16: MORNING OF

DELILAH

I had woken to the feeling of butterfly kisses over my eyes and lips. Kisses that had quickly moved to the more erotic places on my body, coaxed by my moans of encouragement. Cole was an expert lover, extremely giving in the way he wrung out pleasure from my body. His mouth and fingers sinister as they brought me to peak between my legs.

It brought a smile to my face even now that I was alone, starting on my article about the brothers on the porch. Cole and Seth were both at work, a small crew of people setting up for the party as I worked. Though the flashes of memory were driving me insane as I sat.

Images of Cole’s mouth on my pussy, his eyes devouring me time and time again from every angle. The feeling of his cock pumping inside of me, holding me closely until I came and even then lifting me to high heights I didn’t know could exist. It was hard not to want more, despite the ache between my thighs and every large muscle extending outward.

So it was somehow instinct to pick up my phone without checking the ID. Assuming it was work. Since I was indeed working and sending emails back and forth.

“Where are you!?”

Deep… dark… Dread.

“Hey mom.”

“Don’t you hey mom me, do you have any idea where I am? How many miles I’ve flown? I thought you were dead! It’s been over forty-eight hours since you’ve called—”

“Mom, I’ve been texting you. I told you I’ve been working and that—” I replied, trying to be patient, before I realized something she had said. “Wait… you said you ~flew~? Where are you?”

The silence was heavy as my heart raced. Praying she didn’t know where I lived, I knew the real reason she was being quiet. I had run from her; plain and simple— and I made it known. This was just a prime example as to why.

“Mom,” I asked, the tone in my voice serious.

“Mila and Allan have generously opened their home. I wasn’t about to take no for an answer to visit.” Her voice was stiff.

I knew what that meant… It meant that Mila had accidentally said something that to my mother; sounded like an invitation. Likely something along the lines of a visit before I had even moved here. Something I had warned both her and Allan about.

Once more I took a deep breath, throwing my wish into the cosmos that Allan only tolerated her so much and that she didn’t force Mila into any undue stress. Anxiety rising. Knowing she would be nothing but stress for Mila. Not until I faced her head on so she knew I was alive and well.

“Mila and Allan are about to have a child. You will leave that house and go home.”

“Fine I’ll just stay with you for a few weeks, what’s your address?”

“Mom. You’re not having my address. You won’t get it from me. You won’t get it from Allan, and I swear to god if you try to get it out of Mila in her condition. I will move so far— you’ll never be able to find me again.”

“That is no way to speak to your mother! How dare you threaten me when all I do is care and love you! I thought you were dead! Why else would I—”

I held the phone from my ear, keeping my gaze passive as I took several deep breaths. Knowing that it would only end in me being an ungrateful daughter. That’s all I ever was since I had left Eric. An ungrateful daughter, and ungrateful woman who should have stayed with him. As I pulled the phone up to my ear— I thought I was prepared for her onslaught of rage. The disappointment. The conversations about Eric maybe trying to contact me.

Instead, I felt as if the world had been ripped out from under my feet.

“She’s pregnant with his child. You could have had it all if you had just—”

I hung up the phone. Covering my mouth as her words punched me in the gut. Unable to catch my breath.

~Pregnant.~

***

~Oh god.~

I covered my mouth standing, pacing as the entire world seemed to crumble from beneath my feet. Trying to figure out where my head was or what to do. What was there to do? What could I do?

“Delilah, I got back early I thought we could—”

I turned on the small patio, the image of Seth blurring momentarily as more tears began to fall. I was hyperventilating, holding in my sobs of rage. Wanting nothing more than to destroy something and scream, and fall to pieces all at once.

“Oh, Something—something happened. Take a breath. I got you.” His hands went onto my shoulders, his voice calm and reassuring as he assessed the situation.

His words broke the dam in my chest, caving inward as I thrust myself forward into his chest. Something he accepted gratefully holding me close. Letting me break and shatter as the sobs began to wrack my body. Hands shaking as I pulled them close to my chest and clenched them together; half in a ball as Seth held me tightly.

I was still shaking and sobbing when I realized he was using a long, soothing, rocking motion with me. Waiting patiently with his head on top of mine. His warm hands running over my back in slow soothing circles. Sniffling, I tried to hold it in once more, desperately trying to hold it in. Knowing I was about to lose it again. Wishing I had someone to talk to about it. Wishing I could fix things.

My mind running a thousand miles a minute of every different scenario I could have done. Anything I could have done. Anything I could still do. The thought was running through my head over and over again. That I could have done something. Could still maybe do something…

I took a deep shuddering breath once more, my eyes opening as my hands slowly began to relax. My body trembling and tears still coming; but the worst of the storm over. Wishing neither of them had seen me like this. My mind still reeling.

“Cole said you had issues with your mother… is this what you meant? That was almost a full-blown panic attack.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. The sound slightly hysterical and manic before I cut it off shaking my head. Sniffling as I tried to wipe my nose with the inside of my shirt. Seth immediately moved mine away; taking the bottom of his to take care of the filth on my face with ease. His face and touch gentle and caring, full of nonjudgment as he waited for me to explain.

If I would explain.

Looking down through my wet lashes, I looked back up at Seth. Knowing that after tomorrow, I may never see him again. Even his brother and I would likely fizzle out within the week. With their hard past, it might be something Seth would understand. Then there was the fact of Seth himself being genuine and kind, nothing about him had ever been untoward.

Maybe it was that fact alone that made me cave, knowing what kind of man he was at heart already.

“Your brother did some digging into me, I don’t know how much he knows about why I moved. Or if he even really knows. He only knows I have issues with my mom because I was avoiding her calls.” It sounded lame, coming out the way I said it. Avoiding my mother instead of facing her head-on like the adult I was.

“Your mom was the reason you moved?”

“Not… directly.” His arms tightened around me, the feeling comforting enough to make me feel like I could rest my head on his chest. My temples throbbing. “I was engaged. I was with him for three years. Even though my mom was involved and caused issues it wasn’t— she wasn’t like this until after we split. I also just, didn’t feel safe in Arizona anymore.”

I took another deep shuddering breath. Collecting my thought process. Working up to what I wanted… no.

What I needed to say.

I had gone a very long time without saying anything to anyone other than my mother. When I had, it hadn’t gone well. Knowing what had happened and continued to happen was very wrong. Yet the injustices of the world would continue to go unpunished. “He was ready, Eric, my boyfriend at the time— to have a family. We weren’t even married yet though and my career was taking off. There started to be days he couldn’t give me rides to the office or would try to keep me home…”

Seth’s soothing motions stilled other than the slight rocking. As if he were listening intently. Unsure—or perhaps already guessing what was to come.

“Eventually, he hid my birth control. Then he started to… try and take the condom off. I also found some with holes later. I just. I didn’t feel safe anymore.” My lips trembled as the memories came flooding back. Feeling the fear as the abortion laws got revoked back to 1864 that I really would be forced to live a life he and my mom wanted for me if I didn’t leave. “Eric kept trying to get back together with me. My mom would break in, and then let him in. I couldn’t call the cops on her—and he always just said he wanted to talk.” I shook my head, my whole body trembling again. “It was always start with just a talk with him. He wasn’t physically abusive but, he knew how to manipulate me and downright destroy me into these huge panic attacks. It’s why my articles became so good. The one friend I had that I confided in said that I had invited the problems so it’s just… he—” My breath hitched as the hyperventilation began to take over again. The panic setting in.

~My fault. My choices. My stupidity.~

“It’s alright. You’re here now. You’re safe,” Seth murmured, stroking my hair. Trying to touch me as non-sexually and calmly as possible. I nuzzled into him, causing him to give me another firm hug. The endless comfort between us allowing me to continue with another shuddering breath.

“That’s not—” My voice cracked as tears fell again, making me shake my head and wipe them away furiously, pulling back only enough to properly look at him. “That’s not even it. I know I’m free. I’m so free my mom doesn’t even know where I live right now. I did it, I’m safe and happy, and I’m living the life I want.” I said with the same determination I had told myself time and time again, but ended in a sad head shake as I thought over my choices again. “I’m just. I remember how I felt with him. I knew even at three years that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to marry him. Only now, he’s gotten someone else pregnant. I honestly just… don’t know how to feel about that.”

Seth watched me as the conflicting sadness and rage built over my features once more, the buildup already showing. “I think you know exactly how you feel. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be having a panic attack on my porch. I think I also know you’re frustrated—because you want to help that girl. Because you see yourself in her—and the decisions your ex made for her. I can hear it in your voice.”

My lower lip trembled as I shook my head sadly, a rage building in my chest. “How do I live with feeling like if I had stayed, then someone could have been spared? I think that’s the worst part… I knew what he was but what about the other girl? I don’t know how to help.”

Seth stayed silent, as if unsure of what to say, simply holding me in comfort. There really was nothing to be done after all.