CH 18

It has been a week since I reconciled with Himari.

Even though we have reconciled, I still feel awkward.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t completely forgiven her yet.

I’m really a miserable person, aren’t I?

I feel disgusted with myself.

I believe I have forgiven Himari, but somewhere in my heart, I haven’t fully forgiven her yet.

Maybe that’s the distance between us now.

“Yu-Yusei! Let’s go home together!”

As I’m thinking about that, a cheerful voice comes from behind me.

“O-ou. All right.”

—Stop

It was awkward.

We arrived at the fork in the road without being able to continue the conversation.

“O-Okay, bye!”

“Y-yeah. See you tomorrow.”

I was really happy to hear those words from Himari at that time.

It made me feel that she was looking out for both of me.

But when I arrived home, I suddenly thought.

“Will I really forgive her for what she did to me?”

That is the weak and ugly part of who I am.

The more I try not to think about it, the more I am aware of it.

[In just a few words?]

Stop that.

[With a few words that might be on the surface?]

Shut up.

[After all, she only saw you when you were nice to her.]

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Who the hell are you!

[Don’t you know that better than anyone else?]

How am I supposed to know…

[I’m you.]

Ha? What are you talking about?

[I was born to protect you from too much stress. No, it’s more like a personality.]

What are you saying?

[Let me put it plainly. I’m just another version of you.]

I don’t know if that’s easy for you to say…

[Isn’t it already too hard for you?]

No, it’s not

[Oi, oi, I’m you. I know what you’re thinking.]

Because if I admit that, then I’m going to be back…

[It’s fine. Let’s get comfortable, shall we?]

…..Mou, I don’t know anymore.

I was tired.

Seo believed in me.

Himari apologized to me.

But I suspect that both of them are made up of lies and hypocrisy.

I already know it myself.

This is the worst.

Isn’t this exactly what I call trampling on people’s feelings?

That’s why I have such a personality, such a lousy self.

[Ah, and for the record, I was inside you before that.”

Haha, I really am an irredeemable piece of sh*t.

my mouth says I want to get along with everyone, but in my heart, I’m a scumbag who can do nothing but doubt people.

I don’t think anyone would like me like this.

Then I’m done.

I will continue to be a piece of sh*t.

I’m going to be an irredeemable piece of sh*t.

I just don’t want to get myself hurt.

I know I know that, but I’m just pretending not to notice.

That’s the nature of who I am.

I’m distorted, messy, and muddled.

I don’t want to be hurt anymore.

Then I should be the one to hurt.

Then I won’t be hurt anymore.

Because I can’t help it, because I’m so cute.

Again, I put on a different mask.

As I thought, it is better for me to wear a mask.

I’m good at pretending to be something I’m not, aren’t I?

[Hahaha! isn’t this good! It’s all the people around you who are to blame! You didn’t do anything wrong!]

That’s right.

I didn’t do anything wrong.

And the boy was broken again.

He had been broken by the pressure of others before, but this time he had broken himself.

It was worse than being broken by others, and there was no telling if it would ever heal.

Here was a boy whose mind, character, and even essence had become distorted.

This was an event that would greatly affect his future relationships.

The cicadas are singing.

Summer vacation is only a week away.