forty three

by the time sunday rolls around, im strangely calm. maybe because ive been waiting for this moment for a long time.

meeting pirate.

maybe it's because i don't feel the same way i did about her like i used to, now that billie is in my life.

we've been talking about meeting at this concert for months but it's strange to think that it's actually happening now.

i think back to the beginning of summer, when i was nervous and worried about everything.

i worried about who pirate was and what she looked like.

but none of that matters anymore.

she is whoever she is.

i am whoever i am.

we were only showing whatever we wanted to online and yeah, that might be completely different online but i don't care.

she might've kept a lot from me but i kept a lot from her.

and she has no idea i tried to take a girl with a boyfriend on a date because i thought she was pirate.

she has no idea i can't tell the difference between a male and female dog.

so you know, if she's nice, great.

in my head im secretly hoping I meet pirates expectations of me.

when im queuing up to get inside,i check my phone to see if there's any fresh messages from her.

im wearing a typical outfit of mine; ripped tights, my converse and a phoebe bridgers black t-shirt is to big for me so it sits halfway down my thighs

pirate was right when she first told me about this place; it looks incredible.

the suns setting over the thousands of people in their coachella inspired outfits.

I look at the map at the entrance and start walking towards the food trucks and merchandise, looking for a giant reg flag.

this is weird.

pirate is here right now.

when I check my phone again but when I click onto pirates profile it's not there.

huh?

*user not found*

what the fuck?

pirate was there like two minutes ago.

there's no signal right now so i'm hoping it's that and she hasn't blocked me.

I look around and see flagpoles but no red one.

I keep walking until I spot the red flag and see someone standing underneath the red flag with their hood up.

oh my god.

I walk closer, passing through the crowds of people and I blow out a breath.

time to face the music.

"hello blossom" when the hooded stranger looks up, my brain doesn't immediately register who's in-front of me.

and then suddenly, memories flash my brain all jumbled but it finally puts the puzzle together.

arlo parks

mattress

'where's your eye patch eilish?'

justin bieber fan

the dance injury

liking phoebe bridgers

having an older brother

hating big lemon

family owned store

billie.

billie is pirate?

my billie is pirate.

my knees buckle and I fall to my knees and I feel stupid and I just fall to pieces.

I start sobbing.

I curl myself into a ball and I cry.

I don't even know why im crying so hard.

I feel so stupid and shocked and overwhelmed.

part of me feels betrayed too but that's ridiculous and then I realise that's how billie must've felt when she found out.

billie stop down on the floor beside me and I sit up, wiping my eyes.

"we basically cheated on each other, with each other" is the first thing I say and billie laughs. "yeah. pretty messed up. when I told finneas he found it so funny"

"oh god" I cover my face with my hands "you told finneas?"

"hey this is some crazy shit, I had to tell someone. but hey. we ended up liking the real us better than the online us, that's something"

"yeah"

when I think some more, harry knew.

he was trying to tell me and I was so stupid and blind.

"you found out that night, didn't you?"

"yeah"

it makes me feel somewhat better, that we were both clueless until she heard my middle name.

oh my god she came over and watched bambi with me on purpose.

she knew then and didn't tell me.

"why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know how to react. I mean you were her and you'd been in la the entire summer and I thought about how you must've been messing with me. but when I thought about it, I knew you didn't"

"I was just freaked out for a while and then I guess I just wanted to hold it. I thought you might figure it out on your own, I gave hints, I thought you would sage I swear"

"im so stupid"

"I didn't think this would happen. when you got fired...kai told me what happened and also gave me some details about how she's gonna superglue me shut"

I groan. "by the way I don't blame you for what I did at work, I was just upset"

"god this is a mess"

after a minute billie sighs "what I haven't figured is why you lied about where you lived before you moved out here"

"I didn't. I lived in seattle with my parents before my dad and I moved but I never changed my location or told pirate, I mean, you. ugh. what's pirate come from?"

"pirate is one of my middle names"

billie pulls out her wallet and hands me her driving license.

billie eilish pirate Baird o'connell.

holy shit.

"you know you could've just avoided all of this if you had told me you moved to la, right?"

"but lets say I did tell pirate and I meet up with you, would we have hit it off? would we be where we are now?"

billie shakes her head.

"I don't believe that and I don't think you do either"

"my mom says we're all connected. we spend our lives trying to find people and get distracted by other people but we didn't, not technically"

she's smiling and I smile back "no we didn't"

"I love you, sage blossom stevens"

my eyes fill with tears.

she said it.

"I love you too billie eilish pirate baird o'connell"

billie leans forward, murmuring about how much we've missed each other and kisses me all over my face and kisses my lips.

there's loud cheering and I forgot all about the festival starting.

billie pulls me up against her and we lean beside each other while the festival starts.

I get to finally experience this with billie.

with pirate.

I turn to face billie and she's already looking at me.

"come on pirate, I was promised an experience and im gonna get one"

billie laughs and kisses my lips "come on blossom, lets go dance"