Chapter 132

MADDISON

Asher had walked away from me, leaving me with Grayson as if I meant nothing to him. Initially, I was drowning in a sea of emotions I couldn’t even begin to identify. Tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my cheeks, the harsh reality hitting me that maybe I had lost him, or worse, never truly had him in the first place.

It was in that moment, as I watched security escort him away, leaving me with a man I barely knew and didn’t care to know, that I realized how deeply I loved Asher. It was a revelation that made me understand that Asher needed help—that he was spiraling down a path that could only lead to two destinations.

One of those destinations was a tragic end that I couldn’t bear to imagine, let alone accept. All I wanted was to hold him, tell him I loved him, and apologize for ever doubting his worthiness, even for a fleeting moment.

I realized then that I was the one at fault. Asher had done nothing wrong. He loved me faithfully, never straying, yet here I was, fantasizing about being with a man like Grayson.

Damn, Carmen was right. I wasn’t ready; we weren’t ready for adulthood.

So, I did the only thing I could think of. I returned to our apartment hoping to find him, leaving Grayson behind, his eyes filled with anger as I walked away without uttering a word. But Asher wasn’t there; the apartment was empty.

Maybe I had lingered too long, taking a shower and getting dressed while hoping, praying he would walk through the door, but he never did. So, I prepared myself and left the apartment to look for Atticus, but he was nowhere to be found either.

By the early morning, the club had closed, and he would have gone home, naturally. I stood in the club for a while, looking around at the place that had ruined everything for me.

“I can’t work here,” I thought, but I pushed that aside as I pulled out my phone from my pocket while stepping back into the elevator. I had a list of people I could call, but the one person who scared me the most was the one I decided to dial.

Zach.

He answered on the sixth ring, his voice groggy with sleep.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice low as if trying not to wake anyone else.

“Asher’s using again; something happened… He needs you,” I told him.

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know,” I confessed.

He sighed heavily before instructing me to meet him in his office in thirty minutes. So, I did just that, waiting for him while the night staff gave me strange looks, probably questioning my sanity for hanging around outside Zach’s office at three in the morning.

Eventually, Atticus and Violet showed up, and we spread out to find Asher, but it was too late. We must have missed him coming home as we checked all the places where he usually bought drugs.

And when we walked into the apartment… I’ll never be able to erase that image. He was so pale, almost ghostly, and he had no control over himself or his actions, and he could barely move.

The room reeked, and a needle lay on the bed next to him. I exchanged a look with Atticus, but Violet didn’t hesitate. She moved swiftly, tending to him… saving him.

And that’s how we ended up here, in the hospital where they’re keeping him alive. Asher overdosed on heroin, and I blamed myself. I felt responsible.

But I couldn’t leave; I couldn’t bring myself to go even though I knew it would be best for him. Atticus has been cold with me, refusing to talk, and Zach has been treating me with indifference.

His sisters haven’t come to the hospital, staying home to look after the younger kids. Callum and Tyler have been a comforting presence but are just as silent as Atticus. This isn’t their first hospital visit for Asher, and that’s a harsh reality check.

Yet, Violet has been supportive. She insists this wasn’t my fault, and she tells me this isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last time he does this. That he’s been doing this for years, and he won’t change unless he wants to do it for himself.

I want to trust her words, I really do, but deep inside, I can’t shake off the feeling that I’m to blame for his current state. My actions pushed him to this point.

He’s been in the hospital for a few days now. They’ve been pumping him full of drugs to flush out the heroin, and then they gave him something to help with the withdrawal symptoms. I’ve been in and out of his room, but he’s mostly been unconscious, and I’m not sure if he realizes it was me holding his hand as he scratched himself raw.

Or when he was whispering my name in agony, begging for more drugs. But now he’s awake, his family has visited, and I’ve asked if I could come back alone.

Violet was the only one who agreed, but here I am, standing in the doorway, watching him as his eyes take me in.

“What are you doing here?” he snaps at me, anger flashing in his eyes.

“I love you, Asher.”

His laughter is heartbreaking and disheartening, but I stand my ground. I need to be honest because dishonesty is what led us here.

“You don’t know the meaning of love, Maddison.”

Hearing my full name from his lips feels like a knife to my heart, but I think he knows that—I think he’s using my full name on purpose.

“That moment you left me when you walked away… I knew, Asher. That’s why I came after you, but you weren’t home.”

He snorts, turning his face away, but I see a softening in his features. So I seize the opportunity to walk into the room—to his bed.

I sit in the chair next to him, watching his fingers twitch. I place my hand on his, noticing that his fingers are colder than usual, and his skin is covered in scratch marks from the relentless itching caused by the drugs and withdrawal symptoms.

“I’m sorry, Asher. I’m so sorry that my lack of communication led to this.”

“What? This isn’t your fault. I’m an addict, Maddy. This is on me, not you.”

“No, Asher…”

“Yes, Maddison! I chose to buy the drugs, to chase the high I’ve been missing for weeks.

I’ll never be more than this, never be anything but an addict craving the next high. It’ll kill me one day, and I’m okay with that. I welcome it, in fact.”

He’s not lying; there’s no fear in his eyes, which terrifies me. I’m scared of a future where I might lose him to the same drugs that have taken so many girls from me.

“Don’t say that, Asher. We will work together; we will build a life that is wholesome and fulfilling. It’ll just take some time and hard work from both of us as we learn how to be adults.”

“You don’t mean that, Maddy. Look at me. How many times will it take before you leave me? And what about the sex? How long until you start looking elsewhere?”

He breathes heavily through his nose, shaking his head as I stand up. “We’re not a good match.”

Ignoring his words, I lean forward on the bed to trap him, and I kiss him. I hold him in place by his hair as he resists at first.

But it doesn’t take long for him to kiss me back, his hand winding around my neck.

“The way you fucked me a few nights ago was exactly what I needed, Asher, and you were more than capable of giving me that. You are everything I want and need. We’re both flawed, but we will work it out, even if we need to seek help.”

His eyes are shiny, unshed tears clinging to his lashes as he finally looks at me without any walls up.

“You deserve better, Maddy…” he whispers, stroking my cheek.

He’s a completely different man from the angry one who greeted me just moments ago.

“You are my better, Asher. And I’ll be damned if I give up on you when you never gave up on me.”