49

Despite conversations about Lynn buzzing like mosquitoes that I have to block my ears off, classes ran smoothly until the dismissal bell had people rushing out. Their subsequent rattling in the hallway rekindled gossip of her—I would rather be left alone with Mrs. Summers, rearranging my belongings as slow as possible. The teacher who usually couldn't stop raving about going home, remained on her desk, tapping her pen and grading some papers.

I wasn't really thrown aback. She wasn't as pumped up in delivering her lectures, apparent from the lack of her iconic bouncy tone and playful remarks. Just like the other teachers, she reserved a couple of minutes to observe a moment of silence for Lynn, and she could only stare down at the floor. It not only affected not just her circle, but them too—those who had personally interacted with her.

"Oh Serena... just a moment please?"

Once I slung on my backpack and was about to step out, her call stopped me in my tracks. I didn't know why the urge to pass her the cold shoulder tempted me, but I immediately strangled it, whirling around and forcing myself to stretch my lips. Ain't no way I'm gonna do that.

"Sure, what is it?"

When I approached her, I hovered over the past worksheets we did last week. Upon closer inspection, my stomach practically sank when Lynn's papers were the first to pop up. Even the name had my mind conjuring up multiple images of her, no longer tangible, but this wasn't the time to burst in tears in front of a teacher.

What's she gonna talk about with Lynn? Is she gonna be... like them too?

"I'm sorry to hear about your friend," she started and immediately, a pang of pain shot out of me. She jotted down a huge A+ on top of the page, but she pressed down on her pen that red ink squirted out. "She finally got the score she wanted, but it's such a shame that she wasn't here to see it. She would have been so happy, especially when she had been working so hard to improve her grades. She was such a cheerful and bright student."

Her voice trailed off, reverberating through the dense air; the same air that continued stinging my skin like a thousand pins and needles. I pressed my hand against my mouth, unable to produce any responses of some sort. However, at the very least... she didn't proceed to fire me with any types of questions, cornering me like those people.

Mrs. Summers gingerly stacked all the worksheets together, her sigh chased off the silence creeping on us. Looking at me, she threw a rather tight smile. "Sorry, I held you back a bit there. You can go now. Stay safe out there."

"That's okay... thank you," I whispered and slightly bowed.

Stepping out of the classroom, the gushing stream of students had predominantly dispersed, tending to their own business. All of their endless chattering had died down and at long last, my lungs could expand with ease. No longer was I a subject of their interest—I was someone insignificant in their lives, someone who wouldn't even last a second in their memories.

And it was much better staying this way.

Florence was waiting by the end of the hall, slumped against the wall. Tapping on her folded arms, her frown deepened as she zeroed in on people bold enough to steal a glance in her way, not hesitating to throw some hands if she could. However, as soon as I made known my presence by hurrying towards her, she promptly straightened her body and cleared her throat.

"Well, that took a while," she announced.

"Sorry, I was talking with Mrs. Summers," I murmured lamely, fixing back my hat. "She was just curious about Lynn and all." And needless to say, a stab of discomfort shot up against my throat, as though it was a curse to utter her name.

Florence hummed in response before she suddenly set off, one step of hers was two steps of mine. However, somehow I matched up with her hastening pace as we walked down the stairs. "Everyone's been obsessed with her," she said. "Thanks to social media, the news has travelled to everyone else in all of the area, and it's kinda... frightening."

"...That made sense," I muttered—my brain fogged out to contribute to the conversation, let alone process a proper thought.

Regardless, it was expected. In this fairly suburban town enclosed by the mountains and the ocean, any devastating accounts would have made its way to everyone's ears in less than a day, hours even. What was more, all those witnesses that day and the flocking reporters would exacerbate the spread—like constantly feeding a spark of fire gasoline.

And none of us, not even her family, could stop it.

"By the way... where's the girl with the star hair clip?" Never did my stomach churn so abruptly at Florence's description—a description sounding so intimate, that it hit my body like a colliding train. While she exited the school so casually, I found myself slowing down, stopping right in front of the opened doors. "I thought perhaps, if you're here, then she'll be here too..." she paused. "Serena?"

I didn't acknowledge Florence's call, just like I never acknowledged my best friend's pleas for help, because my idiotic self had chosen to embrace indifference.

In that bus stop, I sat there all frozen and still, not bothering to wipe off the waterfall of tears adorning her cheeks, while she had been stopping my own tears from falling after she shoved all those bullies away. Never an ounce of consolation did I manage to bestow her that day, even as she consoled me when I was losing against my inner demons. Never did I provide her hope, when she had been the one prepping me up with hopes for the future and reconciliation with our childhood friends.

Alyssa Farthings was always there for me, equipped with every single skill to appease me and drag me back into the light, but... never was I there for her when she was the one plunging to the darkness. And to add salt to the wound, I was the one lashing back, shoving her deeper rather than pulling her out. Why? Why did I even do such a thing? Why can't I just... help her then?

A hand waved in my cloudy sight, but there was no need to guess who it was—her green hair was visible from the corner of my vision. "Serena, hellooo, are you there? What's going on?"

My attention gravitated towards the branches of the trees swaying back and forth, stripped off its leaves. The sun tried its hardest to shine its rays through the swollen and darkening clouds, but even the ruler of the day was helpless; all it did was diffuse shadows over the town.

"R-Remember what you told me back on the stairs? I guess you're right," I blurted without further contemplation and both of Florence's brows raised, vanishing underneath her fringes. Nothing was suppressing me anymore. "I've always been naive about everything. I barely took the initiative. So gullible, I don't even know if I'm selfless or selfish anymore..." I craned up at the gray sky. "I'm lost."

The librarian said nothing momentarily, casting her gaze to the side—perhaps she was aware of my best friend's absence.

"I admit, I was being a dick there..." She then huffed, scratching her head and placing her arms on her hips. "But even if you're naive, it doesn't mean you're gonna stay like that forever, no? At this age, there are so many opportunities we can take, so many lessons to learn, so many experiences we can use to improve ourselves." Her brown eyes glittered. "Though it all starts from you, yourself and if you're willing to do them."

Honestly, her words had me scrunching my forehead, but as they began to register, my spirits felt lightened, as though all the weights pushing down on me vanished. Florence's remarks might whizz like arrows and pierce me in all directions, at the end of the day, those were telltale signs for me to step up. Regrets of my past actions might loiter around, but... what was the point wallowing on it if I couldn't turn back anymore?

Her ponytail swayed with her movements as we continued a journey where I could slowly start turning things around, where we could share our grief for Lynn together, all of us, with no one being left behind. I tucked my hair behind my ear as the wind picked its pace, pushing everything out of its path, even the dense clouds, so that the sunlight could finally penetrate through.

It was just like how Florence was shoving me forward in her own way. She's... not as bad. I could talk to her freely now.

"I will try," I announced.

***

Carrying Florence on the back of my bike , I cycled through the roads as I swerved through some cars, simultaneously allowing some people to cross the intersection. Edward's home was slightly further than my own, but of course I remembered how we shared the similar paths, the same turns and whatnot. That's not what I'm concerned about... but his well-being.

"Wow, you're actually good at this!" Florence commented behind me with amusement. "Sebby can bike too, but he's always struggling with balance, and we'll always end up having to stop so many times! We even fell down once or twice."

I smiled at the image she had evoked. "I've always been driving my brother to and from school, so I'm used to all of this." I remained fixated on the road, stopping at any red lights. "I've also carried my friends before."

"That's awesome," she praised.

As much as I appreciated such a compliment, especially coming from someone like her, I still couldn't help but get rather iffy—was that out of good faith? Even as I quickly thanked her, she had been giving countless surprises since our first proper interaction; I would be lying if I said I didn't question her motives. Was everything that she did sincere? Did Seb... perhaps talk to her about me?

However, there was no point doubting her right now; Edward's home gradually came into view, the hot spot to provoke all sorts of nostalgia, the place overflowing with countless memories. Just this time it wasn't just our childhood times that lingered, but also when I had visited alongside the girls. And that was merely from a couple of days ago... when Lynn was still around.

I slapped my temples. Focus, Rena.

Mrs. Carvellia's face lit up as soon as she answered our knocks and let us in, but even that did not hide her paler complexion compared to before—her worry had gotten the best of her. It looked like she had hastily tied her short curly hair into a small ponytail, the scrunchie almost slipping out of the strands. Despite this, her eyes never lost their delicate look, radiating warmth.

"Thank you so much for checking in, but he hasn't come out of his room since yesterday. He's... not feeling well." She despaired, having no other choice but to sigh and rub the back of her neck. "I've tried leaving some dinner and bread for him to eat at least... he could have gotten sick, but never once he took a bite."

While the librarian's shoulders drooped as she nodded, my ribs squeezed tightly, making it difficult to even get some air. The heaviness that weighed upon me returned, but this time, it was twice as ponderous, crushing me. Sure, I had a fairly similar situation with him, but his uncontrolled outbursts and the fact he lost all of his raging appetite for pastries, took the cake.

"Was Sebby here today?" She chimed in as we went up the stairs, our steps hefty and slow.

"Sebby?" Mrs. Carvellia cocked her head as she stopped at the top of the staircase, causing us to also pause momentarily. "Ah, you mean Sebastian? He brought Edward home yesterday and stayed for a little while to calm him down. He said he'll come again this afternoon."

"That's... good on both of them," Florence murmured and she couldn't have said it better. Seb had always been sticking around, supporting his best friend if situations called for it—as expected from the first person to reconcile with him following that accident.

We finally stopped in front of his room, his mother sighed soundly at the bread by the doorsteps, untouched while I forced myself to throw off any unnecessary thoughts. Unfortunately my nerves continued to tingle like crazy, my hands clenching and unclenching, my throat constantly swallowing my accumulating saliva. Will Edward let us in and talk to us? We are friends... so it shouldn't be a big deal right?

Mrs. Carvellia then knocked on the door, making me stand rigidly and brushing off my uniform. For a couple of seconds, it was silent, then...

"What?! Just go away!!!" screamed the muffled, broken voice of the man who had buried himself in the confines of his room, making us flinch and piercing through our eardrums like shards of glass. It was kind of faint, but my heart further wretched listening to his rapid and unstable breaths, nearly breaking out into sobs.

"Ed... your friends came in to check in on you," Mrs. Carvellia said after she sighed profoundly. "The least you can do is to greet them."

"Who...?" He weakly asked.

"It's Rena and Florence, they're—"

Before she could carry on, heavy and rapid stomps instantly resounded throughout the area. The floorboards trembled at the subsequent thuds of what seemed a combination of footsteps and falling objects being shoved aside. The door suddenly swung open, and streaks of Edward's golden hair was what occupied most of my attention.

"Rena, you came..." he whimpered, and just like that, the whole world stopped.

His condition... I couldn't even pinpoint the perfect word to describe him. The vast sky he carried in his eye had darkened, as though a storm loomed over it. It was swollen too, filled with angry red hues—he probably was rubbing it endlessly—and the dried remains of tears decorated his equally scarlet cheeks. The strap of his tank top had fallen upon his shoulder and his blond strands were tousled and all sticking out, but obviously he couldn't care less.

Things couldn't get any worse. The urge to wrap my arms around him was seriously overpowering me, even under scrutiny of Florence and his mother. Regardless of what he says... he needs someone around him, a company.

"Where were you...?" He croaked, sniffing quietly. "You never answered my calls..."

Huh, calls? Quickly rummaging through my bag and flashing my phone on, it immediately proved his statement. A couple of missed calls from him popped up in my feed, as well as several texts that I had never seen before.

Edward: Rena, where are you

Edward: Please come here

Edward: Rena please pick up my calls

So he had been trying to reach out the whole time...

"Sorry... I had my phone in silent mode and I was at school, so I didn't really c-check," I reasoned.

Edward merely nodded but said nothing. A couple of seconds he chose to stare at me, then he slipped inside his room, but this time the door was left dangling open. Florence and I exchanged glances at each other, diverting towards Mrs. Carvellia, who then threw another sigh, but a fragile smile flashed through her face as she mouthed: Just go in, he's allowing you.

"I'll go make some tea for you two." Mrs. Carvellia said, and we bobbed before we let ourselves in.

His room was completely enshrouded in total darkness. All the windows were concealed, not even his nightstand lamp was turned on. The lack of brightness had me gingerly walking for any invisible obstacles. Not even at my first step into his space, I felt a soft but bulky surface underneath my foot. However, before I could react further, a switch was flicked and the lights of the room instantly flashed on.

I squinted my eyes instinctively, readjusting at the sudden brightness and the entirety of his room had both my guts promptly sank.

A plethora of unfolded and wrinkled clothes sprawled everywhere on the floor, accompanied by crumpled papers and tissues that had Florence grimacing. His chair seemed to have been toppled over, as well as some of his personal stuff scattered all over his unkempt bed. Despite this, Edward trampled over them as he wobbled towards the nearest corner, sliding himself down and pulling his knees to his chest.

I have often heard the saying, the state of one's room conveyed the state of one's mind. He was the paragon of such a statement.

"Ed..." I called out, as I slowly sidestepped through his pile of apparel to approach him and crouch beside him. However, as much as I wanted to speak out, I don't even know how to start. be asking how he was feeling when the answer was self-explanatory was out of the picture. Maybe asking him about what I can do to help sounded good, but... what was the plan?

Should I wait until Seb comes? He must have known better than I did.

"It's my fault."

I snapped towards him.

"It's all my fault, Rena..." he rasped. "That fucking machine... it malfunctioned... it was what made the construction collapse in the first place... If only I checked on it more, this wouldn't happen... I should have turned myself to the police..."

I blinked repeatedly, processing everything that he just said, and almost in an instant, I aggressively shook my head. "No, no, Ed... that's not true, don't say that! None of this... is your fault... this was an acc—"

"Nothing?! I was involved in that thing, Rena! Didn't I tell you before?!" He suddenly snapped, raising his head towards my direction, where he was... full-blown sobbing. Tears drizzled freely from his bulging eye, his teeth gnashed together. "I was involved... with my fucking two hands..." he wept. "And it got her killed... I could have... I could have prevented it, but... but...!"

Edward didn't finish his words, rather he shot up from his stance. Staggering, he turned on his heels and with his fists, he straight up delivered a corkscrew against the wall. The thump and his loud groan had both Florence and I on both our feet as we strode towards him—obviously the wall remained sturdy, but that didn't matter for him... as another punch hit against it.

"Ed, no!!!" I found myself raising the entirety of my voice without any hampers, trying to pull him off, grabbing on his arms, but he was way too heavy and strong for my strength. He continued with his ordeal that had my blood rushing through my veins. "Edward, please stop!!! You're injuring yourself!!"

"Listen to her, the fuck are you doing?!" Florence exclaimed between her gasps as she joined my futile attempt on him, but even the combination of our energy was proven useless. We could only be dragged by him as he tried yanking out of our grasps. This just keeps getting worse and worse by each second...

"What's going on?!" The door abruptly swung and came bursting Seb, whose fatigued eyes immediately widened at the scene unfolding in front of him. Edward panted between his sobs, but even the arrival of his best friend did not distract him; the wall was his next destruction.

"Sebby, help us!!" Florence begged, still restraining Edward's arms from going further.

Seb frowned, before he flung his bag to the side. He marched towards us and with our little assistance, he yanked Edward without effort. As we released our arms to give him the leeway, Seb whirled him around, clamping his slumped shoulders and staring right at his grimacing face.

"Dude, it's not worth breaking your knuckles... It won't do anything to help anyone, not even Lynn, so please, just take deep breaths..." Seb murmured, his tone rather soothing but rock firm, as though providing the foundation Edward desperately needed. "Deep breaths, okay?"

"I can't... it's too much... I'm just..." Edward whimpered, his shaking legs succumbing, but Seb immediately crouched and grabbed hold of him before his knees could make contact with the floor. With his head hung low, quiet sobs racked out of him as Seb caressed his back, while his brown eyes became glassy by each second.

Florence and I could only watch without further interruptions—the silence permitting only Edward's cries to permeate throughout the room as well as the shattering noises of all our hearts.