"Silence is the undoing of every spell, and we are experts in the unsaid."
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Lilly's POV
A tangle of emotions surged through me. Mainly it was pain and guilt, but simmering beneath all of that was something that felt achingly...good.
I still refused to acknowledge it.
My heart sped as the feelings I've kept down all these days clawed through my veins and pounded in my ears. His words punching their way through as I tried to drink in the feedback of everything that is being said.
I shook my head, "No," I shook it again, unable to accept the whole situation, "No, no, you don't get to say that now, no, you can't!" My voice raised in bewilderment, "You can't come now and throw that past in my face, you don't get to make me feel guilty, you don't!"
"You don't get to make me wonder what could've been if I wasn't so damn blind!" I really was so clueless, mistaking every move he ever did, every action and every word as a gesture of us being just friends, family...That's all I ever thought we were, two very different people that grew up by each other's side, that tormented each other throughout the years; these two people, I never once saw them fitting...not till lately.
Not till I saw how much I needed some of his calmness into my chaotic life, and how he could use some of my craziness in his.
The possible what if's going through my mind made me want to just bolt and leave, run away before I start to regret everything, but all I could do was stand there, frozen in the spot, thinking how it's all so pointless now. It doesn't change a thing, it doesn't change the fact that he is still leaving, it doesn't change the fact that he...slept with her.
"I am just gonna pretend you never said that and just...just move on," I really need to do that, one month apparently isn't enough.
His eyebrows drew closer, "That's it?" He scoffed, "You're just gonna...pretend?"
I nodded, "I am pretty good at it, actually."
I swallowed past all the emotions clogging my throat, "Remember what we said before, that even if we didn't work, we won't lose each other?" I added and I could see something that looks so much like fear flash into his eyes, like he knew exactly what I was about to say next, "Yeah, I don't think I can do that," I shook my head, "I can't get over this," Over you, "When you're always right there ahead of me, when we keep talking and arguing," Air harshly pushed out of my lungs, "We can't go back to that, to the old us, we can't," I shook my head, "So, if you really care about me, stay away from me and I will do the same, I promise."
At my words, he turned his face away, like he couldn't handle to look at me at the moment, the muscles of his jaw worked and when he looked back at me, he said, "It's not that easy."
I nodded, "I know, but you can at least try and give me that."
I stepped forward till a few meters separated us, I extended my hand, "Deal?" I asked, "Once we walk out of this room, we're strangers." I added, "Promise me that."
His gaze flickered to my hand, it lingered there for a couple of seconds, thinking this through. His jaw ticked and I saw his hand move toward mine. I almost felt accomplished, but instead of shaking my hand, he took me way off guard when his fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled me to him.
I gasped and all I felt after were his lips crash to mine.
I've kissed Chase before. Our kisses varied from time to time, sometimes they were passionate with ferocity, other times gentle and loving.
This was neither.
Demanding fingers dove into my hair, pulling me even closer, and pressing my flush against his. All of my defenses evaporated the moment I felt the softness of his lips move against mine. I wanted to fight it, but how could I fight what I was craving since the day I lost him?
I wanted to be furious at him, I wanted to push him away and scream, but my instincts, my poor heart couldn't listen to my mind's bleeds. All I did, was kiss him back and I felt myself melting into his arms and flailing within.
This kiss was angry. This kiss was punishing. Like he wanted to score it into the depth of my memories.
Frantic, his hands roamed and cupped at my neck. Flames flicked, licked and jumped around us, making me forget we are still in school and could easily get caught if someone happens to walk in. I couldn't care less as I poured all of my frustration and love into this kiss. My tongue sparred with his, fighting a war I knew I'd lose.
He moved forward till my back slammed up against the wall. I gasped, his body towering, consuming, and proving that he's the only one for me and I am the one for him.
Much to my dismay, he broke the intensity of the moment when his movement paused. My eyelids glided open to see as he edged his head backward a fraction, and his eyes drifted from my swollen lip up to my eyes, "Good luck pretending this didn't happen as well."
My body missed his touch the moment he backed away from me, "I am not making any promises." He said, referring to my last request before he walked away, leaving me in a haze and drinking into the feedback of his torturing kiss.
Air rushed with full force back into my lungs and I let my eyelids drop down. My back still plastered against the wall as my hand went up to my mouth, my fingers brushed over my lower lip still trying to adjust to his beautiful assault.
I waited for the anger to consume me. I wanted for the fighter in me to wake up and go after him, shout at him, tell him never to touch me again, but that never happened. I just stood there and wondered; will it ever be possible to get over Chase?
After I gathered myself, I straightened my body and walked out of the music room, beyond thankful that we didn't get caught. I stood in the hallway and looked right and left, but he was nowhere in sight just like I expected.
I turned around and was about to go and find Sally when I came face to face with Aylin. She was making her way to the other side but stopped when her eyes took notice of my presence.
Her eyebrows pulled together, "Lilly, what was that back at the gym?" She asked, ever so innocently.
I scoffed, "Yeah, as if you don't already know."
Her frown deepened, "I really don't," She said, and sadness flashed across her eyes, "You've been so distanced from me lately, have I done something wrong?"
I took a step forward. I couldn't stop myself when she pulled this fake innocent, clueless act, "You're kind of a bitch, you know that?"
Her eyes widened a bit at my words but before she could ask more, I added, "How dare you lie and tell him that I went with Zack?" I never expected her to be like this, "You have been my friend since we were kids, so why would you ever do this to me?"
My words seemed to slap her in the face, one after the other, her gaze dropped down in shame, "Yes, I lied," Her eyes went back to me, "But tell me, how in hell did my lie affect you, in anyway? You want Zack, why would you care what Chase thinks?"
I shook my head, my anger doubling, "Let's skip the part where you pretend to not know that Chase and I were actually together," In the beginning, I believed that she didn't know but after this lie, I am pretty sure she does. It was planned, I am sure.
"What?" She asked, surprised, "Lilly, you said it was fake between you two, just so you can get Zack and-"
"Stop it, Aylin!" My voice raised, turning a few heads as the other students passed by us, "It doesn't matter, you said a lie about me, and you had no right doing so!"
"Lilly, let me explain, I-"
"I don't wanna hear it, I don't care anymore, you lost me as a friend the moment you said that lie, but keep in your mind these words," I pointed my finger at her, "Stay the hell away from Chase, for your own good."
***********
Sally shot up from her seat screaming when our team scored the final goal, while I couldn't find it in me to be thrilled about any of this. The crowd cheering was huge due to the importance of the game. Students, teachers and parents, all here to support our team.
I didn't have the energy to stay here now that I've known the final score, "I am gonna go get my things and leave," I said in Sally's ear. Her eyebrows pulled together, "You won't stay for the after-party?"
I shook my head, "I don't feel like it." I also don't want to have to deal with either Chase or Zack right now.
I made my way between the crowd and walked into the school. I had already texted dad to pick me up so I walked to my locker to get my things before he arrives.
As I closed it, I heard footsteps nearing me and his voice broke through the silence in the hallway, "Where are you running away to?"
I hugged the books to my chest as I turned around to face him. He slanted me a smile as he ran his hand through his hair, "I am just tired, so I am gonna leave."
He took a step forward, his eyebrows pulling together in worry, "Are you okay?"
I offered him a smile and nodded. He quirked an eyebrow at me, "Well, I just thought you were gonna run away before giving me an answer."
I pulled into a deep breath, "Look, Zack, there was a time where I would've killed to have this but I just...I can't, not right now at least," I played with the side of the book nervously, "I am not in a very good place to start something new like this, it won't be fair to me or to you or to anyone, I just need time." I added, "And I guess we are good like this, you know just as friends."
He nodded, "I get that, and I don't wanna force anything on you or rush it," He said, "But that doesn't mean I am gonna give up on this idea." A small smile pulled up the corner of his lips, "We can continue to be friends, and when you're ready, I am gonna still be right here." He tucked the loosened strand of my hair behind my ear, "I am not going anywhere."
My heart halted to a sudden stop at his words. No, they didn't affect me coming out of his mouth. I just...I wished Chase would be the one telling me this.
I am not going anywhere. That sentence would've meant hell a lot if it only came from the right person.
My fingers tightened over the book and I so desperately wanted to change the subject, "Congrats by the way, you were really good out there." I said, "I am pretty sure you got the scholarship."
He nodded and the corner of his lips pulled up, "But I didn't get the girl."
The anxious feelings eating up at my inside reflected from my eyes because he immediately changed the subject, "You won't be staying for the party?"
I just shook my head before my phone started ringing. I looked down at the screen and saw dad's name, "That's my cue to leave," I tucked the phone back in my pocket, "Congrats again."
Without waiting to hear what else he had to say, I scurried away out of the door and into the driveway. My eyes spotted dad's car at a distance and I immediately made my way there. The moment I got inside, music was blaring at a high volume and my dear dad was definitely singing along.
Ugh.
Before saying anything, I turned the radio off.
"Hey! I was lisenting to that," Dad said in annoyance before he turned it on again.
I turned it off again, "My head hurts, I don't wanna hear anything!"
He shot me a glare, "You really are a moody teenager, aren't you?"
I ignored his words and leaned back into my seat, the side of my head pressed against the window as he drove us back home.
A few minutes of silence passed by us before dad broke it, "Little bug."
Dad's nickname for me is the weirdest there is and I really don't understand the origin of it, but I still love it, it's something between the two of us only.
I turned my head to him, "Huh?"
He slanted me a side look, "What's wrong with you?" He asked before he focused on the road again, "For the last month, you're acting kind of weird."
I shook my head, "Nothing," I said, "Just thinking."
"Thinking about what?"
"About everything, my future and all."
"Future?" He asked, "You're still a kid, live your life, there'll be enough time to worry about the future later."
I straightened myself in my seat. Since we already opened the future conversation, I went for it, "Dad, I know it's still kind of early to talk about this," I started, testing the waters, "But I am planning to study for university abroad."
His eyes flicked to me right away, his eyebrows pulled together, "Abroad, as in?"
I shrugged, "Haven't figured that out yet, but my first option would be UK, I guess."
I noticed how at my words, his fingers tightened over the steering wheel, "Why is that?"
"Well, they speak english, there is that." I said, suddenly regreting telling him as the tension enveloped the car, "Also, uncle Roman lives there, so it won't be that foriegn of a country to live in."
I gulped when I saw the muscles of his jaw tightening, "You know where else they speak english?" He started, his tone proving me that I should've kept my mouth shut, "Here in the US, you've got fifty states, pick one, because there is no way in hell I am sending you there."
What the- "Why?"
"I said no, that's it." He said, strictly as the car came to a stop beside our house.
"No, it doesn't work like that," I argued, "You can't always just refuse the things I want without any logical reason!" I opened the car's door and stormed into the house, anger slowly eating up at my inside.
When I heard his footsteps behind me, I turned around, "You're being so unreasonable!"
He shook his head as he closed the door shut, "I don't care which way you see it, my decision won't change."
"What's wrong?" I turned my head when I heard mom's voice. She was staring at us both in confusion.
"Nothing, just dad loves to ruin all of my dreams, I guess." I said before I turned to him, "You do know by that time I will be eighteen, so you won't have a say whether I go or stay."
He nodded, "Yeah, but who is gonna pay for your college and your stay over there, then?"
"I will figure out a way," I said through gritted teeth, before I stormed up to my room.
I ran away from Chase's and Zack's drama, to come home to this. Great, just great.
I can't wait to get the hell away from here and from everyone.
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Alex's POV
"What's that all about?" Cara asked, confusion tumbling off her in waves.
I raked my fingers through my hair as I tried to calm myself down, "Where the hell this idea came up from, now?" I asked as a torrent of anger surged through me.
"Alex, is there a possibility you're exaggerating whatever this is?"
I sat down and shook my head, "It's not about her leaving, okay, I would let her go anywhere, but not there."
Cara's eyebrows furrowed in pure confusion so I explained, "She wants to go and study in the UK."
"Oh," Was all that came out of Cara's mouth.
"It's still too early to think about it anyway, why did she have to bring it up, now!" I added, in frustration.
"Well, I think it's good she's already thinking about what she wants, I mean-"
"Cara, what the hell?" I interrupted her, "Did you not hear where she wants to go?" Frustration blistered below my skin at the whole situation, "If you forgot let me remind you that we've got enemies there and if they dig any deeper, everything we tried so hard to hide will come out."
"Last time you went there, you didn't come back," I added, "There is no way in hell I am taking that risk again."
A wave of emotions swirled into her eyes before she sat down beside me, "Alex, I understand but look, nothing has happened yet, we took care of it, Roman did too," She rubbed at my arm, soothingly, "I know that you worry, a lot, I do too, but we've got to stop it from controlling our lives and more importantly from controlling theirs."
I know that she has a point but I just can't help it.
"Lilly depends on you a lot, and in everything, maybe she really needs to go out, on her own and learn how to finally depend on herself."
God, does she want me to have a heart attack right now?
The thought of Lilly alone and on her own scares the shit out of me, what if something happened to her and I wasn't there, how could I ever live with that?
"Promise me you'll think more logically about this before making a decision."
The hell I will. I got to my feet, ready to run away from this stressful talk, "I can't promise that."
Max walked into the room right after and interrupted our conversation, and to that I was beyond thankful.
"What's wrong with Lilly?" He asked, "She almost knocked me down while storming angrily."
"Max, promise me that you won't come up with crazy ideas like your sister and you won't go abroad or anything." I said, "You'll stay with your father here."
His eyebrows pulled together, a bit confused, then he nodded, "Yeah, I promise."
A smile pulled up my lips and I threw my arm around his shoulder, "You didn't inherit your mother's stubbornness." I ignored the glares Cara is throwing at me and said, "And that's why you're my favorite."
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Apparently, I have written this chapter and for some reason forgot to update it yesterday xD I looked at it now and was like...ohhh!
My mind isn't functioning properly these days lol xD I will also update Unraveling him soon, maybe tonight, if I can *crosses fingers*
Also, one of you guessed the name of the new character right, ZarminaJunaid had a couple of guesses, and one of them is right, I am still not saying which one tho xD
Anyways, love ya all!