43. Regrets

Chapter Soundtrack:

Alan Walker - Faded (restrung)

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Nova

My entire body was humming with pleasure.. the events from hours ago, playing in my mind.

I've been marked.

He marked me and I marked him.

We were a mated pair.

This wasn't how i wanted things to pan out but this is what the moon wanted, or else it wouldn't have happened.

My eyes fluttered open, the relaxing feeling.. the bliss i had felt from our bond, had knocked us both out- passed out exactly how we were with Zaryn lying off to the side of me, our bodies still intwined with each others.

The lantern had gone out and now only the moon shone, cascading silverish blue light through the curtain of falling water as the exhaustion from my heat induced release wore off, allowing me to feel ... stretching out slightly.

The soreness between my legs was evidence of my lost virtue.. and i felt alive..

The bond had my wolf and my skin side intertwined with Zaryn's.. We would be able to read each other fully now. He would feel my emotions.. my thoughts.. as i would feel his.

It would either be a good thing..

Or severely painful.

The wolf in me was stretching, a purely blissful look on her face as i could see her image in my mind.. her tongur hanging out. Drunk on pleasure.

My skin seemed to be heating up again, Zaryns body against mine, cooling me only where his touched.. panting, my chest heaved.

It had only been maybe a few hours since our bond took place.. from the moons position in the sky i would guess it was around 2am.

A sharp pain inside my abdomen had me seizing up, my limbs locking as i grit my teeth ... another round of the heat wave coursing through me.

A heat was not like a humans menstral cycle.. when a heat began, your entire brain seemed to become fried, an overwhelming heat flaming your skin.. burning.. cramping up your insides as it begged for release.. not from fingers or toys. But from a male.. a mate was the only one to truly keep you sated though. The females mind would be so fogged, her body craving touch.. in a constant state of desire, that it wouldn't matter what unmated male found her.. they would both be ripping each others clothes off.

Which is why we had to be locked away.

After the three to five days, however long it took depending on the female, if they weren't pregnant by then, their uterus lining would shed, just like a humans mensus.. it would only last a few days though.

Thankfully we dont have heats every month.. actual wolves only mate during january to april.. once a year.. but considering we are half human, we go into heat once every six months. From the moment we first shift. I wouldn't have to deal with this for another six months...

How could anyone last through this without their mate to service them?

Zaryns arms tightened around my waist as I groaned. The cramping of my insides becoming too much.. i needed his touch.

He was up in an instant, blue eyes peering down at me as he rested himself up on his elbow, looking at me with worry mixed with desire as our mating hormones permeated the air

. "Hey. Are you okay? Tell me what hurts." His voice seemed to bring comfort to me now. A soothing sound that had my muscles clenching between legs.. I needed him again.

"Zaryyyyn" it came out a desperate whine, needy as my eyes found his beautiful blue ones watching me.. concern etched on his features as he moved to sit up... every muscle that flexed under his toned skin had me all the more excited.

"It hurts.. " my words were moaned in pain, twisting with the agony coursing through my nerve endings, pulling my legs to my chest as i lay in the fetal position.

His hand rubbed my bare hip gently, a sigh escaping my still swollen lips, feeling a bit of relief.

I turned on my back, both of his hands caressed my hips, down my thighs, his eyes hooded as my pheremones leeched from my skin into the cool air even more. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, his naked body covered in shadows as muscles coiled, moving back and forth.

His mind was inside mine now.. i could feel his own lust , so tangible.. so needy. Like my own.

Moving away from me, a whimper came from my throat as the pain flowed back into my loins.

"Shh its okay. Im just doing something. Dont worry.. im not going anywhere." His voice thick with need broke me out of my thoughts. He could read me like a book now.

He reached over to turn the battery powered lantern back on, as it had cut off automatically as we slept.

The sudden light blinded me and i threw my arm over my face in protest his large hand still roaming up my inner thigh, reaching the moisture that had collected there.

"Mmm Zaryn.. i ... i need-"

"Shhhh. I know baby.." His deep husky voice had tingles shooting up my legs right to my sweet spot.

"Here." He handed me two pills and a bottle of cold water. "Take these. It will help."

As i swallowed the pills, i thought of how this was my first time but it wasnt his... i wondered if he had gone through this with Grace.. if he had spent her entire heat with her.. helped her.

"No. I didnt." He rasped.

Brows raising i glanced at him.. remembering he could read my mind.. hear my thoughts. I needed to keep my guard up.

Fingers on my chin pulled my face up gently.. studying his dangerously handsome face.. his straight nose.. his full lips and long lashes. "It was one time only and after the frenzy subsided, i called the healer and she spent the rest of her heat locked away."

A smirk formed on my lips, feeling satisfied that she had to go through her heat knocked out. Thats probably worse than anything.. being serviced by a male only to have you sedated after the first time..

The cramps inside increased as my desire pulsed through my insides, my wet petals aching, but begging for more.

Without another word his lips pressed into mine as i launched myself at him desperately, arms wrapping around his neck. The bond between us allowed me to feel his pleasure and he mine as his perfect lips kissed mine, his tongue running across my bottom lip, moaning as my skin seemed to become hotter and hotter.

The round of heat flowing hard.

His hands wrapped around my naked waist as i pushed myself into him.. making him fall onto his back as i climbed on top, feeling his excitment beneath me.. his tongue tangling with mine..

The desperatation inside me. needing him to sate my desires.

Suddenly a thought crossed my mind as i pulled away, looking down at his lust ridden features, mouth slack with swollen lips, eyes hooded from being in a females heat trance.

"Zaryn.." i whispered, my eyes wide.

"What?" His hand stroked my back, dipping at the curve of my lower back before squeezing my asss.

Moaning, i bit my lip, forgetting what i was going to say as my brain fogged.. all thoughts leaving my mind.

Common sense is always lost.

A/n: i posted a sensual scene in Freak Nasty for this moment here. Nothing you have to read. Just something for fun as requested.. flip to the other book now to read the Restricted Chapter. Once finished.. come back and pick back up here.. below this bold print. You're welcome :) (you have to be a follower to read those chapters in my Freak Nasty titled book under my works.)

Throwing myself back on top of him, our bare flesh pressed flush against the other, my lips found his once more as my body hummed with both our desire.. no thoughts in his mind came to me aside from

Want.

Need.

Lust.

Obliging the both of us, i straddled him, my legs wide as he rode the wave of my heat with me.. giving me what my body ached for.

Exquisitely painful this time, as i was still healing from the foreign feeling of being stretched but my body ignored the pain as he brought me pleasure.. over and over again.

Two rounds of making love.. of his skin on mine.. lips kissing.. mouth tasting.

The moment he sunk his canines into my mark had me realizing it was indeed there. Everytime he would kiss or touch that mark, i would be putty in his hands and visa versa..

He kissed me as we passed out once more in pure exhaustion, the heat wave subsiding..

As my mind cleared before i closed my eyes and let the undertow of the heats current bring me into a blissfull state with his body wrapped around mine, i remembered the thought that had played in my mind earlier

We didn't use protection.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

I felt as if i were coming out of a haze as a groan caught in my throat. A blue light dancing across my closed lids. Attempting to move my arm, it felt heavy.. causing me to frown as my eyes stayed closed.

"You're awake" A feminine voice greeted in a disappointing tone.

Eden.

As my eyes fluttered open, there were two of everything.. blinking rapidly, things began to come into view and i glanced around, frowning in confusion as i noted my turquoise walls and cerulean curtains.. Eden sitting beside me at my computer desk, resigning the consistent clicking she was doing on the keyboard.

"How did i get here?" I croaked, my voice hoarse.

Then i remembered everything..

Zaryn and I in the cave... marking each other..

My hand rose which felt like cement.. heavy, as i touched the mark on my neck. The swelling had already gone down. Frowning at the thought, i wiggled my pelvis, noting there was no pain...

I met Eden's solemn gaze as i stared at her perplexed. "What happened?"

Sighing, she pushed her long blonde hair behind her shoulders as she swiveled the chair to face me and rolled to sit at my left, beside the bed.

"Nova.. im going to tell you something.. but don't freak. Okay?"

Panic rose inside me as i nodded my head. "What is it? Where's Zaryn?"

Her green eyes shifted down to her lap. "When you and Zaryn were stuck in the cave... well.. you passed out and.. "

I froze. "And what.."

She pursed her lips, sending me an apologetic tight lipped smile. "I rescued you guys.... once you got here we just kept you sedated. Its been three days..." she winced slightly.

My face fell as i paled.

He mated and marked me only to let them sedate me and leave me like that? Not even being here when i woke? A first heat with my newly mated mate was turning out to be an awful one.

"What happened?" My voice seemed small..

Her expression never wavered on her beautiful made up face as she spoke, "well we had been looking for the both of you all morning.. we even went to your special spot.. on top of the waterfall.. calling you. I could hear a male shouting from below, over the sound of the water so i climbed down the cliff to the rock that juts out to the side and saw Zaryn waving his arms through the waterfall, poking his head out through the side to look up. I couldn't climb down further and he couldn't climb up the flat slimy rocks... So I went back to the pack house and got in a motorboat and headed to the waterfall." She looked away.

"When i got there.. he had you in his arms and i noticed both of you had marks.. so naturally i was angry" her eyes rolled to the ceiling " but i helped him put you in the boat. He packed up the stuff from the cave and on the way back, he explained how Anita had somehow gotten loose and set the both of you up after finding out from you, after telling you to leave Zaryn, that Nic is the first born alpha.. that she induced your heat and forced you two to be together there.. stranded. That he had fallen into the heats spell with you. He was freaking out .. said you had woken up many times hurting.. needing him.. and he gave in. Several times." She eyed me with a smirk but i didnt feel like smiling or talking about this. My cheeks heated at the mere mentioning of our night of heat.

"And?" I pressed as i sat up, attempting to seem unphased.

Her perfectly sculpted brows creased. "And.. he said how once the haze cleared his mind.. he realized you two hadnt used protection.. he was scared out of his mind Nova.. so he had.... sedated you while you were sleeping off the last heat wave. Said he had tried yelling for an hour for help until i had shown up. He didnt regret marking you though.. but your mom thought it was best if we kept you here.. sedated. We brought you here and thankfully its just been your mom. Your dad has been gone but oh" she peered at me with amusement.. "Dont worry. They made up." She wiggled her brows suggestively as a smile spread across my lips.

"Nic too. Anyways.. so your mom kept you sedated but.. Nova.. when i was looking for you.. it was for a reason.." she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth seeming as if she were being scolded.

Raising my brows, i waited. "Aaaand?"

Sighed, she gazed at me with bright green eyes. "And... okay so Grace had gotten sick. Really sick. Pains in her belly.. im assuming when you and Zaryn completed the bond, it caused her and the pup to experience it. Nic has been by her side since the incident since Zaryn wasnt here." her brows creased. She seemed saddened by this.

"He helped her while you two were M.I.A.. but when Zaryn went to check on the pup as soon as he knew you were safe... he saw him holding her hand at the clinic.. he went ape... Zaryn's been with her the whole time since.. " her whispered words left me feeling as if I were a mere cracked shell of my former numb self..

The new me that was savage.. that people began to respect.. the me that was created because of Zaryn's actions.. the way he put Grace before me that broke my heart so badly... i felt like that strong version had slipped away from one single night..

Yet here i am.. mated and marked to Zaryn .. him going to be at her aide once more.

Im his mate. He promised me...

Closing my eyes, i took a deep breath in.. opening my mind to the bond.. to feel his emotions.

I felt the jealousy from his wolf, over seeing another male near his unborn pup..

There was anger at Nic.. for once again trying to take something from him.. his pup.

Guilt from his wolf and him for bringing this on.. for marking me, causing his pup to go through this..

Tears welled up in my eyes as i kept feeling.. letting the bond speak to me.

Zaryn also felt guilt for his skin side feeling paternal towards the pup. He had seen an ultrasound this morning. The first one.. he saw his pup's 3d image and that very image has ingrained in his memory.

He fell in love.

There was also guilt for leaving me .. not coming to see me.. He hadn't come to see me at all? To check on me?

His mate vs his pup which his skin side now held feelings for..

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as i watched his thoughts form like a mobie reel.... the love he has for me was there.. but it was shadowed by the love he now held for his pup.

As of yesterday.. it was just the wolf side that was paternal. Being a male, a son is precious.. its a namesake being passed on. An heir.. for a wolf with alpha blood. and now, after seeing his pup's face, now the skin side.. Zaryn's side..

He loves the pup too.

Not Grace. The pup.

The only problem with that is Grace is carrying the pup he's grown to love so much. No longer just paternal, but ever lasting love.

I cried quietly as Eden sat beside me, not saying a word. She took my hand in hers, holding it.. comforting me.

"Why did you let him mark you Nova." She whispered softly.

A sob broke free from my lips. "I didnt just let him Eden! We were in a heat daze. We're mates. Its harder to control." My voice wavered as emotions barreled through me like a storm.

My heat and Anita had caused an immense amount of problems for me.. the numbness was replaced by a forlorn sadness and i knew Zaryn could feel it. I let my walls down so he could feel it all. But he still wouldn't come to me. I knew that.

I knew being mated to him would cause problems. I would have NEVER marked him if it werent for the heat. Never. The conversation we had before everything happened in the cave, that was not a relationship conversation. I never promised to be with him.. i said i would be his friend. He wanted me in his life.. even if i found happiness with someone else, which can't happen anymore because we were fully bonded now. If either of us had another, the other would know. I was either stuck with dealing with this or being alone.

Id rather be alone.

Eden wrapped her arms around me, sitting with me on the bed, holding me as i cried for the person i used to be.. the freedom i once had.. the mate I should have had in the beginning..

Anita had gone too far.

No matter her pitiful sob story.. no matter her promise to Grace or Cilla.. she had no right to do this to me.

None at all.

She would pay for this.

I should be able to understand the love Zaryn has for his pup but i cant. Jealousy was all i could see. A defenseless innocent pup that had no say on his creation.. Zaryn's devotion to him over his own mate made me jealous and I'll admit that.

He should of at least told me..

At least come to check on me.

My wolf was hurt.. angry.. whimpers sounding in my head as she curled into herself in a dark corner of my mind. She also felt the jealousy.. the contempt for an innocent life.

The two men i had in my heart... my own brother.. and my mate.. both were struck with the feeling of protectiveness for a woman who had been tricking all of us. Zaryn the most.. she trapped him and yet he's there for her.. whether it be worry for his pup, it still hurt.

"I cant do this Eden." I held her as my face, tears rolling down as i buried in her shoulder.. smelling the comforting scent of pomegranates.

"Then what are you going to do?" Her voice was soft as she pulled away to look me in the eyes which were blurred from the moisture. "I know you're hurting but you're his mate now. He's going to love you over everyone.. the pup may not make it and he doesn't love Grace. He isnt forced to be with her anymore. A mate bond is serious Nova.. i have your side always. You know that.. but neither you nor i understand the paternal instincts of a male with Alpha blood in their veins. I know it hurts because he isnt here with you.. but-"

Anger coursed through me. "But what Eden? He sedated me so I would pass out! Then left me here.. during my heat.. to be by her side!"

She gave me a look that had me feeling defensive, those green eyes admonishing me. "Not her side... his pup's side Nova. I know you dont understand.. neither do I. But he's probably confused honey.. the wolf in him is probably dying inside with worry for both of you but you're here.. alive and well. The pup might not make it.."

I rose my face to glare at her. "Some friend you are. What, are you backing Grace too now? That pup can live. Nic lived!"

Her brows furrowred. "What? Nova No! Dont act this way, come on. I told you im on your side! And Nic lived because the bond was different! Your dad marked your mom the moment she got pregnant! Grace is about to pop!"

Crossing my arms over my chest, i snarled. "Well it sure doesnt seem like it. It seems like your on their side! The pup may fare well Eden.. the pup will survive all of this if it's the moons will!"

Standing abruptly, she narrowed her eyes down at me. "Hey! I hate Grace just as much as you! And yeah youre right the pup may be fine! We dont know! You may have to deal with this forever which i would understand if you wanted to leave him.. we all hate Grace! Especially me! Especially since your brother had seexx with me last night only to run to her side the moment she faints!"

My expression deflated as i gaped open mouthed at her. "What!?"

Realizing what she said, she shook her head.. "its... its nothing. It was a one time thing. Shes his mate." A sarcastic laugh came from her lips but i could see the pain in her eyes.

Sudden anger coursed through me at the thought of my brother taking his betrayed feelings out on a female like that.. using her.

"Eden.. where is my brother.." i grit my teeth, throwing my own sadness on the back burner.

I understand Zaryn's feelings.. but if he cared about me he would have made the time for me as well. Im mated to him now. Grace wont want him if she truly loves Nic. Which now that he's an Alpha and Conrad wants her back.. she very well may try to be with him.. not Zaryn. But it doesnt deviate from the fact that Zaryn may have a pup with Grace. Call me selfish, but i cant deal with that. Its too late to decide not to have a mate but its not too late to leave, leaving him alone for good.

Self pity was making its way into my emotions, jealousy rearing its ugly head. I just wanted to leave... but right now all i wanted to do was talk to this brother of mine.

I was beginning to see that fixing other people's problems was the one thing i had.. the one thing that could keep me from falling apart.

"He's at Doc's.. Zaryn wont let him come around Grace.. so he's staying in the waiting room but dont do anything Nova. I knew it was just a fling..." her eyes downcast to the floor.

Getting up from the bed, i headed to the bathroom. "No Eden. He used you to take out his own agression against Grace. He broke the rules on pack land as well... "

"But im an Oracle, Nova! I dont have a mate.. the rules don't apply to me!" She seemed so small in this moment..

"Your still a member of this pack." I turned, walking through the bathroom door.

"Nova wait! Theres something you should know.."

I turned, noticing her worried eyes scanning my body.

"What."

Tugging on her lip with her bottom teeth, "Zaryn put you to sleep in the cave because once his mind cleared, he realized you two had been .. together without protection. He didnt want to risk you getting pregnant but didnt want you to hurt either.."

I nodded, raising a brow. We had already discussed this. "And?"

" and... you havent started bleeding yet... you may very well be pregnant."

Dun dun dun!

She MAY be. We dont knkw. She might be though....

We have to see!

And we havent forgotten about conrad anita and deacon.. then theres Penelope and Blakes ship thats sinking...

Nova thrives on fixing other peoples lives.. the shell of hardness she created is cracking around her now.. she cant fall apart yet. Not when theres other things for her to take care of.

Shes about to go confront her brother and a conversation with Grace and Zaryn is about to happen as well.

I can see Zaryn's pain and love over his son because i have a child as well but how could he just leave his mate like that? How could he leave her with no one? Knowing they didnt use protection and that she couod possibly be pregnant?

Maybe he didnt think she would be..

But remember... their bonded. If they open their minds, they can know exactly what each other are thinking and feeling. Z knows shes awake and he knows how she feels!

And WHOA nic and eden hooked up!!!!!!????!?!?!?!?!?!?!! 😲😲😲

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Xoxo

Chilee

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