continue.

the truth is

all I'm doing is

to continue

continue breathing

right now

it's november

I feel lonely,

cause all the leaves

already died

and I'm left for falling

I continue

to keep my head up high

I try

to collect the beautiful moments

but the truth is

I'm lying on the couch right now

and it's so hard to breathe

I don't need someone to safe me

rather to hold

what seems to be left at the moment

just a few moments

please,

hold me

and continue

until the rest of me is back again

so to be honest

maybe I don't know what to do

to make me feel okay

or at least to feel

like it's getting better

to be honest

I'm sick of sounding philosophical

or naiv

or too young,

too old, too worthless, too bold,

I'm sick of being

thoughtful,

or sad

or too interested,

like my time goes wasted

I don't want to be sick

I continue to safe myself,

I collect fallen leaves

and nights filled with playing the guitar

I continue to look at what I became

and I'm really trying to

I really try,

you know?

but it's so hard to love yourself

love the ups and downs,

the front and the back,

the edges and the curves

and the scar on my neck

I try to accept

that I never regret

what had gone wrong

even though I'm lying here

me and the couch

all night long

I continue

to go crazy

while thinking too much

I continue to write things down

when I feel too alone

but

the truth is

I already am a master at those things

so don't worry about depressed poems

and quotes from sad songs

don't worry,

cause I won't do it too

I'd rather continue to breathe

and live with what's been given

I'd rather try to fix myself

and rock the life I want to have

I'm not saying

that it's easy

or that I'm not crying right now

all I do is trying

continue

stand up,

get your ass from that couch

believe me,

I promise you

it will get better