Chapter 19

I remained sitting on my knees. Only when I realized I had a thousand more questions. The wizard was rushing away, I wanted for him to explain more, but he was already gone. “They will feel sorrow for me…” I recalled. “Does that mean I will die?” I asked Death who was the only one who stayed with me. My voice was too quiet. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t hear me.

“Not necessarily… it could be any kind of loss…” he said.

I was the one who started talking but I didn’t even know what I wanted right now. I felt like it didn’t even matter anymore. Who was cursed, why, how… I didn’t care.

I had no plan on what to do. I felt like I had just died. The pain was still burning in my mind. The wizard made me hallucinate. But it was no dream. I pulled my body to the nearest tree. Rested my back against it and pulled my knees to my chest, locking my arm around them with my head falling in front of me looking ahead of myself.

“You should go.” I told him, not sparing a glance at his direction. I wanted to be alone. The memory kept repeating. I wished I could forget what I felt. At least when people actually died they didn’t need to remember the feelings, after unbearable pain it was over.

I was fine now. Physically…

There was no hurt. But mentally I was still drowning.

I was expecting him to leave me be and wait till I got used to my feelings. Instead he sat right next to me. I turned my head to face him. “I promised I’d stay.” He quietly said.

I let my head lay on the top of my knees. “You don’t owe me anything. You can leave.” Why would he need to be left feeling as ill as me when this had nothing to do with him? It was my problem. My family. My misfortune.

Instead he wrapped his arm around my back. I lifted my head up and he leaned me in so it was natural for me to lay on his shoulder. “I want to stay.” He softly said.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” I said snuggled in his hold. Knowing that I would break if he stood up and left now.

“Nothing I prioritize more…” his sentence kind of cut in the middle. Not sounding confident. Did he not want to say that?

“Does being prioritized by death a good thing or no?” I asked, easing up in our usual banter. But this wasn’t just a casual question no was it.

“Deadly…” he sharply let out a breath. “If not for you… then certainly for me it will be.”

I lifted my head up and turned to face him. Our position made us too close for this to be appropriate personal space, I didn’t really have anywhere to move… it wasn’t like he looked away either. “What do you mean?” I asked.

I noticed how he swallowed. “You are talking to Death. And I am talking with a mortal. What makes you believe it’s right?” he asked, but a faint smile was there. I felt like I could lose in his eyes. Making me forgetful of my suffering. If only I could stay like that forever. Bundled up in his soft eyes.

“..If it is not right… why are you here?” I was afraid to ask… afraid of his answer. I didn’t even dare to use my full voice. Only a loud whisper.

“Because I like to hurt myself.” I looked at him with my head tilted. What did he mean?

“How?’ I asked. “ I haven’t done anything to you… I haven’t hurt you have I?” I questioned. How could I hurt Death?

He quickly smiled but it soon disappeared. “You don’t have to do anything… I shouldn’t be here. It is wrong for me but I go against all odds and still stay. I still go out of my way to be next to you because I am so incredibly stupid.” His face reddened a bit.

“What…” I wanted to ask him.

Instantly he cut me off, he looked irritated. “It means exactly what you think it means.” He said so quickly I hardly caught that.

He wanted to be near me? He wanted to be with me? He liked me?

My eyes froze looking at him. What If I misunderstood what it meant? What if my imagination was wrong? What if I still hadn’t woken up from my dream? What if he was just a fantasy?

And my eyes now watched his lips occasionally going up to his eyes.

It wasn’t in my power… how I leaned in. getting his scent closer and ready for him to claim my lips.

I thought I was dreaming when he leaned in but quickly he pulled away. He swallowed a hard lump. “You are too vulnerable right now. You don’t understand what you are doing.”

He quickly got up and left me alone to sit.

…I misunderstood…

Somehow. I didn’t feel embarrassed. Or confused. I simply leaned back away to the tree while he slowly paced around.

After a moment I stood up. I felt Death watching me. As if he cared if I could manage… I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling. I didn’t understand him.

I walked closer to that lake. I couldn’t stay at the lake forever. I needed to go home…

…home…

”They made me think that I was not good enough for them, they were the ones that made me do things that I shouldn’t have done… they were the ones that wanted for me to be their perfect daughter and they made me feel horrible for not doing what they said,” I said with my voice breaking. “They have been the ones that needed to love me for who I am. They hid things about my future, about my life…” I stormed off the lake and back to the pack.

“Where are you going?” Death asked running after me. I didn’t answer, I was so angry I shifted in my wolf tearing my clothes apart. “Meredith!” Death shouted my name and I turned towards him. “Don’t do anything stupid.” He said and I ran off.

What stupid can I do? I finally needed answers for me, for who I really was. I ran as fast as I could, I stopped at the edge of the forest and found some clothes that were left here for wolves who destroy their clothes like this. I shifted and put on brown men’s pants, and white sweater. I didn’t care how I looked, I needed to speak with the people that have been lying to my face. I rushed to my house and Death walked out of the corner frightening me a little, this didn’t stop me and I continued my walk.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked. So he knew what was about to happen.

“Yes,” I simply answered. I stopped in my tracks and looked at Death. “Will you come with?” I asked. I needed him with me. I wanted him to be there. I didn’t want to be alone. He was all I had. Even if he fully didn’t want me.

He thought about it not answering and I continued walking now with him following me close behind. When I reached my home door I barged in, leaving the doors open. I stood in the hallway and dad noticed me from the living room. He looked at my clothes and a shocked expression washed over him. “Don’t you know better than to shift in your clothes,” he said, standing up and nearing me.

“Where is she?” I asked, referring to my mom. And right after behind me a voice spoke.

“A little cold tonight,” she said, chuckling with Magdalena by her side. “Oh, Meredith, what are you wearing? And why the doors are open, cold will get in,” she said cheerfully and closed the doors but she stopped in front of me and after looking me straight in my eyes her expression changed. “why have you been crying?” she asked.

With my tears rolling down my face I laughed at her. “You.., don’t get to ask me questions,” I said and my dad got involved furious.

“How do you speak with your mother!” he said in an angry tone.

“Oh stop! You too don’t have any right to speak with me like that,” I said walking in the living room where there was more space. They all followed me impatiently with what I might say. Death remained in the doorway taking in the scene.

“Meredith, what’s going on?” Magdalena asked, worried looking. And she was the only good person in this family. Right now she was the only family I had.

“I don’t know… I have never known what is going on…” I said looking at my mom. “I am giving you a chance to speak right now! Explain yourself,” I said to them. My dad kept his expression straight, but my mom was starting to panic.

“We…” Mom started to speak with a shaky voice, but dad interrupted. “We don’t know what you are talking about. What’s this about?” he said coldly, not giving away any single glimpse of guilt he should have.

I looked at him with disgust in my face. “The curse?” I asked and my mother let out a cry.

“What curse?” Magdalena asked.

They didn’t answer me. “Our mother was cursed when I was little.” I said and even now dad looked paler than usual. “The curse involved me in it,” I looked at my mom. “I want to know everything that happened!”

“There is nothing to know about… it is long gone,” dad said but even he didn’t look like he believed it.

“I don’t have a mate because of that curse!” I screamed. “You made me think that something was wrong with me when you were the ones who made me believe it when in reality it was your fault!”

My mother cried. “Bernard… it’s time.” she said, giving up. She took a seat on the couch taking a pause before speaking.

I didn’t rush her even if she was stalling on purpose “when I was young… I had trouble getting pregnant and I reached out to darker powers to help me. I didn’t know better back then…” she cried out. “I traveled to China and got help from a sorcerer to summon Aphrodite…” a little smile was on her lips now but still with pain, “It helped… I got you!” she said, looking at me. “I wanted to leave this all behind… I didn’t think this would ever affect us, or you. The sorcerer didn’t warn me about the risks and at the time I didn’t care I just wanted a child… when you were born I was the happiest I have ever been at the time…” my dad was brushing her back with his hand. “But then when you turned four, one night some woman in a silver cape was standing by your bed… you were laughing and smiling at her… You hated strangers back then but it seemed like you liked her a little too much. she walked up to me and said that it was time to pay for my sins of summoning Aphrodite… it was a sin because the sorcerer did it wrong… in the process he managed to set her free and it took four years to get her back that’s why she only came then.” She explained with dry mouth coughing, “she said I will be cursed of sorrow for you.” she cried out loud. “I was so scared that Magdalene will be cursed too,” she said…” I am so sorry you are cursed for my wrongdoings.” she cried holding her head in her hands.

“I am not cursed.” I explained slowly, waiting for her reaction. She thought I was cursed… that’s why she was constantly making me to be better… she always thought my actions were the curse’s doing… this has always been me.

She looked at me and dad also shot a look at me and I continued. “You have made me be someone else because you thought I was cursed. I am not. Never was”

“But… you don’t have a mate!” my dad said, confused.

“Unfortunately that is a little side effect of it.” I said. I didn’t really want to tell them anything more.

“You are not cursed?” mother asked, shocked and hopeful.

“No.” I shook my head.

“If you are not cursed that’s means the sorrow is over?” she asked. But how stupid could she be? Or maybe she hoped that this fear of the curse was all the sorrow she will ever get.

I shook my head, making her smile drop. “You will still have It.” and I now knew why… because I would leave and I didn’t know when I would be back…if ever.

”I am leaving. Don’t look for me. Don’t come near me. I don’t want to live like I am never enough, not anymore.” I headed out for the door but dad stopped me.

“We did everything for you. We thought you were cursed. We wanted you to have a good life, a happy life, we raised you right so you will have family and someone to love,” dad said. “Please don’t leave.” He pleaded. “Meredith we love you. We only ever wanted to have a child. You were a miracle brought to us.” For a moment I actually felt sorry.

“then you should cherish miracles given to you. Gifts come in all kinds of worths, but it doesn’t make it less of a gift if you wanted something more.” They tried to get near me but I put up my hand stopping them. “All this time you thought I was cursed, that’s why you tried to change me. When you knew that the curse is your fault.”

“But you are not cursed!” dad pointed out.

“Cursed or not…I am not enough.” I shrugged. “And maybe I just needed one more reason to leave. Take this as the reason why.”

“I will go to pick up some of my things. Don’t wait for me…” I said to them and walked upstairs passing Magdalena who was now crying.

I got some bags that were under my bed and put in some of my clothes… there wasn’t anything sentimental for me to take with me. I didn’t want anything from my parents. “where will you go?” Death asked behind me.

“Don’t know yet… but I will be fine… I always am.” I said and picked out a dress for me to wear now. I turned towards Death and gestured to the dress I was holding, “Do you mind?” I asked.

“Not at all,” he said, leaning against a wall and getting comfortable. He wasn’t turning around and my cheeks swelled up.

I started to lift up my sweater and instantly he turned to have walk around my room… so after all he was a gentleman.

“You have nowhere to go. No one to go to,” he pointed out.

“I have Vincent,” I said, putting the dress on in a hurry. “I will stay with him just until he dies and then… then I will leave this pack,” I explained.

”I’m done,” he turned around.

“And who do you have outside the pack? Where to go?” he asked.

“I don’t need anyone. I am capable of living on my own, and I am sure I will figure something out to not die.”

“You will be alone,” he said.

“It doesn’t scare me…” I explained and picked up my bag and walked out of my room just to meet Magdalena in front of me. I dropped my bag down and hugged her tightly. “I love you,” I said to her.

“I love you.” she said back while her voice broke.

“I will stay with Vincent for a while. You can meet me there, but don’t tell parents, I know they will find out eventually that I am there but at least for a little while I will have peace.” I said to her.

“This is just a phase. Right?” she asked hopeful.

“I’m afraid not.”

I broke off the hug and looked at her. “Don’t hate them because I do… they love you in ways that they could never love me, and you love them.” I picked up my bag. “Visit me when you can because I don’t know when I am leaving for good.” I walked downstairs and they were standing there watching me leave, my mom was crying in dads arms and even he had tears on his cheek. I gave them one last glance and left… doing what I should have done a long time before…