-13- reason & past

Atmiz's view

No it's never been easy for me when the topic is about relationships.

Five years couldn't fix it - fix me, I'm broken at this point. And I tried so so hard to go over this.

But she's still in my mind.

She didn't leave my head a single day. Everyday I would think about her everyday wondering what she's doing.

I'm grateful to know that she changed.

But I'm still broke.

I mean I'm happy for her but......

So today I decided to have a meeting with her.

Elena, my ex

I don't really understand her work but she is around therapy. Our relationship turned into toxic..... because of me, I was controlling every single thing, I was possessive and selfish when it came to her.

I hurt her.

And when she wanted to go, I eventually didn't want to, when I realized my toxic behavior towards her I became completely selfless, it was hours and hours of I'm sorry, I wont do it again, I'll change.

But she didn't come back, and that doesn't mean we lost contact , Elena has always been there for me.

" Maybe I should call it off" I mumbled

" No you don't" William said.

I rolled my eyes " what are you even doing there? What Andrea doesn't give you enough work to do, as a manager you should-"

" Don't even try Miz " he cut me off , " you are trying to make me leave so you can call it off, that's why I'm driving you " he stood from the chair in front of my desk.

The same desk Mychelda was sitting in once.

I signed loudly.

I'm scared, I don't want to talk to her but I need it.

Elena has the answer to my question.

The ride to STELLA, a fancy Italian restaurant, wasn't long , but because I was so nervous it felt like three minutes.

Before I knew it, William and I were walking towards a private area of the restaurant where Elena was waiting for me.

As we entered the bright room, I met her eyes.

She has changed a few, her brown hair was longer and her eyes were lighter.

"Good morning" she said , standing up.

" Morning Lena " William said.

I only nodded, locking my eyes with hers.

" So I won't stay any longer" I heard William excuse himself, he patted my shoulder before waving at Elena and left.

" Shall we sit" she said and I nodded.

" How are you Atmiz? " Her light brown eyes held mine.

It took me an entire minute to answer her question.

" I'm sorry Elena" I clearly breathed out

She signed" listen Atmiz, you have promised me to never say those words again, I know you regret, I know you changed, you don't have to apologize anymore because I have forgiven you long ago, it's behind us now."

" I know Elena but I'm saying sorry because I'm bothering you, again. "

" No, you're not, even if we are not together anymore, I will always be here for you."

" Me too."

"Did you call me to breathe with you , I would come with my cigarettes?" She jokingly said.

I smiled sadly

" you're in love" she said in a low voice.

She knows me so well.

I signed " I have a question for you. "

She nodded, signalling me to go ahead. " I met this girl, Elena " I began but abruptly trelled off , frowning.

" Something wrong? " Elena said , frowning herself

" Need wine" in a matter of minutes we had wine on the table

Once I began to drink, I grew relaxed.

I was uncomfortable because of the topic not Elena.

I am always comfortable around her.

" So you're in love with a girl and you have a question for me ." She said

I nodded " I'm scared Elena, I don't want to...the old Atmiz anymore and I don't know if the new me can love without.....you know "

Elena rest her forearm on the table " you're scared of what exactly?"

Elena and William are always my therapists even when we broke up, she would come to wipe my tears.

" I don't want to hurt her, like... I did with you" I whispered in a low voice.

" I don't think you would do that, Atmiz " she softly said.

" But what if I don't even realize, maybe it's already fucked up " I frustratedly run my hands tough my hair.

" Why do you say that? " She asked

" Because I've been avoiding her, cancelling plans for no fucking reason but fear, she's so perfect Elena, and I don't want to hurt her."

" Atmiz, stop this!! " Elena stern's voice echoed in the room." What were you doing all these past five years? , you worked on yourself, and you changed and I'm so proud of you, do you think you don't deserve to have a happy relationship? "

I remained silent, lowering my gaze .

" Look at me Atmiz and tell me would you hurt her on purpose "

I slowly lift my head, meeting Elena's stare.

" I would never hurt her but-" " there's no but" she cut me off

" You're not the same person anymore, where is the confident Atmiz who slapped a random man who was looking at me in a bar ?"

I rolled my eyes " he was checking you out and I don't care now , that's the business of your wife"

" Yeah yeah don't tryna change topic, talk to her Atmiz, tell her everything if you trust her , and if she's the one, she'll understand and you'll stay together"

To tell Mychelda

What if she judges me or if she doesn't accept this side of me , my past.

" I don't want to lose her "

I was so scared, what if she doesn't accept my past or she already gave up.

She told me she'll wait, I have to trust her.

I love her so much but I didn't tell her, I'm and I'm still so scared, but Elena convinced me it's the best decision to take.

So this evening I'm going to her house.

To explain everything.

Please let her like me even after this.

"You need to be cheered up" Gaia clapped her hands together.

" Let's go shopping" I said mindlessly.

" Come on sorella" Gaïa passed her arm by mine and walked us to the elevator.

Today it's Friday and I just finished work.

Today also means it's been two weeks since I saw Mychelda.

I miss her so bad.

I hope tonight won't be a sad one.

" Sorella!!" Gaia whispered-yelled beside me.

" What is wrong" I groaned.

" We arrived, get out of the car, I need new dresses, spring is coming"

Before I knew we were in a Dior store looking for the perfect black dress for Gaïa's future date.

The store was almost empty, I pretended to look at the dresses but I was thinking about all the different things.

" Mychelda fucking Desora..." a familiar voice said , making both my heart and I jump.

The woman was a bit away, and I was facing her back, I hid myself behind some clothes so she couldn't see me even if she turned around.

Who is that woman? And why is she saying the goodness name of my cara.

"...You said you give her time didn't you?" She paused a moment while fixing the same spot.

" Okay so go talk to your baby, you can't force her to be in a couple with you"

Are they talking about me?

The woman turned herself and I realized it was actually Mychelda's best friend Rachelle aka Chellie.

" We'll talk later, give her time" she softly said

They are definitely talking about me.

She paused a second and said " okay see ya" and she hung up.

" Baby!! " I heard Gaia's surprised voice say " whatchu doing here?!" She hugged her

Oh yeah, after the deal thing, Rachelle and Gaïa began to date and before we realized they were in a couple.

" Atmiz is here too , we are doing shopping for our date"

" So if you're more than pretty I got to thank her too" Rachelle kissed her cheek while passing an arm on her waist.

I could say Mychelda and her almost have the same love language, it's just Mychelda is so dirty minded.

And shit I love it secretly.

I slowly made my way to the young couple.

" Hey Rachelle" I say

" Hey Miss challie's " she gave me a side hug even when she was still holding Gaïa's waist.

" Nice to see you " she said

" Me too...." She hugged Gaïa and when Gaïa's face pressed on her chest, I gave her a knowing look

" How is she?" I mouthed and she nodded before pointing at me.

" I'm alright, I'll fix everything soon " I mouthed again and she nodded.

I leave the lovebirds alone to find something.

An idea popped in my head .

A/n

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