21

"SO?" MY arms are crossed over my chest, as I look at Petah with the most deadliest glare. I've been miserable for the past few days, with only brief messages from Bethany.

"Can you try to be civil with me? At least try?" Petah requests.

I shrug. Within ten minutes, I'm ready to abandon this meetup. I won't call it a date, because I don't consider it one. Today's the same day that I was planning to take Bethany out on a date, which makes my temper a lot worse.

"I'm trying my best," I check my phone for any messages from Bethany. Sadly, there's none. Not a fucking hey, hi or even a k.

"Messaging that girl again?"

I'm furious because of the lack of communication from Bethany, and the unnecessary drama from Petah.

"Petah, is this really what you want? You want me? You want me to be miserable? You want me to force myself to be with you? Is that what you fucking want?" I slam my hands onto the table, and stand up. I'm in such a bad mood that I don't even care about the eyes that have landed on us.

"Xo, sit and calm down," I grab my purse, and check the time on my watch. It's only seven at night, and maybe, just maybe, Bethany will be home. I really need to talk to her.

"I did this for the kids. But you're really crossing the line," before she can say anything to justify her actions, I storm out of the restaurant, and head to my car.

On the drive, I know that I should head home to take a shower, before heading over to Bethany's. I don't want to smell like anger and fury when I'm with her. I just want to wash away that entire meetup with a hot bath.

My phone begins to ring, and I check the screen to see that it's a call from Jane. Petah must have given her a call already.

"Yes?" My voice is harsh, and my throat's dry too.

"Ma, are you okay?"

I sigh and tighten my hold on the steering wheel, "she called you?" I ask. Jane doesn't have to answer for me to know, but I appreciate confirmation.

"Yeah, I just wanted to check in on you. Get home safe, okay?"

"Sure," I mumble and end the call. I pull into my driveway, and surprisingly enough, Bethany's there, sitting on the porch bench, holding a bottle of wine.

I get out of my car, as she stands, and shifts on her feet, "I know that today's supposed to be our big date, and I'm sorry for being so distant," I pull her into me, needing to feel her body against mine. I've missed her alot, that's for sure.

"I'm sorry too," I whisper against her ear, her hand moves over my back, and onto my waist.

"I hope you don't mind if I come inside," she says. I giggle and kiss her cheek softly.

"Come inside, dork," as she hums, I intertwine my fingers with hers, and open the door, fumbling with the keys.

She asks, "can we drink wine, and forget about our problems?"

We head over to the couch, and she places the wine onto the floor, "yes, I'd love that," I begin to caress her cheek with the pad of my thumb, "maybe a little kissing too?"

"Definitely," I look into her eyes, and fear rises inside of my chest. Petah seems to be a major issue for us, and I'm not sure how we're going to get past that.

"We can still go out for dinner,  make our date more traditional," she mentions.

"I'm not a traditional girl, but I can eat," I grin. She smiles and pokes the tip of my nose.

"IT'S NICE to see you two again," the bartender says, as we take a seat at the bar. The restaurant's crowded, and we have to wait for a table. Given the disaster with my previous date this evening, I'm thankful that we're at a different restaurant.

"I'm not sure that we've met," Bethany responds, while he pours two glasses of red wine. It's one of my favorite bottles to indulge in.

"Rodney," I narrow my eyes, "you two make a cute pair."

"Oh," Bethany presses her lips together, as a blush invades her cheeks, "thank you."

"A table is available," a waiter comes over, one that I've known for a few years. We've never really spoken to each other, other than him taking my orders. But the grin on his face makes me know that he knows that I'm in a relationship with a younger woman. Yes, yes, judge all you want, but I'll gladly take her home tonight.

When we sit at the table, we're immediately handed menus. Bethany says, "I've had a question on my mind for a few weeks," she flips a page, before resting the menu down, and moving her jaw side to side, "it's probably the main reason why I haven't answered that question yet," I know she's referring to the whole girlfriend thing.

"I'm all ears, babe," I smile, and look intently at her. I'll answer any question that she shoots my way. Anything.

"I noticed that hickey on your neck. And I was replaying everything that night, wondering if I gave it to you or not. And I don't think I did," I swallow hard. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Anything but that! That's the mark that Petah left on the side of my neck, after we, after we... dammit.

"It wasn't you," I take a sip of my wine, and rub my temples hard with the pads of my fingers. I can see the disappointment in her eyes, and I lower my gaze, feeling ashamed of myself.

"Who was it then?" I can hear the tone of jealousy in her voice, and I know that telling her the truth will hurt her. But I can't lie to her, can I? I wish I could lie.

"You're not going to like the answer," I stretch my hands to hers, and begin the caress her palms with my thumbs. She doesn't pull away, which is a good sign.

"Your ex?" I don't answer, not even a nod. But that's a response greater than words, "Xiomara," she sighs and pulls away, leaning back in her chair.

"I'm so sorry," I lower my head in shame. I just ruined our date. Fuck.

"We weren't together. It's not like you cheated on me," she scoffs and leans her head back, making me unable to see her beautiful face.

"It didn't mean anything, I just—" she wipes away a tear, and leans forward, "is this a dealbreaker?" She shakes her head immediately.

"It just makes me even more worried. You slept with her. What does that mean? Explain it to me," I inhale a deep breath, "assure me that I have nothing to worry about."

"Over the years, we've had sex once in a while. She came over that day, and it just happened. I didn't enjoy it. And I regret it. I promise that I have no intentions to do it again."

"Do you like fucking her?" Her voice is so torn, and I wish that we aren't in a restaurant filled with people. I could be holding and consoling her.

"Not anymore. I'm not going to lie, I did. It was fun. But after us happened. It just didn't feel right anymore."

Bethany nods slowly, and my heart's hurting from looking at her distressed face. How is she going to trust me now? Everytime we seem to be heading on the right track, something always fucks it up.

"You don't love her?" I nod, "and you have no desire to be with her?" I nod again. She softly smiles, and I place my hand on the table, causing her to reach over, and intertwine our fingers.

"What can I do to make this right? I hate seeing you so fatigued."

She shakes her head, and looks down at our hands. Her hands are so soft and smooth, unlike mine. My hands are skinny, and even a bit wrinkled. But she doesn't seem to mind, even though these little things bother the hell out of me.

"I want us to enjoy our date. Then I want you to throw out your bedsheets, so that I can sleep over," she says.

"I burned them already," I know that she's not serious.

"Where else in the house have you two, you know?"

My eyes widen, "we're both old. For the sake of our backs, nowhere but the bedroom."

"That doesn't make me feel better," I move my other hand onto hers, and hold tightly, "but that's good. At least you don't have to throw out your couch or floors," she giggles.

At least we can laugh about it.