twenty one

ive been working a lot and I miss you guys

oh my fucking god.

"at first they were smoking it and then I saw the needle marks their arms and FUCK that hurts"

"sorry! your forehead has a large gash, it keeps bleeding and you probably need stitches i gotta clean it"

billie rolls her eyes under her closed lids. "keep cleaning it but be gentle"

"I can't believe they're on heroin"

"they thought they could use it only at the weekend but they'd be in withdrawals all week. but they didn't use it every day so they're not addicted, right?"

im in shock.

harry said he knew z was using serious drugs, but heroin?

that sounds like something out of a movie.

this shit doesn't happen in real life.

"am I hurting you?" I dab the soaked rag over the cut, knowing it's gonna burn like hell.

"nothing hurts when you're touching me"

I have to stop myself from smiling because im afraid she might open her eyes and catch me.

but I love that she has her eyes closed because I can stare at her face up close.

the sharp life of his cheekbones, the freckles lightly splattered on her cheeks, the curve of her lips.

oh god.

"are they going to be okay?"

"z? I don't know. im less worried about them and more worried that you're sorry you ever gave me your number and will never go on a date with me because now you're thinking all my friends are trash and we have nothing in common"

I peel off the packaging of the butterfly bandage to place it on her forehead.

"and why would you even like me if we have nothing in common?"

billies lips lift at the corner a little. "you're hot as fuck, honestly"

no-one has ever been so blunt with me like this before.

my chest feels so tight and warm.

"you think im funny"

I do.

"and you're pretty funny yourself" she cracks one eye open to look at me and smirks.

"how kind of you"

"listen to me princess"

"im listening"

"you have to admit, when we're not fighting, we do get along pretty well"

I think we do.

"and that's the thing, you make me feel way too comfortable and it drives me bananas how much I talk around you"

I chuckle under my breath, gently wiping the last of the blood on her cheek.

I still need to look at the back of her head.

"you drive me bananas too"

and I have to roll my lips inside of my mouth to stop myself from smiling when she flashes me that sexy smile of hers.

she reaches up to touch me but winces and the butterflies drop out of stomach when I realise how much pain she's in.

"did they injure anything serious? ribs?"

"if you want me to take off my shirt, all you have to do is ask me princess"

"im serious billie" I blow out a breath.

there's not harm in looking.

it won't be the first time ive ever seen boobs.

"come on, let me look, lift up your arms" billie does and I slowly lift off her shirt, slowly and carefully.

holy fuck.

ive never seen billie in anything other than her oversized shirts so my jaw almost falls to the floor.

girl got tiddies.

I look past her boobs and see the deep bruise forming on her side.

it's covered in red welts and I know it's gonna hurt like a bitch tomorrow.

im so pissed off she fought z and ended up like this.

and obviously in a lot of pain and she's worried that she gave me her number and I wouldn't wanna go on a date with me?

this is too much.

my eyes fill up and I curse myself for getting upset. "im sorry you had to do that"

"you don't know the shit z has out me through princess. don't get upset"

billie saying that makes me more upset and she reaches up with a little wince, to wipe my eyes.

"you won't see z again, I promise you princess"

before I even know what im doing, I mean forward and kiss her.

but she doesn't kiss me back.

im the kisser which ive never done before, initiating a kiss.

im not ashamsed to say that im desperate about her kissing me back soon but...

oh.

she does almost like a switch flipped in her brain and I almost start crying again.

im so relieved.

her mouth opens over mine and her tongue slide into my mouth and it's almost like an electric shock shooting through my body.

oh lord.

we're kissing and her hands are gripping me and oh my fucking god she's so good at this.

it hits me that im probably not the first girl who's been kissed by billie like this.

I mean im not judging but it's almost thrilling.

ive never been kissed like this.

she breaks the kiss and im hoping she can't hear my internal freak out.

"sage"

"yes?" now that I open her eyes and see her I stop freaking out and I smile.

her eyes are half closed, she looks dazed and high.

all I can see behind the blood, the bruises and the scars is beautiful billie.

I don't ever want this moment to stop.

and billie is smiling and im sure we both look like lunatics.

thank god no-one is around us.

"am I crazy or was that the best kiss you've ever had?"

she knows it was.

"you're not crazy"

her brow raises and she giggles and it's my favourite sound in the whole world.

"I think we should do it again, you know to make sure it wasn't a fluke"

so I kiss her again.

I melt right into her touch and billie grabs onto me and falls back into the bath tub, pulling me with her.

bur she never stops kissing.

this is X rated filthy kissing and the fact billie doesn't have a shirt on right now is making this so much harder.

I pull away and look at her to make sure she didn't bang her head on the bath tub but she's smiling like a kid on christmas.

"that definitely wasn't a fluke" billie laughs, pulling me into her.

I curl up against her chest, completely laid on top of hers and nd let out a deep sigh, listening to the sound of billies rapid heart beat.

today ive learnt alot.

alot about who billie truly is.

and although she scared me today by fighting z, I still kissed her.

why did I trust someone who scared me so much?

I think of our heated arguments and the way she acted around me but im not innocent myself.

im not a good person just like billie isn't a good person either.

and my therapist back home said I was the queen of avoiding feelings.

because if you shake up a bottle of soda and take the top off, it's gonna explode.

and I feel like im the brink of explosion.

after laying in silence for too long, billies hand rubbing my back stops and I look up to see billie asleep.

fuck.

"billie" I gently shake her, pulling myself up (which on top of someone in the bath is surprisingly difficult) and stand up.

"baby come on, wake up"

billie blinks her eyes open and smiles "you just called me baby"

"you need to have some pain killers are go to bed, come on"

"you gonna tuck me in baby? give me a goodnight kiss?"

I raise my brow and hold my hand out, pulling her up out of the bath.

"go and put some clothes on, ill get you some water"

billie nods tiredly and walks off and I open the cabinet to retrieve some pain killers, locating the kitchen to get some water.

I let the dogs inside and give them a cuddle and the trot off, probably to billies room.

I shoot harry a quick text, along with my location and he texts me back saying he'll come and pick me up.

so she's not sleeping with an empty stomach I make billie a sandwich and walk down the corridor and knock on the door where it's slightly ajar.

"you decent?"

"yeah"

I walk in and see billie sat on her bed, wearing an oversized shirt and nothing else.

holy fuck.

"here" billie takes the painkillers and climbs under the covers, holding onto her head.

"eat this before you go to sleep, okay?"

my phone pings and I know harry is outside.

when both of the dogs are settled and billie is eating her sandwich I grab my jacket.

"get some sleep, okay?"

billie nods her head. "goodnight princess" she puckers her lips, mouthful of food and I bend over to kiss her lips and walk out the door.

on my way out I lock the door, posting the keys back through the door and walk towards harry's car.

what a night.