32. Clarity

Lisa

Darkness.

It's almost funny how life plays out. My mother always said that our choices and decisions were the compass to our future. 'Choose wisely', she would always say, 'otherwise, the darkness will consume you. And once it enters your life, there's no turning back.'

"I'm losing blood Lydia. What exactly is your plan? To let me bleed out to death?".

"Shut up", she screamed. Almost like a mother to a child. "Just shut up and let me think".

I had been laying on the kitchen floor for almost an hour, clutching my abdomen. I wasn't sure exactly where the bullet had hit, but I knew that I didn't have much time.

"This was not the plan", Lydia muttered to herself. I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself.

"Why don't you just kill me and get it over with?", I stated.

It wasn't a bluff or some silly stunt. I was tired. Tired of people letting me down. And truth be told, I wasn't scared of death anymore. The idea almost seemed enticing. Anything would be better then living through this nightmare.

"No", she yelled once more. "I'm not a killer. This wasn't suppost to happen this way".

I laughed and immediately regretted it as I felt the pain in my abdomen. "What was the plan then? Plant a bomb in my car? Poison me? Oh wait, that's right ... you're not a killer. You'd have to pay someone to do your dirty work", I spat out.

"I didn't tell him to rape you", she said whilst hitting her forehead. "He was just supposed to rattle you up, that's all".

"Yeah, you can always count on a homeless stranger to do the right thing", I scoffed.

She ignored my comment and continued pacing around.

"Does Tom even know? About all this? Or am I the only one getting blamed for something which was beyond my control".

"Beyond your control!", she laughed sarcastically. "Oh come on Lisa. You may have fooled everyone with your little church girl crap. But I knew the real you. You loved a flirt and the attention."

"The only attention that I ever got in high school was from Ben."

"Liar!"

"You know thi-

"Just shut the f*ck up ok", she said whilst cutting me off. "Or I'll make you shut up".

____________________________________

Ben

"Any news on Raoul?", officer Rogers said.

"No", Clark sighed.

"Well keep trying. We need to know where he dropped Lisa last".

Rogers paced by the dining table, making his presence aware. "In the meantime, the station are trying to locate and contact her parents. Would've helped if one of you had their contact".

He glanced at Torvi and me, who were sitting at each end of the table.

"I don't understand, why would she come here in the first place?".

My question was directed to Torvi. But I knew I wouldn't get an answer from her.

"Does it matter?", Clark answered clearly irritated at the situation.

"Am I the only one who finds it extremely suspicious that Lisa vanishes after visiting her sister whom may I add, hasn't seen in years?", I questioned.

"Are you implying that I have something to do with this? That'd I'd hurt my sister?".

Ah, the devil speaks.

"Wouldn't be the first time you've hurt her".

She scoffed and slammed her palm on the table.

"You know Ben, I didn't have to force your d*ck inside of me, it entered voluntarily and quite willingly".

I pushed the chair back and stood up to put as much distance as I could before I did something regretful.

"Woah woah", Clark said as he blocked my passageway. "Her sister ... that's who you cheated on her with?", he asked in disbelief.

I couldn't bring myself to admit it. I was ashamed of course. I knew Lisa hadn't disclosed the details of what had happened prior to our divorce. I just didn't think I'd be in a position where I'd have to explain it again, to absolute strangers.

My silence was the only response I could give. And the only one Clark needed.

"You f*cking trashbag", he said as he threw the first punch. Like a lion out of a cage, hell, I couldn't blame him. I deserved it. I also deserved the second and third punch. The fourth almost knocked me out, luckily he was detained before he could throw the fifth.

I guess officer Rogers got to use his new handcuffs anyway.

"Christ, it feels like I'm in a circus. You two need to sort out your differences", Rogers said as he looked between me and Torvi. "Right now. We'll be waiting outside", he continued as he walked out with a detained Clark.

Minutes, which felt like hours, passed with just me and torvi in the room.

The silence was sickening. I knew Torvi was stubborn and wouldn't give it. And normally I wouldn't either. But the I knew the quicker we'd get this conversation out of the way, the quicker we'd find Lisa.

"I see the yard outside's pretty equipped with kid stuff. Do you have any kids?", I asked.

"Really? That's what you're gonna start with?".

"I don't know what to say", I said throwing my hands up in defeat. "It's been so long Torvi".

"He's not your kid".

I took a deep breath. "Ok um, where is he then?".

"He's upstairs with a friend. He's got ADHD and can't stay alone for a long time so let's just get this over with".

I glanced over at her. It only dawned to me that she had dark circles under her eyes. The same ones I'd been having for a while.

"Well we both look like shit", I admitted.

Her lip curled into a tight smile. "Thanks for that".

"Since that night, my life changed completely. I lost her. And swore that I'd do anything to get her back. Well, I still am.

"Why?", she questioned.

"Why", I repeated in disbelief. "Because I love her Torvi".

She sighed and stared at the wall ahead.

"Love isn't everything Ben. I know you think it is, but it's not".

"What's that supposed to mean?".

"What about honesty huh? Did you tell her about all the times you hooked up with Miss Brooks to get into med school?"

"Or the time you gave Ms Nancy Perkins, our headmistress, I quote, "the best night of her life", just to write you a recommendation letter?"

"How do you know all this?", I asked.

Torvi scoffed. "Everyone knew. The entire school. Everyone except for Lisa, who was too blind to see what was really going on".

I scratched the back of my head before saying, "look Torvi, I'm not condoning my actions or trying to belittle them, but jesus, we were in high school. Everyone had their share of dumb decisions."

"Dumb decisions?", she said in disbelief. "How can you say that. Lisa gave up everything for you. Her home, her family, her friends ... was that a dumb decision too?".

"That was different. Look I wasn't exactly a good kid, but she changed me. I didn't think anyone could, but she did".

"Did she? Cause looking at you right now, all I see is the same Ben Martinez I knew years ago."

"That night", she continued, "I wasn't planning on destroying a marriage or whatever you may think. I was pregnant, scared and homeless. All wanted was for my sister to be there for me".

She wiped the few tears that threatened to escape. "I knew that I had to make her see that man ... boys like you don't ever change. And you did not prove me wrong".

I tried to gather my thoughts together. "You .. you were pregnant that night?".

"Yes", she sniffed. "And after it happened, not only did I know that I had lost her forever, I knew that I had also lost myself".

"Jesus Christ", I muttered.

"My son, Mason, was the only meaning I had to life. I guess you can say he saved me. He's the only good thing I've ever done".

I nodded in agreement to her statement.

"Look, I know I've made mistakes that I can't take back. But I don't want to look back anymore. I only want to look towards to future, for me and my son".

I sighed. "I wish I could do the same".

"I had this exact same conversation with Lisa. I would never hurt her Ben, not like that".

"I know", I admitted.

Just then, officer Rogers burst into the kitchen.

"We got a lead on Lisa's last drop off", he said.

"Let's go".