: Chapter 35

A wave of power ripples out of me with such force, Hendrix, Ava and Toby all fly through the air and crash into the stone walls. I roll onto my side, holding my belly protectively as the magic my tiny baby provides gives me the power to save us. I see Toby scrambling down the hall like a goddamn coward, looking back over his shoulder, terrified of me.

No way.

I reach out and use my borrowed magic to drag him back in by his ankle. He claws at the ground, desperate to go anywhere but back in the room with me. When he’s in, I close the door, locking them all in with me.

Because I am done.

I am done being taken from the people I love.

I am done being chained up.

I am done being hurt.

I am done with these people who think they can do whatever they want with me just because I was born the Arcane and no one… No one! Is taking this baby from me.

My Broken-self finally speaks to me as she lingers by the door.

I stretch out my hand and pin them all to the wall. They claw at their throats as if they’re being strangled. Their feet kick out and their eyes bulge as their faces redden. I wrap my wrist around the chain tethering me to the wall and tear it free. Chunks of stone, tumble to the floor. I get to my feet, panting and shaking from the shock of what almost happened. And filled with anger at what they dared try and do to me.

At what they’ve done to me.

As I wield this power, I feel the strength of it start to wane slightly and worry that I am draining strength from my sweet little flame, flickering inside me.

I look at Ava and drop her down to the floor.

My eyes blacken.

‘Go and get my Bloodstone and my mother’s necklace. Do nothing else. Go get them and return to me as fast as you can. Now.’

‘Don’t, Ava,’ Toby gasps, struggling against my disembodied hold.

She spins on her heel and runs out the room. As I wait, I walk to Toby and look up at him. I reach out and clasp my engagement ring from the chain hanging around his neck, and snap it off. When I slide my ring back on, I peer up at him and tut three times.

Ava’s hurried little footsteps echo down the hall. She sprints in the room, pale and sweating, before stopping by the door. Her whole body is shaking tremendously as she looks helplessly at Toby. In her hand is my Bloodstone, as well as my mother’s necklace.

‘Give them to me.’

Her feet shuffle forwards as I make her come to me. She holds them out in front of her.

‘Stop!’ Toby gasps. ‘Ava, do not give them to her!’

‘I can’t stop myself!’ she wails. ‘Toby… Toby…’

I splay out my fingers and open my palm flat. She rests them over my hand, and drops them into my grasp.

As soon as I touch the Bloodstone, I stop channeling anything from my baby and take it all from that instead. I feel the real connection to the Arcane realm in a way I never did before. I truly didn’t know what I had. Not a clue. I fill with strength. With power. There is no need to use the magic in my mother’s necklace. Not now I have my own connection back.

I use my Physical magic to heal myself. The bruises. The cuts. The aches and the exhaustion, they all disappear. My muscles feel new and strong. The fear I had dissipates. I have no need for it. Not now. Because not only do I have my magic back, but I’m also armed with all the information Rebecca shared with me. And within that knowledge is a spell that will ensure this never happens to me again. I put on the necklace with the Bloodstone attached, kissing it lovingly as it passes my lips.

I chant, using the tip of my nail to cut the skin over my heart. ‘

The stone glows a bright red. Tiny sparks of lightning shoot out and travel gently across my chest and inwards, through the shallow incision, all the way to my heart. It tingles. It’s familiar and loving. Like a long-lost companion glad to be home. I then put on my mother’s necklace and they hang side by side.

‘W-what did you just do?’ Ava whispers. Her eyes are wide and watching the Bloodstone with terror.

‘I just performed a spell to stop anyone taking the Bloodstone from me. If anyone tries, their heart will stop beating for good ’ I look up at Toby. ‘The stone is mine. And mine it shall always be. I am once more… The Arcane. Brand be damned.’ I start to laugh. My chuckle echoes all around us. I stand, still with the collar and chain around my neck.

‘So, what now?’ Toby grunts under the pressure I have on his throat. ‘You’re-’

‘Shh,’ I say gently, holding my finger to my lips. My eyes are still black and he has no choice but to obey. This angers him greatly. Much to my amusement. ‘I’m not Gabriel. You can’t deny my words. No matter how hard you try. I am power beyond anything you have ever seen. I have knowledge inside me that no one alive has ever even heard of. And I am a mother who will do anything to protect her child. The child of your brother. Now hush, Tobias, and wait your turn. I have something particularly special planned for you.’ I slowly turn my head, and look at Hendrix. I release my grip on him and he slides to the floor, landing on his feet as he always does. He bares his teeth and gives me a snarl as he prepares to lunge at me. I hold up my hand and keep him exactly where he is with such little effort, it’s funny.

‘Hendrix. You betrayed me. Conspired against me. Hurt me and the people I love. I plan to return the favour.’

‘Ya gonna kill me?’

‘No. I’m going to destroy your life. Just as you have tried to do to me. I want to take away any hopes you had for that vampire revival you did all of this for.’ I run my tongue over my teeth. ‘You need the poison in your teeth to turn humans into one of you… right?’

‘Yeah,’ he snarls.

‘Good. Hendrix… Pull out your teeth. Every. Single. One.’ I hitch an eyebrow expectantly and watch as slowly, he reaches in and takes hold of one of his teeth. ‘Your fangs first, please. Pull them out and put them on the floor in a neat little pile.’ He starts breathing furiously as he does as I order. He takes his fang and roars as he begins to pull. The sound of it being wrenched from his gum is satisfying to say the least. He places it delicately on the floor, all the while, glaring at me like a murderous animal.

‘I will kill you for this unless you stop right-’

‘No speaking. More pulling. There’s a good vampire. Carry on.’ I nod to his mouth which has a small bead of red blood traveling down his chin. ‘Every single one.’ As he reaches in, I look at Ava. She looks ready to pass out. Her eyes are locked onto Toby as her lip trembles.

‘Ava, you see that bucket there?’ I nod to the pail by the door. The one filled with Hendrix’s urine. The one she tried to pour down my throat. ‘Pick it up and come back here.’ She turns and clumsily walks over to fetch it. Her feet are uncoordinated and her breathing is jagged. But she retrieves the bucket and returns to the exact spot she was just in.

A smile pulls at the corner of my lips. ‘Drink it.’

Hendrix yells as he pulls another tooth and places it with the other one on the floor.

Toby continues to struggle against my hold on him.

But I just look at Ava as she raises the bucket to her lips while sobbing.

She tips it up, and starts to drink.

Her deep gulps mix with her gagging and coughing.

‘Now… That’s funny,’ I laugh.

Hendrix yanks out another tooth.

‘Christ. That’s disgusting,’ he says quietly, reaching in to remove yet another tooth.

Her desperate and agonised wails are music to my ears, and when she finishes, she drops to the floor and starts retching.

‘Do not be sick, Ava. You keep it all inside you.’ I almost sing the order and although her body convulses with the need to throw up and expel what she’s just ingested, she keeps it down, just as I’ve instructed. Hendrix pulls another tooth. His mouth is gushing blood now and he’s also starting to shake. The roots of each tooth are enormous. Far longer than a human’s. And for the first time ever, I see Hendrix is really in pain. Not only that, but genuinely upset. He looks at each lost tooth with heartbreak.

I take the collar and rip it off my neck before dropping it. The chain detaches and slithers around me like a serpent. I lean down and it slides into my hand, snaking its way around my wrist as I walk forwards. My filthy hem trails behind me as my bare feet walk silently over the cold stone. When I reach Ava, I tap the end of her nose.

‘Your turn.’

I strike her hard across the face and remove my control from her. She lands on her back, clasping her face. I lift my foot and with all my own strength, bring it down on her knee. Her bone breaks and she screams out before trying to crawl away from me. She starts screeching. Pleading.

‘HELP ME!’ she cries, clawing at the floor as she hauls her body across its surface towards Toby. ‘BABY… HELP ME!’

I take hold of her ankle and pull her back.

I take a handful of her hair and smash her face into the floor, dazing her. Then I roll her onto her back. I stand there, a foot each side of her hips and can’t help but laugh. I look to the table. The knife is still there. The one Toby had placed there in preparation for when I Broke. I summon it. It flies through the air and lands in my hand. I let my fingers feel its blade. It’s sharp.

‘Yep. This will do perfectly.’

She raises her hands up as if to calm me, but trembles uncontrollably.

‘Lilly… Lilly, please… don’t kill me.’

‘I begged you to stop. I begged you to let me go.’ I tilt my head to the side. ‘Did you?’

I lower myself onto her thighs with my knees placed each side of her. With a slow blink, I turn my gaze from her face to the knife in my hand.

I copy her high-pitched whine, mimicking her voice and the words she used the night she held me down in the Miller’s barn.

I say.

With the tip of the blade, I lift up her shirt, exposing her belly. ‘Toby… I understand. He has no soul. No conscience. No humanity. But you? You’re not Broken. So what’s your excuse, huh?’ I notice something on her stomach. ‘Now what do we have here?’ I see the faintest remainder of two delicate little scars exactly where mine are. Hers are neat and virtually invisible. Unlike mine. My eyes blacken. ‘Show me. What are these marks?’ I feel her temple and delve into her mind. I see it easily and quickly.

The truth.

I let go of her head and look at Toby.

My rage increases tenfold. My eye twitches with it. My instincts are to kill him. To send the knife in my hand straight to the spot between Toby’s eyes. I grip it tighter in my now shaking hand to resist the temptation.

‘You… you never had a vision of my death,’ I tell him. His mouth goes into a tight line as he continues trying to maintain his composure. Hendrix is still pulling his teeth off to the side, but no one pays any attention. ‘You never even had a vision. Your mother did. She told you what she saw and you told Ava. You… you are such a fucking, lying piece of shit. You! You!’ I point the knife at him. ‘“

.’ I repeat the words his mother spoke to him moments before her death. Her vague warnings, delivered by her vision, that destroyed my life. ‘

’ I shake my head. ‘That’s why you did it?’

‘I will not be killed,’ He gasps. ‘Not by you. And not by my own child.’

‘And you?’ I look down at Ava. ‘You let him sterilise you?’

She gives a series of short, sharp nods, too terrified to actually speak.

‘And you killed my child, to protect him?’ I point the knife in Toby’s direction as I feel the hot venom of my wrath start to rise up my throat. ‘You held me down, and helped him do what he did to-’

‘Yes. Yes, I did. Because I love him, Lilly Hooper. More than you ever did or ever could. And I would do anything to save him.’ She finds her voice and although it shakes and is high-pitched with fear, she’s sounding pretty certain of her choices. ‘His child will kill him. That’s the prophecy. I did what I did to keep him alive. To keep him safe. And I’d do it all over again because that’s love. That’s devotion.’

I lean down into her face. ‘No,’ I snarl. ‘I’ll show you love. I’ll show you devotion. By getting revenge for the life you snubbed out. And from the life you tried to take again.’ I use my magic to pin her arms above her head and her legs down straight. I cut the front of her top straight up the middle and then, slowly, and with precision, press the blade into her gut. As she screams and kicks out below me, I drag it across her skin leaving a gash trailing from her abdomen to her ribs. Blood spews out and covers my dress.

‘You emptied me out. You took something from me that I will never get.’ I position my hands above her incision, the tips of my fingers ready to dig into her and pull out her insides.

My eyes blacken and I order her to stay conscious. I order her to stop screaming. Her eyes are full of tears. They stream down her face as she watches me. A pair of bare feet step closer and stop by her head. I look up and see a far too real Broken Lilly watching me.

she whispers, grinning wickedly.

She lowers herself to her knees and watches with glee.

My fingers sink beneath her flesh. Warm blood spills between my fingers. Ava squeals and judders below me in agony.

With a blink, I stop. What the hell am I doing? I want her dead, yes. I want her to suffer too. But not like this. I retract my hands and lean over her, my face an inch from hers.

‘You tried to take Gabriel from me. And now, before you die, you will watch as I take away the only person you love in this whole world.’ I turn my head, and narrow my full attention on Toby. My Broken-self flickers from beside Ava’s head, to Toby’s side. ‘You will watch him disappear. And then you will die. But don’t worry, I didn’t damage your organs too much and the blood loss will take a while to kill you, so you have a good couple of hours of agony to get through yet.’

I stand. My dress is drenched in her blood. The whole skirt is red and my hands and arms are bloody too. I make my way towards Toby with determination coursing through me, and stop before him. His feet still hover several inches from the ground and he claws at his throat, fighting against my disembodied grip. Our eyes lock.

‘I loved you,’ I tell him painfully, hating that I have the slightest pang of guilt at what I’m about to do to him. ‘I loved you so much. I think back, and I can’t remember who I was before you. I don’t think I really existed at all. I just occupied space and used up oxygen. I was breathing, but I wasn’t living. I had a heartbeat, but I was dead inside. And then you exploded into my life, and the more you broke me down and tore me up, the more alive I became.’

‘Because we’re the same…’ he wheezes. ‘Both broken souls, needing someone else to fix us. You’re in my head, Red. You’re in my heart. Always.’

I let him drop to the floor.

‘That’s bullshit and you know it. It’s time for me to break you down and tear you up.’ I step closer to him. ‘It’s time for me to kill you.’

He coughs and gasps in as much air as possible before forcing himself to his feet. Only when he lifts his head do I see he’s laughing.

‘We both know you won’t kill me.’

‘Yes. I kill you.’

‘Then Gabriel will die too.’ He shrugs.

‘No. He won’t. Because I’m going to kill , Toby. I see your reaction when I call you Tobias. You fear that name, because you fear him returning and you disappearing. You fear having to live with what you have done.’

His smug smile disappears and an anxious uncertainty takes its place. He has one eye on the door as he creates his fire on his hands.

‘You can’t force me-’

‘Let’s get the youngest Kendryk back behind the steering wheel… shall we?’

‘You think you can guilt me into turning on my humanity? Please… You think far too high of yourself that anything you could say or do would ever make me want to-’

I grab the sides of his head and dig the tips of my fingernails in deep. I’m almost crushing his skull.

‘What are you doing?!’ He tries to prize my hands away, but now I have access to my Physical magic, I’m too strong for him to fight off. ‘Get off me!’

I dig my nails in. The pain I’m inflicting has him on his knees, yelling furiously. His flaming hands claw at mine, but as soon as he burns me, I heal.

I take several very deep breaths before joining him on the floor. Both on our knees and facing each other, I look into his lilac eyes for the last time. Never again will they look back at me. The eyes that once belonged to a man I loved and desired beyond sense or reason. To a man that saved my life, only to mutate it and control it in its entirety. To a man that crushed my soul and my bones and then my heart. To a man that I feared. Admired. Adored.

. That’s what she said, right? Your mother? After she had a vision?

I don’t think she meant your baby. I think she meant me. You created me. Your love brought this version of me to life. I was a good person. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Not until you made me want to hurt them. So, I will kill you now, Toby Smith, and make sure you can never hurt me or anyone else ever again. I will compel you to die.’

‘You-you can’t do such a thing!’

I nod. ‘Yes,’ I reply, in a simple matter of fact. ‘Yes, I can.’ My eyes go black and his widen in terror. ‘Turn it on, Tobias Kendryk,’ I order. ‘Turn on your feelings.’ I reaffirm my grip as his eyes widen. ‘Let it all in. Remove your Break. Fix it. Seal it closed and let it all back in.’

‘N-no…’

‘Yes. Let in your fear. Let in your pain. Let in your guilt and your sorrow. Let in the humanity that you have spent so long without.’ His eyes start to flicker. A hint of hazel returns to them. I channel more power into him. I force more will into my words. ‘You will feel all the guilt of what you have done in your life as a Broken witch. You will feel all the pain you inflicted on others. You will remember it all with the same soul you had as a child. You will return to the boy that wept for Rose as she lay in chains. You will once more be the empathetic boy that loved his mother and risked everything to save his brother from Hunters, and when you are whole, when you are back to feeling everything the Break has stopped you from feeling, you will never forget a single thing you did.’ More hazel appears as he yells and tries to get away from me. The roots of his white hair start going dark. I channel more of my will into him. It’s a huge drain and my head is starting to pound at the force of this command. Blood trickles from my nose, but I’m so determined, I won’t stop. ‘Tell me. Tell me what you have done to me!’

‘I-I… Oh God.’

‘TELL ME!’

‘I lied to you!’ He cries, tears sliding down his cheeks. More brown claims his hair and his eyes are now completely hazel.

‘All you did was lie to me. Tell me what you did! Say it!’

I expect a confession of his actions in the barn.

That’s not what I get.

‘I knew you were in the house for years. From when you were six years old,’ he sobs, more tears spilling over his face.

‘I know that. I saw the photos you had before Ava shot Malcolm in Grayson’s study. Tell me what-’

‘I knew Ryan was abusing you!’ he yells desperately. I let go and stagger back. He falls forwards. His body judders like he’s laughing, but when he sits straight, I see it’s genuine crying. His hair is chestnut-brown now and his eyes are just as they were in Gabriel’s memories. He looks completely different. His whole face is etched in horror and self-loathing but when he looks up at me, there’s a childlike pain in his eyes.

‘You… you what? Tell me!’ I order. ‘TELL ME NOW!’

‘I saw him. I watched him… hurt you. For years.’

‘Hurt me?’ I swallow painfully. ‘Or rape me?’

His hands grab at his hair like he can’t understand what he’s admitting to. ‘I would sit at the window and watch him with you.’

The urge to vomit contorts my insides. ‘And you… you just…’

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-I never… I-’

‘Why?’ I feel the betrayal of such a confession stab at my heart. ‘You saving me from Ryan was the only good thing you did for me, and now you tell me you knew he was doing it? And you let him? Why?’

‘He wanted you as low as you could go.’

‘He?’ I choke.

‘My Broken-self.’

‘So, you. You’re not separate people. You’re one person and you did this to me! Why?’

‘So…’ He takes a hard breath. ‘So he… I mean… I, so I could fix you and make you his-mine. Mine. I wanted you so damaged that when I came to save you, you would love me.’ He can’t look at me as he speaks. ‘How could I do that? How could I have done… Oh God… the barn. I-I… Oh God… My own child!’ He starts retching and vomits on the floor while shaking his head. ‘Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.’

I crouch low and he lifts his traumatised face to my furious and hateful one. My eyes are still black. ‘What else have you done and not told me about?’

‘I don’t know. It’s- It’s…’ He shakes his head while his eyes dart in every direction. There’s a deep furrow of confusion on his brow. ‘It’s all jumbled. My memories aren’t in order and I can’t see them clearly.’

‘You will remember it all. Those memories will settle and they will never leave you. You will live with this for the rest of your life, Tobias. You will never forgive yourself. And if you ever feel any joy, even for a second, you are compelled to inflict upon yourself, something awful that you inflicted on another. No action of yours can endanger your life. You will not take anything to numb your pain. And you will remain loyal to me. My slave. My pet.’

‘Please…just kill me,’ he whispers. ‘I can’t live with what I have done.’

‘Tell me you understand your punishment.’

He blinks as even more tears tumble forth.

‘Tell me you understand!’

‘Yes.’ He cries, looking up at me defeated and devastated. ‘Yes. I understand.’

I glance over my shoulder to Ava, who watches on in misery.

‘Toby Smith is gone.’ I wipe away the final tear I will ever shed for Toby Smith. ‘He is never coming back. Tobias?’

‘Yes, Lilly?’ Tobias replies, in a weak whisper.

‘Tell Ava the truth. Did you ever love her?’

‘No.’

‘Did you ever like her?’

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘And before you returned, were you in any way sad that she was dying in front of you?’

Ava’s lip wobbles.

‘No, Lilly. I didn’t care. I was… indifferent.’ His answers are truthful, but delivered with sadness. He doesn’t want Ava’s dying moments to be of heart-break. I on the other hand, am thrilled that this is how she will fade from this world.

‘Did you hear that, Ava? Indifferent. Wow, that is such a beautiful word, don’t you think?’

‘T-Toby?’ She reaches out weakly for him. ‘Baby? D-don’t leave me… I love you… I-I need you.’

‘I’m sorry, Ava,’ Tobias whispers. ‘But Toby is gone. And he is never coming back.’

‘W-will you hold me?’ she whimpers, her fingers stretching for him. ‘P-please… let me die in his arms.’

I watch him, and let him choose his own path. His own words. He struggles to decide on what to do. Finally, he shakes his head and looks away from her. She sobs desperately at his rejection, and her outstretched arm falls limp.

I stand and look between Hendrix and Ava. He has no more teeth to pull, so I instruct Tobias to collect them all up off the floor. He does, and I head to the door. He scurries after me. I turn back with my hand on the handle.

‘I’m locking this. Hendrix, you will not attempt to leave this room. Ever. If you get hungry…’ I nod to Ava. ‘You can lick up her blood from the floor.’

‘This isn’t over,’ he lisps, with blood pooling in his mouth.

‘It is for you. No one will find you here. I’ll make sure of it.’

‘I guess I’ll see you in hell then, Little Witch.’

‘I look forward to it. Enjoy your time together.’ I give him a wink and a half-smile as I close and lock the door. The sound of the barrel clicking into place and sealing for good, echoes down the hall. I breathe easier, like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I trace my finger down the steel of the door and give it a light tap. ‘Two down…’ Tobias drops a single tooth on the floor. It rolls under my dress. I pivot my head in his direction.

‘I-I’m sorry,’ he whispers, crouching down and reclaiming it. He drops it three more times as he trembles all over. He keeps his head down, but his eyes keep glancing upwards intermittently.

‘Are you scared of me, Tobias Kendryk?’

‘I-I-I-’

‘Must I compel you to speak the truth? Because that may annoy me.’

‘Yes.’ He nods and stops with his head so low, his chin is buried deep into his neck. ‘Yes. I am afraid of you.’

‘Toby Smith. Scared of me.’ I find that amusing and more than a novelty.

‘I am not Toby Smith any longer. That man… he was… he was…’

‘He was?’

‘Evil.’ The words get stuck in his throat.

‘Do you think me evil too?’

‘You?’ Slowly, he lifts his terrified eyes and I’m still bemused at how human and innocent he looks. And also, how haunted. A self-loathing and shame has already buried so deep into himself he will never be free of it. ‘You are a creation,’ he says.

‘A creation?’

‘You were right. I created you. We all did. The anger in you and the pain, it was put there. By me and by so many others. Even if you had not compelled me to remain by your side, I would still stay with you. I took so much from you. And now, I give you freely whatever you desire. My life is yours to do with as you please and I expect pain and vengeance. It is what I deserve.’

‘Are you trying to make me feel guilty? Need I remind you-’

‘You do not need to remind me of anything. It may be jumbled right now, but I know I have done heinous acts. I do not intend to make you feel guilty for a single thing. I deserve any suffering you wish to deliver.’

I notice how differently he speaks. More polite and concise. A little like Grayson does. An out-of-time tone that would suit a well-to-do man from centuries ago.

‘Will that make it easier for you? To deal with the knowledge of all you have done by spending your days suffering? Like somehow, your misery is a method of repayment? Of justice?’ I turn to face him. I’m a good head shorter than him but that doesn’t stop me being his dominant right now. ‘An eternity being fucked by Lucifer in the pits of hell and skinned alive every day would not square you up with anything you have done.’

‘No,’ he whimpers, looking to the floor. ‘It would not.’

‘Now then…’ I look down the hall. There’s another metal door further along, and standing outside it, waiting patiently, is the mirage of my Broken-self. ‘Let’s go see your big brother, shall we? I have one more score to settle before we go find my fiancé.’