Chapter : 54 - Shy Hearts | Part - 02 |
Uns Ki Mohabbat : Heartstrings
As I stepped outside with the tray holding a cup of tea, I saw Samir leaning against the pillar in the open air. He was staring at the dark sky, lost in his thoughts, and I got lost in him. He held his cream coat in his hand, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. There was nothing wrong with rolled-up sleeves, but those veins-those veins are my problem. Does he stay like this at the office too?
"Besharam Insaan," My heart said.
"Your tea," I said, walking towards him.
"Thank you, Mohtarma," Samir replied without looking at me, taking the cup from the tray and walking towards the couch outside.
He placed the tea on the table, then looked at me.
"I need a bit of your time. Can I have it?" Samir asked softly. Today, there was no mischievous smile in him, but rather an unfamiliar quietness on his face.
I simply nodded and sat down on the couch.
Then, out of nowhere, Samir casually picked up the flower vase from the table and placed it on the ground beside him.
"Safety comes first," he said as he sat down, and I turned my face away to suppress my laughter. Has he developed a phobia of vases now?
"Well, I must admit, Sahra's clothes looks good on Sahara," he said while glancing at my outfit. And then I looked down at my clothes.
And then realisation hit me!
Yaah Allah, why did I wear his brand clothes today?
"They're not mine, they belong to Uns Appi," I said, lowering my gaze.
"They look good on you," Samir said with a smile, and seeing that smile brought a strange peace to my heart.
Kuch ajeeb sa noor tha iski aankhon mein aaj.
(His eyes had a different kind of glow today).
Yesterday, there was sadness in his eyes, but today, my eyes couldn't seem to move away from him.
"Bahut khubsurat lagh rahi ho Sahara, aaj," Samir said, taking a sip of tea and placing the cup down.
(You look really beautiful today, Sahara).
And once again, my heart fluttered, hearing my name from his lips with so much affection.
What's surprising is how I could look so good to him right now? I wasn't even wearing any jewelry, and my outfit wasn't fancy as well.
"Don't lie, Mr. Farsi," I tried to reassure myself that his words were false.
"I don't lie, Sahara. You look good to me in every way-when you're angry, when you sit silently, even when you smile," he finished his sentence, and here I was, ashamed of my thoughts. To him, it wasn't my clothes or my jewelry that mattered-it was my essence. But why? Why is he saying these things today?
"Why are you here?" I asked directly, watching him place his empty cup on the table.
"Tumhe dekhne aaya hoon, Mohtarma," he replied simply.
(I came to see you, Mohtarma).
"Liar," I once again tried to reassure myself.
"Think what you want," Samir said with a faint smile.
"I have something to tell you, or rather, something to ask you," Samir said, looking at me seriously.
What do I have left to give, Samir? You've already taken everything-my love, my heart, my peace, my smile. What's left with me now? I wanted to say this to him, but I didn't have the courage. And how could I say it? What right do I have on him? What is he to me?
"Mai tumse mohabbat karta hoon, Sahara," he said, and my heart stopped. And at this moment, I suddenly felt a single tear fall from my eye onto my cheek.
(I love you, Sahara).
Why were my tears falling at words that no longer held any meaning for me?
"But I don't love you, Samir," I said, wiping my tears with my scarf, and I saw the peace leaving his face.
"Mai tumhe pasand karta hoon, Sahara, kyun nahi dikhta mera dard tumhe?" His voice broke this time,
(I like you, Sahara. Why can't you see my pain?)
Aur aaj meri aankhen mujhe tabaah karne peh tuli hui thi, kambakht aansu mere, yaah toh rukh jaou, yaah toh selaab ki tarah baho!
(And my eyes seemed to destroy me today. Damn these tears of mine-either stop or start flowing like a flood!)
"Mai tumhe pasand hoon toh, isme mera kya, Qasoor?" I asked him sternly.
(If you like me, what fault is that of mine).
"Maana ki Qasoor tumhara nahi hai, magar tumhari aankhen, Mohtarma?" His question left me speechless.
(I admit, it's not your fault, but what about your eyes, Mohtarma?)
"What about these eyes that won't let me live in peace? What about these eyes that have started appearing even in my dreams? What about these eyes that have become my reason for living?" With every word Samir spoke, both his and my eyes filled with tears.
If the Samir from seven years ago had said these words to me, I might have been over the moon. But this Sahara is not the same Sahara from seven years ago. So how could this Sahara be happy that someone was paying so much attention to her eyes?
"Bhool jou mujhe, Samir. I'm not worthy of you," I said, struggling to get the words out.
(Forget me, Samir).
"Nahi bhool sakhta," he said firmly.
(I can't forget you).
"Kyun?" I was confused.
(Why?)
"Aadat ban gayi ho meri, tum, Sahara" he said, staring at my eyes without blinking.
(You've become my habit, Sahara).
And I was no longer capable of giving a question or answer to him.
"Habits can be broken too," I suggested giving him a faint smile.
"Bad habits can be broken, but not the good ones," he replied, and I was surprised by his words. He never spoke like this before, so what happened to him today?
"Alright, maybe not love, but at least forgive me, Sahara," this time Samir's voice was desperate, as if he was yearning for my forgiveness.
"What exactly are you asking forgiveness for?" I asked him directly, observing his expression.
"For whatever happened in that club," Samir said quietly, lowering his gaze.
"So all this time, you were asking forgiveness for that?" Once again, I was surprised by his words.
"Yes," he nodded.
Aur ek bebasi ki muskurahat mere chehre par chah ne lagi.
(And a helpless smile crossed my face).
"Do you love me?" I asked, looking at him.
"Yes, I do," Samir replied, lifting his eyes to meet mine.
"No, Samir, you don't love me. If you did, you would know that love means sacrifice. Even if a lover causes endless pain, the shameless heart still desires them. When someone is destroyed by love, even that destruction doesn't feel less than a celebration because the lover caused it. And here you are, asking for forgiveness for the sake of love, Samir?" I asked with a broken voice.
"Then what is your problem, Sahara? If you don't want forgiveness, why are you denying my love?" he asked in a confused tone, and at this moment, I felt disgusted with myself for even loving a person like him.
"Baat toh mohabbat ki hai hein nahi, Samir, baat toh bharose ki hai." Today, I was finally letting out all the frustration in my heart, and I began telling him everything I'd been keeping bottled up for years.
(It's not about love, Samir. It's about trust).
"Do you know, the day after the incident at the club, I called you, I messaged you, and you didn't even return a single call-"
"I was angry, Sahara-"
"You could've called and told me that. Not once did you think about why I kept calling you, huh?" I asked angrily, tears flowing uncontrollably from my eyes.
"My sister was lying unconscious in the room, Samir! And do you know whose name came to my mind first? Yours, Samir, only yours. Before my own Abbu, even before Aziz Bhai, it was you who I thought of." I began to ask him.
"My heart was shattered, but I still had hope that if not for love, you would at least value our friendship. I wish you had just picked up the phone once. Even if you hadn't come, it would've been fine. Just picking up the call and giving me some fake reassurance that you were stuck somewhere would've been enough for me. At least my love wouldn't have been disrespected, Samir. Even if your reassurance were false, I would've still had pride in my love!" I said with a broken voice, tears streaming down, and helplessness overcoming me as I finally told him everything I never said before.
His face turned pale upon hearing my words, but what about my love? What about my trust?
"Tumhe meri maafi chahiye thi na, Samir? Toh loh dih maafi tumhe, mai tumhe apni Appi ke sadke tumhe maaf karti. Ainda apna chera mat dikhana mujhe," I said sternly as I stood up.
(You wanted my forgiveness, didn't you, Samir? Then take it, I've forgiven you for the sake of my sister. But don't ever show me your face again).
"Mai tumhara zindagi bhar intezaar karunga, Sahara. Mohabbat karta hoon tumse, zarurat ho meri tum!" He said firmly and his eyes were red, and his face turned completely pale by now.
(I will wait for you, Sahara. I love you, Your my need).
"Keep waiting, then!" I said just as coldly and began walking towards the door.
"Aur Suno toh..." His soft voice echoed in my ears.
I turned around to see him walking towards me, holding a bag in his hand.
"I brought this for you. These are your favorite chocolates, don't forget to eat them," he said as he took my hand and placed the bag of chocolates in it, then looked into my eyes.
Uski aankhon mein ajeeb sa dard tha, toh meri aankhon mein bebasi.
Uski aankhon mein umeed thi, toh meri aankhon mein dar.
Aur mohabbat dono ki aankhon mein thi, magar meri aankhon mein bharosa nahi tha uske liye.
(There was pain in his eyes, helplessness in mine.
There was hope in his eyes, fear in mine.
And there was love in both our eyes, but there was no trust in mine)
"Take care of yourself, Mohtarma, and remember--your Mr. Farsi loves you with a pure heart." After saying these final words, he wiped his tears and started walking towards the gate. and I just stood there watching him.
Is this the end of Sahara and Samir's journey?
I made friendship with a stranger, and before I knew it, that friendship turned into love. But when I finally confessed, I realized that this shameless love never lets anyone be happy.
Yaah toh insaan ko abaad karta hai, yaah use puri tarah seh tabah karta hai. Aur itna sab hone ke bawajud bhi yeh kambakht dil usi ko chahata hai!
(It either builds a person up or completely destroys them. And despite all of this, this foolish heart still desires that very person!)
I wiped my tears with my scarf and, with a faint smile, took the bag he had given me and went inside.
"Sahara, where is Samir? Call him for dinner," I heard Appi's voice as I turned around to see everyone seated at the dining table.
"Appi, Samir remembered some work, so he left," I lied smoothly with a straight face.
"Oh, okay. Well then, you come sit," Appi said gently, smiling.
"I'm not hungry, Appi. You all eat," I said with a smile, and without waiting for a response, I headed upstairs, closing the door forcefully and sitting in the corner of my bed.
My eyes fell on the nightstand where the flower vase was sitting-the one I had picked up to throw at Samir. He was so scared by at that time. A small smile crept onto my face but vanished just as quickly. My eyes then moved to the bag he had given me.
He still remembers that I like chocolates? Does he truly love me with a pure heart?
"I'll go check on Sahara," I said, getting up from the dining table.
"Uns, you sit. I'll go check on Sahara," Ammi said patiently as she stood up.
"No, Ammi, you eat. I'll go," I tried to stop her.
"Uns, eat with Aziz. I'll go to Sahara," she reassured me, placing her hand on my shoulder.
"Why are you so worried, begum?" Aziz asked as he served me some biryani.
"Her eyes were teary, Nader," I expressed my uneasiness to Aziz.
"Don't stress, she'll be fine, Uns," this time Ezzeh tried to reassure me.
I glanced at the other side and saw Tamir sitting beside Ezzeh, serving her like she was a guest at his house. Meanwhile, Rasha was absorbed in her meal, but I felt restless.
Just don't break Sahara's heart, Samir, I prayed silently.
"Sweetheart, eat something," Aziz said, bringing a spoonful of biryani to my mouth.
Looking at him, my worry seemed to ease a bit. I opened my mouth and took a bite, with a glimmer of hope that Aziz was here. If anything happened, he would handle it.
We finished dinner while feeding each other, and now my heart was quietly whispering that he shouldn't leave, he should stay with me. I've grown used to him; until I hear his voice and his shameless teases, I don't feel at peace.
"Sweetheart, is there any badam halwa left?" Shahjahan asked, getting up from his chair.
"Yes, there is. Why?" I asked as I stood up too.
"Can you pack some for me?" Aziz requested with a childlike smile, looking extremely cute.
"Come to the kitchen and pack it yourself," I teased as I headed towards the kitchen. As I walked, I could feel his scent-he was following me.
When I reached the kitchen, Najma was busy arranging the utensils.
"Najma, I'll handle this. You can clean the dining table," I said, taking the plates from her hand.
"Yes, Baaji," she replied and left. Then, Aziz entered.
As he came closer, I jumped a little and kissed his cheek, then started packing the badam halwa in a container. I was just putting the halwa in when I felt Aziz's hands securely placed on my waist from behind.
He hugged me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder, and kept kissing my cheeks. His light beard was tickling me-his beard was light but still rough.
"Let me work, Nader," I said as I closed the container.
"Oh, you make me restless, and then you expect me to let you work, begum?" Aziz asked, pulling me closer. His strong arms held me so tightly.
"You'll drive me crazy with these actions of yours, Sweetheart" he whispered, turning me towards him.
Now our faces were inches apart, and I was in his arms. My eyes wandered from his eyes to his lips, and suddenly, memories started flashing-how our first kiss happened in the push-up position, how my heart stopped when I felt his lips, how I struggled to hide my blushing cheeks, and now, how I was trying to control myself from getting lost in his lips again.
Uns, this is your mother's house, not your room, I tried to assure myself.
"Sweetheart," Aziz called out to me lovingly.
"Are my lips bitten or not? Check for me," this shameless man, without a shred of embarrassment, held my hand and placed it on his lips, pretending to ask, but actually teasing me.
"Kate toh nahi hai, magar mere paas chaku hai, kaatun?" I asked sternly, though inside my stomach was doing somersaults. I'd just eaten, so why did it feel like butterflies were racing in my stomach?
(They're not bitten, but I have a knife, should I cut it?)
"Why use a knife when your lips are enough, Sweetheart?" Aziz said, brushing his fingers against my lips.
"Show some shame, Nader. It'll do you some good," I taunted.
"Better if you don't talk to me about shame, sweetheart. Forget about me-where does your shame disappear when we're in the room, huh?" His words actually made me feel embarrassed.
What kind of man he is!
"Thank goodness I'm wearing a vest today; otherwise, my eight packs would've been gone---
"Be quite, ShahJahan," I said, placing my hand over his mouth.
And now I was truly shocked-he has eight packs? I mean, didn't he only have six before?
"Just letting you know that, I have packs like soft dough. If you're willing to see, just come home-you can always touch or even eat-"
"I'm sorry to disturb your romance, Uns!" We suddenly heard Ezzeh's voice, and I immediately pulled away from Aziz, trying hard to hide my blushing cheeks.
This is the most embarrassing situation-not because I got caught with Aziz, after all, he's my husband, and he has every right over me-but because of Ezzeh. She won't miss a single chance to tease me and drive me crazy.
"Your brother is waiting for you, jiju," Ezzeh teased and then left. As soon as she was gone, Aziz grabbed my hand again, pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing my forehead.
"You're absolutely crazy, Nader!" I exclaimed.
"Haan, mai hoon pagal, Sweetheart. Agar mera Rab uske baando ke ek aansu ke tipke seh pigal sakhta hai toh mera uski banaigai maqlookh peh pagal hona toh laazmi hai," Aziz said with so much love, leaning in towards my lips and I stood there, lowering my gaze as he came even closer.
(Of course I am crazy, sweetheart. And anyway, if my God can melt at the single tear of His creation, then it's natural for me to be madly in love with His most beautiful creation).
"Look at me, sweetheart," he whispered deeply in a commanding tone, and I looked at him.
Aziz gave me a slight smile and softly pecked my lips. Well, it was a one-minute peck. I hit his chest again, and he slowly backed away.
"If I stop breathing, the loss will be yours, Nader!" I said sternly while catching my breath.
"Stop threatening me like that, Uns!" Shahjahan responded firmly, and now I could tell he was a bit angry.
"Fine!" I said firmly.
"Good," Aziz smiled like a child.
"He doesn't really know how to get angry," I thought, watching him act like a cute kid.
"Take care of yourself," Aziz said while caressing my cheek.
"Call me before you go to sleep, call me when you wake up, call me before eating your breakfast, call me-"
"Okay, Shahjahan, now go, it's already 12!" I cut him off before he could finish his lecture.
"I care about you, begum, that's why I'm saying this," Aziz said, kissing my cheek.
"I know. Anything else?" I asked, smiling.
"And come home soon. I can't live without you," this time Aziz's voice was soft but with a hint of fear. Fear? But fear of what?
"And you take care of yourself too," I said gently, trying to jump a bit, but before I could do, Aziz bent his head down in front of me. I looked at him with full of love, and kissed his forehead.
Then, Shahjahan kissed my head, took my right hand with his, and holding the bag of almond halwa in the other hand, we walked out together. After bidding Ammi goodbye, I came out to see Aziz off. My hand was still in his, and it felt like he didn't want to let go.
We reached the car, and I saw Ezzeh and Tamir talking to each other-or rather, Tamir was talking, and Ezzeh was listening.
I didn't know Tamir even talked.
Ezzeh glanced at me, and I noticed a faint blush forming on her cheeks as she turned away.
Now I have something to tease her about, I thought, feeling satisfied at the sight.
Tamir sat in the passenger seat, and I opened the door for Aziz.
"Don't do this, sweetheart," Aziz said shyly.
"Get used to it, Shahjahan," I teased, closing the door. And Mr. Aziz rolled down the window. Will this man even leave today or not?
"Call me when you get home," I said softly.
"Yeah," he responded dryly.
"I don't feel like leaving," Aziz made another excuse.
"Aziz, Tamir is with you. Go now with some dignity," I whispered through gritted teeth and a fake smile, while my heart was telling me to punch him for coming up with another reasons to stay.
"Khuda Hafiz," he said again.
"Allah Hafiz, and go before I ruin your beautiful face, Nader," I said patiently, watching him hurriedly insert the key into the ignition.
After a few seconds, he started the car, looked at me one last time, and then drove towards the gate.
When I turned my gaze toward Ezzeh, I saw her looking at the moon.
"Are you worried?" I asked her while looking at the moon.
"Yes," came her dry response, as her gaze remained fixed on the moon.
"Why?" I asked again.
"Ammi has called me to the USA," Ezzeh said with a straight face.
"So-"
"She is calling me to come tomorrow and sent the tickets too," Ezzeh cut me off, explaining her issue.
"Why so suddenly?" I asked, confused by aunt Fathima's sudden change.
"She has arranged my engagement, Uns or rather, made it official; she just wants to convince me," Ezzeh said, sharing her main issue.
"So why are you worried?" I asked patiently.
"I don't even know why I'm worried. My heart is just not allowing me to go," Ezzeh said while looking at me.
"There must be some reason; it's not normal for your heart to be restless all of a sudden, Ezzeh," I said, trying to comfort her as I placed my hand on her shoulder.
"Okay, tell me why you were blushing a while ago, did Tamir say something?" I asked, picking up a slight hint from seeing her with Tamir.
"He said he would wait for my answer," Ezzeh said, gazing at the moon with a sense of ease.
"What answer?" I asked, feeling confused.
"Tamir proposed to me, Uns!" Ezzeh said, and my hand instinctively went to my mouth in shock.
"T-Tamir proposed? Does he even talk?" I asked in disbelief, and Ezzeh shot me death glares.
"Ezzeh, just admit it, you have fallen in love with him," I told her, speaking on behalf of her heart.
"Please, Uns, don't start this again," Ezzeh said with a dry smile.
"Come on, don't deny it. Ask your heart; at this moment, apart from Tamir, I don't see any reason for you to leave here, and meet him before leaving, perhaps you may get your answers!" I advised her with patience and began to head toward the living room, leaving her to ponder her feelings.
I arrived home with a heavy heart and found Samir sitting outside in the couch. Tamir and I went over to him, and I sat beside him while Tamir stood in front of us. Samir had his face buried in his hands.
"Samir," I called him, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"I don't want to talk to anyone right now, Aziz. Please, leave me alone," his voice was broken, and I suddenly felt the same restlessness that Uns felt seeing Sahara.
"What happened, Samir?" I asked, growing anxious myself.
"She doesn't love me, Aziz!" Samir said, removing his hands from his face, which was wet with tears.
"I'll get some water," Tamir said, hurrying into the house.
"Samir, what are you saying?" I asked, confused.
"She mistook my love for a necessity, Aziz. Sahara thinks I won't be there when she needs me the most!" He cried, and I tried to console him.
"Samir, listen to me. You must've misunderstood her. Sahara wouldn't say something like that," I tried to reason with him.
"I don't know, Aziz. I can't understand anything. I'm confused myself. What should I do, Aziz? Where do I find answers to these burning questions?" he said, choking on his sobs. Seeing him like that reminded me of myself seven years ago.
"How do I make sense of what she's trying to say to me? How do I understand what she means?" he asked desperately.
"The Quran, Samir," I said softly.
"You'll find all the answers to your questions in the Quran. I know you've memorized it, but now it's time to truly understand it, Samir. Open the Quran and find the answers to your questions," I finished saying and Tamir returned with the water.
I took the glass of water from Tamir and handed it to Samir. Without saying a word, he took the glass and his tears too stopped by then. Samir finished the water in one gulp.
Then the three of us stood up, and Samir, with hurried steps, began walking toward his room.
"Tamir, take some dinner to him. He hasn't eaten anything," I said to him and headed to the kitchen, and keeping the container in the fridge I headed toward my own room.
I changed my clothes and sat on the bed, dialing Sweetheart's number.
"Did Samir and Sahara have a fight?" Uns asked, the first question after greeting and getting straight to the point.
"Well-"
"Tell me the truth, Aziz," her voice was firm.
"Why are you worried, Sweetheart?" I asked, being confused by her behavior.
"Sahara hasn't eaten anything, Aziz. When she's upset, she doesn't eat. That's why I'm worried. Just reassure me that nothing serious has happened between them, or else the trust I've started building in Samir will break." At this moment, I wasn't speaking to my wife but to a concerned sister, who is deeply possessive of her younger sister.
"Begum, nothing has happened between them. You're just overthinking," I tried to reassure her, trusting fully in Samir.
"Alright, I'll talk to you tomorrow," Uns gave a dry response.
"Sweetheart, I love you," I said gently.
"Ammi is calling me, Aziz. I have to go," Uns said and ended the call.
It didn't hurt that she didn't say 'I love you' back, but I regretted that when she did express it once, I stayed silent.
I tried to sleep, lost in thoughts of her, but couldn't, so I decided to work instead.
As I was about to open my laptop, my phone started ringing and an instant smile crept on my face seeing Sweetheart's caller id. I picked up instantly.
"I love you too, Nader" Sweetheart said instantly and hang up.And here I sat with expressionless face.
She confessed to me?
But why am I so afraid now?
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At 9 in the morning, we finished breakfast and were waiting for tea. I was chatting with Abbu and Ammi, while Tamir sat with us, busy checking his office emails, and Samir was preparing the tea.
"Aziz, we need your advice on something," Ammi began the conversation.
"Yes, Ammi, go ahead," I replied, taking an interest in what she had to say.
"We were thinking of asking, Sahara's hand for Tamir," Ammi barely finished her sentence when we heard the loud sound of things falling.
I turned to the right and saw that Tamir's phone slipped from his hand and fallen to the ground, while in front of us, the tray had slipped from Samir's hands. The tea and the cups were scattered all over the floor, with broken pieces.
I quickly rushed towards Samir, who was standing frozen like a statue.
"Accha, toh tu aise raazi? Theke phir teri yeh aazmaayish seh bhi guzar ke dekhta hoon, Allah," Samir said softly while looking up, and then bent down to pick up the cups.
(So, this is Your will? Fine, I'll pass through this trial too, Allah)
"I'll call a servant. You don't need to do this, Samir," I told him.
"I'm the one who broke it, so I'll only fix it, Aziz" he said, and started picking up the broken pieces of glass.
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