for us. How convenient." Grayson laughs while letting go of my hand to pick up one of the darts that are spread out across the counter.

"Whoever is controlling this is a genius." I say while looking down at the sharp objects.

"How about we see who can pop to most amount in twenty seconds?" He challenges, raising his thick eyebrow up at me.

"You're on." I accept the challenge.

"Ladies first." Grayson gestures toward the balloons.

I simply smile and pick up a dart. "Ready?"

"Go." He excitedly shouts.

I immediately start throwing as many darts as I can. The pressure is definitely on, but luckily I can't feel any nervousness creeping over me. Perks of being half dead.

"Okay, time's up." Grayson says after twenty seconds.

"I only popped six." I frown, turning back to look at him.

"Let me show you how it's done." He picks up the dart and I step to the side.

"Go." I say with a laugh, already starting to count in my head.

His hands are as fast as lightning as he quickly throws the darts. The loud popping of the balloons fills the quiet area.

"Okay, stop." I sigh, seeing he popped eight balloons.

"Looks like I won." He turns to face me with a smirk.

"Looks like you did." I jokingly roll my eyes.

"What do I win in return?" He says while stepping closer to me.

"Um." My eyes wander around the carnival, landing on the abandoned ferris wheel. "A ride."

He turns around, looking back at it. "Sounds good to me."

I take the lead and walk toward the popular carnival ride. Since there's nobody here, the ferris wheel isn't actually turning. There's no harm in sitting in the little seat at the bottom, though.

We scoot into the small space, and I completely forget how tiny this thing is. We are super close to each other, something I should have considered earlier.

Once we're both in, he looks to the side of the ride. "To the top, sir."

"What are you doing?" I laugh.

"Telling the worker to take us up." He says in a 'duh' response.

"Oh, right. Well, that might take awhile." I say while looking around.

"Do you ever get hungry?" He randomly asks.

"No, it's so weird." I exclaim with a gasp. "Do you?"

"No, and I hate it. Food is my life. I don't get an urge to eat."

"Probably because we're ghosts. We don't need food to survive." I can't help but laugh at how crazy I sound.

"I can't believe I'm a ghost. Now I know what to be for Halloween this year." He says with a smile.

If we make it Halloween, I think to myself. Trying to give off a positive vibe, I simply smile back at him. "Yeah, you're right."

"Do you ever have the urge to pee?"

"No, never!" I say while my eyes widen.

"Same, that's even weirder." He laughs.

"It also makes sense, our bodies aren't functioning." I shake my head.

"And this outfit is starting to get annoying." He looks down at his white t-shirt.

"I happen to like my dress." My eyes roam down it.

"The sunflower compliments it." He points to my hair.

"I keep forgetting about that." I admit with a grin. "How does it look?"

"It looks beautiful." He says in a whisper.

"There's that word again." I suddenly freeze up.

"How come you don't believe me when I say that you're beautiful?" His face slightly falls.

"It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just not used to guys saying that to me." I look down at the ground.

"That's such a shame. You should be called beautiful every hour of every day."

His words ring through my ears. I slowly look back at him. "You mean that?"

"Of course I do. I think you're a really cool girl, H. I'm sorry for all of the tragedy you've been through."

"That's life." I shrug it off.

"So, what do you think about me?" His cocky voice asks.

"What do you mean?" I laugh.

"I've called you beautiful twice now. The least you could do is compliment me back."

I'm at a loss of words. What should I say to him? Do I mention my heart beating for the first time? That he made me feel something?

"I think you're really charismatic." I choose my words wisely.

"Charismatic, interesting." He nonchalantly says.

"Why is it interesting?" I raise an eyebrow up at him.

"I wouldn't use that word to describe me. I would like to think I'm mysterious, intense, and attractive."

My eyes immediately widen as I look at him. He's holding back his laughter.

"You read my diary." I say in a strong tone.

"I may have peeked." He lets go of his laughter.

"That's not funny, Grayson. Those were my private thoughts!" I begin to shout.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to find it. It was in the field and the page was already open. I went to pick it up and saw my name, I was intrigued. I'm sorry, H. Really."

"That's why it was on the kitchen table?" It all makes sense now.

"Yup." He continues to smirk at me.

"That was supposed to be for my eyes only." I groan.

"Well, now my eyes are included." He smirks.

"You're an asshole." I mutter.

"A mysterious, intense, attractive asshole."

"Shut up!" I shriek, feeling completely embarrassed.

"It's cute that you think about me." He says, sliding a little bit closer.

My breathing hitches as I realize his face is extremely close to mine. Our noses are practically touching.

"Do you feel nervous, too?" He slowly whispers.

Wait, too? Grayson feels nervous around me? Wait, is he gaining feelings?

"Yes." I lowly answer.

"Have you ever been kissed before, H?" His eyes move down to my lips.

"I actually have." I chuckle. "Seventh grade spin the bottle party. Jason Wallace was upset that it landed on me and not Marie Vice. He had to kiss me, though. It was apparently against the rules if he didn't."

"Well, Jason Wallace is stupid." He slowly nods his head.

"He is." I simply agree with him.

"When we get back to the real world, I'm going to kiss you." He confidently whispers while studying every expression on my face.

His words really sink into my brain. I also think of Hunter telling me that Grayson's into me. Could that actually be true? "I'll take your word for it."

He simply smiles and looks out into the distance, allowing me to do the same. The comfortable silence between us is nice yet unexpected, just like the rest of this world.