49 - I want our relationship to grow

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heartbeat. The silence between me and Yuichi felt even more suffocating, making it harder for me to find the right words to say.

"I..."

My voice was barely audible. I bit my lip, lowering my head slightly. Yuichi looked at me with an unreadable expression— nervous, confused, and maybe... a little hopeful?

"About us..." I tried again, but my words hung in the air.

Yuichi didn't say anything, just silently waited. That only made me more anxious. Damn. I had to say something, right? I couldn't just stay silent and hope everything would change on its own.

I took another breath, then exhaled slowly. "I don't want us to stay like this."

Yuichi blinked. "What do you mean?"

I gripped my spoon tighter. Suddenly, I felt nervous, but I couldn’t back down!

I carefully chose my words. "I mean... if we keep pretending like nothing happened, it won’t solve anything either, right?"

Yuichi looked surprised, as if not expecting me to say that. She lowered her head slightly, as if processing my words. "So... you want us to talk about it?"

I bit my lip, then finally gave a small nod.

Silence filled the air once more. I could hear the birds outside the window, the ticking of the clock on the wall, and, of course, my own heartbeat, which was getting out of control.

"I..." Yuichi started speaking, but then fell silent. She clutched the edge of her skirt, her eyes shifting nervously. "I feel the same way..."

I stared at her, shocked. "...Huh?"

Yuichi didn’t answer right away. She simply looked away, her cheeks slightly flushed.

"I don’t want things to be awkward between us," she continued softly. "I also don’t want us to pretend to forget. But I... also don’t know what we should do."

So she felt the same way as I did.

I let out a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "Then..." I gathered my courage and looked straight at her. "Maybe we can... do something so we don’t stay like this?"

Yuichi turned to me with a confused expression. "Do something?"

I immediately regretted saying that. It sounded too ambiguous!

"Maybe... a date..?" I quickly added, but without thinking, I ended up saying something I didn’t even intend to.

WAIT, A DATE?!

"I misspoke..!" Just as I was about to correct myself, Yuichi had already lowered her face, her eyes sparkling with hope, her cheeks completely red.

How could I possibly tell her that I just said that by accident?

So that’s how it is.

Now I was certain— Yuichi’s feelings were the same as mine.

Alright, pull yourself together, Nagi!

"Y-yeah! A date! Maybe we can use it to be honest about our feelings, and maybe... something about our relationship will change from that date!" I stammered, trying to explain myself in a hurry.

"A date, huh... I don’t mind," Yuichi said simply. But those few words managed to break through all the defenses in my heart.

Yuichi looked at me with her clear, sharp eyes. Her long eyelashes made her face even more captivating, adding a sweet touch to her already beautiful features. Her well-defined nose and small, cute face made my heart pound even harder.

Suddenly, my hands felt itchy, as if I wanted to pinch her adorable cheeks.

AAARRGGHH!!

Was this... cuteness aggression?

I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath to calm myself.

"How about next Saturday? I’ll choose the place," I said quickly, turning my gaze away to distract myself from her beauty.

"O-okay! T-then, next week it is!!" Yuichi replied nervously.

We both looked away from each other— not because of anything else, but simply because we were too embarrassed to maintain eye contact.

Even just looking at her made my heart feel like it was about to explode.

"Alright..! For now, l-let’s just continue eating..?"

***

The school bell finally rang, signaling the end of the day. Without hesitation, we started packing up to head home.

On the way home, Yuichi and I were still as awkward as ever. Our steps were in sync, but neither of us dared to look at the other. I felt disgusted with myself— AREN’T I A MAN? WHERE IS YOUR COURAGE, NAGI?!

I thought that way— but every time I tried to do something, that kiss kept replaying in my mind.

"Umm... Yuichi. Are you excited f-for... our date?" I asked quickly. It was better to start a conversation than to let this uncomfortable silence continue.

"Y-yeah! After all, I’m going on a date with you. O-of course I’m excited," Yuichi answered, lowering her head shyly.

I could feel my face heating up.

W-WHOA? SHE’S SO BOLD.

I knew we liked each other, but I didn’t have the courage to be that straightforward.

I scratched my cheek awkwardly. "I-I am too."

I swallowed nervously, then gathered the courage to look at Yuichi beside me. "Yuichi, do you remember? When we were kids, we used to play together a lot. Every time you went to an amusement park or mall with your parents, you always invited me."

"Though, I don’t know if that counted as a date or not... since back then, you were still a boy. Heh... Heh..."

Yuichi looked at me and gave a small smile. "I remember. We used to play together a lot, and when we went shopping at the mall, you never bought anything, even when my dad insisted."

"Ah... Hehehe. I just felt bad, that’s all," I replied, scratching my head, unsure how to respond.

"My dad even secretly bought you toys and gifted them to you just so you’d accept them," Yuichi continued, looking up at the sky, lost in nostalgia.

"Your dad was too kind... so I didn’t know how to react."

Yuichi turned her attention back to me, smiling brightly. "Yeah! He even saw you as his own kid because we were so close."

"S-so that’s how it was..." I kept scratching my head awkwardly, watching Yuichi as she talked.

"Nagi..."

"You know, when we were little, you always looked lonely. You helped everyone, but no one was there to help you. How did you manage to live like that? Even I, when I help others, always expect something in return. You’re too kind, Nagi," Yuichi said softly.

"H-huh..? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"You don’t talk to your parents much, right? Their work schedule is busy, so you were always left with your grandfather," Yuichi chuckled softly, gently poking my cheek.

Eh..? Did I ever tell her that my parents were rarely home?

"I know what it’s like to feel neglected. My dad was rarely home, and my biological mother always ignored me and never acknowledged me as her child." Yuichi lifted her head to the sky, her eyes focused on the orange hues of the setting sun.

"But I was lucky— after my dad separated and remarried, my stepmother and dad started giving me the attention I never had before," she continued.

"Yeah, and Natsu-san is your stepmother’s daughter, right?"

Yuichi nodded slowly.

Whenever Yuichi invited me to amusement parks or malls with her family, I would often play with Natsu and Yuichi. Those were unforgettable moments.

I didn’t have many beautiful memories with my own family— maybe only with my grandfather. But even so, I couldn’t blame my parents.

After all, they had to work to support the family.

"So, why did you always invite me along when we were kids, Yuichi?"

"I was just repaying a favor," Yuichi answered simply.

"Repaying a favor?"

"When you were little, you helped me escape loneliness. So I wanted to help you too. That’s why, every time my family went on a vacation, I always brought you along, Nagi," Yuichi said with a bright smile. It was a genuine smile. This was the first time— someone was willing to help me sincerely in return.

Whenever I helped someone, I never expected anything back. After all, I helped others for my own satisfaction.

My personality was shaped by my grandfather. He taught me to never make choices I would regret later. He also told me to help others because if I did, I might meet someone who would genuinely help me too.

Maybe that’s how my grandparents met. It was so similar— so similar to my meeting with Yuichi back then.

I helped Yuichi, and Yuichi helped me. Didn’t that mean we are made for each other, right?

I let out a small chuckle as I recalled our funny childhood moments.

"What are you laughing at?" Yuichi asked, eyeing me suspiciously from the corner of their eyes.

"Heheh… Nothing. Just remembering the past."

"..."

Yuichi let out a small sigh before smiling faintly.

Our steps came to a halt as we arrived in front of the apartment. We looked at each other for a few seconds before finally chuckling softly.

"Alright, let’s go in."

TO BE CONTINUED.